Going out with a girl

[Villain]

I might be a little to late for you but here you go:

• Chivarly isn't dead. Open the doors, pay, and be polite. (Let her pay later in the relationship. You're the dude, you're in charge, and you're the one that asked her out in the first place)
• Don't worry about kissing on the first date. If you want to and she gives you an open invitation - do it, but don't force it and don't feel bad if it doesn't happen.
• Don't talk about past relationships (ever, if you can help it)
• Don't spill your guts about how much and how long you've liked her (that can come later - its definitely not first date convo!)
• Talk about what you're doing in school, what you want in your future, etc. Remember to be open-minded because you are both young and nothing is set in stone as far as your goals.
• Make sure you ring the doorbell when you go to pick her up - none of this texting from the car.
• Walk her to the door at the end of the date, whether it went well or not.
• Avoid texts in general - try to call instead. It shows confidence.
• If it doesn't work out, don't worry about it. You're only 20.
• Dress appropriately.
• Ask her questions about herself. By the end of the date you should be able to write a paper about her likes/dislikes and what she wants in her future (if she even knows). For example: movies, music, sports, tv shows, hobbies, where she grew up, general family info, etc.
• Smile often and sit up straight. Table manners show a lot of class.
• Listen to her

It's really important that you try your best to have fun. If you're doing everything you can to have fun and she's not buying it then you might as well cut your losses. You don't want to force a relationship that could be doomed from the start. Long-term relationships do require work, but not at the start. Everything should start out easily and naturally. Remember, she's not the only girl you'll ever get a chance with so don't sweat it if it doesn't work out.

PS - I'm not trying to be rude, but the two "relationships" that you had when you were 13 don't count for anything.

EDIT: I just saw that she had to cancel once. That's fine. Reschedule once and if she bails again then just let her go. The only way around that is if she makes the effort to try to go out again. Generally, getting blown off twice in a row means she's just not interested (which may have nothing to do with whether or not she likes you - some people really are too busy to date - especially when they're young)

 

[oohhh yeah]

Seriously guys, why turn this thread into judging other people? We're all different, leave it at that. Implying someone doesn't know how to treat a girl just because of a few posts on the internet is moronic.

Ahh, first dates. Ikea, Toys'R'Us, Homebase, the possibilities are endless.
The lady i'm with at the moment got treated to a trip to Ikea, where she seemed to be hinting to me that she wanted us to buy and furnish a house together!
Her - 'I REALLY like this sofa, the colour is so warming'
Me - 'Woah, woah, woah! Our first date and you're planning new furniture for my place already? Slow down there, you have to impress me first... and it's not going well so far...'

Go anywhere that you can have fun. Stores are fun for me because I can accuse the girl of trying to advance the relationship too quickly when she says she likes stuff on display (such as the example above).
I can also get on with my daily routine, get my shopping done, all while on a 'date'. Who says men can't multi-task!? Oh, that's right, WOMEN!
I used to take women on 'proper' dates - the cinema, dinner, ice skating, etc. One date I just decided to bring them into my everyday life and see if we could still have as much fun in usually mundane places.
Obviously you can make these places boring if you go in, grab the things you want and get out again, so it's up to you and her to take time to wander around and make it exciting! Think of her as the little girl who is bored while shopping with her parents. Involve her, get her to carry ridiculous amounts of stuff while you walk around empty handed, get her to pose with power tools and make inappropriate jokes!
Me - *Gives her a big SDS drill to hold* 'Hmm... you like big power tools?'
Her - 'I LOVE big power tools. Do you have a big power tool?' *giggle*
Me - 'I actually have several. Quite a lot of Makita, nice, lightweight circular saw with mitre attachment...' *technical babble about power tools*
Her - 'That's not what I meant...'
Me - 'I know what you meant and i'm fairly disgusted. How inappropriate. I thought you were a nice, well-behaved girl.'
Her - *WTF face*

If they can see that you live your everyday life having fun, they'll practically beg you to take them out for a real date!

