Jokes!!

[FendRhodes]

This one's for all you car enthusiasts
Dude: Hey girl can you make me a sammich?

Dudette: No

Dude: Why are we even dating then?

Dudette: Because we love each other

Dude: I'm sorry what did you say?

Dudette: Dude... I think you need to be more communicative with me

Dude: Alright that's it, i'm Audi

 

[Kryz11]

Meh.

 

[Rykon Zero]

What.

I sadly do not get that.

 

[Teh_Loserer]

What's the difference between Penthouse magazine and Cirque du Soliel?

One's a cunning array of stunts...

 

[TB]

I sadly do not get that.

I'm not in the least bit sad that I don't.

 

[Joel]

What's the difference between Penthouse magazine and Cirque du Soliel?

One's a cunning array of stunts...

What do they call the female track team?

The Cunning Runts.

 

[Teh_Loserer]

What do they call the female track team?

The Cunning Runts.

Haha, that's awesome.

I live in Houston, and Spanish is a very common language here.
At one point, I was working at a car dealership and we were joining a softball league, so we had to come up with a team name.

I submitted "Cool Arrows," which sounds an awful lot like culeros.
We definitely got some laughs.

 

[Talon]

What.

I sadly do not get that.

He said "I'm Audi" instead of "I'm out."

I would say I ruined that joke, but I really couldn't have made it any worse.

 

[PureAwesomeness]

How to make a joke playing on the word 'Audi'

What do you say to a cowboy in an A4?

 

[Rykon Zero]

What does Audi have anything to do with thee joke, other than being pasted on the end as an afterthought?

And I have no idea.

 

[TB]

If one were inclined to talk to a cowboy and said cowboy wasn't in an F-350, one could say "Audi, pardner."

Or

"Get out of my Audi."

 

[infamousDee]

What's the difference between Penthouse magazine and Cirque du Soliel?

One's a cunning array of stunts...

Legendary post.

 

[CTznOfTime]

What's the difference between Penthouse magazine and Cirque du Soliel?

One's a cunning array of stunts...

I dont get it? What's "Penthouse magazine" ??





?

 

[SRV2LOW4ME]

I dont get it? What's "Penthouse magazine" ??





?

A magazine your dad gets in the mail. Go ask him if you can read his latest copy.

 

[TB]

I dont get it? What's "Penthouse magazine" ??

They occasionally have articles about cars and then just get better from there.

 

[Eric Demory]

This one's for all you car enthusiasts
Dude: Hey girl can you make me a sammich?

Dudette: No

Dude: Why are we even dating then?

Dudette: Because we love each other

Dude: I'm sorry what did you say?

Dudette: Dude... I think you need to be more communicative with me

Dude: Alright that's it, i'm Audi

Whenever you are single, all you see are couples, but whenever you are a couple, all you see are hookers.

 

[Lizard]

A blonde is sitting in first class on a flight to new york with a standard class ticket and everyone trys to move her with no sucsess till the pilot who is married to a blonde says first class isnt going to new york.
the blonde gets up and moves.

 

[exigeracer]

My friend adopted a dog from a blacksmith.

As soon as they got home, the dog made a bolt for the door.

 

[Rykon Zero]

A blonde is sitting in first class on a flight to new york with a standard class ticket and everyone trys to move her with no sucsess till the pilot who is married to a blonde says first class isnt going to new york.
the blonde gets up and moves.

My friend adopted a dog from a blacksmith.

As soon as they got home, the dog made a bolt for the door.

 

[Lizard]

Ok try again.
Bill Clinton is watching baseball and one of his aids whispers in his ear.
He then grabs Hillary and hauls her over onto the pitch.
the aid then whispers.
Mr president I said it was time to throw the first pitch.

 

[TB]

 

[CTznOfTime]

A magazine your dad gets in the mail. Go ask him if you can read his latest copy.

They occasionally have articles about cars and then just get better from there.

Thanks guys ...

... but that was my (lame) attempt at contributing to this thread.
i guess it didn't work so well...

I dont get it? What's "Penthouse magazine" ??

Whenever you are single, all you see are couples, but whenever you are a couple, all you see are hookers.

👍


nice one about the blonde in first class

why "No" ?!

for the previous B.Clinton joke
.... just replace the "p" by "b" on the very last word

 

[CTznOfTime]

double post... please erase

 

[TB]

.... just replace the "p" by "b" on the very last word

Never said I didn't get it. What's painful about haitch's "jokes" is their delivery.

 

[CTznOfTime]

Never said I didn't get it. What's painful about haitch's "jokes" is their delivery.

oh ok... fair enough. No wonder i found it strange that, out of everyone, you be the one who wouldn't get the joke, but you did... So my bad for not understanding clearly your message out of that one smilies

i know what you mean by delivery

 

[Jedi2016]

That one would have worked better using the American word "field" instead of "pitch". I know what a pitch is, but most folks I know over here don't.

 

[Daniel]

This delivery any better?

The Clintons are watching baseball and then one of his aids whispers into Bill's ear. He then grabs Hillary and then hauls her over onto the field.
The aid then whispers into Clinton's ear again, "Sir, I said 'It's time to throw the first pitch'!"

 

[Eric Demory]

Easy: Bill Clinton like anyone he can get his sticky hands on.

 

[PureAwesomeness]

Did you hear about the baker who made a girlfriend out of dough?

He just kneaded someone to love.

 

[Neal]

Did you hear about the butcher's apprentice who got sacked for putting his "little fella" in the bacon slicer?

Well she was the butcher's daughter.