YSSMAN is crazy.

[Tornado]

So, today, I added a new entry into my Carcyclopedia. We were doing a pizza run, and my friend who owns the car we were doing the run with was...incapacitated. What does he drive?

Essentially identicle, too.

Now, here is where the "YSSMAN is insane" part comes into play: Remember how he has said in the past that the Impala isn't actually that bad of a car for the money? Well, I have always given him the benefit of the doubt. Other than the police version, I had never been in one, so I felt that I wasn't one to judge the car based on the mere fact that it was a rental bin vehicle (because the Lumina was as well, and I liked the Lumina).
Since my friend wasn't fit to operate a motor vehicle, I felt that I should be the good friend and not let him drive. So without any preparation, I drove a Chevy Impala. Let that sink in for a moment. Settled? Good.


Here is the crux of the matter, and anyone with weak constitutions should leave the room: The Chevrolet Impala is, quite frankly, the worst vehicle I have ever driven in my life. The seats had less support than a bean bag chair, so after a 3 minute drive, my back was in pain (I have a bad back from an accident a few years ago). The suspension was...well, lets say that there was a period of time where the rear springs of my Dad's Neon went through the bottom of the trunk, and that had more suspension control than this Impala did. The interior feels like it was made out of melted Legos...actually, scratch that. More like Mega Bloks. There are panel gaps you could drop dimes in perpendicular to the way the gap runs. The instrument cluster seems to be designed for people with eyes so bad they have no business driving. There was fake wood that didn't even look to be the same color as wood until it was exposed to direct sunlight (it just looked like plastic sheen from any other angle). The list goes on.

All these points make me wonder a few things: Why exactly did Chevy take a decent car and replace it with something Hertz probably doesn't even like? Are old people really that dumb to buy something like that? Where is "End my life now, because I have no business living" button? And why is the hazards button bigger than the dials on the center console? Most importantly, why haven't time machines been invented to prevent this car from being made? I almost think the Malibu on sale now deserves to fail simply because of how terrible the Impala is.


YSSMAN, you are crazy. I hope this doesn't detract from our friendship, so I am trying to get it out of the way now.

 

[Kylehnat]

I drove an '07 Impala rental car in Minnesota, and it was also the worst car I had ever driven. Absolute 🤬. Shame on you, Chevy.

 

[nd 4 holden spd]

This is why you should all be sad of the new CAFE standards, which may have killed a Zeta based Impala (same platform as new Commodore, which rocks). The new Malibu doesn't deserve to fail for that- it's an excellent car and way better than any Camry ever will be. Have you ever driven a Toyota. Worst car I've ever been in. The engine is gutless, doesn't matter if you are in the back or front seat- there is el zilcho leg room, and nada head room. I've been told that some Camries have too high a dash for anyone who isn't squashed against the roof to see over- what gives? And yet people are silly enough to buy one................

 

[Tornado]

This is why you should all be sad of the new CAFE standards, which may have killed a Zeta based Impala (same platform as new Commodore, which rocks).

The only thing that killed the Zeta Impala is GM's refusal to solve the weight problem that the car was presented with, which could have easily been offset by making a good portion of the rental versions equipped with LE5 engines and 5 speeds.

Have you ever driven a Toyota.

Yes. I drove my grandfather's old (2003) Avalon, and other than a similar total lack of seat support and suspension control it was a total opposite of the Impala was.

 

[Wolfe]

Sounds like my parents' 1995(?) Oldsmobile. The interior is a haphazard amalgamation of cheap, spongy, and oddly-shaped vinyl surfaces, dials, and knobs, ones that I think weren't so much assembled as they were dumped into the car with a backhoe. The front seats are as supportive as a bench seat, but that doesn't really matter because even slightly spirited cornering is positively frightening, considering there's absolutely zero communication between the driver and the wheels and the ride is about as taut as a bowl of JELL-O.

 

[Sage]

You have to wonder how that ever got approved. If I were the Mr. Final Approval Person, and my people brought that to me, I’d probably say some things that I can’t say on this board, and then fire them.