EDIT: If you are painting a room, be sure to get a date sorted for it. Get her to wear old clothes and paint naughty words/pictures on the wall then show her before trying to paint as much of her as possible. Nose, hand prints in appropriate places, roller down the back, for me it ended up with a half-full tin of paint being emptied down my jeans. Quite a nice sensation actually.

Another solid post:tup: OP listen to this

Are those 10% rent boys? Have fun at the GUM clinic bro. 👍

Dialogue is over except for me to ridicule you. You may have to look that word up.

I might be a little to late for you but here you go:

• Chivarly isn't dead. Open the doors, pay, and be polite. (Let her pay later in the relationship. You're the dude, you're in charge, and you're the one that asked her out in the first place)
• Don't worry about kissing on the first date. If you want to and she gives you an open invitation - do it, but don't force it and don't feel bad if it doesn't happen.
• Don't talk about past relationships (ever, if you can help it)
• Don't spill your guts about how much and how long you've liked her (that can come later - its definitely not first date convo!)
• Talk about what you're doing in school, what you want in your future, etc. Remember to be open-minded because you are both young and nothing is set in stone as far as your goals.
• Make sure you ring the doorbell when you go to pick her up - none of this texting from the car.
• Walk her to the door at the end of the date, whether it went well or not.
• Avoid texts in general - try to call instead. It shows confidence.
• If it doesn't work out, don't worry about it. You're only 20.
• Dress appropriately.
• Ask her questions about herself. By the end of the date you should be able to write a paper about her likes/dislikes and what she wants in her future (if she even knows). For example: movies, music, sports, tv shows, hobbies, where she grew up, general family info, etc.
• Smile often and sit up straight. Table manners show a lot of class.
• Listen to her

It's really important that you try your best to have fun. If you're doing everything you can to have fun and she's not buying it then you might as well cut your losses. You don't want to force a relationship that could be doomed from the start. Long-term relationships do require work, but not at the start. Everything should start out easily and naturally. Remember, she's not the only girl you'll ever get a chance with so don't sweat it if it doesn't work out.

PS - I'm not trying to be rude, but the two "relationships" that you had when you were 13 don't count for anything.

EDIT: I just saw that she had to cancel once. That's fine. Reschedule once and if she bails again then just let her go. The only way around that is if she makes the effort to try to go out again. Generally, getting blown off twice in a row means she's just not interested (which may have nothing to do with whether or not she likes you - some people really are too busy to date - especially when they're young)

More solid advice:tup:

 

[Dan_]

Any experience of being 'the hunter' not working out between you two guys?

Define 'hunter' by yourself. To me is the type of moron that doesn't show any feeling or tend to take stupid actions just to show who's the boss.

I use it pretty much every day (and certainly for every lady i've courted with the exception of 2 or 3) with great success (All very decent, caring women too, fancy that!). Just because you don't agree with something (or maybe don't understand it) it doesn't mean you have to spout rubbish about it, or call people stupid for it 👎.

Sorry? I told the man to just be himself and do not act by the others. Each to his own is always the best and for that matter, you are reading too much of my post.

Instead of just letting the guy doing whatever he founds adequate you're pointing out procedures and ways of acting. He's not you buddy.

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

Define 'hunter' by yourself. To me is the type of moron that doesn't show any feeling or tend to take stupid actions just to show who's the boss.



Sorry? I told the man to just be himself and do not act by the others. Each to his own is always the best and for that matter, you are reading too much of my post.

Instead of just letting the guy doing whatever he founds adequate you're pointing out procedures and ways of acting. He's not you buddy.

Ok, 'hunter' is not the term i'd use to describe how I am with women. I like to keep things relaxed and non-serious for a while so she knows that I have choice and she is not the only girl on my mind. I don't 'hunt' or 'shark' women, but I have no problems with going and getting what I want. Some of the things I might do may be 'stupid' to you, but to me it's just how I am.

