Jokes!!

  • Thread starter Thread starter DQuaN
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A dwarf fortune teller has escaped from prison.

Police are looking for a small medium at large.
 
Daniel
A Latino man who spoke no English went into an American department store to buy socks. He found his way to the Men's Wear department where a young lady offered to help him.
"Quiero calcetines" said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines." said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.
"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack." offered the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines." insisted the man.
"These sweaters are top quality." the salesgirl probed.
"No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines." said the man.
"Our undershirts are over here." fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.
"No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines." the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed "Eso sí que es!."

"Well, if you could spell it, why didn't you do that in the beginning?" asked the exasperated salesgirl.

It's best to read it out loud if you don't get it the first time ;)
Click to expand...
I dont get that and I tried what you said.
 
Why was the prisoner set free early?

There was no probable Kaz.


What do you call a Gran Turismo game that gets released on time?

A rebel without a Kaz.
 
Don't know if this joke has already been told, but anyway:

In a WWII airshow, a B-17 escorted by an F-18 was flying by the area. And the F-18's pilot bored, told the B-17 pilot:

F-18: "I bet i can do everything you do, and better"
B-17: "Ok!"

10 minutes later...

F-18: "So, are you gonna do something?"
B-17: "I've done something already..."
F-18: "What have you done?"
B-17: "I turned off two engines"
 
The priest heard that the hunter Joe is cursing heavily.
So, he goes to Joe and asks him to go hunting with him.
They enter the forest and see a rabbit. Joe prepares the rifle, targets, shoots, and misses.
-"🤬 rabbit, 🤬 rifle, 🤬 scope..."-
-"Do not curse Joe, God remembers everything."-
They walk a bit more and they see a deer.
Again Joe prepares, targets, and misses.
-"🤬 deer, 🤬 rifle..."-
-"Do not curse, Joe, God remembers every curse you say."-
At that moment, a storm begins. The priest hides beneath a tree and is hit by lightning.Joe survives and runs away. The only sound comes from the sky:"🤬 gun, 🤬 scope, 🤬 tree, 🤬 priest...

Great one Madbigdog!
The F-18 would fall, as it only has two engines.
 
Madbigdog
Don't know if this joke has already been told, but anyway:

In a WWII airshow, a B-17 escorted by an F-18 was flying by the area. And the F-18's pilot bored, told the B-17 pilot:

F-18: "I bet i can do everything you do, and better"
B-17: "Ok!"

10 minutes later...

F-18: "So, are you gonna do something?"
B-17: "I've done something already..."
F-18: "What have you done?"
B-17: "I turned off two engines"
Click to expand...

good one, the version I heard was a b-52 and some similar fighter.
 
Madbigdog
Don't know if this joke has already been told, but anyway:

In a WWII airshow, a B-17 escorted by an F-18 was flying by the area. And the F-18's pilot bored, told the B-17 pilot:

F-18: "I bet i can do everything you do, and better"
B-17: "Ok!"

10 minutes later...

F-18: "So, are you gonna do something?"
B-17: "I've done something already..."
F-18: "What have you done?"
B-17: "I turned off two engines"
Click to expand...

I chuckled at this, but my only problem is that the F-18 can also run on half of it's engine power. I know it's taking a joke to far, but whatever.
 
The missus was watching a cookery programme the other day.

I said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."

She said, "You watch porn."


Bitch.
 
This is a VERY dumb joke I thought of myself....

How do most trucks get around?


...........



Running boards.
 
I bought twelve bottles of Tipp-Ex* this morning.

Huuuuuuuuge mistake.



*White-Out
 
Here's a now funny joke,

Everybody has been killing themselves over wanting GT5 to be in their hands now. But now they'll get what they wanted after 4 years. :sly:

Not funny? Not suppose to be.
 
Crooooooow
Here's a now funny joke,

Everybody has been killing themselves over wanting GT5 to be in their hands now. But now they'll get what they wanted after 4 years. :sly:

Not funny? Not suppose to be.
Click to expand...

Funny?

It doesn't even make sense....

Try making sense first, then worry about being funny. :lol:
 
What happened to the frog when he parked illegally?








He got toad.



I'll get my coat.
 

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