Depression and Anxiety Thread

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Michael88
You need to realize that few people actually care about you or even notice you. You could do really embarrassing stuff (which you most likely aren't doing anyway) and hardly anyone would notice it or care enough to remember it for longer than 15 minutes. You are one grain of sand on a beach.
It would be different if you were a celebrity but aren't one I guess.
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This is a recurring theme with my girlfriend who suffers with anxiety. She's constantly worried about what people she's never met might think of her. The irony is the majority of people are too busy with themselves to notice or care about anyone else, like you said. In a sad way it's almost liberating, knowing how little the people around you care, save for a few individuals; individuals worth keeping close.
 
lbpomg95
This is a recurring theme with my girlfriend who suffers with anxiety. She's constantly worried about what people she's never met might think of her. The irony is the majority of people are too busy with themselves to notice or care about anyone else, like you said. In a sad way it's almost liberating, knowing how little the people around you care, save for a few individuals; individuals worth keeping close.
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Yes, its like those fish hiding in large schools that seem like an entire living organism and not individuals, there is certainly safety in masses like these. Evolving from small tribal communities into large cities and even nations dramatically increased that factor, for good - or for worse.

I find that social anxiety like that has some characteristics of narcissism, thinking all eyes are constantly on you and everybody immediately notices you even in large crowds and remembers you and what you do for eternity.
Can't help but wonder if social anxiety and narcissism are linked somehow.
 
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Michael88
You need to realize that few people actually care about you or even notice you. You could do really embarrassing stuff (which you most likely aren't doing anyway) and hardly anyone would notice it or care enough to remember it for longer than 15 minutes. You are one grain of sand on a beach.
It would be different if you were a celebrity but aren't one I guess.
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This is very true.

I used to suffer through alcohol withdrawal with anxiety so bad I couldn’t get out of bed or even look at my mobile. The realisation is that it’s likely nobody but me is aware of my shortcomings and everyone has some sort of social anxiety, otherwise they’re a psychopath.
 
In my case, I've been feeling quite down since the start of 2021, all because me and my girlfriend got into a huge fight which severely impacted our relationship, and yet I was afraid to actually share this with anyone here at GTP, until now.

It happened one night after I came home from a dinner party with some relatives where I was in a video call with my girlfriend and another close friend of mine, that is, until she pulled out a photo of a K-pop celebrity (actually called "Jungwon" from a group called "Enhypen") and began to give him a fake name, and made up fake dating stories about him, such as claiming to have met him online, and much later on, she and my other friend started saying mean, hurtful jokes like saying they will hang out and go on international trips with him, and that my girlfriend said that I could go "third-wheeling" with him, as if reducing me to a platonic friendship, where in fact, we were dating in a romantic relationship since 2017.

Another was that she kept on laughing and saying things like "You believe whatever you want to believe", and "Let's see how gullible you are".

This made me really angry, and shortly after, I ended up calling my girlfriend "creepy" and a stalker for continuing to claim that she is dating her K-pop celebrity crush, whom she gave a fake name and all that. I continued to call her all these names and threatened to raise my voice and yell at her if she didn't stop, and reaffirm that we were dating each other, apologized for the joke and showed me genuine love and affection. I eventually did yell at her after she posted a photo that she "just got back on a video call with the K-pop guy".

All of this culminated into a massive, heated argument during the birthday of my other friend where I decided to take my anger out on her and clash viciously by continuing to call her "creepy" and a stalker, and for everybody to join me in getting extremely angry and annoyed at her for that joke she said towards me, only for it to backfire on my end, and that this pushed a lot of my best friends away from me for quite a long time.

Few days later, she started stalking me by not talking to me on every social media platform, as well as not hanging out and hugging me, and she continues to stalk me to this very day, where this led me to have violent and negative thoughts of revenge, all so she can stop reach out to me instead, fall in love with me again, and give me all the dates, hugs and affection that anyone could ever ask for in a romantic relationship.