Your second point, you have misunderstood me, maybe it wasn't too clear. You were bashing certain peoples advice. So was Terronium (even calling someone 'stupid' for his opinion!) Give people the due respect that they deserve. I don't agree with all of what you've said, but I don't say it's a load of rubbish and dismiss it totally.

My posts are all opinion too. I'm just typing out some ideas that work well for me, if you like them, try them. If not, don't.
I know when I first started dating I was completely different to how I am now (I used to be a shy pushover/doormat - people telling me to 'just be yourself' didn't really know that they were encouraging me to remain a doormat for girls - same for a fair few guys - they don't know how to break out of being the 'friend' or the 'provider'). The stuff I do now took a while to get used to but fits me very well, it's not an act or a series of procedures, it's me! - I have a lot of confidence and couldn't really care what others think, as long as i'm not hurting anyone and having fun, it's cool.

I'm not forcing anything on anyone. If you think I am then maybe you need to think about how a guy posting on an internet forum is able to 'force' things on you...

 

[Terronium-12]

Ok, 'hunter' is not the term i'd use to describe how I am with women. I like to keep things relaxed and non-serious for a while so she knows that I have choice and she is not the only girl on my mind. I don't 'hunt' or 'shark' women, but I have no problems with going and getting what I want. Some of the things I might do may be 'stupid' to you, but to me it's just how I am.

Your second point, you have misunderstood me, maybe it wasn't too clear. You were bashing certain peoples advice. So was Terronium (even calling someone 'stupid' for his opinion!) Give people the due respect that they deserve. I don't agree with all of what you've said, but I don't say it's a load of rubbish and dismiss it totally.

My posts are all opinion too. I'm just typing out some ideas that work well for me, if you like them, try them. If not, don't.
I know when I first started dating I was completely different to how I am now (I used to be a shy pushover/doormat - people telling me to 'just be yourself' didn't really know that they were encouraging me to remain a doormat for girls - same for a fair few guys - they don't know how to break out of being the 'friend' or the 'provider'). The stuff I do now took a while to get used to but fits me very well, it's not an act or a series of procedures, it's me! - I have a lot of confidence and couldn't really care what others think, as long as i'm not hurting anyone and having fun, it's cool.

I'm not forcing anything on anyone. If you think I am then maybe you need to think about how a guy posting on an internet forum is able to 'force' things on you...

I'm not respecting anyone who ditches a woman just because you didn't get any before the third date. Anyone who doesn't like that, then tough 🤬 is all I can tell you. And when you come off chauvinistic you're damn right I'm going to infer someone is stupid.

 

[Dan_]

Give people the due respect that they deserve. I don't agree with all of what you've said, but I don't say it's a load of rubbish and dismiss it totally.

Just because you don't agree with something (or maybe don't understand it) it doesn't mean you have to spout rubbish about it, or call people stupid for it .

You did.

I'm not forcing anything on anyone. If you think I am then maybe you need to think about how a guy posting on an internet forum is able to 'force' things on you...

Forcing is a way too strong verb, I never said that. I just pointed out a bad scumbag-like advice which pretty much describes my definition of 'hunter', it wasn't aimed directly at your post per se, but you just picked up from there and milked out conclusions from a stone.

The sheer distortion of my words geared me towards quoting you because I just said that he just need to be himself, because this is the way it has always worked for me, your advice is quite reasonable : Do not call her very often, do not facebook, text and be all around her all the time, blablabla... are just the basic principles of feminine ego management and although I agree with you on that, it's just a matter of time for the OP to learn about it. He might suffer from it? Yes, but learning from your mistakes make you a better man.

I just thought it would be nicer for him to do everything as he wants to and then sit down and analyze what was good and what was bad, giving any elaborated advice on a emotional subject is pretty numb and erratic.

This isn't a rant or a flaming post, I agree with you on many points. I just think that being himself, shy or not, doormat or not, is his option and his very own experience. He will learn twice as much that way, as I did.

