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The official TOCA dictionary for n00bs - Totally unexpected 11OCA version!!! (MostlyEntirely By Carbonox)
For visually challenged or otherwise just plain retarded people, new additions by Pingu are in bold.
Remember, kids. All of you have the right not to be offended. You also have the right to sue me for pretty much any reason and you'll probably win, but try to forget that part, it's not important.
1066 Racing: The biggest joke of a team in TOCA history. Dj_Repetition, the team’s #2 driver, went all crazy already at the pre-season test session, and didn’t improve in future events, only pissing people off. Team leader Pikey_Mikey jumped to his defence while ignoring the blatant facts of him being a liability, and Dj went on to get a week’s ban. He was replaced by IWIN, or rather ILOSE, who proved to be insanely smug and somehow even more inbred than Neljack, and it didn’t take any more than 1 heat race and 2 main series races for him to be out. Clearly offended, the teammates left and never returned. And after the following week’s HSR idiocy was cleaned out of the way, the quality of racing went up like a rocket.
A_johnson: AKA “I drive backwards when I get mad” guy. I actually never got to race him because he got himself banned before my grand entrance. Seems like I missed out on a lot of cool stuff.
Adam / AMD / Am: Some people probably know how to tell them apart in the races, but I don't.
Akmuq: The lad who has big words, but no championships. However, he might be dangerous. On a perfect day. Thus far, he’s displayed some decency by noting Ayrton Senna’s crybaby attitude, as well as having that awesome battle for the win with me at Nürb before the annoying Spurgy kicked in. Akmuq is also known with the pseudonym “SuperLuke”.
Altezza: Thought BMW was dominant? These things in S1 were 1.5 seconds a lap quicker... at Cape Inside. 200kg weight and 10% power barely bought them in line. That's dominance... (information by Furi – indeed – I wouldn’t post unbiased factual information like some boring scientist)
Andil: Alien. Better known as Moleman, this guy certainly can... dig deep into the winning battle. That was actually a terrible pun. I apologize.
Arcade draft: Draft was way too strong in S3, hence the name. Nowadays with the better settings, arcade draft won't be missed.
Audi: ILOSE says too slow. ILOSE is always correct. If Furi listened to ILOSE more often, TOCA would become more competitive.
Axman: Possibly the only driver in TOCA history to have been lapped in a race. That was back at Laguna Seca, on S5. Not sure how that really could happen... I’m speechless.
Banter Bus: All aboard Chqr’s Banter Bus! He even attempted to make a joke series out of it, but that probably went all nuts. Never underestimate the awesomeness of TOCA banter!
Blue: Ever wanted to start a TOCA team, but without having a good color scheme? May I recommend blue, the color that enjoyed extraordinary popularity during 10CA. Hey, look at that close battle! Ninners in the blue car trying to hold off Andil right behind him in that other blue car. Now the blue car of Joe tries to make it 3 wide! Furi in that blue car is looking for an opportunity right behind them. Wait no, that's impossible, Furi's running way back, right there in that other pack with the blue car of Adam giving the blue car of Yera a push!
BMW: The fairly controversial car of S3 that hasn't been seen since. Known to dominate the whole season, leading Sumo and Neljack alone into the championship fight and allowing Dax to take some easy wins too, with only other BMW's as resistance most of the time. Now back with a fatter version looking to annex more poor FWD drivers and Infinitis. Also over-rated.
BMW's stock turbo: A nice little feature on the BMW which Furi thinks makes the BMW faster despite the fact it's been tested
Brands Hatch: A track whose presence in GT6 makes a lot of TOCA drivers slightly over-excited.
Carbonox: AKA driving god. Unfortunately even driving gods can’t really do much when the stupid Mazda wears out its tires like a big-arse cement truck on hot sand. S9 plans are unconfirmed, but you should know you have no chance when this person is on the grid with you. Well, that season sucked, but so did the Mazda. Bleh. 10CA sucked especially bad. Driving god stepped down from his high horse, err, I mean stewarding platform, and started to do something productive instead, such as playing GTA and inventing a new type of banter, called "Racial Banter".
Chqr: Well known troll who also likes to try and race (as well as do NASCAR). Watch out! He likes Danican’t for some odd reason. Nasty. He's back! Alter ego's include TOCA Derpina and Danny Kapatrik.