This anger towards her very much nearly destroyed my sanity and who I am, and to this day, I am still seeking the answers I need just for her to come back to me after such a nasty joke she said. It took me a few months to realize that it really was a joke done in poor taste just to annoy me, which intensified my aggression even further, upon hearing the knowledge of some friends that the K-pop guy was indeed, really one.

Is there any romantic relationship where one is okay about pranking the other about cheating/dating someone else? Because from what I know, joking about cheating or leaving your partner is unacceptable, and unlike most of you here in GTP who seem to thrive on sarcasm, banter, or other such forms of humor, I'm very sorry that I'm not like you guys. I believe that if your humor can really hurt people's feelings, then you're not really funny.

Some others were saying that my girlfriend was just "fangirling" over a K-pop boy she was recently obsessing on. It's no surprise given that she is indeed, a huge K-pop fan, and that she is also the biggest reason why I hate Blackpink so much, other than their song, "Ice Cream". However, based on the joke she said, it obviously involved a boy group.

Others are also saying that I lack a sense of humor, that I'm not very funny, or that I've got aggression problems and need to get into anger management classes, as I have a tendency to become violent and actually threaten and/or bully others when people playfully tease me.

I believe it's partially my own fault, as I've allowed my emotions to get the best of me instead of trying to use proper communication skills to defuse the situation and actually get my girlfriend to come back to her senses the right way, which I regret the most.

As a result, I seeked the counseling from a number of close friends just in order to help me out and to give me advice on getting her to come back to me and for her to fall in love with me as her boyfriend once more, and I managed to take their advice pretty well. It's just that I'm currently in my senior year in college, so I might not have the time to plan something just as yet, like a date that serves as our reunion, as I need to finish things like my thesis.

I wouldn't want to say I'm prolonging my agony, but there are other things I must pursue for now, but I will, for sure, get back to repairing our broken relationship once I've sorted everything out. I believe that I must become a stronger and more independent individual, just as much as I want my girlfriend to be a strong, independent woman before she reconciles with me.

All in all, I just want my girlfriend to love me for who I am, unconditionally, as well for our relationship to be beautiful, and one that will last and be cherished forever.

I sometimes feel jealous of my other friends who are in relationships, simply because they always show that they are proud of loving one another, go on dates often, and are always there for one another even in their hardest times, and that their relationships reflect that of the five love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, giving and receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch.

Makes me realize that I want that too. Especially with my girlfriend.
 
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GBalao888
In my case, I've been feeling quite down since the start of 2021, all because me and my girlfriend got into a huge fight which severely impacted our relationship, and yet I was afraid to actually share this with anyone here at GTP, until now.
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Most relationships have some amount of teasing for fun. Most have some kind of limit. My girlfriend and I constantly insult each other for fun, but we'd never joke about cheating on each other, especially in front of someone else - it's just not right. Cheating is immoral. So, I can see how her comments could embarrass or upset you, even more since there was a friend present. If she knew she was upsetting you and carried on, that's not very nice, so yes, she did go a little wrong, even if she intended it as a joke.

However, your reaction was too much. To react with aggression, name-calling and threats bordering on violence toward the person you're supposed to care about the most is wrong. You also mention wanting her to 'come to her senses' as if she is the only one who has done wrong here - I'm not sure if you genuinely mean that or if you intended something different, but perhaps she's already come to her senses. You could have very much scared her away with your behaviour. You have to accept more than a little bit of blame here. You also mention that you want her to love you for who you are unconditionally, but don't you think you have to do the same for her? A lot of what you've said makes me think you've considered your own feelings and needs a lot more than hers, and relationships don't work if you only care about yourself. I could be interpreting things wrong but it's the impression I get from what you've written.

If this happened in 2021, and you've not spoken to her for 2 years, is there even a relationship left to salvage? Do you know she hasn't moved on?

As for plans, or college, you don't need a plan. You don't need to allocate time for some grand reunion. If anything you should start soon and start small, by simply asking if you two can talk (probably via message, not a call, or video), and try to clear the air with her. If you wait until you've finished your studies, it might be too late. Part of me thinks you may both be better off with different people though.