Summing up: Be. Yourself. Wheter it will ( or rather would.. ) work is uncertain, but it is always the best thing to do ( at least to me ).

Dan

 

[Villain]

You guys are taking each other way too seriously. 👎

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

You guys are taking each other way too seriously. 👎

I must admit that I have no clue what is going on, so I don't know what I could take too seriously. Although it would appear someone is not happy with what i've said, which I do take seriously.

I'd just like everyone to stop bashing other opinions... but this is GTP, where every keyboard warrior comes to prove themselves worthy.

EDIT: Give people the due respect that they deserve. I don't agree with all of what you've said, but I don't say it's a load of rubbish and dismiss it totally. - Ok, so I think this came across differently than I intended it to, Dan_. I don't mean that I think what you've said is rubbish and instantly dismissable - I mean that IF I did I wouldn't post about it being rubbish/useless/whatever out of respect for your opinion. Apologies if you found it harsh.

 

[MadMike'86]

Hey......how about you all sftu?

geez

 

[Aldo]

Dialogue is over except for me to ridicule you. You may have to look that word up.

Yeah I'll definitely have to look any of those words up.
You have the IQ akin to that of a kumquat. And no, that's not any form of sexual innuendo you dirty minded child.


But yeah pretty much what T-12 said...

I'm not respecting anyone who ditches a woman just because you didn't get any before the third date. Anyone who doesn't like that, then tough 🤬 is all I can tell you. And when you come off chauvinistic you're damn right I'm going to infer someone is stupid.

 

[McLaren]

Seriously guys, why turn this thread into judging other people? We're all different, leave it at that. Implying someone doesn't know how to treat a girl just because of a few posts on the internet is moronic.

Ahh, first dates. Ikea, Toys'R'Us, Homebase, the possibilities are endless.
The lady i'm with at the moment got treated to a trip to Ikea, where she seemed to be hinting to me that she wanted us to buy and furnish a house together!
Her - 'I REALLY like this sofa, the colour is so warming'
Me - 'Woah, woah, woah! Our first date and you're planning new furniture for my place already? Slow down there, you have to impress me first... and it's not going well so far...'

Go anywhere that you can have fun. Stores are fun for me because I can accuse the girl of trying to advance the relationship too quickly when she says she likes stuff on display (such as the example above).
I can also get on with my daily routine, get my shopping done, all while on a 'date'. Who says men can't multi-task!? Oh, that's right, WOMEN!
I used to take women on 'proper' dates - the cinema, dinner, ice skating, etc. One date I just decided to bring them into my everyday life and see if we could still have as much fun in usually mundane places.
Obviously you can make these places boring if you go in, grab the things you want and get out again, so it's up to you and her to take time to wander around and make it exciting! Think of her as the little girl who is bored while shopping with her parents. Involve her, get her to carry ridiculous amounts of stuff while you walk around empty handed, get her to pose with power tools and make inappropriate jokes!
Me - *Gives her a big SDS drill to hold* 'Hmm... you like big power tools?'
Her - 'I LOVE big power tools. Do you have a big power tool?' *giggle*
Me - 'I actually have several. Quite a lot of Makita, nice, lightweight circular saw with mitre attachment...' *technical babble about power tools*
Her - 'That's not what I meant...'
Me - 'I know what you meant and i'm fairly disgusted. How inappropriate. I thought you were a nice, well-behaved girl.'
Her - *WTF face*

If they can see that you live your everyday life having fun, they'll practically beg you to take them out for a real date!

EDIT: If you are painting a room, be sure to get a date sorted for it. Get her to wear old clothes and paint naughty words/pictures on the wall then show her before trying to paint as much of her as possible. Nose, hand prints in appropriate places, roller down the back, for me it ended up with a half-full tin of paint being emptied down my jeans. Quite a nice sensation actually.

Is this serious? A basic shopping store?