 

[nd 4 holden spd]

The only thing that killed the Zeta Impala is GM's refusal to solve the weight problem that the car was presented with, which could have easily been offset by making a good portion of the rental versions equipped with LE5 engines and 5 speeds.


Yes. I drove my grandfather's old (2003) Avalon, and other than a similar total lack of seat support and suspension control it was a total opposite of the Impala was.

Well let's hope GM realise their are options then Even my parents think the new Toyota Camry is crap- they're not car people.

 

[dimplz]

the Toyota Racing Development models are awesome...

 

[nd 4 holden spd]

the TRD models are awesome

You think? I sat in one at the motor show in Brisbane, and me head only fits in if the sun roof is open Plus that 240kw sent through the front wheels = torque steer+understeer. That's what the reviews are saying. If the TRD Aurion was RWD then it would be cool- it has the looks and the balls to go fast, it's just wrong wheel drive.

 

[Tornado]

Before we get this into a I hate Toyota thread (which is actually the exact opposite of what I intended, oddly enough), I would say that the TRD cars Toyota sells here are nothing to write home about, and a TRD messaged terrible car (Scion xB, FJ Cruiser) is still a terrible car.

 

[nd 4 holden spd]

Poor Americans, we get the best of TRD, look up the TRD Aurion, better still here take a look, supercharged V6:

 

[Azuremen]

Poor Americans, we get the best of TRD, look up the TRD Aurion, better still here take a look, supercharged V6:

Thats hawt

Srsly, it is.

Back to GM though, yes they have some of the cheapest interiors known to man. I didn't think this would be that shocking.

Neither is the fact that YSSMAN is crazy

 

[exigeracer]

My mother drove an '07 Impala. She said the ride was so wonky that it was scary to drive at highway speeds. My mother said this. What does she know about cars? If it goes when you press the right pedal, stops with the left pedal and if there's another left pedal that goes down, then it's a "good" car. Yet she still speaks of the dreadful Impala that she drove for a weekend.

 

[nd 4 holden spd]

It looks good and the good it ends there. GM are the king of making cars people can afford, sometimes you have to use cheap materials or prices skyrocket.

 

[Tornado]

I didn't think this would be that shocking.

Because I liked the Lumina and thought it was decent, and didn't have first hand experience in how bad the Impala actually was. That people paid money that didn't have Rich Uncle Pennybags on it for these things is the shocking part, not to mention the fact that the 7 year older Lumina I drove was better in every way.

sometimes you have to use cheap materials or prices skyrocket.

There is a difference between cheap materials and Duplos. Kia uses cheap materials. The Impala uses the kind of plastic that soda bottles would shame.

 

[JCE]

So, today, I added a new entry into my Carcyclopedia. We were doing a pizza run, and my friend who owns the car we were doing the run with was...incapacitated. What does he drive?

Essentially identicle, too.

Now, here is where the "YSSMAN is insane" part comes into play: Remember how he has said in the past that the Impala isn't actually that bad of a car for the money? Well, I have always given him the benefit of the doubt. Other than the police version, I had never been in one, so I felt that I wasn't one to judge the car based on the mere fact that it was a rental bin vehicle (because the Lumina was as well, and I liked the Lumina).
Since my friend wasn't fit to operate a motor vehicle, I felt that I should be the good friend and not let him drive. So without any preparation, I drove a Chevy Impala. Let that sink in for a moment. Settled? Good.


Here is the crux of the matter, and anyone with weak constitutions should leave the room: The Chevrolet Impala is, quite frankly, the worst vehicle I have ever driven in my life. The seats had less support than a bean bag chair, so after a 3 minute drive, my back was in pain (I have a bad back from an accident a few years ago). The suspension was...well, lets say that there was a period of time where the rear springs of my Dad's Neon went through the bottom of the trunk, and that had more suspension control than this Impala did. The interior feels like it was made out of melted Legos...actually, scratch that. More like Mega Bloks. There are panel gaps you could drop dimes in perpendicular to the way the gap runs. The instrument cluster seems to be designed for people with eyes so bad they have no business driving. There was fake wood that didn't even look to be the same color as wood until it was exposed to direct sunlight (it just looked like plastic sheen from any other angle). The list goes on.