At the end of the day, I don't know anything about you or your relationship other than what I can tell from your post so I'm probably not qualified to make any real judgement. I'm sorry if I've been brutal, but it's what I think, based on what you've told us. To cut a long story short, if you want her back, you've got to say sorry, and try not to react the same in future. By all means explain that she's upset you too, but you can't get violent with your loved one.
 
Pretty numb at the moment.

Had a bit of a meltdown on Friday morning, missed work, and spent the weekend in a disconnected state.

Haven’t really pieced myself together yet. Everything seems distant. It’s not a form of depression I’ve experienced before.

Thankfully it’s rather mild and with any luck my meds will rectify the glitch in a short time.
 
Just wanted to pop in here and say: you matter, you belong, you are a good person, you're good enough! 👍

(Team neurodivergent here)
 
W3H5
Pretty numb at the moment.

Had a bit of a meltdown on Friday morning, missed work, and spent the weekend in a disconnected state.

Haven’t really pieced myself together yet. Everything seems distant. It’s not a form of depression I’ve experienced before.

Thankfully it’s rather mild and with any luck my meds will rectify the glitch in a short time.
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Hey you, sat there outside your life, looking for the pieces you can't see

looking for meaning, looking for reason

Hey you... out there getting lonely, getting distant

Don't give in, without a fight.
 
A serious of really bad life changing events just happened, atop of the usual awfulness. Pretty much my worst fears just came true.

My last 8 years were a struggle and disaster on every front but now things got a lot worse. I can suffer pain, I can endure hardship, I can deal with a constant flow of setbacks - I can fight - god knows I have done so for almost a decade now but something has been gnawing at me for a couple years and its only getting stronger - and that is the question - what for? The few meaningless and banal pleasures in my life are absolutely overshadowed by high magnitude tragic events that constantly happen in my life, especially recently. Those little pleasures are worth nothing and are utterly forgettable.
I have no children I owe responsibility, nobody depends on me, I don't value anything highly enough that I could call it a ''dream'' or something worth fighting for.

I endure pretty bad things on a daily basis and have no answer to the question why I do it, other than maybe spite or maybe simple routine. Hope ran out a long time ago and if life has ever been beautiful, that's gone too.
Can't even drink because of chronic health issues.

Eh, just wanted to rant, guess I'm starting to become melodramatic.
 
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W3H5
Pretty numb at the moment.

Had a bit of a meltdown on Friday morning, missed work, and spent the weekend in a disconnected state.

Haven’t really pieced myself together yet. Everything seems distant. It’s not a form of depression I’ve experienced before.

Thankfully it’s rather mild and with any luck my meds will rectify the glitch in a short time.
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I meant to reply to you when you posted in the Daily Rant thread, but I hope you are feeling a bit better now.

It's disconcerting when something 'different' or unexpected comes along, and its especially difficult when its something as serious as a mental health thing.

I'm sorry I didn't finish my post now, but I would emphasise that no reply or reaction doesn't necessarily mean that a post hasn't been read and digested - and it certainly doesn't mean that folks don't care, because they do.

-

On a related note, I've been having a bit of a reckoning with alcohol lately, and again last week I managed to overdo it quite badly. I'm very fortunate that it doesn't stop me from working, but I do need to do something about it beyond my (clearly insufficient) private attempts at cutting down or stopping.

It's very hard when something is so deeply ingrained as drinking is in my own life, and even last night was a great example of how difficult (socially and personally) it can be... a mate invited me for drinks and dinner but I made an excuse and bailed, even though I knew he is having relationship problems with his wife. I felt guilty about bailing so I changed my mind and joined him for a few drinks... it turns out that he's OK, but he is also quite lonely and he is having problems in his marriage.

A few drinks and a good chat made us both feel alot better, and I'm glad that I changed my mind and met him. But - it totally blew apart my plan to go home and stay sober... but there you go. At the very least, I didn't drink the bottle of wine I bought on the way home.
 
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Touring Mars
I meant to reply to you when you posted in the Daily Rant thread, but I hope you are feeling a bit better now.