Unless the girl is just plain uncaring, this would never work around here. Taking girls to Ikea or whatever is a good way to guarantee a first & only date. And then coming up with the idea that you'll get your own shopping done while you're at it? The date is supposed to be about the 2 of you, not for you to secretly get your own crap out of it just so you can feel like the date wasn't a complete waste if she never calls back (hmm...wonder why).

Sorry, but I would strongly disagree with using this kind of method at all. 20 year old girls have no interest in being taking to a power tools section of a store. Esp. considering that this is the first date, it should focus around the 2 of you getting to know each other better. Shopping together & "joking" that you're going to be moving in together is a nice way to give off the impression that you're already looking way ahead into the future. If she's the one doing that kind of suggesting early on, then you need to be on your guard b/c she more than likely has other ideas in mind.

In plain text, keep shopping away from the first few dates. There are just too many things that can go wrong when you're both still in the period of getting closer. It's one of those things you eventually ease into with each other & personally, best left up to the girl to make the first invite; it'll show she's finally comfortable enough to share what she buys with you.

 

[TommyWizard]

I have to say that is some very intresting ideas right there to take note on.

I will thank you guys again, I definatly have a more general and better idea of what to do and what not to do when this finally goes through


And for the record. I would be a doormat. I could not ditch a girl there and then because Im not getting my own way. I've been rejected many many times before and I 🤬 hated that. It just would not be within me to do that to another human.... Yes it happened to me but to even think I'd be causing the same effect on some girl would seriously mess with me.

As for an update, she is going to the doctors today to see about this strange illness she has been suffering from the last few weeks. She didn't mention anything about it in the holiday home but she said she would explain everything she needed to next time in person. Glad I didn't call it quits there and then

 

[TheCracker]

As for an update, she is going to the doctors today to see about this strange illness she has been suffering from the last few weeks. She didn't mention anything about it in the holiday home but she said she would explain everything she needed to next time in person. Glad I didn't call it quits there and then

..so she'd pregnant then?

 

[Neal]

..so she's pregnant then?

 

[TommyWizard]

Judging by the amount of alcohol she drank over the last week I would like to think not!

But I guess I'll find out in due time....

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

Is this serious? A basic shopping store?

As I said, it works well for me. In fact, it works BETTER than taking them out on a proper date EVER did. Suprising the amount of young women who enjoy 'playing house', or telling you about the ingredients you need for a great recipe they know. It's all about getting them talking, once they open up you're well in.

I already mentioned that going to stores definately can be made boring, but if you involve the girl and keep it fun, it's great.

My current girlfriends favourite date is a toss up between a trip to Spa Francorchamps (she hates motorsport - i'm working on it!) and our second date to Toys'R'Us. She has made this choice from dates abroad such as a trip to Paris, Venice and Rome!

 

[oohhh yeah]

Is this serious? A basic shopping store?

Unless the girl is just plain uncaring, this would never work around here. Taking girls to Ikea or whatever is a good way to guarantee a first & only date. And then coming up with the idea that you'll get your own shopping done while you're at it? The date is supposed to be about the 2 of you, not for you to secretly get your own crap out of it just so you can feel like the date wasn't a complete waste if she never calls back (hmm...wonder why).

Sorry, but I would strongly disagree with using this kind of method at all. 20 year old girls have no interest in being taking to a power tools section of a store. Esp. considering that this is the first date, it should focus around the 2 of you getting to know each other better. Shopping together & "joking" that you're going to be moving in together is a nice way to give off the impression that you're already looking way ahead into the future. If she's the one doing that kind of suggesting early on, then you need to be on your guard b/c she more than likely has other ideas in mind.

In plain text, keep shopping away from the first few dates. There are just too many things that can go wrong when you're both still in the period of getting closer. It's one of those things you eventually ease into with each other & personally, best left up to the girl to make the first invite; it'll show she's finally comfortable enough to share what she buys with you.