Chrisjohnson93: I don’t know what this guy’s problem is, but he sure likes to wreck people a lot. After his most recent adventure, I'm rather certain that in a real dictionary, he's the definition of "bonehead".
Cloudspotting: A great in-game hobby on the verge of extinction. @DaxCobra, what are you going to do about it? Playing WoW isn't a solution.
cool_kiwi_12: Got banned for some reason in season 3. The “some reason” was a good bunch of idiotic moves, such as wrecking the chances of the driving god as often as three times. Apparently he was decent in rainy conditions. Doesn’t mean I’d like him though.
Dano: Another wrecker. Do these types of drivers grow on trees or something? Well, what do you know, after he messed up at Fuji and was banned…
Danosdad: STEVE KICKED IN YO! Too bad his real life racing experience (?) wasn’t quite enough to change Furi’s mind. Or anyone else’s for the matter. It probably just made things worse, duh.
DaxCobra: The guy who likes to moan. Allegedly also the Season 4.2 champion, though in complete sense only a half-champion as the season wasn't completed. Approach with caution. Moaned his way out of seasons five, six and seven as well. He often used to team up with Neljack, although he was generally outshadowed due to Neljack being much better looking than him. Nowadays Dax hasn’t really been very active in GT5 as he has found a new favorite game that he plays 18 hours a day (the remaining 6 he spends working as a butler). The game is named.................... World of Warcraft. Dax is also noted to have raged at people for not congratulating him even though he took a triple at S4 after being the only driver who arrived at the meeting sober. The only person who has actually congratulated him is Furi, who became impressed after seeing Dax's unusually high WoW level. On a side note, he’s also an avid Chuck Norris fan. In the 9th edition of TOCA, we saw another ragequit. I will accept bets on how long he will last in 10CA. He didn't.
Daytona: A track Furi seriously considers for every series, mainly as no skill is involved to getting around it and Furi can sometimes win there. No wonder that piece of green debris got pole there.
DC: NOT DaxCobra, but DisConnected. The full word often gets censored in GT5's chat. UPDATE: Apparently that no longer happens. Still, it’s more fun to just type “DC” than “disconnect”. Especially if you’re lazy. Usually a result of a poor connection (Neljack I’m looking at you).
Death By Carbon: A team run by me, with two appearances and one teams’ championship. We nearly lost it thanks to Neljack skipping races. Hey, buddy, this isn’t WRC, where you can run just the rallies you feel you’re comfortable with.Finally BST V8 champions... like it or not, that was :censored:ing nostalgic.
DK: AKA driftking18594, the one who nicknames his cars Asuka or something similar. Also a 1-and-a-half time champion. Got a couple of bans for dangerous driving - well, what else is new? Now he’s gotten out of rehab and actually seems to be driving tolerably. I’m surprised, but also kinda glad he didn’t go down the same path as poor Vtec.
DNF: Did Not Finish, in other words either DC'd, ragequitted, or got distracted. In any case, a DNF is worth no points and the last place on the grid for the following race. Except for GTP_Johny.
DNQ: Did Not Qualify, might be home truth for anyone outside the top 12 who can't get in via the qualifying races. Despite this, James somehow made it a few times due to a small number of entries.
DNS: Did Not Start. For DNS'ers, the fate is the same as for DNF'ers, even if the reason was a last minute DC (see above).
DSQ: DiSQualified. Either for reckless driving or doing something else stupid, like getting a Johny pole (see below) without yielding. Or having an illegal car. Whichever you prefer. Even better, try driving backwards and you can even get a red flag! On the minus side, you’ll probably never race in the series again.
Durex: A popular sponsor for many TOCA teams, only to be let down close to the season for various reasons. The closest we got to a full-time Durex team was my Dodge/Mobil1 series entry, the #56 Martin Durex Jr Racing Dodge.
Energy Drinks: Because we know they're some of the most profitable sponsors to have.
Factory Support: Also known as a cheap way of getting a third car on your team. "Technical help" my arse.
F1-King-GT: Kind of unknown for many, but well known for those who did Mighty Mini’s at London. Previously mistakenly referred to as male, close investigation has now showed that this person is actually a young girl named Pansy. She became so excited about reaching puberty during the Mini race that she... well, totally messed up. It took about 5 laps to lap her and another 5 laps to get rid of her due to the constant blocking and swerving. Too bad for her that Furi was awake and did the first deed in his life that made sense, by kicking her out.