It's disconcerting when something 'different' or unexpected comes along, and its especially difficult when its something as serious as a mental health thing.

I'm sorry I didn't finish my post now, but I would emphasise that no reply or reaction doesn't necessarily mean that a post hasn't been read and digested - and it certainly doesn't mean that folks don't care, because they do.

-

On a related note, I've been having a bit of a reckoning with alcohol lately, and again last week I managed to overdo it quite badly. I'm very fortunate that it doesn't stop me from working, but I do need to do something about it beyond my (clearly insufficient) private attempts at cutting down or stopping.

It's very hard when something is so deeply ingrained as drinking is in my own life, and even last night was a great example of how difficult (socially and personally) it can be... a mate invited me for drinks and dinner but I made an excuse and bailed, even though I knew he is having relationship problems with his wife. I felt guilty about bailing so I changed my mind and joined him for a few drinks... it turns out that he's OK, but he is also quite lonely and he is having problems in his marriage.

A few drinks and a good chat made us both feel alot better, and I'm glad that I changed my mind and met him. But - it totally blew apart my plan to go home and stay sober... but there you go. At the very least, I didn't drink the bottle of wine I bought on the way home.
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I’m back on track now, thanks.

The downer I was on was caused by alcohol. I’d slowly upped my consumption and was drinking week nights. I wasn’t getting drunk, just keeping busy with a beer or two. I guess over the last few weeks I’d accumulated a reserve in my system and the depressant effects of alcohol caught up with me in one fell swoop.

Booze interrupts my regular medications throwing me off a stable plane. As the thought of being sober terrifies me, I’m making an effort to keep the booze to minimal levels for when I’m off school.

A lot of my boozing was due to boredom. When my mother-in-law is staying, she takes all agency away from me with regards to parenting and associated chores, leaving me twiddling my thumbs and looking for beer to occupy my time.

Drinking (beer) is probably the most trivial yet destructive habit I have. I know that smoking will eventually kill me, but it’s never caused me a mental breakdown.

GTP AA, anyone? Lol
 
I don't usually post here but I've been suffering a lot of anxiety lately for various reasons. As some of you here know, I have muscular dystrophy - a chronic muscle condition which adversely affects my whole life. It's not easy but I was tracking rather well until quite recently. However, I need to go back a bit to explain how I've ended up here.

In October 2021 I completed my third year of uni, which was a Bachelor in Communication Design from RMIT. I was told that my qualifications would get me a job and I was confident that I'd get one in 2022. So 2022 starts and I get connected with a disability employment service, hopeful that they'd help me get a job. At this point I'm happy to be doing my own thing without the regimen of school or uni, and I wasn't too concerned about the job search. In April I went to the Australian GP on Saturday and Sunday, which was chaotic but a whole lot of fun.

Unfortunately, things took a turn after that. For some reason, I got some kind of bladder infection and was waking up in agony at like 2 in the morning. I was wetting myself and needed to pee, which was highly unusual for me. This took quite a while to treat and even when the pain had gone, I was still wetting myself and having to wee during the night. It was quite inconvenient and I was getting frustrated, along with my mum. However it wasn't just at night where I was having problems. it was during the day as well. This issue dragged on for a while as my job search became more and more frustrating. It was clear to me that I wouldn't get a job that easily, and I thought I was wasting my time by going in to the disability employment service. These two things annoyed the crap out of me, and my current routine was starting to become rather boring. I was getting sick and tired of it all.

Fortunately, the bladder issue was resolved and I spoke to a guy (A reverse marketer, whatever that means) at the employment service who cleared up a few things for me and gave me a bit of direction. I felt a bit better after that discussion but still no job, paid or unpaid. Another thing that angered me were my performances in Assetto Corsa Competizione, highlighting my physical shortcomings. Despite all this, I get to Christmas morning and feel quite happy. I go to my aunty's place (on my dad's side) to see the family and everything was good, but I ended up feeling completely pooped after lunch and a beer. I got back home feeling angry, tired and a bit sick.

