Can someone tell me what to do

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Bryce302

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My friend that I have know since I was 5, dont get me wrong im not racist or anything. But my friend he told me yesterday that he is gay I really dont know how to react to that. I mean it just kinda wierd to think we have friend's for 14 years. I just I dont know what to do what do you say to that person.
 
Bryce302
...dont get me wrong im not racist or anything. But my friend he told me yesterday that he is gay I really dont know how to react to that.

Well, first off: one's sexual preferences have nothing to do with race. So you're not "racist" no matter what your feelings on the issue are. Homophobic might be the term you're looking for.

Secondly: If he's you're friend, and he's not trying to make out with you or asking you on a date, then you can still be friends; what he's looking for is support of his feelings and liberties. He's probably scared/afraid/worried about telling his parents or other friends. Let him talk about it, or at least, get the ideas in his head out so they make more sence.

Don't give in to the mentality of the "crowd" and hear him out; he's looking to you for support, because he obviously thinks you won't judge him based on what he wants to do with his life. In the end, it's his decision and right to his own sexual preference, and nobody can tell him what he's doing is wrong.

I'm not sure if this just sounds horribly generic and political, but what the hell.
 
Good man 👍

Don't let something like that get in the way of you two being friends, cause thats just pathetic. Just deal with it cuase I have a gay brother and I deal with it.
 
And, honestly, unless he keeps making passes at you, what's to deal with?

I'm glad to hear you looking for support from us the way your friend is looking for support from you. If you liked him before this, you can still be good friends him. He didn't say he likes to molest little kids or kill people or anything. There's nothing inherently gross or bad about homosexuality. It may not be your thing, but that's perfectly OK as long as you can let it be his thing.

Good luck with your friend. He's probably at a tough time in his life right now, and your unwavering support will be very valuable to him.
 
What pupik and neon_duke said above basically sums up everything. Well said guys.

I have a Gay cousin, and a Gay Uncle. The Uncle was kind of a shock, since I used to hang around with him alot and he was like a best friend to me as a kid. But, I have a knack for judging character, and I knew in my head (and told my mother) that I think he was gay. With all that in mind, it was still a shock when he told my Grandmother (his mother) and my Mother (his sister).

Now, there is nothing wrong with Homosexuality, but it's still very unexpected and weird for you to experience, especially since you grew up together. The thing you have to get over during this whole thing, is that your friend does not want to be with you. He just wants your friendship, and as a good friend, he felt that you should know. Now, it took a while for me to get comfortable around my Uncle, but you have to try. The longer you act weird around him (even though you're still not comfortable), the harder it will be to act normal around him.

My advice? Go see him as often as you normally do. Push aside the fact that he's gay, and do everything you normally would do. Get his homosexuality out of your conscience and mind. Like Homer Simpson once said: "Don't let that little weener push you around!"
 
Jimmy Enslashay
do everything you normally would do.

Except making comments about women. :) Other than that, nothing should change. Don't throw away a friendship over this.
 
And whatever you do, stay away from a place called the "Blue Oyster" he may try to take you "clubbing"......just kidding dude, its really no big deal, its more akward for him to deal that you just remember that
 
I have a similar problem with a friend that I have known for about 16 years. We (his close friends) think he might be gay. He might not be but we think there is a chance. He is 25 and has never had a girlfriend, maybe he is just very shy. But we dont really want to ask unless we are wrong. What should we do?
 
Definitley keep the friendship the same as it is now. I was once in the same position, and unfortunately I made the wrong choices. Long story short, I should have been a better listener, I should have made it clear that conversation regarding sexual matters would be taboo (He was talking about how he felt about my friends, that I found to be too much), but above all I sould not have been a homophobe and been a better friend.

This happened a long time ago, and rumors are floating about that he ended up committing suicide, but it has not been confirmed. But nonetheless, this has left a huge weight on my shoulders, a weight which I could carry for my entire life. But at least out of that whole experience I have become a better person through the lessons I learned.