FlyingFox: Like Joe, hasn't made himself that famous on track, but hosted Swifts once. Known as the old man of TOCA (though unfortunately, not at all the least aggressive one).
Four-Wheel Drive: A drivetrain for noob drivers in touring cars, also known as Tombrooks. Saving grace is its wet grip and ability to get out the gravel, not even Tom will be able to beach it this time.
Front-Engined Rear Wheel Drive: A drive-train which is either faster or slower than FF, pick this and you never know how fast you will be.
Furi: Short for Furinkazen. The creator of TOCA who likes to play dirty despite the rules stating otherwise. He likes to play with his own rules despite clear arguments against them, so approach with caution. Also he likes to pick the dominant car whenever he can in order to win 1 race per season, as he often did... until Season 5. And 6. Right, so S7 actually ended that winless streak... damn. Oh well, Furi’s still keeping TOCA alive so well decently that he’s now known as the father of the FRL family. On another note, he’s known for being the founder of many other things besides FRL, such as the Johanna Long Fanclub (I’m a proud member) and Union of Male Gigglers Who Are Not Ashamed, which consists of two people, him and DaxCobra. He’s also known for grabbing a girl and attempting erotic asphyxiation one night (don’t ask me what that means). For Neljack’s sake, I hope that wasn’t Megan.
Furi'ing tires: Wearing one's tires really quickly. Often used in other series rather than TOCA, because this one had no tire wear, until Season 6 re-introduced it. The name comes from-- well, try to guess. As a side note, tire wear really sucks. Maybe not anymore, even though the Megan...e's tires screech so badly I just want to mute my TV.
Furi Logic: A sense of hopefulness that is never quite fulfilled and this is from his latest woman.
Gokartman: The creepiest person in TOCA. Also known as Samantha. Words cannot describe how sick this person truly is. The only thing sicker than him is his connection. If you can complete a race without Kartman lagging, then it probably means you’re dead, because that will only happen in heaven.
Gran Turismo 6: A game that, compared to GT5, is 🤬. Thanks to PD rushing it, we lost GT5 online way earlier than we should have, and even though this isn't an objective opinion, driving physics are far worse. I mean, the transition from 5 to 6 killed my performance, and my career. Why do tires screech so much in this game? It makes no sense. #RANT
GTP_Johny: AKA the TOCA troll, LKWTrailer, RaciGManiac, Ghova, ForceKahvi (Kahvi means coffee in Finnish as a matter of fact!) and something else too. Won several races but once took people hostage in the NASCAR Trucks lobby, which resulted in him getting kicked out. He later returned as LKWTrailer only to suffer the same fate. (Goodbye!)
Haitch: Also known as A Purchase or Hiatch. The official TOCA Troll, at least for some while. TOCA Snail too.
High Speed Ring: A track that proved to be a wreckfest, as well as arcade draft heaven in earlier days. Guess we won’t miss that one.
Hispania - Unfortunate nickname of CALM DAN's Lexus. He was a decent driver, but he had a car that was only good on straights. Wait, thats better than a real Hispania...
HSV010: Uses Akmuq’s old name and is now being blamed for it. Has apparently done other stuff as well, like naming his teams after real life teams. Has acted pretty childish recently. I should've expected that as soon as I saw his PSN "CARBOYXJR". A common rule of thumb: If someone's got a PSN name in full caps, they're not expected to be particularly mature. Just look at IWIN.
International Touring Car Championship: TOCA's first name, lasted for a day before everyone realized the majority here were from Great Britain and Ireland. Do I even need to go into detail regarding what ITCC is like now?
ITCC_Formula_Andrew_Moda: Also known as MrMelancholy, which was a derpressing name, so most called him just MrMoody. According to Overlord Furinkazen, he tried entering TOCA once but couldn't afford tires, making his career remarkably short. Apparently also trolled TOCA thread during the TOCA/ITCC rivalry's most heated point.
IWIN: ICHALLENGED ISPURGY to a IRACE 1 on 1, but INEVER showed up. IWONDER if he's just an IPUSSY. ITRIED to IINTERVIEW him, but all IGOT from him was "lol n00b".