A few days later I see some of my mum's relatives for lunch, then mum and my brother get gastro. My brother, who also has the same condition, ends up going to hospital with my mum. (He was treated and left a day later - he was fine) Then I get gastro. That's when the anxiety begins and I become a total wreck, both mentally and physically. I got really, really sick and I could feel my whole body shutting down. I thought my life was over. I was calling out in distress almost constantly and my whole family became ultra concerned. I also had several panic attacks. It was like a living hell and I could barely function as a result of the physical trauma caused by the gastro; an issue not helped by said anxiety. It got to the point where I just wanted to stay in my room all day. Fortunutely, I've passed that stage but I'm still a bit off. Yes, I have reached out for help and I've spoken to my psychologist during this period. But I tell you, this period has been soo tough for me.
 
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I haven't had too many mental hitches so far in 2023. Hopefully you all are doing well in this time of April Showers.


Don't let depression or anxiety win.
 
I'm long overdue for posting in this thread but I had something happen this past Wednesday that has never happened before. In 42 years of being in the workplace, until 2007 in a company that my family owned, and the last 16 years working for someone else, I've been written up with a warning for employee conduct and it's because of my temper.
I'm 57 years old now and I've had an explosive temper for as far back as I can remember. It's just off the charts and it doesn't take much to set me off. I've done more physical harm to myself through temper tantrums than through normal accidents. When something happens that causes me to explode I have to hit something, throw something, kick something, scream, stomp around, whatever it is there has to be some sort of physical response. I've had more bruised hands, jammed fingers, bruised elbows, sore feet than I can count. And I just can't control it. As much as I keep trying to tell myself when something happens, "calm down, don't do anything stupid", I just end up doing something stupid.
Back in the 80's and 90's when I played golf I usually had at least one broken club at the end of a round. There were many clubs that were thrown in a round also. So it also spills over to my private life and away from work. I've got dozens and dozens of incidents I could relate not work related. I've probably broken more than 20 video game controllers in my lifetime.
But there is also a part of me that justifies my actions in that at least I'm responding to an incident by showing I care and don't want the same thing to happen again. That response might appear over the top to just about everyone else. For the life of me I can't understand how some people can just sit there and when they make a mistake or something happens to them that shouldn't, they just take it all in stride like it's no big problem. "Oh well, that's the way it goes" sort of thing. NO IT'S NOT!!!!!! That's not the way it goes, get upset, get mad, do something, show you care. That's the other side of my mind that I'm fighting.
The incident on Wednesday relates to a procedure that they have been making me do for years now that is not part of my job. It is the responsibility of another department but management refuses to make them do it. There are four of them in that department and I'm the only one at my position. I've got 10 technicians to wait on, plus the four people in the department in question, plus a front counter, plus the phones. Now who is it that has much more time to do this procedure? It certainly isn't me. So this has been building up for quite some time now. I've been warning them "I'm telling you, one of these days you're going to give me one of these things to do at the wrong time and there's going to be trouble" and that's what happened on Wednesday. An employee comes walking to my counter with the form for that procedure and I just exploded into a yelling rant. This employee felt I was yelling at him, which I wasn't, and about an hour later my manager comes up to me with the employee warning form showing I had been written up.
What didn't help much is about 3 months ago the general manager was sitting in another manager's office when I walked by and called me in and asked my what help I needed at my position. So I thought great they are finally ready to address my issues so I rolled off about 5 or 6 things, this procedure was among them, that are not part of my job they are the responsibility of other people, and they just dismissed every single one of them. Basically didn't listen to anything I had said. So that really raised my intensity level that lead to this incident.
It probably doesn't help that I don't sleep much at all. I might sleep four or five total hours a night and that's broken up into a two hour or so nap right after dinner when I get so sleepy and then I go back to bed around 2am or so and the alarm goes off at 5:15am.
Now I know I need help with the temper issue but apparently the only possible help is through some sort of mood modifying drugs. But I'm afraid of the possible side effects that could come along with them. The insomnia could get worse, possible suicidal feelings could get worse as that has already crossed my mind more than once now I could be taking drugs that would enhance those feelings.
So I don't really know what to do but if I don't do something I could end up losing my job and at my age it's too late to start over somewhere else.
 