*edit* this is not a reply to DQuan's post, he posted while I was typing
 
DQuaN
I have a similar problem with a friend that I have known for about 16 years. We (his close friends) think he might be gay. He might not be but we think there is a chance. He is 25 and has never had a girlfriend, maybe he is just very shy. But we dont really want to ask unless we are wrong. What should we do?


Honestly, nothing ...he is an adult and has to be trusted with what he doesn't tell you. Unless he divuldges information, it may upset him for you to bring it up, and then may deny it even more
 
DQuaN
I have a similar problem with a friend that I have known for about 16 years. We (his close friends) think he might be gay. He might not be but we think there is a chance. He is 25 and has never had a girlfriend, maybe he is just very shy. But we dont really want to ask unless we are wrong. What should we do?
I'd also just stay away from the whole issue unless he brings it up. If you ask him if he's gay he could take it as an insult, which would obviously weaken your friendship.
 
Also, homophobia actually means "fear that ones self might be gay" not hating gays, but this has changed over time and in more associated with the latter.
 
you could do a word association test with him, just say you got it off of the net...
..ok "freind" tell me the first thing that pops into your mind..

(1) sausage
(2) banana
(3) interior design
(4) flower arangments
(5) Llhapso Ahpsa's
(6) white hankercheifs
 
you should be fine, just keep going like normal(even with the women comments so he knows that your not gay). it shouldn't be a problem until he tells you to pick up the soap
 
Thanks alot guys he said that he was happy that we could still hang out and stuff. he has always been there so I dont really know why I talked about it I guess I needed reasurance.
 
yeah, you shouldn't change your personality because your friend is gay. I'm a bit of a homophobe, but If I knew the person for a while, and they were a friend, I wouldn't stop being friends, but I wouldn't let their sexuality rub off on me.
 
Bryce302
**** you this guy is one of my best friends
I know he's not serious... but even so, watch the language please.

And milefile, I bet your female friends would have been just as weirded out if they knew about you.
 
Bryce302
My friend that I have know since I was 5, dont get me wrong im not racist or anything. But my friend he told me yesterday that he is gay I really dont know how to react to that. I mean it just kinda wierd to think we have friend's for 14 years. I just I dont know what to do what do you say to that person.

Awesome.

Does it affect you in ANY way at all? Even if he made a pass at you, would it affect you at all? A big, fat "NO".

Jesus, don't be scared if a gay guy fancies you. In the long run all it means is that you're thought to be attractive to another person. Oh my God, no!

Can someone tell you what to do? I'll tell you. Stop whining about it and get on with your friendship. It's not like he "caught" gayness overnight and is suddenly a different person. AND he felt comfortable enough with you to actually TELL you.
 
Famine
Can someone tell you what to do? I'll tell you. Stop whining about it and get on with your friendship. It's not like he "caught" gayness overnight and is suddenly a different person. AND he felt comfortable enough with you to actually TELL you.
Famine: he truly wasn't whining, he was asking for advice so he didn't freak out on the guy. Read some of his later posts.
 
Nonetheless, it shouldn't be a question of "I really dont know how to react to that". Gay people exist. They don't threaten non-gay people in any way, or spread a mystic "gayness" throughout the world. It's not wrong, per se (although some might claim it IS wrong according to the Bible/Qu'ran/Torah/Bhagavad Gita, or "unnatural").

I wonder how most women would react if their best friend told them they were lesbian (and no, I doubt it'd go along the same lines we see in "adult" films and "literature"... :D).
 
Can someone tell you what to do? I'll tell you. Stop whining about it and get on with your friendship. It's not like he "caught" gayness overnight and is suddenly a different person. AND he felt comfortable enough with you to actually TELL you.

Nonetheless, it shouldn't be a question of "I really dont know how to react to that". Gay people exist. They don't threaten non-gay people in any way, or spread a mystic "gayness" throughout the world. It's not wrong, per se (although some might claim it IS wrong according to the Bible/Qu'ran/Torah/Bhagavad Gita, or "unnatural").

This kind of intolerance is the same as any kind of intolerance.
 
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