With the most ICHILDISH name ever, the biggest IEGO of all time and an ILOSER attitude, he's IGOING to make it very far indeed. IHAVING a permanent ITOCA ban on his IRESUME is... IDEFINITELY going to impress the big boys. Not to IMENTION Pikey_mikey, his only IFRIEND in a IPOSITION of IPOWER, has left the IBUILDING. Thus, this IKID is left all IALONE in the big IWORLD.
IHE is also an insurance IPLANNER despite having IGRAMMAR that is so IBAD, ICAN'T tell if he's a human or tapir. IRECOMMEND steering clear of his ICOMPANY. You'll never IKNOW what you might IGET.
James6653: The slowest man who ever lived. 9 seconds down... at Laguna in the fastest car in the field. Showed his team management skills by firing drivers before they even showed up... Wait, maybe thats why he fired them, they were going to show up. And let’s not forget his Truck adventures. OK, that would be just painful to read, so I won’t comment on it any more than this.
Jamie: That's a name for fast people, Jamie-C and Jamie_STEEZ. Neither of whom were full timers thankfully.
JoeOfTheFire: One of the few prominent drivers that hasn’t really done anything particularly stupid or funny. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the average Joe of FRL.
Johny pole: A pole position gained in a reverse grid event by having a DNS or DNF in the previous race. Nowadays frowned upon and prohibited. Just try to guess where the name comes from.
Kifflom!
Laguna Seca: A track Furi took out of the calendar to annoy me. In loving memory, I named my independent entry after the circuit. Although unlike S9, this time I won’t even be using a Mazda!!!! Pure blasphemy. See if I care though.
LancerEvo7: Sandwich Man. Makes sandwiches for drivers between races. Be careful what you wish for though. He's also one of the many unfortunate folks who got lured into Furi's team with hopes of great success. His twin brother, LancerEvo, who was active about a few centuries ago, was also invited to the banter bus. I wonder what that guy would have to say to it.
Madrid Mini: AKA 'That ****** little track'- A quite fun track with turn 1 wide enough for one car, Furi attended this event. RIP to the Spanish Nation.
Mazda-Honda rivalry: A rivarly that really heated up thanks to me and Akmuq as early as S2. Unfortunately the cars never really fought each other for wins and championships until TOCA Legends, where Akmuq won with the Honda due to a bunch of lucky runs along with the fact my Mazda had even worse tire wear than the Honda. In the main TOCA series, well, sometimes the Mazda has thrived, sometimes the Honda. There just isn’t much of a rivalry though, with the original perpetrators gone. Well, now one of them is still here, but he's not even driving a Mazda. So, I guess we have to bury this rivalry once again.
Matty: Akmuq's drunk friend, who, in his early GTP days, had the best grammar in the world. He's also a great singer, having performed pieces such as "Last Christmas" and "Dragostea Din Tei".
Megane: Neljack’s sister and lover. What? Why are you guys staring at me? Oh wait, we’re talking about the Megane, with the E at the end. That’s a cool car, especially at the support series ages ago. Now it’ll probably kick ass in the main series, but knowing Furi, it won’t because he didn’t pick it. Also seems to destroy most cars in a straight line. Unfortunately it turns like the descendant of a firetruck and battleship.
Memto: Completely unrelated to TOCA, but man is he the king of penalties in GT6. During my business trip to Antiqua and Barbuda, I ran into someone who told me Memto gave them a 60 second penalty for having three different shades of color in their rear wing, even though the maximum amount was two.
MustangRyan: The man who bravely tackled the road courses of TOCA, even though he always said he would suck. He made sure to keep his promises there.No hard feelings!
Neljack: A creepy cultist whose real name was revealed to be Zolag. The one who always finishes 2nd or 3rd. Be it races or full championships. Well, except for that one FIA GT1 season. And the Swift season. Actually won the title without winning a race... talk about patheticness.#YNWA #BRAVEHEART
Ninners: Next alien driver of TOCA? Plz don’t let that happen. Not an alien, well I suppose that's a relief. Even though I don't even race anymore, but I suppose it's generally more interesting when no one's dominant.Apart from TOCA racing, Nin likes getting tree'd a lot. Don't ever take up drag racing, Nin-Jaw.