Jezza819
So I don't really know what to do but if I don't do something I could end up losing my job and at my age it's too late to start over somewhere else.
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Anger and rage are strong emotions to control.

You are aware that you choose to be angry and rage, to make a point of not being ok with whatever has pissed you off.

Choose your moments, assess the situation. Are you responsible for making yourself angry? Or is it the fault of others?

You mentioned you’re closing on 60. Life’s too short to waste time occupied with anger. It can be a plague on your mental state.

Don’t let those emotions live in your head rent free. It does more harm than good.
 
Jezza819
I'm long overdue for posting in this thread but I had something happen this past Wednesday that has never happened before. In 42 years of being in the workplace, until 2007 in a company that my family owned, and the last 16 years working for someone else, I've been written up with a warning for employee conduct and it's because of my temper.
I'm 57 years old now and I've had an explosive temper for as far back as I can remember. It's just off the charts and it doesn't take much to set me off. I've done more physical harm to myself through temper tantrums than through normal accidents. When something happens that causes me to explode I have to hit something, throw something, kick something, scream, stomp around, whatever it is there has to be some sort of physical response. I've had more bruised hands, jammed fingers, bruised elbows, sore feet than I can count. And I just can't control it. As much as I keep trying to tell myself when something happens, "calm down, don't do anything stupid", I just end up doing something stupid.
Back in the 80's and 90's when I played golf I usually had at least one broken club at the end of a round. There were many clubs that were thrown in a round also. So it also spills over to my private life and away from work. I've got dozens and dozens of incidents I could relate not work related. I've probably broken more than 20 video game controllers in my lifetime.
But there is also a part of me that justifies my actions in that at least I'm responding to an incident by showing I care and don't want the same thing to happen again. That response might appear over the top to just about everyone else. For the life of me I can't understand how some people can just sit there and when they make a mistake or something happens to them that shouldn't, they just take it all in stride like it's no big problem. "Oh well, that's the way it goes" sort of thing. NO IT'S NOT!!!!!! That's not the way it goes, get upset, get mad, do something, show you care. That's the other side of my mind that I'm fighting.
The incident on Wednesday relates to a procedure that they have been making me do for years now that is not part of my job. It is the responsibility of another department but management refuses to make them do it. There are four of them in that department and I'm the only one at my position. I've got 10 technicians to wait on, plus the four people in the department in question, plus a front counter, plus the phones. Now who is it that has much more time to do this procedure? It certainly isn't me. So this has been building up for quite some time now. I've been warning them "I'm telling you, one of these days you're going to give me one of these things to do at the wrong time and there's going to be trouble" and that's what happened on Wednesday. An employee comes walking to my counter with the form for that procedure and I just exploded into a yelling rant. This employee felt I was yelling at him, which I wasn't, and about an hour later my manager comes up to me with the employee warning form showing I had been written up.
What didn't help much is about 3 months ago the general manager was sitting in another manager's office when I walked by and called me in and asked my what help I needed at my position. So I thought great they are finally ready to address my issues so I rolled off about 5 or 6 things, this procedure was among them, that are not part of my job they are the responsibility of other people, and they just dismissed every single one of them. Basically didn't listen to anything I had said. So that really raised my intensity level that lead to this incident.
It probably doesn't help that I don't sleep much at all. I might sleep four or five total hours a night and that's broken up into a two hour or so nap right after dinner when I get so sleepy and then I go back to bed around 2am or so and the alarm goes off at 5:15am.
Now I know I need help with the temper issue but apparently the only possible help is through some sort of mood modifying drugs. But I'm afraid of the possible side effects that could come along with them. The insomnia could get worse, possible suicidal feelings could get worse as that has already crossed my mind more than once now I could be taking drugs that would enhance those feelings.
So I don't really know what to do but if I don't do something I could end up losing my job and at my age it's too late to start over somewhere else.
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Have you been formally diagnosed with anything with regards to these outbursts?

Could it possibly be intermittent explosive disorder?
 