All these points make me wonder a few things: Why exactly did Chevy take a decent car and replace it with something Hertz probably doesn't even like? Are old people really that dumb to buy something like that? Where is "End my life now, because I have no business living" button? And why is the hazards button bigger than the dials on the center console? Most importantly, why haven't time machines been invented to prevent this car from being made? I almost think the Malibu on sale now deserves to fail simply because of how terrible the Impala is.


YSSMAN, you are crazy. I hope this doesn't detract from our friendship, so I am trying to get it out of the way now.

+1 I'm 100% in agreement with you. Having drove one before via customer trade-ins they are without doubt the worst GM products. People, the Buick Regal feels more confident on the road--THE BUICK I'M 6 FEET UNDER REGAL. The steering in my Camaro feels more "precise", you can't even feel where the front wheels are in the Impala. The understeer followed by EXCESSIVE body roll is appauling. The Malibu of that time period would be considered a sport saloon by the Impala standards. What is more insulting is the Intrepid--which is equally as putrid--has the exact same problems all around but the Impala somehow gets a pass because its a GM product and not Chrysler. But I'll end it there.

Because I liked the Lumina and thought it was decent, and didn't have first hand experience in how bad the Impala actually was. That people paid money that didn't have Rich Uncle Pennybags on it for these things is the shocking part, not to mention the fact that the 7 year older Lumina I drove was better in every way.



There is a difference between cheap materials and Duplos. Kia uses cheap materials. The Impala uses the kind of plastic that soda bottles would shame.

The Lumina was actually as build quality (not the 3.1L) and ride quality goes is a good GM car for that era. It definately feels more "planted" on the road than the Impala. Still, the best GM saloon cars of that era in terms of drivability and comfort were actually the Buick Regal and Pontiac Grand Prix in my opinion. I know I'm crazy, but I just think they are. We love you YSS, but we hate the modern non-Caprice Impalas.

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

You have to wonder how that ever got approved. If I were the Mr. Final Approval Person, and my people brought that to me, I’d probably say some things that I can’t say on this board, and then fire them.

This one doesn't actually look that bad. The one I was in was the most hideous interior I experienced. It seemed a bit different, but I'm not sure. The only thing I remember clearly is that it was brownish.

 

[McLaren]

the Toyota Racing Development models are awesome...

In the US, not really. They used to actually offer a TRD package on the Tacoma...the Tacoma! And all it added was some accessories to make the truck look like a "tough" off-road vehicle.

On the topic, though, is it safe to say the design is the only thing good about this car?
Besides that, this will always be my dream Impala.

 

[nd 4 holden spd]

Can we change the thread title, poor YSSMAN. Seeing as Chevy is coming to Oz soon I may get to drive a new Impala one day. Not for a long time though. I'll just sit back for now on my Commodore and be extremely sly about it. They really need to make the next gen Impala off the Zeta platform if the current one is that bad.

 

[niky]

YSSMAN, you are crazy. I hope this doesn't detract from our friendship, so I am trying to get it out of the way now.

This is a fun, fun, fun thread. I can't wait to see the look on his face (figuratively speaking... or his smileys, at least... ) when he comes in later or tomorrow...

There is a difference between cheap materials and Duplos. Kia uses cheap materials. The Impala uses the kind of plastic that soda bottles would shame.

----

RE: Toyotas: Many Toyotas I've driven/ridden, haven't had suspension tuning worth crap, and some of the seats aren't comfortable, but they have some products out there that are pretty good.

 

[Jay]

Seeing as Chevy is coming to Oz soon I may get to drive a new Impala one day.

They are? (besides Camaro)

 

[nd 4 holden spd]

I'm pretty sure most of them would be, maybe just the RHD capable ones. Unless it is just the Camaro, that would be sad. We are definitely getting nearly all Cadillacs.

