Depression and Anxiety Thread

[Pie O My]

Still, it's not all sunshine and flowers. I wish I got to properly say goodbye to the cats, and I even promised Ben Ben extra treats the day I left, and I never got to fulfil that promise. Even though I didn't do it out of expectation of reciprocation, I'm still nonetheless deeply hurt by the fact that none of the other volunteers reached out to me to ask if I'm okay, when I reached out to someone else that got "fired" like me prior. But most of all perhaps is the fact that, throughout every phase of my life, I've been met with either people clearly not right in the head, or just people hostile towards me for no reason I can discern. Having met with yet another person clearly not right in the head at this volunteer gig has really discouraged me from wanting to put myself out there again. Again, this is not something I can really explain at all, but I just get this feeling that so, so many people in society are down with some sort of illness of the mind that's too common to fit into a DSM, and it's something that feels manufacturered and baked into our lifestyles and expectations. I know I did my best. I know I did good work. I know I wasn't causing problems for anyone. I know I was amicible. And yet, I'm "fired" anyway, with nothing to show for it. There'll forever be a part of me that begrudges the fact that I'm the one on medications to adjust to this sick world, and not the other way around. I'll admit it's an arrogance I've had for a very long time now, and I don't super know where it came from. I just "know" I'm in the right. I "know" I'm the only sane person in a room full of insane people. But if I'm the only sane person in the room, then does that make me the sane one, or the insane one?

What were the circumstances of you leaving? How come you are saying you were "fired"?

 

[XSquareStickIt]

What were the circumstances of you leaving? How come you are saying you were "fired"?

I don't know if I can technically be fired from a volunteer job where I never signed anything or even went for an interview. Just semantics; I'm a bit pedantic like that.

As for the circumstances of me leaving... it's a bit of a mess. TL;DR is that the owner was being an unreasonable POS and I've suffered and seen enough abuse from her to just walk out. I wasn't trained adequately to do the job I'm tasked with (i.e. clean litterboxes, mop the floors), and I was declined when I asked the owner for a QC on my first day. I kept doing my thing for a few weeks after, with no complaints from anyone. Then, one day, while the owner was admonishing another volunteer for doing my work, she saw me sitting on a sofa spending quality time with cats (which, according to her, was also an important part of the job). That, coupled with how I unwittingly left a wet used cloth on a basket of clean laundry, thinking it was for dirty laundry, made her turn her anger towards me. She asked out loud, "in what universe would this be a basket for dirty laundry?!", and that's just one of many examples of her abusive speech I've experienced for myself and seen for others. She asked me what I had been doing for the past 1.5 hours if someone else had already did half my work for me. I answered truthfully: I was cleaning litterboxes. She then went on a rant about how cleaning litterboxes should only take 20 mins. Like, hello? I wasn't super trained in the task, and she even declined to QC my first works. How would I know her expected timeline or cleanliness?

My fuse just snapped and I got into a heated argument with her, ultimately walking out. I had been thinking of quitting for the past few weeks, anyway, given her behaviour, speech, complete lack of empathy and appreciation for her volunteers. I'm no psychologist, but there's no convincing me that this woman isn't a psycho. I suppose part of it is on me for not checking the Google Reviews of the place before volunteering; half the reviews there are ex–volunteers and even paying patrons criticising her conduct. She even goes on unprofessional rants against negative reviews. I just thought all cats deserve love, and that a place run by volunteers out of love for stray cats would be "easy mode", filled with kind and compassionate people. I had wanted to try stepping out of my hermit shell for the first time in a long while, and needless to say, this experience has been most discouraging for me. It just feels like people in general are just so, so sick without even realising it, and that sickness has become so common it's just the norm.

I miss the cats. I had a good cry on the way home. Wrote about it later. I think I'm over it now, but I think I'll be a hermit for a few more years at least.