Imakuni is right. Remember my very first post, telling OP advice not to spend over $40? A movie, dinner, then some flowers like a traditional date will easily blow you over $40. And that's if you order cheap at the restaurant. The first date is supposed to get to know the girl in a casual setting. Not sitting in front of a movie screen. You'll filter out the gold diggers this way. No gifts this early in the relationship. I do agree the power tools section probably isn't the best idea, but a walk at the park, anywhere casual is a good idea. What he also mentioned about calling her a name is gold advice. Chicks dig that up. You push her away and pull her back. Again, as long as you created attraction you're good.

 

[TB]

The first date is supposed to get to know the girl in a casual setting. Not sitting in front of a movie screen. You'll filter out the gold diggers this way. No gifts this early in the relationship. I do agree the power tools section probably isn't the best idea, but a walk at the park, anywhere casual is a good idea.

The first date shouldn't be expensive, a gift is completely unnecessary and a movie isn't face time. I do believe that this is the first time I've actually agreed with you.

 

[UK-Gamer]

Just be yourself.. okay I aint that, Im a little more slick than myself.

This is about you though and if I were you, just act cool. Don't make the girl think you are too interested otherwise they'll just play you. It's an instinct, if you feel you need to change too much about yourself, it aint worth it.

Joke about (not too much) and generally charm, if you have a special quality about yourself use it. I have this little smile of mine which girls apparently cant get out of looking into my eyes and getting lost in them.

Do not give them the upper hand, since you say she is shy, don't go somewhere where you'll have too much 1-on-1 or it'll feel more like an interview. Go somewhere that you know you can just have fun in, but keep talking.

As they say, you have 3 personalities:
When you are with the family
When you are with friends
and...
When you are with HER

 

[HOODFIELD]

Judging by the amount of alcohol she drank over the last week I would like to think not!

But I guess I'll find out in due time....

Girls that drink to get sloppy are headaches down the road. Its all fun and games in the beginning, but if you are not a drinker this will be an issue. Trust me on this one.

 

[Villain]

Girls that drink to get sloppy are headaches down the road. Its all fun and games in the beginning, but if you are not a drinker this will be an issue. Trust me on this one.

True. You should be able to find common ground with your significant other on most day-to-day activities. If you're fundamentally not living similar lifestyles, it's probably not going to work. If you like to party hard and so does she, you might be fine. You don't want to be your girls designated driver all the time, and you don't want to have to babysit her when she's partying. Thats no good at all.

What I mean about common ground is, for example, you're super fit and into working out, you might not do well with someone who doesn't take care of their own health. Things like that can be dealt with in the short term, but they will catch up with you and disagreements (fights) will happen. You don't want to force your lifestyle on someone else and you don't want their's forced upon you. Matching your lifestyle is very important in a long-term relationship because the entire goal is to be partners for a very, very long time. Eventually, many small issues will add up to reveal fundamental differences which cannot be avoided.

I'm a true believer that things should be able to work out naturally between a couple early on. You should always try to be on the same page with as many things as possible. Yes, it is possible to get along with some differences (opposites attract, they say) but they need to be complimentary. My own relationship works well this way. For example, my girlfriend is fairly liberal and progressive while I tend to be more conservative. While we approach issues from opposite ends, we respect each others' opinions while hearing each other out. Eventually we find common ground and we both benefit from the experience of the others' point-of-view (does the phase "my better half" ring any bells?).

I fear that this is getting far off topic from the OP's wish for guidance on a first date, so to summarize my point to the topic: if you see yourself having to make lots of compromises early on while having the impression that you might be forcing things - that's a good sign to back out before it gets worse. 👍

 

[TommyWizard]

No I appreciate that too Villain. Anything to bear in mind down the line (as far as it goes Im hoping!) will be better than going out totally unprepared.

@Hoodfield
In her defense, and in my error, I meant to word it that she drank a lot over the span of the week away. There was maybe 1 night of the 7 that she was close to being hammered.

 

[HOODFIELD]

@Hoodfield
In her defense, and in my error, I meant to word it that she drank a lot over the span of the week away. There was maybe 1 night of the 7 that she was close to being hammered.