 

[Jay]

I know we are getting the CTS, but have read at this stage no others, as they are not RHD suitable. Maybe future new model Cadillacs.

 

[nd 4 holden spd]

I've read that we are getting a number of Cadillacs like the new CTS and Crossover thing they're making- not the CTS-V though

 

[JCE]

You guys need and want the Camaro--you should get it. Its uber sexy even in V6 guise.

 

[Jay]

We are getting the Camaro, V6 wont sell to well here in the Camaro I don't think, just like the V6 Monaro didn't.

 

[nd 4 holden spd]

I would buy a V6 Camaro over a V8 one because I'd love to tune that Alloytec V6 in an ultra hot car. Plus it's cheaper and I'm not rich. But if Torana gets revived I'd buy that instead. Sorry for getting off-topic. Has anyone driven the new Malibu? What's your thoughts? It looks brilliant in pictures and in specs.

 

[YSSMAN]

Okay, okay, I'm here. To answer a few questions:

- The first thing I thought when I read the title was "WHAT NOW?" and proceeded to assume it was about Volkswagens or something.

- Secondly, while I stand by the "not that bad" stance, it is important to put that into context. These Impalas were in fact rather reliable, sold rather well, and are otherwise decent cars for people who aren't looking for anything special. You know, the Ford Taurus-types...

However, I thought I had been clear before for this segment in the GM lifespan:

Caprice/Impala SS > 2006+ Impala > Lumina > 2000-2005 Impala

And I'm almost certain that I've said many times that the best W-Body always has been, and always will be, the Pontiac Grand Prix.


====

So, meh, no big deal. Even as a die hard Chevrolet fan I don't care much for this version of the car. The only one worth getting was the late-model SS Supercharged, and even then, we all know how much better the Buick Regal GS and Pontiac Grand Prix GTP was...

Its an "okay" car, better than the Taurus in my book, but by no means something that could ever hold a candle to the Accord or Camry of the same time period. Thank the Lord Jesus Christ above that GM finally fixed the car to make it an excellent alternative in 2006. However, the Grand Prix and LaCrosse are still better.

 

[nd 4 holden spd]

The Pontiac G8 replaces the Grand Prix doesn't it? And here I was thinking the Grand Prix was a bad car- dunno why. At least you guys can buy a Zeta platformed car in the G8, I almost forgot about that. Anyone here considering buying a G8?

 

[YSSMAN]

The Grand Prix wasn't very good by comparison to say a Accord or Camry for quite some time, but it was always the "wild child" of the W-Body kids from its inception in 1988. The Turbo GTP comes to mind as an early example, the Supercharged GTP always as the constant variable in the odd/awkward performance category.

The current crop of Grand Prix models have been "decent" if anything. The interior design is "fresh," but the plastic quality is low-rent. Chassis tuning is downright sporty by comparison to the Impala and LaCrosse, but outside of the GTP and GXP versions, I don't think the GT and "base" models are going to outdo an Accord.

Pontiac engineers are always known for being a bit "odd," so when they stuffed the 5.3L LS4 V8 in the Grand Prix back in 2006 they did the ol' "tire trick," making the fronts larger than the wheels and somehow magically making it all work together to have the car handle surprisingly well for a full-size car. Personally speaking, for $30K, its a pretty nice and rather quick "sport sedan." But no one in the right mind is going to cross-shop it for the BMW 3-series or Infiniti G35 that they used to run it against in commercials.

As for the G8, it is replacing the W-body Grand Prix post-2008. The first of the Commodores should be arriving about now, but I have yet to see one here in Grand Rapids. They shouldn't have too hard a time selling them, and I'm positive that it will live up to the long, storied history of "Wide Track Handling" and the "We Build Excitement" attitude that all Pontiacs are supposed to have.

...As for considering buying a G8, I would if I had the money. Without question it would be the first car I'd chuck $30,000 at. It has everything I'd want in spades, plus, it comes in purple. I love purple. I have to spend extra money to get the otherwise crappy Dodge Charger R/T Daytona in purple...