Any Car for your Joke!! (CLOSED)

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priesty_lfc

priesty_lfc

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priesty_lfc
Right,

With PSN still being down boredom is starting to set in. I've been trying to think of something to help keep entertained and have decided to do this.

I will give away any tradable car from my garage (see sig) for the person who post's the funniest joke along with 5 paints for the runner up.

This will run until PSN is back up at which point I will decide who has given me the most laughs and will send over the prizes.......

EDIT:

If you feel the joke might cause offence to others please feel free to PM it to me! :)
 
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Sorry, I have no jokes to tell.

But what is that with 5 paints for the runner up?

And your garage link links to the main mygranturismo.net page and not to your garage...
 
1. I keep having a recurring nightmare about fruit machines, the wife is really supportive and to wake me up, she just gives me a nudge. And then holds me.

2. Today I got stopped by 3 different charity collectors in the street. By the time I got to the 3rd one, I said to them, 'do you people think I'm MADE of excuses?'
 
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I only know dead baby, racist and other ****ed up jokes lol if ur interested in those just let me know, I don't know what the mediators would think tho :/
 
3. I read taking your bike to work everyday is good for the environment. So I thought why not? I'm not using that roof rack for anything else.
 
cellodeth90265
I only know dead baby, racist and other ****ed up jokes lol if ur interested in those just let me know, I don't know what the mediators would think tho :/
Click to expand...

Updated the original post stating if you think it may offend please feel free to PM it to me ;)
 
there is 2 muffins in the oven...1 of them says to the other "is it hot in here or is it me" the other muffin replys "AHHHH a talking muffin"
 
Q: What did the traffic light say to the driver?

A: "Dont look Im changing"
 
What did the 0 say to the 8 ? .... That's a nice belt !
 
I feel like I've been 12 rounds with Audley Harrison. Absolutely fine.
 
I sent you one by pm as I knew it would cause outrage on here
 
How do you turn a turkey into a soul singer? ...... Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers
 
so my girlfriend asks me "if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound?"

i answered "you dont have to worry about trees falling in the kitchen"

not sure if this is offensive or not
 
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WARNING: The following jokes MAY only be funny if you did High School Chemistry, even if you did they may still be pathetic

A Neutron walks into a bar, and goes to the Barman: "How much for a drink in this place?". To which the Barman responds "For you, no charge".

An ion walks into a bar and goes to the Barman: "You know, I think i've lost an electron."
The barman replies "Are you sure?"
"I'm positive".
 
tut tut tut :lol:

have had 2 🤬 ones to, both v funny ;)
 
priesty_lfc
tut tut tut :lol:

have had 2 🤬 ones to, both v funny ;)
Click to expand...

You want more adult ones?
 
Okay so 3 guys meet this female genie, the genie says it will grant each guy one wish. The first one asked to be 25% smarter. The genie blinks and the guy says "Woah I feel smarter already!" The second guy asked to be 50% smarter. The genie blinks and the guy said "Cool! I think I know stuff I didn't know before!" Then the third guy asked to be 100% smarter, so the genie blinks, and the guy turns in to a girl.




Remember kids... watch out for the Obama supporters. They will take 1/2 of your eggs and give them to the kids who were too lazy to hunt for them on their own!
 
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Patient: Doctor, Doctor I think I'm addicted to coke, Doctor: I see, this sounds serious... I'm going to have to refer you to Doctor Pepper.
 
What do you call a black man who flies a plane?
.
.
.
.
.
a pilot, you racist pig
 
I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.
They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.

Sergio Ramos who dropped the Copa Del Rey off the bus has declared he wants to join Arsenal in the summer so he doesn't have to make the same mistake again.
 
OK, I saw both of these somewhere on the forum and found them both quite funny...

1) Chuck Norris can walk faster than the Red Bull X2010.

2) (This is from a couple months ago) Bob's wife is VERY angry with him. He forgot that it was their anniversary. She told him, "If I don't ind something in the driveway by tomorrow morning that goes from 0-200 in 3.2 seconds, you will never see me again! Sure enough, the next morning, Bob's wife finds a small package in the driveway. Confused, she brings it inside and unwraps it. In the package, she found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has yet to be heard from ever since.
 
I wish I cud have put my joke on the thread but I would have been banned by the end of the day
 
You wonder why Rihanna and Lohan dont have any kids? well its simple, they both 🤬 so many guys, you wouldnt be able to tell which one is the father! :dunce:
 
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said: "You think you have problems? Listen to my situation. A few years ago i met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and I got myself a step-daughter. Later, my father married my step-daughter. That made my step-daughter my step-mother, and my father became my step-son. Also my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law. Much later, the daughter of my wife, my step-mother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grand-father of my half-brother. This was nothing until my wife and I had a baby. Now the half-sister of my son, my step-mother, is also the grandmother. This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose step-sister is my father's wife. I am my step-mother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew AND I AM MY OWN GRANDFATHER....AND YOU THINK YOU HAVE PROBLEMS?????!!!!"
 
Bartender has 3 shot glasses filled w/ semen lined up at the bar. He turns to the trio, "And for the ladies?"
 
Three blondes walk into a bar...Ouch!
 
Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,

Sarah Palin
 
two friends are sitting at a bar having drinks when one friend apparently reaches his limit and vomits all over himself.

"damn it!!" he exclaims. "my wife is going to be pissed. she told me not to drink too much tonight."

"not a worry, mate. here's all you do," as he slips a $10 into his shirt pocket. "just tell your wife that someone else at the bar threw up on you and was kind enough to give you some money for drycleaning."

"brilliant!! that may just work," as he heads home to his unsuspecting wife.

when he opened the front door, his wife was waiting for him. "look at you, you drunken slob!! what did i tell you?"

"no, no honey. it's not what you think. someone else at the bar had too much and vomited all over me. he was kind enough to pay me $10 to get my shirt drycleaned," as he pull the money out of his shirt pocket to hand to his wife.

"$10? this is a $20."

"oh yeah. he also **** in my pants too."
 
Why is auto racing better than sex?
You and your car always finish at the same time.
 
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