Your bundles of joy...

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milefile

milefile

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I hope interest in this thread isn't too limited...

Okay, I know some of you have kids. As you have probably heard me mention, I, too, will be a dad in about two months. So Maybe those of you who already have them would say a little about how your life changed when your little bundle of joy hit the scene. I already know that it changes "everything", but I guess I'm looking for particulars, details... from those of you that care to share.
 
My wife and I actually made the decision not to have children. Many will consider it selfish, but we both know that our lives end up to busy to force our lifestyle on a young child. I also have a very low tolerance of children, and would like to issue "children should be seen and not heard" to many of today's parents.

parenting is the most thankless, and toughest job to do in this world. I applaud you for accepting the challenge.

I can offer no advice, as I've never been there. I will wish you good luck, patience, and a loving heart.

AO
 
Yeah, pretty much in the same position as Der Alta above.

My wife says she wants children, but I think she wants someone else's children. I just don't, at all.

Children are therefore on hold for us for at least a goodly portion of this year.
 
I don't think I'll ever want to have children, I'm just glad my parents didn't share that thought...

Maybe it's just the fear of having little Snoopy's running around, brrrr!
 
I haven't really advanced too much to realise if my lifestyle will hinder a child or even a marriage. In fact I am not too sure of my lifestyle.

Nevertheless, a decision will be made all too soon :D
 
Two words: boarding school!

My life is practically based upon threats to send me there, it's a whole lot cheaper than taking care of your children yourself. - Plus you get to all sorts of nifty things with your wife now you don't go bankrupt because of your precious children and you have the extra time! :P
 
Well, I'm no first-hand expert, but I was brought up right and my dad's 2nd youngest bro has a family that isn't good.

First off, lets start from say, age 4. When taking kids anywhere, you have to explain to the kid/kids where you are going, what will happen when there, how they should act, and what will happen if they misbehave. Also, teach them independance. In my uncle's family(2 girls, 5 and 8 yrs I think), the parents do everything for the kids, from getting food from a buffet to cutting up the food. These kids are useless without thier parent's help. The mom complains about how they wake her up in the morning because they are hungry. In my house, we were getting our own stuff out to eat from like 4 years old, by ourselfs, and would watch TV and eat and not wake our parents up.

So you need to get them independant. Also you have to put down rules for going places and getting stuff. And let them have freedom too, don't force them to do something they don't want to do. Like if you want them to read a book, and they want to watch TV, let them watch TV, but put it on like the Discovery channel or TLC, cause they will still be learning. That's what happened here. I watch a ton of TV, but it makes me smarter cause I watch TLC and the Science channel and all of those.

I think, you would want your kids to be the smartest they could be, while still letting them do stuff that's fun to them. Don't try to make them a prodigy or anything like that, but like if you are good at something, and they are interested, show them what you are doing, and they will pick up on it. My dad did, and I know how to fix cars.

As for the baby stuff...I'm clueless. Just stick them at someone's house till they are 4. :D
 
Originally posted by MazKid


As for the baby stuff...I'm clueless. Just stick them at someone's house till they are 4. :D
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I'll remember that in case destiny decides to backstab me! St. Louis, right? :D
 
I used to swear that I would never have kids. I swore a lot of things though, and then I went and changed. Typical.

Thankless... Yeah. When I think of the ways I regarded my parents as a teen and even in my early twenties I feel bad. By no means are they perfect but they did their best and that was good enough. Now, 32 years later, I see how they can tell that their efforts actually did pay off in some way, and I see it makes them proud even though I'm an "adult" now.

I don't worry too much about the baby stuff. Babies are babies. They cry, crap, sleep, and grow too fast. I have my anxious moments thinking about school aged stuff, when you don't have so much direct control anymore.

Maybe I'm wrong but I think I'll be a better dad than my dad was. I never got the impression from either of my parents that they remembered being a kid or a teenager. My mom married my dad at 18 and had me at 19. My dad was only 24. My wife and I have a lot more life experience going into it and I think that'll pay off.
 
When i was little, my dad used to make a joke whenever i did something wrong. He said that he had the choice between me and a sportscar, and that he had chosen the wrong one.

I'm not going to make that mistake. I'll go for the sportscar:D
 
Just let your children feel loved. By any means possible.

