Your bundles of joy...

[Gil]

Originally posted by DGB454
Wow, A lot of people on here don't want kids.
I use to feel like that. In fact I felt that way up until the moment I was in the delivery room and saw him for the first time.
I wouldn't trade the 11 years I have had with him for anything in the world. I look forward to a lot more (God willing). He is actually the best thing I have ever done.
I never wanted to be a coach of any kind and so far I have been a soccer coach, a wrestling coach, and now a football coach.
I love watching him on the field playing. Not just because he is really good at it but because he is my son.
I like it when he comes to me for help and when he asks for my advice. Even when he doesn't ask and I give it to him anyway.
I love just sitting and talking with him.
For me having a kid challenged me to be a lot better than I originally wanted to be.(if that makes sense)



Milefile, I have a feeling you are going to love being a Dad.

Good luck.

Everything he said and more.
As the father of six boys, growing up entirely too quickly. If you put in the time, you will have great kids that will be a reward to you as you grow older.
I won't tell you it'll be easy. I remember the early years when we were poor and in college with a "busload" of our own. My eldest came onto the scene when I was 21 and I went to college at 22. (Nobody told me college with kids was "impossible"). By the time I graduated we had 5 kids.
It has been a hard road. But while our friend with no kids has more "play time" and money, we "grew up with our kids." I've learned how smart kids are, how fragile they seem, but aren't.
Also, do not keep your kids in the dark about any thing they want to know about. If they want to know about sex, teach them, answer their questions...truthfully. Teach them about drugs, alcohol, etc. at home where YOU are in CONTROL of what they learn, and at a pace suitable for them. But give them the whole picture so that curiosity doesn't "kill the cat". If they know that you'll give them the straight scoop, they will continue to come to you first, instead of learning whatever "in the street".
As my boys become men, we're drawing closer and as the relationship changes from father to mentor/friend, my oldest and I are having even more fun, than when he was discovering his toes!

Good luck and God bless, milefile. And as Lotus said, keep us updated.

*edit*
Also, the BEST gift you can give your children is to let them know, by your words and actions, that you love and adore their mother. It will give your sons a model to follow when they marry, and your daughters a model of the kind of man to marry.

 

[Pupik]

Well, no kids yet, but Kathy and I will have agreed to have one or two in a few years. We've at least agreed on the number of pupik-ites and when to have them, so I'm not that worried. Strange as it may sound, I never imagined myself not becoming a father.

Everyone says it's the most rewarding thing in their life; but I'm still enjoying the kid-less life right now!

 

[DGB454]

Originally posted by Gil
Everything he said and more.
As the father of six boys, growing up entirely too quickly. If you put in the time, you will have great kids that will be a reward to you as you grow older.
I won't tell you it'll be easy. I remember the early years when we were poor and in college with a "busload" of our own. My eldest came onto the scene when I was 21 and I went to college at 22. (Nobody told me college with kids was "impossible"). By the time I graduated we had 5 kids.
It has been a hard road. But while our friend with no kids has more "play time" and money, we "grew up with our kids." I've learned how smart kids are, how fragile they seem, but aren't.
Also, do not keep your kids in the dark about any thing they want to know about. If they want to know about sex, teach them, answer their questions...truthfully. Teach them about drugs, alcohol, etc. at home where YOU are in CONTROL of what they learn, and at a pace suitable for them. But give them the whole picture so that curiosity doesn't "kill the cat". If they know that you'll give them the straight scoop, they will continue to come to you first, instead of learning whatever "in the street".
As my boys become men, we're drawing closer and as the relationship changes from father to mentor/friend, my oldest and I are having even more fun, than when he was discovering his toes!

Good luck and God bless, milefile. And as Lotus said, keep us updated.

It's good to know that it doesn't have to go down hill when they become teens like I hear a lot of people say. Sounds like you are doing it right Gil.

 

[Gil]

Originally posted by milefile
I hope interest in this thread isn't too limited...

Okay, I know some of you have kids. As you have probably heard me mention, I, too, will be a dad in about two months. So Maybe those of you who already have them would say a little about how your life changed when your little bundle of joy hit the scene. I already know that it changes "everything", but I guess I'm looking for particulars, details... from those of you that care to share.

Also I would like to add,
Your wife is going to be in a "fragile" state for about the next six months. As everyone will be doting on the baby, you need to spoil HER.
Everybody will notice the little one first and basically ignore y'all. Your wife will notice because while she has been pregnant it's been "all about her".
In some ways you will both be pre-occupied with the baby. It is VERY IMPORTANT, for YOU to tune in to your wife. Not just for sex.
Make dinner or reservations, do laundry, clean house, rub her back and feet, bring her a rose for no reason. Show her that while the rest of the world only notices the baby, she is still YOUR heart-throb.