I'd say thats normal for 20 year-olds. But when I initially read it I though to myself "bad news" as I was sharing an experience from my life with you. Normally the "wild type" of girls are the ones you just want to smash and move on, because if you fall in love with them they end up hurting you. Take that with a grain of salt, I know nothing about this girl and I don't want to unfairly judge her.

Villian's above post is good advice to heed if you decide to live with a girl which I would not consider for many years if I were you. Think of a relationship like a line graph. Its going to climb, climb, climb, until it reaches a peak. It will level out for awhile then it will start to decline. If you figure a way to bring it back to the level part then its success. Right now your on the beginning of the climb, everything is new and fresh, enjoy it.
Good luck dude some great advice in this thread, also some very bad

 

[TommyWizard]

Hopefully this is the last question I have to ask lol.

So today she was supposed gonig to the doctors to get checked up on. Bearing in mind that she is shy Im wondering do I text / FB her asking her how it whent or not?

The way Im seeing it is.

She wants me to ask her how she is feeling / She isn't wanting a big deal made out of something small / Doing so will make me look like Im desperate, even though she is the shy one meaning Im needing to start the majority of things here.

Really stuck on this one. I dont want to push it to the point of no return this early. I hope one of you guys will direct me here in 6 months for a good laugh at this!


EDIT: Asking this also becasue I said as nice as I could that I'd love to know how the appointment whent and if she needs me she knows how to get me. But I didnt hear from her at all today.

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

Hopefully this is the last question I have to ask lol.

So today she was supposed gonig to the doctors to get checked up on. Bearing in mind that she is shy Im wondering do I text / FB her asking her how it whent or not?

The way Im seeing it is.

She wants me to ask her how she is feeling / She isn't wanting a big deal made out of something small / Doing so will make me look like Im desperate, even though she is the shy one meaning Im needing to start the majority of things here.

Really stuck on this one. I dont want to push it to the point of no return this early. I hope one of you guys will direct me here in 6 months for a good laugh at this!


EDIT: Asking this also becasue I said as nice as I could that I'd love to know how the appointment whent and if she needs me she knows how to get me. But I didnt hear from her at all today.

Don't fuss about being really nice and sweet, it will work against you. You don't know her well enough to be her like that yet.

Depending on how much you've been in contact, i'd wait until you see her/talk on the phone to ask. Nice little opener into conversation.

 

[TommyWizard]

Forgive my english. Still learning my native language it seems.

I meant she has "been" and all. Just wondering should I make the effort to check up on her or wait to here from her about it

 

[McLaren]

Imakuni is right. Remember my very first post, telling OP advice not to spend over $40? A movie, dinner, then some flowers like a traditional date will easily blow you over $40. And that's if you order cheap at the restaurant. The first date is supposed to get to know the girl in a casual setting. Not sitting in front of a movie screen. You'll filter out the gold diggers this way. No gifts this early in the relationship. I do agree the power tools section probably isn't the best idea, but a walk at the park, anywhere casual is a good idea. What he also mentioned about calling her a name is gold advice. Chicks dig that up. You push her away and pull her back. Again, as long as you created attraction you're good.

After the advice you've given in this thread, I'm not taking one of your post as anything worth a second look.

As I said, it works well for me. In fact, it works BETTER than taking them out on a proper date EVER did. Suprising the amount of young women who enjoy 'playing house', or telling you about the ingredients you need for a great recipe they know. It's all about getting them talking, once they open up you're well in.

Perhaps on a 3rd of 4th date, but not on the 1st. You're bringing the girl into an area where she can get all kinds of the wrong signals.

If you had the confidence to pull it off, good for you. But I don't believe the OP has that confidence if he's already made a thread on where to go.

My current girlfriends favourite date is a toss up between a trip to Spa Francorchamps (she hates motorsport - i'm working on it!) and our second date to Toys'R'Us. She has made this choice from dates abroad such as a trip to Paris, Venice and Rome!

