Jokes!!

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I went into a supermarket and this guy started throwing milk, eggs and butter at me. I thought 'How dairy!'
 
Roo
I went into a supermarket and this guy started throwing milk, eggs and butter at me. I thought 'How dairy!'
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:lol:

Another one that is better said that read:

A female athlete goes to her doctor and says "Doctor, I have taken so many steroids, I've grown a willy!". The doctor says, "Anabolic?" and the woman says "No, just a willy..."
 
Talon
I guess I worded that wrong then. That was meant to be more of a statement than a question, since I have no reason to question the fact that you are a grammar Nazi. ;)
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I find the term grammar 'nazi' rather objectionable. The nazis were responsible for the persecution of the jews, the killing of thousands of innocents and numerous other war crimes. I hardly think my telling you that you forgot to use a question mark puts me in the same league. I'm an English teacher and I simply wish to point out that incorrect use of grammar, punctuation and spelling can lead to misunderstandings. Language is perhaps the most powerful means of communication we have - it doesn't deserved to be abused by people too lazy learn its rules.
 
PureAwesomeness
I'm an English teacher and I simply wish to point out that incorrect use of grammar, punctuation and spelling can lead to misunderstandings.
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Is hyperbole in the curriculum you teach?

Clearly an exaggerated term, and one that has widespread use on the internet. If you're looking to protect the English language, I'd avoid this internet place, you'll just end up killing yourself (see what I did there?).
 
Thus the Lord said to John, Come Fourth and receive eternal life.

But John came fifth and won a toaster.
 
You wouldn't actually kill yourself. I was exaggerating while talking about exaggerations. And since talking about linguistics in a joke thread is no laughing matter, here's a joke. It's for the kids.

A man walks into a doctor's surgery with a strawberry on his head.

Doctor says "I'll give you some cream to put on that."
 
PureAwesomeness
I find the term grammar 'nazi' rather objectionable. The nazis were responsible for the persecution of the jews, the killing of thousands of innocents and numerous other war crimes. I hardly think my telling you that you forgot to use a question mark puts me in the same league. I'm an English teacher and I simply wish to point out that incorrect use of grammar, punctuation and spelling can lead to misunderstandings. Language is perhaps the most powerful means of communication we have - it doesn't deserved to be abused by people too lazy learn its rules.
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Very true, and I agree with you fully. I normally wouldn't use the term Nazi; I was only playing off of the original post that started this conversation. And if you want to be correcting people on grammar, there are plenty of other members who need your services much more than I do. ;)
 
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Talon
Very true, and I agree with you fully. I normally wouldn't use the term Nazi; I was only playing off of the original post that started this conversation. And if you want to be correcting people on grammar, there are plenty of other members who need your services much more than i do. ;)
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You're quite right. Sorry if it seemed like I was picking on you.

"Dyslexics of the world untie!"
 
This is a jokes thread not a grammar thread so please stop it. The AUP is one thing but your trying to turn GTP into a posh gentlemans club.
rant over
 
Waitress: "Plate or platter?"

Customer: "I don't understand the question, and I won't answer."
 
Heartwarming lawyer story

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated,"You may come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place--the grass is almost a foot high."
 
Roo
I went into a supermarket and this guy started throwing milk, eggs and butter at me. I thought 'How dairy!'
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..which reminds me, I was at the supermarket yesterday and bought some
powdered water. But I dont know what to add to it.
 
I was walking to my class today when this chick comes up to me, confusing me for someone else, and tells me thanks for joining the Vegetarian Club.. I've never met herbivore.
 
Gob: I did the right thing, Michael. If I don't fire them, how do I teach a lesson to the others?

Michael: There are no others. You fired everyone.
 
Why are you quoting Arrested Development? Repeatedly?
 
In the context of the show, yes.

As random samplings? Not so much. Or maybe, again, it's just me.
 
Uh, no.Not even mildly amusing. That's as funny as this joke.

Q: How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One.
 
Crooooooow
It's definitely you my friend.
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No, I don't think anyone but you thinks they're funny, unless they have that specific episode playing while reading your post.

Besides, it's a bit late to be getting on the Arrested Development bandwagon, isn't it? The show has been canceled for years, :lol:

From,
Chris.
 
A Latino man who spoke no English went into an American department store to buy socks. He found his way to the Men's Wear department where a young lady offered to help him.
"Quiero calcetines" said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines." said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.
"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack." offered the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines." insisted the man.
"These sweaters are top quality." the salesgirl probed.
"No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines." said the man.
"Our undershirts are over here." fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.
"No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines." the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed "Eso sí que es!."

"Well, if you could spell it, why didn't you do that in the beginning?" asked the exasperated salesgirl.

It's best to read it out loud if you don't get it the first time ;)
 

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