Jezza819
That's just what I figured had to happen. Don't they have to put you on some sort of mood stabilizers?

What's cbt?
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Cognitive behavioural therapy - a type of talking therapy. I'd suggest seeing a GP to maybe get a referral, or if you can afford it a private psychologist.

Being prescribed medication would depend on what you're diagnosed with.
 
HenrySwanson
Cognitive behavioural therapy - a type of talking therapy. I'd suggest seeing a GP to maybe get a referral, or if you can afford it a private psychologist.

Being prescribed medication would depend on what you're diagnosed with.
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Yeah I don't have the time or money for therapy.
 
HenrySwanson
Have you been formally diagnosed with anything with regards to these outbursts?

Could it possibly be intermittent explosive disorder?
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HenrySwanson
I see you mentioned medication - was that your own research or has it been suggested?

Have you tried cbt?
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Jezza819
That's just what I figured had to happen. Don't they have to put you on some sort of mood stabilizers?

What's cbt?
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HenrySwanson
Cognitive behavioural therapy - a type of talking therapy. I'd suggest seeing a GP to maybe get a referral, or if you can afford it a private psychologist.

Being prescribed medication would depend on what you're diagnosed with.
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Jezza819
Yeah I don't have the time or money for therapy.
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@Jezza819, does your workplace have an EAP (employment assistance program) in place? Or could they assist with paying or finding a professional therapist, counselor or coach that can assist with your outbursts?

If you have the ability to save up for a psychologist (CBT) or psychiatrist (medication), it could be life-changing.

I'm obviously not qualified in any capacity but I can say from my own personal experience (with ADHD, not with depression, anxiety or IED), a diagnosis was incredibly validating and (importantly) allows me to start understanding what I have and learning how I can deal with it.

Intermittent Explosive Disorder - Mayo Clinic


Intermittent explosive disorder involves repeated, sudden episodes of impulsive, aggressive, violent behavior or angry verbal outbursts in which you react grossly out of proportion to the situation. Road rage, domestic abuse, throwing or breaking objects, or other temper tantrums may be signs of intermittent explosive disorder.


These intermittent, explosive outbursts cause you significant distress, negatively impact your relationships, work and school, and they can have legal and financial consequences.

Intermittent explosive disorder is a chronic disorder that can continue for years, although the severity of outbursts may decrease with age. Treatment involves medications and psychotherapy to help you control your aggressive impulses.
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Daniel
@Jezza819, does your workplace have an EAP (employment assistance program) in place? Or could they assist with paying or finding a professional therapist, counselor or coach that can assist with your outbursts?

If you have the ability to save up for a psychologist (CBT) or psychiatrist (medication), it could be life-changing.
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I'm pretty sure we don't have anything like that. I certainly wouldn't go to management looking for help anyway. We are in a right to work state so I don't have any protection from being terminated if I approach them looking for help. I really think our general manager is itching to get rid of me once I got to my compensation level. He's done it with other employees. So I don't want to give him any ammunition towards that goal. He's much older than I am and I've always said I'm determined to outlast him.
 
I have been doing rather okay lately in 2023. I hope you all are able to enjoy some happy times and some calm times. If you have depression and/or anxiety, hopefully you get to remedy your situation(s).


Don't let depression or anxiety win.
 

This is really interesting, and I can attest very effective in micro doses. I cannot advocate this for everyone, but hopefully this will be a legally available therapy soon. Its been transformative for me in the treatment of anxiety and depression linked to ASD, its changed my life. No matter how bad things get keep going on the promise that tomorrow can be different all mental states are transient, there is hope always. I came really close to giving up last year it was suffocating. Sadly psylocibin does not treat ASD symptoms directly, but having the anxiety and associated depression lifted is like taking lead boots off.
 
Earlier in this thread, I remembered reading something like cold showers to treat depression. Now seeing this thing about mushrooms, I REALLY can't do that. I've had a love-hate relationship with mushrooms. So if it came down to something like this to help out depression, I'll pass. No, thanks.
 
