Depression and Anxiety Thread

[MatskiMonk]

I also can’t see how a phone call will help me break a daily habit of 20 years without radical (and physical) intervention.

It won't.

If you don't want to stop, you won't -- supplant one addiction for another, it doesn't matter... but at least be honest with yourself about it.

If you don't want to get better.. you won't.

Addiction is the worst kind of comfort.

Become uncomfortable....

 

[W3H5]

If you don't want to stop, you won't -- supplant one addiction for another, it doesn't matter... but at least be honest with yourself about it.

I’m trying to be as honest with myself as I can, but a part of “myself” has been hijacked by the addiction.

Last year I made an effort to quit. I had a day alone and I typed out a long essay on why I smoke in an attempt to rationalise it.
Then I gathered up and threw out all my smoking paraphernalia.
It felt like preparing for suicide, like I was killing part of myself (the irony).

Honestly, there’s little comfort in smoking for me now. I can only imagine it’s what long term junk users feel when the take it hit. It’s hell, but I’m powerless to stop myself.

The damage I’ve already done to my respiratory system in the last few months is evident.

 

[HenrySwanson]

Have you tried your family doctor/GP?

Not sure what the services are like in Thailand?

 

[Michael88]

You could at least try e-cigarettes, they reduce damage to the respiratory system by a significant amount.

 

[W3H5]

Have you tried your family doctor/GP?

Not sure what the services are like in Thailand?

I would need behavioural therapy for a rehab doctor, which is widely available here, if you’re a wealthy Californian coke-head pop star.

Alternatively, I think there are temples that offer a place for people trying to rehabilitate, but that’s only for locals.

You could at least try e-cigarettes, they reduce damage to the respiratory system by a significant amount.

Vaping and electric cigs are banned because big tobacco pressured the government.

I feel like the only release from this addiction is in death.

 

[Michael88]

I feel like the only release from this addiction is in death.

And everyone would remember you as that dude who died over freaking smokes, people would be laughing their butts off.

Start to work out in a gym. A lot of people have replaced their addictions of much MUCH harder stuff with a workout addiction. Don't think too much about it, just do it.

In my teens, when I was on the brink of becoming an alcoholic, I visited a gym and started working out, I set myself some serious long term goals and that helped me get off of that stuff. Still love working out.

 

[HenrySwanson]

I would need behavioural therapy for a rehab doctor, which is widely available here, if you’re a wealthy Californian coke-head pop star.

Alternatively, I think there are temples that offer a place for people trying to rehabilitate, but that’s only for locals.

Vaping and electric cigs are banned because big tobacco pressured the government.

I feel like the only release from this addiction is in death.

Could you try psychologists who are based in the UK and do Zoom sessions with them?

 

[MatskiMonk]

And everyone would remember you as that dude who died over freaking smokes, people would be laughing their butts off.

I'll always remember Shem as someone who did some cool stuff on a bike.

As I said earlier... we've all got to die of something.

 

[W3H5]

Once I’m dead I’ll hardly care what people think of me.

The UK health systems are at capacity and as a nonresident I don’t think I’d be eligible, even if I felt comfortable using it.

My headstone according to Matski : “Loving father, husband and biker”. I like that.

Although I’m off of pharma meds for the first time in my adult life, I don’t feel at all depressed, but my death drive is steadily plodding me towards the end game and I don’t think there are any meds that can sort that out.

 

[HenrySwanson]

The UK health systems are at capacity and as a nonresident I don’t think I’d be eligible, even if I felt comfortable using it.

Not for NHS services, I'm talking about private psychotherapy.

The prices can be pretty reasonable (note I'm not talking about psychiatrists - they are borderline extortionate now).

 

[W3H5]

Not for NHS services, I'm talking about private psychotherapy.

The prices can be pretty reasonable (note I'm not talking about psychiatrists - they are borderline extortionate now).

I got top class clinics up the wazoo in my neck of the wood. Top notch healthcare at reasonable prices.

But (here comes the excuses), I barely get time away from the kids to do my chores and run errands. Scheduling an appointment with the right specialist at the right price seems like a logistical hell.

I might have to get back on the Prozac if my compulsions keep plaguing me. It’s a last resort, but I’m pretty much all out of resorts.

 

[JohnBM01]

You know, when you say "just go to the gym" or "just exercise," that's assuming you can muster the courage and desire to do so. If you feel down and depressed, there aren't too many things you happily want to do. Exercise does help nonetheless.

