It's that the media has always conditioned us to overrate romantic love - and sex - is this incredible, sublime thing. For example, if The Matrix movies are to be believed, love can straight-up resurrect people from the dead.
I think you missed the point of the matrix, which is that all of reality (especially in the matrix but the point is broader) is created between your ears. And that if you believe it, you can make it real. The whole thing at the end of the movie was that Neo was finally convinced that he was the one. He didn't need to dodge bullets, even the ones that hit him, he could create his reality.
So you end up with men and women who overrate love and intimacy as this potential crowning achievement one can have in their lives, when it's not an achievement at all. And that's because you cannot "achieve" something that was never in anybody's control. It's pure RNG, as some gamers would say.
This is a rough question but to put it bluntly, how do you know it's "overrated"? Maybe accept that this view is so popular/prevalent among entertainers and entertainees because many people really do value it that highly. Relationships (of all kinds) are not RNG, they require effort. A relationship is not something that you just receive as a gift, it is something you
create with someone else. RNG has little to do with it.
When the media (and the society that's influenced by it) shames men for not being in a relationship or having sex, I think other men get needlessly desperate, and look for any way they can to find a woman. I'm pretty sure that no matter what era or corner of the world you examine, many a snake oil salesman has been born from this illusory need for romance - I'd say it's up there with get-rich-quick schemes.
The fact that some people value it should not de-facto shame someone for not valuing it. People are different. That being said, perhaps some people are desperate because they genuinely do value love. Don't assume everyone has been tricked.
I don't think these fatalistic/nihilistic views where men buy into super-sketchy (if not entirely misogynistic) ideas like hypergamy would be as bad if men could be more confident in being single. But the media we keep seeing around us doesn't help with that.
You're in luck. It's more ok to be single, and asexual, now than basically any time ever. Asexuality especially is starting to become more widely accepted, and especially for men.
Instead, we're told that love is the ultimate thing you can acquire,
Love comes in many forms. It can be between children and parents, between friends, and between partners. Humans are deeply social creatures, and the vast majority of us value love in just about every form we find it. Our brains (most of us) are wired for it. There will be exceptions, people who are deeply introverted, sometimes these people end up being "hermits". That's fine of course, but it's not most people, and so it's not what entertainment is often based on.
The red pill problem is a little bit different than that. The red pill/incel problem comes from people who believe that they are
owed a relationship by others. This is problematic both in friendship and romatic relationships. If you think you're perfect, and that others are lucky to be with you, you're likely to treat others worse than they deserve to be treated. When men feel this way, and it seems to be more often men, and end up unsuccessful when courting a partner, they then fail to look inward and work on themselves - because they believe they are
owed it. They resist a change in mindset, and continue to demand of the world that they receive a partner. That sense of entitlement makes them feel they are treated unjustly, unfairly, by the world. But it is they who are creating their own reality.
That's right, tied it back in to the matrix.