 

[Pupik]

I've heard of a few nightmare post-partum (sp?) depression scenarios; both sides of our family. I think it's part chemical, part emotional...either way, it needs to be dealt with, not ignored, I'm told.

 

[Duke]

Very true, and I'm glad Gil weighed in here. He offers about the best family/relationship-oriented advice I've seen.

Post-partum (and pre-partum, for that matter) are rough times for the mother. Part hormonal and part stress, sometimes it makes for horror stories, but that is actually rare. More commonly it shows up as a sudden mood swing or heartbreaking sensitivity to some seemingly trivial matter that you didn't even notice. I'm not saying that your partner will be like a land mine waiting to be stepped on, and needs to be pacified with a lot of spoiling. But treating her as Gil suggests will go a long way towards reassuring her ahead of time for those moments when you are not sensitive or you do screw up in a way that might not have matterd previously but is critical now.

One thing to remember is that hormonal or not, the thoughts and emotions feel real to her, so do NOT suggest it's just the chemicals talking.

Anyway, you guys will all do fine. The thing to remember is you're never truly ready to have kids, and waiting too long can be just as bad as not waiting long enough. We know plenty of couples who held off until they had their lives totally in order before having kids. Then they not only had physical trouble conceiving, but they were more set in their ways and had a harder time adapting to the mandatory changes a baby brings along.

Good luck guys!

 

[milefile]

This thread turned out better than I expected. Thank you for the well wishes pearls of wisdom. And thanks to those of you that signed the guest book.

 

[milefile]

Oh and about those hormonal mood swings... hehe...

*looks around nervously*

I have no idea what you're talking about

My wife has developed super senses while pregnant. For instance, I was talking to her dad on Christmas Eve and we were speaking quietly sho she wouldn't hear anything about her gifts. From accross a crowded room, at least 20 feet away, she heard us. Ever since then we refer to her super senses. She also seems particularly sensitive to smells. She smells things I can't, and it used to be the other way around. Now she insists the house stinks. I can't smell anything.

So did any of you guys go to any birthing classes? We start next week.

 

[Gil]

I was lucky enuff to be in the delivery room every time. The first parent each of the boys saw first was me.

As for those "super senses". Let's just say that with our first, My wife got sick if she thought of food. So, I didn't eat much at home.
Since I was in the Navy at the time, she told me that if I wanted to eat, I needed to do it at the ship, before I came home.
I have fond(?) memories of opening the peanut butter in the kitchen and her hearing that metal lid on the glass jar and running for the bathroom to "call Europe on the big white phone".
So, while she's pregnant, and on the planet (in earshot) say only glowing things about her.

 

[Duke]

So did any of you guys go to any birthing classes? We start next week.

Yes, the full course the first time and a 2-session refresher the second. Go into them with an open mind but they are lsomewhat pointless if you already have anything beyond a basic understanding of the labor process.

That being said, they do serve to bond the pair of you together even better, and make it more of a "we're pregnant" thing rather than a "she's pregnant" thing. For that alone they are definitely worth taking.

My wife didn't develop any super senses. Perhaps they were hidden because she slept through the entire first half of her pregnancies.

 

[Gil]

Originally posted by neon_duke
[
My wife didn't develop any super senses. Perhaps they were hidden because she slept through the entire first half of her pregnancies. [/B]

You lucky dog. I lost 20 lbs. with our first because I couldn't eat at home!

 

[milefile]

They say the father can gain weight during pregnancy, too, something about sympathy symptoms...? I can attest it's true.

But I was just telling my wife how I want to start being more active again after the boy's here. Put him in a backpack and go for a hike. We used to see other couples do that and fantasize about doing it ourselves. We used to go all the time but this year we didn't much with the pregnancy, and being home-owner cuts into the weekends a lot too. But I really want to set a precedent in our (future) family where physical activity and getting out in the wilderness is fun and the highlight of the weekend. It'll keep our son from turning into some fat little video game couch potato, and it'll be good for my wife and I too.

 

[Duke]

A noble sentiment. Do your best to bring it about, but don't get bitter when it doesn't happen...

 

[DGB454]

Gil,
I have never heard of that happening to anyone else. Not being able to eat at home while she was pregnant.
That's bazaar. Well I'm glad you made it through it. I would have had to hide out in the shed and cook on the grill...

 

[Gil]

Originally posted by DGB454
Gil,
I have never heard of that happening to anyone else. Not being able to eat at home while she was pregnant.
That's bazaar. Well I'm glad you made it through it. I would have had to hide out in the shed and cook on the grill...

Oh No,
The smell of food, the sound of an opening food container, the sound of chewing, peanut butter on my breath from 25 feet away, all caused her to puke up her guts.
It was easier to just eat on the ship.

 

[Rossell]

Originally posted by rufrgt_sn00pie2001
But you're just 16!