 

[MedigoFlame]

You know, when you say "just go to the gym" or "just exercise," that's assuming you can muster the courage and desire to do so. If you feel down and depressed, there aren't too many things you happily want to do. Exercise does help nonetheless.

I've felt guilty for taking depression naps lately. I feel plenty of times of wanting to go out an do things, especially getting some fresh air. But it feels like there's been so much negativity and crap to deal with in public that I've been hiding away for a month now. I'd like to go out and get some exercise and fresh air, but the prevalence of phone cameras and social media makes me more paranoid to go to a gym than it should be. (Being overly self conscious and one of my biggest fears is becoming "internet" famous for some stupid reason) Still hate the word "just" when people say "just do this" or "just do that" when it comes to the struggle.

Feels like a rather lengthy update I'll be...posting. Apologies for dumping this much.

Figured I'd so a sort of update as of late. My brother and I ended up getting a house together, but it was an hour north and a little over 50 miles commute one way to my now previous job. In some ways, I'm glad I quit my job as it was stressing me out and the pay/work felt low for the amount of effort I'd put in. It wasn't worth 100+ miles a day to commute for a job where my pay would only cover a fraction of the cost to commute, so I put in my notice. Wishing I was fired to get unemployment, but couldn't think of a way to do it without burning bridges. (Would have just stopped showing up, but most companies see that as quitting) Co-workers in my department were sad to see me go, but management didn't even offer me better pay or say goodbye. It was very much out of touch with the general manager who (on my last day) asked me how a wine and cheese place was in my hometown (that I was being priced out of with the rise in rent), while also refusing to join in and use the company card to pay for a sort of celebratory last lunch for me and the end of the year. That's just how cheap of the upper management is, especially saying they like my work, but couldn't even give me a raise when I asked for one. I honestly hated it there and in general, the automotive dealership industry in the United States is miserable.

It's been a little over a month now and I have not gotten a job since moving/quitting. Unfortunately for us Americans, our healthcare is basically dependent on having a full time job, at least to afford it. It's been rather peaceful caring only about settling into our new home and unpacking/organizing things, but of course I feel like a financial burden to my brother despite the fact that he's got a good paying job and I've got a decent amount of money saved up to last a while. Also the feeling of not being productive hasn't really helped my mental state with myself feeling useless. Despite only being a "young adult" (about to hit 30 years old in a couple days), I already feel burnt out on the whole 9-5PM grind that is most jobs, at least with my education/skill level. As an amateur photographer, I enjoy the more creative side and want to do something where it doesn't feel like it's the same thing every time. Unfortunately there's hardly anything lucrative in that, other than the things I refuse to do, such as weddings or people photos.

As I said with being tired of the work grind in society, especially with something as "simple" as commuting everyday. It drained my joy of driving with the aggression felt every morning/evening commuting to/from work. Also stated in one of my previous posts was about how much everyone is out for themselves and it gets tiring dealing with people tailgating, running red lights, and doing generally stupid things in cars to get where ever they're going quickly. The selfishness and "it's all about me me me!" mentality today makes me want nothing to do with the public.

Still have not found a new therapist, but without healthcare, it makes it a bit more difficult to do so now. Itching to be productive (at least with income and photography), especially as I haven't done my usual weekly photoshoots with the large change in life of moving farther away. Still can't help but feel that I have it well off with having an actual house instead of an apartment, or worse, being homeless (as I hear the growing numbers of people losing their living spaces with the rise in costs), but despite that positive, I still feel a bit hopeless. I know there's no easy solution to this struggle either that wouldn't take time and plenty of effort that I struggle to muster the strength to do anything. Funny how my last big post complained about not wanting to work anymore and here I am, a month later complaining about not working... Don't want to go back to a "normal" job at least, but still wanting to be productive and at least have some sort of income would help. Still have so much going on in my head, worrying about this or that, but I can't put my foot down and set a decent goal for myself without some stupid fear of failure.


For those who find it too much to read: Quit my job, got a house with my brother, been without work for a month, hiding away from the public and hardly leaving the house, still feeling depressed.

 

[W3H5]

I've felt guilty for taking depression naps lately. I feel plenty of times of wanting to go out an do things, especially getting some fresh air. But it feels like there's been so much negativity and crap to deal with in public that I've been hiding away for a month now. I'd like to go out and get some exercise and fresh air, but the prevalence of phone cameras and social media makes me more paranoid to go to a gym than it should be. (Being overly self conscious and one of my biggest fears is becoming "internet" famous for some stupid reason) Still hate the word "just" when people say "just do this" or "just do that" when it comes to the struggle.