Although I think my parents are slacking off a bit in it, I mean they loved their first two children (and succesfully got them out of the door - although one kind of has his foot between it still :D) but I think they ran out of love when I got there. I don't think they even like me, nope: they put up with me! :P

Just kidding of course, I wouldn't mind though. As long as they let me shunt karts (and expensive racecars soon! Woohoo, I bet they shunt real good!) :)
 
Originally posted by MazKid
Well, I'm no first-hand expert, but I was brought up right and my dad's 2nd youngest bro has a family that isn't good.

First off, lets start from say, age 4. When taking kids anywhere, you have to explain to the kid/kids where you are going, what will happen when there, how they should act, and what will happen if they misbehave. Also, teach them independance. In my uncle's family(2 girls, 5 and 8 yrs I think), the parents do everything for the kids, from getting food from a buffet to cutting up the food. These kids are useless without thier parent's help. The mom complains about how they wake her up in the morning because they are hungry. In my house, we were getting our own stuff out to eat from like 4 years old, by ourselfs, and would watch TV and eat and not wake our parents up.

So you need to get them independent. Also you have to put down rules for going places and getting stuff. And let them have freedom too, don't force them to do something they don't want to do. Like if you want them to read a book, and they want to watch TV, let them watch TV, but put it on like the Discovery channel or TLC, cause they will still be learning. That's what happened here. I watch a ton of TV, but it makes me smarter cause I watch TLC and the Science channel and all of those.

I think, you would want your kids to be the smartest they could be, while still letting them do stuff that's fun to them. Don't try to make them a prodigy or anything like that, but like if you are good at something, and they are interested, show them what you are doing, and they will pick up on it. My dad did, and I know how to fix cars.

As for the baby stuff...I'm clueless. Just stick them at someone's house till they are 4. :D
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Take Maz's advice! as a mom of 4( 3,5,9&11) I believe he has hit the nail firmly on the head with that post, and I'm impressed ;)

I've let my kids be as independant as possible, they are turning out very well with good grades and a real perspective of the world today. Already they know about the birds and the bee's, homosexuality, drugs, violence, the lot! I have hidden nothing from them and never painted a different picture for them to make things all rosy, it just doesn't work like that and they would have grown up nieve(sp?) I prefer they know everything sooner rather than later so nothing can shock or offend them later in life, they can be more prepared this way.

As for babies ........ demanding (very!) no sleep, ****ty nappies, puke and cry cry cry, that's all I remember about mine as babies :D


Me myself, I was an only child, had no siblings to play or fight with and ended up being your typical 'latchkey kid', because my parents had to work a lot of hours :( Guess that's why I ended up being a mom at 16, as they didn't care what I was up to and chose to turn a blind eye or not notice when i disappeared for 2 days at a time :odd: I won't be making the same mistakes as my parents, and will always keep a close eye on mine and their teenage activities when it comes to it .:irked:

I can only hope they turn out as mature as Mazkid appears to be! :)


Good luck with your first child milefile, enjoy being a parent, it does have it's rewards ;)
 
Looks like you've gotten some good advice. Having children definitely effects your finances, of course. And your sleep! It'll be rough for a little while, but remember that your child will sleep through the night eventually! Don't make your wife be the one to always get up with the baby... unless she's breastfeeding. You can't help out too much with that :) Try to get someone to babysit so you and your wife can spend time alone together.. that's so crucial.

Remember that your child is a person of his/her own. Everything you say and do will effect him/her for the rest of their life, so think before you act and speak! We parents too often forget that we're raising the future of the world. These little ones will too soon grow up and be on their own, with their foundation being everything we've taught them. If you show them enough love without cramping their need to be independant, they'll grow up to be great people.

With everything I learned in Psychology, I could truly go on and on, but I'll leave it at that. Congratulations and don't forget to let us know when your little guy or girl gets here!
 
Wow, A lot of people on here don't want kids.
I use to feel like that. In fact I felt that way up until the moment I was in the delivery room and saw him for the first time.
I wouldn't trade the 11 years I have had with him for anything in the world. I look forward to a lot more (God willing). He is actually the best thing I have ever done.
I never wanted to be a coach of any kind and so far I have been a soccer coach, a wrestling coach, and now a football coach.
I love watching him on the field playing. Not just because he is really good at it but because he is my son.
I like it when he comes to me for help and when he asks for my advice. Even when he doesn't ask and I give it to him anyway.
I love just sitting and talking with him.
For me having a kid challenged me to be a lot better than I originally wanted to be.(if that makes sense)



Milefile, I have a feeling you are going to love being a Dad.
Spend as much time with them as possible.