Yep. I regret saying a decision will be made soon.

I thought to myself "Why the **** am I deciding this now?"

A decision won't be made for a long time now...

 

[sn00pie]

Originally posted by Rossell
Yep. I regret saying a decision will be made soon.

I thought to myself "Why the **** am I deciding this now?"

A decision won't be made for a long time now...

I'm a little bit confused, is the decision you're going to make based upon a little accident you've recently had (sorry if that comes off as a bit harsh...) or are you willingly considering children on your 16th?

 

[Sage]

Good advice from everybody! All the stuff that no book can teach. 👍

I'm *planning* to only have one child, and that'll probably be a while... early thrities probably. I dunno, the idea of having more than one child simply scares me!

Chris-- send your little

s to southern California... they'll be nice and warm here.

 

[milefile]

Well we went to our first birth class last night. I'm reluctant to pass jusdgement after only the first one, but I do have some general impressions.

My dominant feeling is that I was better off before we went. Now I am flat out scared, even dreading the birth day, but I was eagerly apprehensive before. I still can't say whether knowing everything before hand is beneficial. All I know is I felt better before knowing.

We watched a movie of a couple births (what kind of person alows that not only to be recorded so explicitly, but then allows the world to watch?... to me that is strange), looked at some displays that illustrate what happens in labor (I am so happy to be male), saw what ten centimeters looks like , and had the fear of god put in us.

I have to say I understand labor much better now... like what exactly a contraction does and why. That's good to know. But a lot of the other stuff seemed to be geared toward men for whom the thought has never occurred to be kind and loving to their wives. In my daydreams of our baby being born I already saw myself doing what this teacher tells me to. Seems like common sense to me. And the particulars could be gotten from a book for a lot cheaper and without being out until 10:00 PM on a Wednsday after leaving the house at 6:30 AM. The class went over by 25 minutes.

A freind of mine this morning was telling me he cried for his wife during her first labor and he felt so helpless to help her in her agony. I hate to say it but I'll probably be the same. Whenever I see someone I love suffer, I, too, suffer right with them.

We've decided to bring some photo albums of Hawaii and the Pacific Northwest for her to hopefully defocus onto.

Another thing I didn't know was how labor starts so slow and a lot of women stay home for most of it. I can't imagine a more anxiety causing scenario than sitting around the house just waiting for the contractions to get bad enough to go to the Hospital.

I guess it was a big dose of reality. All my thoughts and musings have shifted from having the boy to the long agonizing labor leading up to it.

I hope this post doesn't sound negative because I still can't wait and am looking forward to nothing more. But now I'm scared of the delivery process (I know I know, think of how scared my wife is...). I dunno... maybe I'm supposed to be...?

___________________________________________

We're going to have a final Ultrasound on Monday. That I am really looking forward to. I'll post any pictures we get from it on our website.

 

[Viper_Maniac]

I'm sure you and your wife will do just fine.

 

[Duke]

The thing about it is, the actual labor is going to be 12 hours or so, maybe less, barring special circumstances. Of that 12 hours, about 10 of them are going to be the 'this hurts a bit' variety, about 1 hour of fairly intense labor, and then 10-15 minutes of the 'you bastard when this is over I'm cutting that thing off' hard labor. So while it is an exhausting day, the whole process is not excruciating for the entire time. It heats up at the end but it is not all that way.

The photo albums would be a good idea but don't be surprised if she's not interested during the event. I put the Three Stooges on for our first delivery (she's a big fan) and I'm still hearing about what a bad idea that was.

The other thing to remember is medication, which can work wonders, and is not cheating at all. Our first delivery was during the daytime (6am to 6pm), and due to the oddities of staffing, there was no one available to give her a spinal until late enough in the process that there was no point. They did give her an IV drip that dulled the pain but it was still there; she was just able to relax a bit between contractions. For the second delivery (11pm to 5am), the facility was much better and she got a spinal for the last 3 hours or so, which pretty much deadens her from the navel down. This allowed her to sleep (natural sleep, not medication-caused) until the last hour or so when the real action is.If it had been during the daytime, she would have been awake for that whole delivery as well, just much more comfortable. The days of drugging the woman into insensibility are luckily long gone.

The classes are definitely worth taking, especially now since fathers are allowed to be there for the whole labor and delivery process. I didn't catch 'em on the way out, but I saw them from the insant of birth and I cut both cords.

Labor is something to be anxious about, and something to prepare for, but it does not need to be terrifying. You guys will do fabulously.

 

[Viper_Maniac]

Originally posted by neon_duke
'you bastard when this is over I'm cutting that thing off'

 

[milefile]

Originally posted by neon_duke
The days of drugging the woman into insensibility are luckily long gone.

Our teacher last night is a nurse and she said back in the day they used to restrain the woman's hands in leather straps at the side of the bed . We've certainly come a long way.