Feels like a rather lengthy update I'll be...posting. Apologies for dumping this much.

Figured I'd so a sort of update as of late. My brother and I ended up getting a house together, but it was an hour north and a little over 50 miles commute one way to my now previous job. In some ways, I'm glad I quit my job as it was stressing me out and the pay/work felt low for the amount of effort I'd put in. It wasn't worth 100+ miles a day to commute for a job where my pay would only cover a fraction of the cost to commute, so I put in my notice. Wishing I was fired to get unemployment, but couldn't think of a way to do it without burning bridges. (Would have just stopped showing up, but most companies see that as quitting) Co-workers in my department were sad to see me go, but management didn't even offer me better pay or say goodbye. It was very much out of touch with the general manager who (on my last day) asked me how a wine and cheese place was in my hometown (that I was being priced out of with the rise in rent), while also refusing to join in and use the company card to pay for a sort of celebratory last lunch for me and the end of the year. That's just how cheap of the upper management is, especially saying they like my work, but couldn't even give me a raise when I asked for one. I honestly hated it there and in general, the automotive dealership industry in the United States is miserable.

It's been a little over a month now and I have not gotten a job since moving/quitting. Unfortunately for us Americans, our healthcare is basically dependent on having a full time job, at least to afford it. It's been rather peaceful caring only about settling into our new home and unpacking/organizing things, but of course I feel like a financial burden to my brother despite the fact that he's got a good paying job and I've got a decent amount of money saved up to last a while. Also the feeling of not being productive hasn't really helped my mental state with myself feeling useless. Despite only being a "young adult" (about to hit 30 years old in a couple days), I already feel burnt out on the whole 9-5PM grind that is most jobs, at least with my education/skill level. As an amateur photographer, I enjoy the more creative side and want to do something where it doesn't feel like it's the same thing every time. Unfortunately there's hardly anything lucrative in that, other than the things I refuse to do, such as weddings or people photos.

As I said with being tired of the work grind in society, especially with something as "simple" as commuting everyday. It drained my joy of driving with the aggression felt every morning/evening commuting to/from work. Also stated in one of my previous posts was about how much everyone is out for themselves and it gets tiring dealing with people tailgating, running red lights, and doing generally stupid things in cars to get where ever they're going quickly. The selfishness and "it's all about me me me!" mentality today makes me want nothing to do with the public.

Still have not found a new therapist, but without healthcare, it makes it a bit more difficult to do so now. Itching to be productive (at least with income and photography), especially as I haven't done my usual weekly photoshoots with the large change in life of moving farther away. Still can't help but feel that I have it well off with having an actual house instead of an apartment, or worse, being homeless (as I hear the growing numbers of people losing their living spaces with the rise in costs), but despite that positive, I still feel a bit hopeless. I know there's no easy solution to this struggle either that wouldn't take time and plenty of effort that I struggle to muster the strength to do anything. Funny how my last big post complained about not wanting to work anymore and here I am, a month later complaining about not working... Don't want to go back to a "normal" job at least, but still wanting to be productive and at least have some sort of income would help. Still have so much going on in my head, worrying about this or that, but I can't put my foot down and set a decent goal for myself without some stupid fear of failure.


For those who find it too much to read: Quit my job, got a house with my brother, been without work for a month, hiding away from the public and hardly leaving the house, still feeling depressed.

That commute is enough to put most off. I find my commute actually helps structure my day, but I’m only driving 20km on the highway.

As for working, it’s always a heft if your hearts not in it. Developing passion into a career isn’t something that the majority of us can achieve, so we have to insert our hobbies into the job wherever possible. I’ve been fortunate in this regard, but not until my mid 30s was this possible to achieve, and only them as an extra-curricula activity.

Going forward the best practice would be to find employment where you’re appreciated for you talents and capabilities.

As for “depression” naps… sometimes the best thing to do is not be present in reality and hit the sack. I can’t count the times I’ve felt mentally obliterated and made the decision to hibernate for the evening.

 

[MedigoFlame]

That commute is enough to put most off. I find my commute actually helps structure my day, but I’m only driving 20km on the highway.

As for working, it’s always a heft if your hearts not in it. Developing passion into a career isn’t something that the majority of us can achieve, so we have to insert our hobbies into the job wherever possible. I’ve been fortunate in this regard, but not until my mid 30s was this possible to achieve, and only them as an extra-curricula activity.

