Did you read the item in the news earlier in the week?
Apparently, a passenger aboard a Ryan Air jet got fed up waiting for the plane to get to the gate in Malaga, Spain, so he opened the emergency exit and jumped out. His name was Charles Raines, and he was travelling with several members of his family. He was the only one who jumped out; all the other members of his family stayed aboard.
So it's true after all.
The Raines in Spain stayed mainly on the plane.
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Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says. "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who's that on the balcony with Dave?'"
Edit
A frog goes into the bank.
A teller calls him over ‘Good day sir, my name is Patricia Whack, how can I help you?’
‘Hi’ says the frog ‘I’d like to borrow £10,000 please’.
‘We can’t just dish out loans to anyone sir, tell me a bit about you and your circumstances ‘ says Patricia.
The frog pulls out a small metal box and says ‘well I’m more than happy to give you this trinket as security against the loan, oh and my dad’s Mick Jagger’.
‘That’s a ridiculous story sir, we can’t possibly grant the loan based on this nonsense, please leave before I call security ’ says Patricia.
The frog looks like he’s going to, er, kick off so the bank manager comes across to see what all the fuss is about.
Patricia explains the circumstances and especially the small box that will serve as collateral for the loan.
The bank manager mulls it over, turns to Patricia and says..........
‘it’s Knick knack Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man’s a rolling stone’