Good luck.
 
quotes:

Milefile said:
Maybe I'm wrong but I think I'll be a better dad than my dad was. I never got the impression from either of my parents that they remembered being a kid or a teenager. My mom married my dad at 18 and had me at 19. My dad was only 24. My wife and I have a lot more life experience going into it and I think that'll pay off.
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I've often thought that this is the best way to raise a kid. Aim to make his life better than yours was. you deserve a pat on the back.

MIH said:

I'm not going to make that mistake. I'll go for the sportscar :D
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I've got the wife on board with that already! :D

Lotus said:
I've let my kids be as independant as possible, they are turning out very well with good grades and a real perspective of the world today.
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I wish more people thought like you do. I've seen far too many parents "shield" their children from the nasties of the world, only to find that their children can't cope with life in school. Everybody needs to knock down someone else on the play ground, and then get knocked down by someone else. It's the way life works. To shield them, only results in a socially inept person.

But then again, I'll never have children, so my thoughts can't hold much water. I only knew enough that I didn't want to bear the responsibilty of creating and nuturing another human being. Please don't look down on me for that.

AO
 
Remember that your child is a person of his/her own. Everything you say and do will effect him/her for the rest of their life, so think before you act and speak! We parents too often forget that we're raising the future of the world. These little ones will too soon grow up and be on their own, with their foundation being everything we've taught them.
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:nervous: :lol:



having a kid challenged me to be a lot better than I originally wanted to be.
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Yes. I understand this. Your post was like reading my own thoughts, or as they've gone so far... maybe I meant daydreams.


He's a boy. I made a little website about it all when we found out back in June. It's nothing special and it's time to update it again but you can check it out here if you like.
 
I love the website! It was a great idea for y'all to take a picture of her belly each month. I only have a few pictures from when I was pregnant, but my favorite was taken two weeks before I gave birth. You can imagine how big my belly must've been! :D I'll have another one in seven years.. it's been decided already. hehe
 
Some excellent advice here; no point in naming names.

I most definitely enjoy having kids and find it very rewarding and utterly frustrating. Would I like to be unattached again? You bet. Would I do it if I had the chance? No way. A couple of other comments:

1) Sleep now. I mean it. They do start sleeping eventually but it may seem like forever until they do. Eat a lot of hot meals too. You won't have one for the first 3 months after the little one comes along.


2) Breastfeed, and I don't mean for like 6 weeks, either. 6 months at least. The health benefits for baby and mother are so enormous that it's worth the couple of frustrating days until everybody figures it out. There are practical advantages, too: no bottles to prepare (middle of the night feedings are cake - mom stays in bed, you get the baby, he plugs on, everybody keeps dozing). No need to carry bottles with you; they automatically go where your wife goes, and don't need to be warmed up! Most places nowadays have a spot where she can get a little privacy and nurse when you're out. Plus babies take breast milk better with less upset stomach, and formula makes them FAT. My wife stayed home with each of our babies for 3 months (maternity leave plus some time off w/o pay), then she went back to work full time. We rented a professional breast pump and she would pump at work during day feeding times, then bring the milk home in a cooler to be frozen. We would supply a few days' worth to the daycare, and they'd bottle feed the kiddos with the warmed breast milk. It worked great for a year each kid.

3) Not everything has to be perfect. The baby will grow up happier and healthier if it is not continually fussed over, and you guys will be happier and healthier if you don't stress about every little thing.

4) Remember this simple fact - human beings have had babies for hundreds of thousands of years in the wild, from Africa to the Arctic. They're tougher than you think. Yes, crying for two hours will drive you berserk - but they're not going to die from it. Once we got over thinking everything was a crisis (the first-time parents' natural reaction), it went much smoother, and the second baby was even easier.

5) Once the weather warms up, get him outside. Babies thrive in fresh air and sunlight.

6) This is a little down the way, but do not teach them baby talk. Speak in your normal voice using normal words. They soak up verbalizations like a sponge. Why teach your 2 year old to say "choo choo" when he's just going to have to learn that it is a "train" 2 years after that? We used this approach, and both our girls were reading independently by the time they entered kindergarten at age 5. Our elder read the whole The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe series when she was in 2nd grade, and understood every damn word of it.