Going forward the best practice would be to find employment where you’re appreciated for you talents and capabilities.

As for “depression” naps… sometimes the best thing to do is not be present in reality and hit the sack. I can’t count the times I’ve felt mentally obliterated and made the decision to hibernate for the evening.

It really wasn't worth doing 100+ miles a day for a job that basically paid the same as if not less than the "lowly" fast food/big box store chain pay. (Don't like considering folks in that position like so, but that's annoyingly how society views them...) Doesn't help my daily driver isn't the most efficient vehicle where I'd have to fill up the tank about twice a week. I almost wonder if a longer commute would have been nice for listening to podcast or relaxing music after a long day, but with how aggressive everyone is these days on the road, it isn't to be. I can't quite zone out (mentally) when driving and disconnect myself from things around me. Cars are a great pod to spend time away from others in, but it's hard to when you are over observant of your surroundings.

I've been told to not turn my hobby into a career as it could dilute the joy felt with the hobby and make it all the more stressful. Heard about that with cars and photography, the two things I enjoy spending my time with. I just want to wake up before work, looking forward to doing it, and feeling rewarded in some way. (Other than financially) Other thing I always thought of as a sort of dream(ish) job despite being exactly the industry I don't like, is making my own retail store from my hobby of collecting model cars. But it's such a niche thing, especially where I live that it wouldn't be possible to open up a shop locally without having to make it into an internet business.

Being appreciated for my work is sadly kind of easy with the effort I put in, at least from co-workers and sometimes management. But it always comes down to the bottom line for most companies that don't care if you're putting in a good, if not better effort than expected out of the position. I like to put in a lot of effort and improve things for not only colleagues, but even the company if it matters. But it just doesn't to most upper management where they just see people as a replaceable cost to them. My last job, I put in more effort than needed and was only offered a promotion to a position I did not want, only to be told that I wouldn't get a raise because I didn't take it. It just sucks being someone who wants to work hard and improve things, only to be burdened by others who couldn't care less about their job or work. As we've talked about before, communication is a big thing and a lot of humans can't be bothered to do it.

Depression naps have kind of felt a way to pass time where I feel useless. It also doesn't help that there's less light in the day during the winter season here and it can get awfully cold. Funny enough, I like to say I enjoy the cold and darkness, but I feel that seasonal depression like everyone else and don't want do much. I definitely understand the part of feeling mentally out of it and wanting to hibernate as that's what I do quite often. Did it a lot when I would come home from work, hating everything and everyone, not wanting to do much. But it also felt like I was "wasting" my time not being productive at home despite being burnt out.

 

[A_Higher_Place]

You know, when you say "just go to the gym" or "just exercise," that's assuming you can muster the courage and desire to do so. If you feel down and depressed, there aren't too many things you happily want to do. Exercise does help nonetheless.

This is the most empathic response in here. Try finding your smallest threshold for change. Start by simply making your bed in the morning or something. At least you've done that for yourself. If you can't do that, stand and look at your bed and put the effort in to think about how you may actually go about making it. Proceed from there.

 

[HenrySwanson]

I might have to get back on the Prozac if my compulsions keep plaguing me. It’s a last resort, but I’m pretty much all out of resorts.

Could be worth a shot.

It does work for some people with cutting down on alcohol and/or cigarettes.

 

[W3H5]

Could be worth a shot.

It does work for some people with cutting down on alcohol and/or cigarettes.

I’ve made a switch (temporarily) to regular filtered cigarettes in a box so I can track how much I’m smoking. It’s already considerably less because I don’t really like them much.

I’ll see how it goes for cutting down and then if necessary I’ll go back on the meds if I can’t cut down.

 

[RCKakashi14]

Hello.

I don't really share much about my personal life. I only share whatever my interests are - be it gaming, cars, or stuff in general.

But seeing this thread, I can't help but share my struggles:

- It's really difficult for me to share opinions either through in-person chat or online discourses. I always have this fear of being invalidated hence I keep quiet. This is due to the fact that I grew up in an environment where I only have to shut up and can't be vocal. I am hating this toxic mindset that elders (or experienced people) are always right, like they can't do any wrong at all. The fact that I feel that they can shut me down whenever I air out my feelings is what drives me into depression. I can't even be myself anymore at home, work, and even social media because I have to be "normal" and conform to whatever they say must be the standard.


And also, gatekeeping sucks. Big time. I am being gatekept.