A motorsport event is interesting. It's different, it's loud, there's lots of things a lot of girls never see.

A Toys'R'Us for a 2nd date? Again, something I would definitely not do. Certainly would not start entertaining her with trips to those sort of places either early on unless you actually live there.

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

Perhaps on a 3rd of 4th date, but not on the 1st. You're bringing the girl into an area where she can get all kinds of the wrong signals.

If you had the confidence to pull it off, good for you. But I don't believe the OP has that confidence if he's already made a thread on where to go.

A motorsport event is interesting. It's different, it's loud, there's lots of things a lot of girls never see.

A Toys'R'Us for a 2nd date? Again, something I would definitely not do. Certainly would not start entertaining her with trips to those sort of places either early on unless you actually live there.

I don't mean for the OP to do what I do, just trying to make a point that cheap/free isn't a bad thing.
Females are good at getting the right message from what you do/say (so long as what you're thinking, saying and doing is congruent) so I find I don't have much trouble if I take them to a store - it's taken at face value and they don't try to engineer any sinister motive from it.
For some reason the dinner/flowers/cinema/buying her a drink idea is almost seen as a law for guys. For me it's too similar to paying for her time, something which a fair few girls frame it as - Even refusing to talk until you buy them one!

The trips abroad were a LOT later on, she paid for Rome and half of Venice.

Spa was a trip she tagged along on, even though she HATES HATES HATES motorsport. I don't think i've ever met someone who likes it less. It wasn't like there was much to distract her either, as we spent all 3 days at the hotel or the circuit, nowhere else. I can't figure out how she enjoyed it, maybe my passion for noisy, smelly things entertained her? Must be love!

I think the people saying to just go with it and learn from your mistakes are totally correct. A few pointers about not being a doormat, chivalry and being a bit cheeky are good, any further and it's very unnatural and draining to try to manage everything as if you're running from a script!

There are guys who pretty much do run from scripts when 'picking up' women, (pick-up artists) right down to the things they say and how and when they touch her - after years of training and dreaming about being able to get any girl they want, a lot find it a hollow victory because all the emotion and excitement is lost. The process of falling in love has become a few scripted, emotionless, practised steps.

The nervousness and uncertainty is where the thrill is - if you know without doubt a woman will date you, where is the fun? The 'I can't believe I just said that ' moments are my favourite, especially when the girl rips on you later for it!

 

[Villain]

So today she was supposed gonig to the doctors to get checked up on. Bearing in mind that she is shy Im wondering do I text / FB her asking her how it whent or not?

Don't do either. You'll smother her. Just let it be and if she wants to call and talk to you and tell you about it, great. Otherwise, just sit tight and wait for your upcoming date together.

The way Im seeing it is.

She wants me to ask her how she is feeling / She isn't wanting a big deal made out of something small / Doing so will make me look like Im desperate, even though she is the shy one meaning Im needing to start the majority of things here.

Stop thinking so hard. Let her do her day to day thing without you. When you've been together longer and are officially calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend you can worry about her and check in on her like that. Don't get ahead of yourself.

EDIT: Asking this also becasue I said as nice as I could that I'd love to know how the appointment whent and if she needs me she knows how to get me. But I didnt hear from her at all today.

That's because she doesn't need you. That's not a bad thing. You're fine. Just hold your horses in the gate and wait for your date to talk her ear off. That's what the date is for. Right now you're just two people who are mildly interested in one another superficially. It'll take a bit of going out before you can connect on deeper levels.

If she wants to start playing these "I want you to check in on me to prove you care" games then I'm telling you right now she's more trouble that she's worth. Games like that are a huge sign that a girl is way too immature/insecure. You should not have to prove anything to her other than what you already do in your normal interactions. None of this bending-over-backwards crap, especially so early on. When you're married and your wife is going through her menopause hormone craze, then you can start being a whipping boy. Don't put yourself through that now.

 

[TommyWizard]

I wish I could buy you an Internet Obama Pint my friend!!

Thank You very much ^__^