Jokes!!

  • Thread starter Thread starter DQuaN
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:lol: Nice... as for the David James news, I can't think how I managed to post it in this thread by mistake - what are the chances?
 
Why is my computer being like Robert Green???

























It can't save anything.....
 
At work today, one of our coworkers told us this really happened. It was one of them urban myth deals, but it still made us laugh our butts off today. I hope it's not too offensive:

So my wife's coworker has a sister who lives with her teenage son, who happens to be retarded, but is extremely strong, and built like a football player.

One day, he calls her from home saying she has to come home, because he caught a gnome. Mom, thinking he probably took neighbor's lawn decoration or something, she tells him that she just got off work, she's on her way.

She stops for some gas on her way home, the son calls her again. He sounds really impatient now, she can hear little commotion in the background. He says that he got the gnome locked up in his closet, she needs to come home now.

She rushes home, into the living room to find coffee table flipped over, and there are these pamphlets scattered all over the floor.

As she reaches her son's room, the boy tells her to check out the gnome inside the closet. Trapped behind the closet door was a midget Jehovah's Witness.
 
a6m5
At work today, one of our coworkers told us this really happened. It was one of them urban myth deals, but it still made us laugh our butts off today. I hope it's not too offensive:

So my wife's coworker has a sister who lives with her teenage son, who happens to be retarded, but is extremely strong, and built like a football player.

One day, he calls her from home saying she has to come home, because he caught a gnome. Mom, thinking he probably took neighbor's lawn decoration or something, she tells him that she just got off work, she's on her way.

She stops for some gas on her way home, the son calls her again. He sounds really impatient now, she can hear little commotion in the background. He says that he got the gnome locked up in his closet, she needs to come home now.

She rushes home, into the living room to find coffee table flipped over, and there are these pamphlets scattered all over the floor.

As she reaches her son's room, the boy tells her to check out the gnome inside the closet. Trapped behind the closet door was a midget Jehovah's Witness.
Click to expand...

:sick: how is that funny? i dont get it?
 
CTznOfTime
:sick: how is that funny? i dont get it?
Click to expand...
The kid captured a door-to-door person who happened to be a little person, believing he was a gnome. We were told that this was a true story, although it wasn't. We thought it was the funniest thing we've ever heard. Personally, I thought maybe he caught a wild animal or something. I guess it doesn't really relate too well on a internet joke thread.
 
DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish . . . . On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull . . . .. . .

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs . . . . .


"Your badge. Show him your BADGE!"
 
/\ Excellent Nick....MOAR!

Jerome
 
Heard this one today and thought I might post it here:

'There are plenty of fish in the sea, if you're into bestiality'.
 
Too bad the oil spill all killed them :sly:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his
teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
 
There were 2.5 jokes there. The Dog one, the Dyslexic Man, and the follow-up to Legendary's Joke.
 
What's the difference between a Reliant Robin and a golf ball?
You can easily drive a golf ball more than 100 meters.

What do you call a Reliant Robin at the top of a steep hill?
A miracle.

What is the most important thing in the glovebox of a Morris Marina?
The bus timetable.

What do you call a Morris Marina with working brakes?
Modified.
 
So 2 workers are sitting in the break room talking.
The one says: "You know what would happen if I was payed a dollar for every single day I came to work?"
His co-worker says "let me guess, you'd be completely broke."
He says, "nah, it means I'd be payed a bit more."

Understand the humor.....
 
Well, it's not really a funny pic, more of a Facebook Joke...
Guess I'll post it here:

I'll edit it out and pop it in the Funny Pic thread if needed.
 
Got my son an iPhone for his birthday the other week, and recently got my daughter an iPod for hers, and was dead chuffed when the family clubbed together and bought me an iPad for father’s day.

Got my wife an iRon for her birthday. It was around then the fight started......
 
Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films.
"Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."
 

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