"Why are you not using/doing this (especially in gaming)? Why are you even talking? Do you even have experience in x or y? Then shut up if you don't." like I am some sort of an idiot trying to be different. I have encountered people, who are supposed to be role models turn out to be gatekeepers putting down people who they see don't do things their way. I thought they would appreciate.

I just resort to having... naps. They would at least calm me down. But other times, I would just want to cry but can't, either.


Just thought I would leave this here. Not really good with words but I tried my best get a lot out of my chest.

 

[JohnBM01]

Hello.

I don't really share much about my personal life. I only share whatever my interests are - be it gaming, cars, or stuff in general.

But seeing this thread, I can't help but share my struggles:

- It's really difficult for me to share opinions either through in-person chat or online discourses. I always have this fear of being invalidated hence I keep quiet. This is due to the fact that I grew up in an environment where I only have to shut up and can't be vocal. I am hating this toxic mindset that elders (or experienced people) are always right, like they can't do any wrong at all. The fact that I feel that they can shut me down whenever I air out my feelings is what drives me into depression. I can't even be myself anymore at home, work, and even social media because I have to be "normal" and conform to whatever they say must be the standard.


And also, gatekeeping sucks. Big time. I am being gatekept.

"Why are you not using/doing this (especially in gaming)? Why are you even talking? Do you even have experience in x or y? Then shut up if you don't." like I am some sort of an idiot trying to be different. I have encountered people, who are supposed to be role models turn out to be gatekeepers putting down people who they see don't do things their way. I thought they would appreciate.

I just resort to having... naps. They would at least calm me down. But other times, I would just want to cry but can't, either.


Just thought I would leave this here. Not really good with words but I tried my best get a lot out of my chest.

That's perfectly fine. Honestly, that's why I created this thread many moons ago- to offer an environment to discuss depression. And ever since, the discussion includes both depression and now anxiety. These things will eat away at you the longer you let these things fester.

I been feeling well of late, but I kind of had some insecurity moments when socializing. I'm usually a sociable person, but considering I got banned from two Twitch chats to end last year (even "soft-banned" from one for an incorrect fact I provided), I feel concerned I may have to change my sociable habits to being more private. Being part of one short-lived community with some GTPlaneteers outside of GTP made me feel like I lost their respect entirely. This is all more a concern rather than something really eating at me.

I lately have found some happiness and relaxation by slowly getting back into 3D modeling. I've been on kind of a roll making 3D model game assets and testing them out in GZDOOM and JFDuke3D. It always helps to find activities and other things to help you feel better when down.


Again- we're all here to help each other. We're fighting the same fights against depression and anxiety, so don't be afraid to speak up. Don't let depression or anxiety win.

 

[JohnBM01]

I usually make a habit each month to keep this thread updated so that we all can discuss depression and/or anxiety. Of course, that also means saying we all are battling the same battles, so don't feel like you are alone, because you aren't.

I haven't felt right mentally lately. I probably been thinking about being banned in two different Twitch chats to end last year and trouble I face socializing. These things hit us in different ways. Without help, these things just fester in our minds and make us feel even worse than we already feel. So seek help when you can. If you know anything about it, try to perform certain forms of therapy to help cope.

Hopefully your March 2024 is going well. Let's continue to not let depression and/or anxiety defeat us.

 

[W3H5]

I’ve spent the last 2 days in psychosis, mentally paralysed, staring into the void. Lights on, nobody home. No food, drink, bathroom, sleep, conversation or any normal functions.

I’m sure it’s down to the weed I’ve been using for depression. So that has to stop.

The only upside is now that I’m mostly back in reality, I’ve gone 3 days without tobacco and think I can continue without it.

I can’t think of a reasonable way to explain to my daughter why I’ve been negligent since Tuesday.

 

[W3H5]

I’ve gone 3 days without tobacco and think I can continue without it.

I failed within hours of posting this. Went for some beers and without thinking ended up with a pack of smokes.

 

[Imari]

I failed within hours of posting this. Went for some beers and without thinking ended up with a pack of smokes.

So it goes. It feels bad, but if you turn it around you made it three and a bit days. Enjoy your pack of smokes, and then maybe see if you can go a bit faster go a little longer.

It's absolutely childish, but I find great value in gamifying things like this. If it's a game, I find it mentally takes a lot of the pressure off. Also, I know how to deal with games - you grind it out. Sometimes you get **** RNG and you get annoyed, but then you have another go hoping for a better run.

 

[W3H5]

I’ve looked into meds to help me quit the tobacco. Apparently there’s some really effective stuff called Varenicline, so I’m aiming to give that a go.