7) We definitely do not drive our kids to excel, but we don't have to because we don't dumb anything down for them. We don't sugar coat anything, either. Give them enough detail that they understand without overloading them. Kids will amaze you with what they understand and what abstract connections they can make, if you assume they are smart enough to do so.

This was kind of the shotgun approach, but I was trying to hit points others hadn't already covered. Hope this helps, and remember: even when it sucks, parenthood is amazing. Congratulations and good luck to all of you!

PS to AO: You'd make a far better parent than many I've seen, but there's no reason to think less of you because you decided not to be.
 
Great advice! I'd like to comment on #2 and #4.

#2 Breastfeeding is definitely best, but if your wife chooses not to, it's nothing to be looked down upon. I breastfed my youngest well past the 'acceptable age' in this country and I don't regret it at all. It saves a ton of money and the bond between mother and child is wonderful. Not to say that it's not for a bottle fed child.. anyway.

#4... very important! I never spoke baby talk with my kids either and it had such positive effects! My oldest daughter speaks intelligently enough as to make people think she's quite a bit older than she is. My youngest does this as well and even though she's in preschool, she's already working on words and things she needs to know to pass kindergarten and first grade... she'll most likely skip kindergarten altogether.

Being a parent is a scary thing, but I'm sure you guys will be great. Don't get too stressed out about always making the right choice, saying the right thing or even buying all the educational toys and such. As long as you love your child and have fun being a parent, you'll survive :)
 
Originally posted by TATINEE
Great advice! I'd like to comment on #2 and #4.

#2 Breastfeeding is definitely best, but if your wife chooses not to, it's nothing to be looked down upon. I breastfed my youngest well past the 'acceptable age' in this country and I don't regret it at all. It saves a ton of money and the bond between mother and child is wonderful. Not to say that it's not for a bottle fed child.. anyway.
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This is the plan. She will get three months off work and after that she'll pump. I'm gonna have to mention renting a "commercial grade" pump like Neon's wife. We watched some show that rated different baby products and one of the things I remember was do not buy a cheap breast pump.

I can't stand baby talk. When I see people doing it I feel embarassed for the baby and the adult. I picture myself talking to our son a lot, even when he has no idea what I'm saying. When I hold other people's babies I always talk to them about whatever is happening, or just responding to whatever they do. They look at you so intently and you can see those little wheels turning. I plan to have some great, albeit one-sided at first, conversations with the boy (since we won't know his name until we see him I call him "the boy" for now (sorta reminds me of Homer though :P)). I kiss my wife's belly goodnight and say "goodnight, boy."
 
Originally posted by TATINEE

#2 Breastfeeding is definitely best, but if your wife chooses not to, it's nothing to be looked down upon. I breastfed my youngest well past the 'acceptable age' in this country and I don't regret it at all. It saves a ton of money and the bond between mother and child is wonderful. Not to say that it's not for a bottle fed child.. anyway.
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Agreed. We're just big proponents of it for many many reasons. A woman who chooses not to shouldn't be looked down upon, but we've seen too many parents give it a halfhearted try for 1 or 2 days and then give up in frustration. It does work out if you have a little patience and don't panic (hard things to do with a brand-new and hungry baby in your hands). It is well worth any effort you can make to help it happen.

Thanks, Tatinee.
 
Chris...who...errr...said I live in STL? I don't remember saying that...hehe

I'm right Lotus? I'm smart I guess...I pay attention to things though. While most kids my age are going to parties and worrying about the latest stuff.

I'd like to have kids...you can teach them stuff, have fun, and if need be, use them for manuel labor. ;)
 
Originally posted by Der Alta
I wish more people thought like you do. I've seen far too many parents "shield" their children from the nasties of the world, only to find that their children can't cope with life in school. Everybody needs to knock down someone else on the play ground, and then get knocked down by someone else. It's the way life works. To shield them, only results in a socially inept person.
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I can vouch for that. I had a fairly sheltered childhood and really couldn't get along with other people until at all until I was 16 or 17. Better late than never, I suppose.

As for having children of my own - ohdeargodno. I don't even have plants ~ :D God bless any of you that raising 'em.
 

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