JohnBM01
Earlier in this thread, I remembered reading something like cold showers to treat depression. Now seeing this thing about mushrooms, I REALLY can't do that. I've had a love-hate relationship with mushrooms. So if it came down to something like this to help out depression, I'll pass. No, thanks.
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That's understandable high doses can be dodgy micro dosing less 0.5g is different no highs or visual distortions. People who have problems usually take over 5grams known as a heroic dose which is reckless. The bio-chemistry of this is sound Ive done a deep dive and the sooner its available as a regulated / controlled dose therapy the better. I hope you overcome your issues there are many ways to do it, being in nature helps me the most, as well as eating organic whole foods and exercising daily. Apparently many issues of depression are chemistry related due to bad diet creating a gut biome that releases damaging compounds into the nervous system, a change of diet might be the least risky choice.
 
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I got caught out a bit yesterday... I was invited to a drinks reception/event at work, and grabbed a beer before the speeches started. Somehow, I found myself right at the front of the crowd, standing right next to the Principal of the University...

I suffer from a weird (and very annoying) form of social anxiety where I start to feel completely 'ungrounded' - like I'm going to fall over and/or drop what I'm holding. It doesn't help that I suffer from an inner ear issue that makes me feel dizzy, but when I'm in a social situation, I literally feel like I need to hold on to something, my head starts swimming and my hands feel like jelly. Yesterday I ended up clutching my beer with both hands, pressed hard into my body, and feeling like I'm literally about to fall over, but fortunately the speech ended and I was able to make my escape, put my beer down and retreat to the back of the crowd.

It's frustrating as it can ruin what should be otherwise pleasant events, but I haven't been caught out like that so badly for some time...
 
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Touring Mars
I got caught out a bit yesterday... I was invited to a drinks reception/event at work, and grabbed a beer before the speeches started. Somehow, I found myself right at the front of the crowd, standing right next to the Principal of the University...

I suffer from a weird (and very annoying) form of social anxiety where I start to feel completely 'ungrounded' - like I'm going to fall over and/or drop what I'm holding. It doesn't help that I suffer from an inner ear issue that makes me feel dizzy, but when I'm in a social situation, I literally feel like I need to hold on to something, my head starts swimming and my hands feel like jelly. Yesterday I ended up clutching my beer with both hands, pressed hard into my body, and feeling like I'm literally about to fall over, but fortunately the speech ended and I was able to make my escape, put my beer down and retreat to the back of the crowd.

It's frustrating as it can ruin what should be otherwise pleasant events, but I haven't been caught out like that so badly for some time...
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I understand how you feel, its important to recognise your triggers to try and mitigate these things, Its really positive you are out socialising despite this though. I can empathise as this frequently happens to me in busy places, I had to exit the shop I was in recently really sharpish, im lucky I dont have the vertigo type sensations, that sounds difficult to contend with. What Ive spent a long time wondering is if these feelings are learned / pre-disposition or a mix of both.
 
Touring Mars
I suffer from a weird (and very annoying) form of social anxiety where I start to feel completely 'ungrounded' - like I'm going to fall over and/or drop what I'm holding. It doesn't help that I suffer from an inner ear issue that makes me feel dizzy, but when I'm in a social situation, I literally feel like I need to hold on to something, my head starts swimming and my hands feel like jelly. Yesterday I ended up clutching my beer with both hands, pressed hard into my body, and feeling like I'm literally about to fall over, but fortunately the speech ended and I was able to make my escape, put my beer down and retreat to the back of the crowd.
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Sounds quite a lot like low blood pressure, the effects of which are worsened by the realities of social circumstances - i.e. standing up a lot, probably with alcohol, and possibly accompanied by foods that are carb heavy, in maybe a warmer than normal environment. Depends how bad it gets, but a bit like how a panic attack creates a feedback loop, I'd suggest you've just got to extract yourself for a few minutes as soon as you notice a problem to stop it escalating, go and sit down, preferably outside, and just focus on steady breathing for a minute or so, do some butt-clenches (apparently for circulation), then don't dwell on it, go back in a don't give it another thought.
 

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