 

[MIE1992]

I turned 32 this past Tuesday. But I’ve never had a gf and I can’t comprehend the idea of living my entire life without experiencing romantic love and all it entails. Sure, I have a lot of plans to get out more, but I’m especially upset with how I tried online dating for a couple years - like/matches were so rare for me, I never even got to plan to date, let alone go on one. So I deleted - not merely deactivated, deleted - all my online dating profiles and gave up on the concept.

I even had convinced myself that online dating was dead but then made the mistake of posting that on Reddit, where people posted articles from this year implying it was still very active. They also suggested I was ugly and/or boring, so I had a bit of a meltdown and deleted my Reddit profile, too. It’s not that I can’t take personal responsibility, but I just don’t think MatchGroup is innocent at all. I sort of wish I could fly to Dallas, find their CEO, and force them to experience what I did on their ostensible “services.”

I’m also upset over the fact that at least three or four relatives of mine havd found their partners through a dating app, so I sometimes get intensely envious of them.

 

[W3H5]

I turned 32 this past Tuesday. But I’ve never had a gf and I can’t comprehend the idea of living my entire life without experiencing romantic love and all it entails. Sure, I have a lot of plans to get out more, but I’m especially upset with how I tried online dating for a couple years - like/matches were so rare for me, I never even got to plan to date, let alone go on one. So I deleted - not merely deactivated, deleted - all my online dating profiles and gave up on the concept.

I even had convinced myself that online dating was dead but then made the mistake of posting that on Reddit, where people posted articles from this year implying it was still very active. They also suggested I was ugly and/or boring, so I had a bit of a meltdown and deleted my Reddit profile, too. It’s not that I can’t take personal responsibility, but I just don’t think MatchGroup is innocent at all. I sort of wish I could fly to Dallas, find their CEO, and force them to experience what I did on their ostensible “services.”

I’m also upset over the fact that at least three or four relatives of mine havd found their partners through a dating app, so I sometimes get intensely envious of them.

Countless millions found partner out there before dating apps. Is there somewhere you can go to hang out and meet girls?

 

[MIE1992]

Countless millions found partner out there before dating apps. Is there somewhere you can go to hang out and meet girls?

"Hang out," like just loiter around? Not really. I did have some other ideas, like speed-dating, as well as other ways I plan to get out in general, like film festivals and events held at art galleries. But I don't even know if getting into a relationship will even make me happy. At the same time, though, if true love doesn't make me happy, I really don't know what will.

 

[W3H5]

"Hang out," like just loiter around? Not really. I did have some other ideas, like speed-dating, as well as other ways I plan to get out in general, like film festivals and events held at art galleries. But I don't even know if getting into a relationship will even make me happy. At the same time, though, if true love doesn't make me happy, I really don't know what will.

Not loitering, lol. But like you said events, galleries, shows and things like that where people are. If you put yourself out there you’re more likely to meet other people. Just don’t go looking for love, look for a good time.

 

[Jezza819]

I turned 32 this past Tuesday. But I’ve never had a gf and I can’t comprehend the idea of living my entire life without experiencing romantic love and all it entails. Sure, I have a lot of plans to get out more, but I’m especially upset with how I tried online dating for a couple years - like/matches were so rare for me, I never even got to plan to date, let alone go on one. So I deleted - not merely deactivated, deleted - all my online dating profiles and gave up on the concept.

I even had convinced myself that online dating was dead but then made the mistake of posting that on Reddit, where people posted articles from this year implying it was still very active. They also suggested I was ugly and/or boring, so I had a bit of a meltdown and deleted my Reddit profile, too. It’s not that I can’t take personal responsibility, but I just don’t think MatchGroup is innocent at all. I sort of wish I could fly to Dallas, find their CEO, and force them to experience what I did on their ostensible “services.”

I’m also upset over the fact that at least three or four relatives of mine havd found their partners through a dating app, so I sometimes get intensely envious of them.

I turn 59 this year. While I've had a couple of what I call long term girlfriend relationships in my life, neither of them worked out in the end. I also would have loved to try and find someone to share my life with, but at this point, I'm ok knowing that it's never going to come and I'm going to be by myself. Some people I work with don't really understand that and think I should be looking for someone but then there are others that completely agree with my decision.

What I'm trying to say is yes romantic love is nice but if it doesn't work out and doesn't happen, don't treat it as a failure. It's quite nice to be able to do whatever I want to on my own schedule. It's certainly better economically.