Niop: The man from UTAH who I remember surprisingly well for some Monaco race where he held up over half the field, methinks. Also the Jimmie Johnson of GTP NASCAR, with 3 consecutive championships. I wonder how bored people were getting of him.
OwensRacing: Became public laughing stock at the childfree thread. Aside from that, no real TOCA appearances (hopefully so, given the narcissistic attitude). A living Durex commercial.
Panoz: The man who consistently seems to drive cars with poor top end. Easy to take on the straightaways, but in corners he'll grab on to your butt like a steward on a series leader's butt.
Paulmac2k9: Jason Plato's GTP account. Known for complaining about everything yet having a point, but no one notices as he complains. Considered Dax Cobra's role model. Also a very quick test driver and tuner. Really kinda ruined his reputation at the end of S9 at Nürb with a stupid move. Has displayed a similar attitude to ILOSE a couple of times, which ain’t nice.
Penguin: Everyone's favorite animal in TOCA. Who doesn't love a friendly neighborhood penguin?!
Raceorama: Apparently a minor Monza troll. Unlike his counterpart (see slightly below) he tends to complete full campaigns though.
Ranhammer: The best lapped down car in the world. Sure he’s slow, but... something about him is... just too awesome.
RedPartyhat: DNQ'd one weekend, then won his first TOCA start, but it was at wet Monza so I don't know if anyone ever cared about it. He's more of a NASCAR type, yet can't understand why I like watching old NASCAR races (you know, before the artificialness). When he starts posting countryball comics in your direction, you know there'll never be an end to it. Ignorance doesn't help. I'm dead serious.
Reverse grids: ILOSE wants no reverse grids. ILOSE says they don't belong to professional series.
Roflwaffle: Guy who allegedly competed in the very first TOCA season (maybe even first ever race?) and is now about to make his second appearance... in 10CA. I don't know if I should label him as a rookie, veteran, or an odd mixture of both.
Rolo: Official Monza troll. It's almost like he picks the car that fits wet weather best, and then cruises into a Monza victory because under Overlord Furi's rules, every weather change event MUST HAVE AT LEAST ONE, BUT MOSTLY TWO WET RACES.
RPM: Furi's own team, previously known as MRT (Season 3) and FTR (Season 4). They won the teams' championship under the MRT name, but after akmuq left them, TomBrooks replaced him afterwards. Considering Furi's reputation, the team might have been though to have had difficulties with getting another title, but signing defending champion Spurgy for Season 6 proved otherwise . Just 🤬 off, RPM. You need alien drivers to win championships, happy now? Thinking of it, almost everytime RPM have won a title, they 1) had an alien onboard, 2) had no other teams running full time so they were practically running for teams' title alone. Would've been funny if they still lost it.
Scaniabebe: The man who dealt the Senna quote in the wrong place in the wrong time. Sorry, mate, I’m sure everyone in TOCA respects a more NASCAR-like approach to pack racing. Now he’s back? Well, I sure would like some improvement. It's a capital offence if tires have a slightly wrong rim size.
Smuffy: A champ from S8. Drove for RPM. Not sure if I should say anything else.
SnowCrash: Got a nasty start to his TOCA career when he joined my team only to be left on his own after I left as a *ahem* protest against changes such as excessive tire wear that only favored Spurgy. Probably best driver in the series thus far who hasn't won a title - along with Joe. Coincidentally, both have been relatively boring on and off track.
Spurgy: Hi alien. Three seasons in TOCA, three championships. I’ll take back what I said in the F1-King-GT section. Kicking out Spurgy was another senseful thing Furi did in his life. It really got nasty when he was about a second faster than everyone when tire wear got included in S6. Did I mention he's actually a 3-time champion too? Lesson learned, kids, that's what happens with aliens.On second thought, he's the only one who really understands my sense of humor. And he has officially proved in front of everyone that IWIN is a coward.
Sumo: The Season 3 champion who hasn't been seen recently. Pretty much dominated the field that season, although there's a good excuse for that too - the BMW. Won on a one-off in ~shock~ a FWD Volvo in S5 at Spa, and decided to come back in ~shock~ a BMW for S6.
Sun: It tends to burn. Also obscures view like hell. Can someone turn it off, please?