 

[Gil]

No matter how bad (or good) your labor experience is the end product is well worth it.
If you want to be your wife's "Hero", especially if she is breast feeding. Condition yourself to hear the baby at nite. Get up change him/her. And deliver to mama. In a month or so after the baby is born you will be able to change even the poopiest diaper in your sleep.
It seems like a little thing to you. To her it's a HUGE deal. You are getting involved in a big way in baby's life. She will brag on you to her friends and everything.


To youth cycler,
If you have one child, they stay in your space and face. If you have more than one, they bother each other, and they have a "lifelong buddy".
In the early years it can be trying to have two or three kidlets. But as they get older there are awsome rewards. I have "boys nights" with my older 3 sons. And we do whatever and have a great time.
The younger boys are getting to the point where they will be in on some boys nite stuff. It's tame stuff. Gives me a chance to talk "Guy Stuff" with my sons and get into their lives and them into mine. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

 

[milefile]

Originally posted by Gil
No matter how bad (or good) your labor experience is the end product is well worth it.
If you want to be your wife's "Hero", especially if she is breast feeding. Condition yourself to hear the baby at nite. Get up change him/her. And deliver to mama. In a month or so after the baby is born you will be able to change even the poopiest diaper in your sleep.
It seems like a little thing to you. To her it's a HUGE deal. You are getting involved in a big way in baby's life. She will brag on you to her friends and everything.

My mom tells me that's what my dad did.

If you have one child, they stay in your space and face. If you have more than one, they bother each other, and they have a "lifelong buddy".

I was all for having only one kid. But my wife is an only child. And that was part of my reasoning. I admire her relationship to her parents. She's kinda spoiled, though, and she knows it. It's more of a joke between us... my continuing her parents' precedent. And as her husband, I, too, reap some of the benefits of that, like Christmas. But that will all be past tense soon.

But anyway, she says she was lonely as a kid without any other kids to play with. She had freinds of course but they have to go home eventually. She talks about when her parents would draw the line and say "it's time for the adults to talk now..." or something like that. And from what I understand she was good about it. But she's adamant about having "at least" two (that means two...max).

I'm the oldest in my family, with a brother and a sister. It's hard for me to imagine childhood without my little sister to play with and harass (my brother is 11 years younger than me so we didn't become close until later in life). And now as adults we remember stuff from childhood and laugh ourselves to tears over it. I see what my wife feels like she missed and why she doesn't want our kid to. So she convinced me.

 

[milefile]

We went for an untrasound today. We weren't able to see his face because of the way he was positioned. But we saw his toes and his hands and an ear (and his heart and stomach and bladder and kidneys...). Everything is going flawlessly. I couldn't be more grateful. He weighs (according to their calculations) 4 lbs 13 oz. And he's in position for his grand entrance, or exit... And my wife now knows that what feels like kicks in the ribs are, in fact, kicks in the ribs.

 

[Gil]

If the baby is "uncomfortable" he will start moving about.
One of the things my wife did to "calm" the guys was to take a hot bath. It relaxed her and the baby. You may have to be standing by to help her out of the tub...

 

[milefile]

Originally posted by Gil
If the baby is "uncomfortable" he will start moving about.
One of the things my wife did to "calm" the guys was to take a hot bath. It relaxed her and the baby. You may have to be standing by to help her out of the tub...

I always have to help her up now. And to think she'll be a lot bigger before it's over...

Pregnacy is beautiful, totally amazing.

But I was looking at some pictures yesterday and I have to say I took her nice, flat tummy for granted I told her the same thing and we're in agreement on the subject. She did too.

 

[Duke]

Originally posted by milefile
have to say I took her nice, flat tummy for granted. I told her the same thing and we're in agreement on the subject. She did too.

You'll find, a couple of months after the delivery when you're starting to catch up on your sleep and starting to think about other things, that a flat tummy is not as important as many people seem to think...

Very glad to hear that everything is going well. Our girls didn't so much kick, as they would s-t-r-e-t-c-h a limb out and hold it for a few seconds before relaxing.

What's the due date?

 

[milefile]

"Officially" March 5th. I'm getting impatient. I want to meet him. We watch these shows on TLC of babies being born and I get all emotional. I'm scared, but in a good way... positive anxiety I guess. I can say it feels somewhat like our wedding day but I know that's a poor example. It's not the sort of thing you can guess how you'll feel until it's happening. I can name it, but the intensity is inestimable

I've struggled in a journal I've been keeping to describe how it feels to know that my whole thirty two years of life has led to the moment when, quite suddenly, everything changes. Somebody, our son, is moving in, in a way.

I guess it's good that pregnancy is so long so you can do some sorting and prioritizing. I can already say my definition of "frivolous" has broadened greatly.

I'm sure anyone who's been through it knows what I mean.