Suzuki Swift: Note to Furi, a car that has much less HP stock than the TOCA machines doesn’t usually compete properly in the series. Just leave the Swift alone, it’s better in the one-make series. And now, in GT6, I might return as a full-time host! In addition, Swifts won’t have any of the dumb rules from TOCA, only the good sides of touring car racing.OK, so, I won't. Akmuq might. If he has time, with all his recent *cough* commitments.
Tiebreaker: A word that Furi should learn. When two or more drivers are tied in points, the one with a better single race finish is put ahead. If it's the same, the quantity of those finishes decides it, and if they are the same too, the 2nd, 3rd etc. best finish decides the outcome. Now Furi made up a rule that the guy who finished higher In the previous event actually gets the higher position in case of a tie. WHAT THE LIVING HELL, MAY I ASK?!
Toad: Used as a nickname of old people in BST V8's. Made occasional attempts to invade TOCA, but they were mostly fruitless. Members include Toad Senior (Cunny), Toad Leader (Gedi) and Fisherman Who Should Stay Away From Neljack's Various Fish (JB).
TOCA Dog: Neljack's dog named Charlie. Likes to get Neljack's attention in the middle of a race. Also likely to get a promotion to Chief Steward due to his activeness. He’s getting rough as he physically assaulted Neljack with me witnessing the whole deal. Might be plotting his murder in secret so he can truly become a steward for all eternity. His younger brother Alfie also punched Neljack with his tail.
TOCA Ghost: Not much is known about him, but apparently he appeared during a testing session. According to Neljack, his name could be Johnny. We don't know how TOCA Ghost is associated with GTP_Johny, but if you feel you're being watched, be careful - it might be him.
TOCA Poet: Yeah, I’m not just the penguin anymore, but also the poet. Just look at the section below to see why. (It was an accidental rhyme, but point stands!) Apparently Fox has done poetry in the past as well. Now that’s what I’d call sweet.
Tom: Used to drive in TOCA but he took a vase to the knee! He’s also an avid interviewer and race commentator, which is why I can’t think of anything mildly insulting to say about him.
Trollvo: No, there’s no Volvo, just the Trollvo. A car that even I have once driven in MrMoody’s ITCC. In TOCA, it’s apparently been way too fast sometime in the past. (I made a rhyme again! That reminds me, I should add a section just above this one...)
Twissy: Another alien replacing Spurgy. Unfortunately he thought he was above the rules and decided to run ABS at 10. Whether it helps or not, he was outta here. This even created what became known as the “Twissy-gate” when some people jumped in his defence, such asDONKEYMULE_9242, but Furi didn’t care. Not one little bit. In fact, Twissy even lost all his points from the season. Pity.
NOT.
VenoMMotorsports: DaxCobra's team that was once equipped by himself, akmuq, and a pair of ba... err, I mean Honda's. They have won many championships, including the TOCA title, but then Neljack was part of the team. After he received a better offer from DBC, akmuq was called in as replacement, but can the team return to success now? Answer turned out to be no due to Akmuq's internet having Leprechauns, Dax with no sponsor, but Dax decided to team up with Sumo for S6. What do you know, they weren’t really a threat due to Dax quitting. And now they’ve essentially folded.
VTEC: The biggest troll in TOCA history. Known for divebombing, ragequitting when he was accidentally hit off, and never winning a race properly. Got banned after the Tsukuba round in S3, where he mistook the other drivers as actors for the new film "The VTEC Tsukuba Massacre". The damage caused by him was so severe that he got sent off immediately and had to pay large sums to fix everyone's car and the damaged sections of the track as well.
VW: Too fast. And Now too slow.
Willow Springs: Can somebody tell me who decided to make that last corner the way it is now? Nobody blame me if you slam into the back of me there, it's impossible for me to go through it quickly.
Yeratel: Won a championship and probably something else, or something.
If you're not excluded in the process, that is.
Sorry guys.
Ok... I leave for one night because of a fever, and that happens, wow. Anyway.. out this weekend at the Ring.
He is currently working on them.
Nice.
Except I'm not that fast, so don't worry.
Just saying.
I saw that post too but it just depends on how the driver gets on with it.
It probably won't be that fast after the update, it changed the balance the car had in the fast corners and that's why it was fast at spa. I say fast, ninners beat my time in his focus quite comfortably so I guess i'm either driving the Lexus the wrong way or just can't drive round spa
