The Book of Turismo

Discussion in 'Gran Turismo 5' started by Schwartz, Nov 26, 2011.

  1. Schwartz

    Schwartz Premium

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    The Book of Turismo

    From hereforth, all men faithful and loyal to the awesome power of Gran Turismo shall be known as Turismites, followers of Turismanity, Believers in the Almighty Kaz, creator and protector of all things Turismo who hails from the great house of Polyphonus Digitalus. Apex.

    - Thou shall spread the word as it's written in the great forum of GTPlanet.
    - There's only one Console, the PlayStation, and Gran Turismo is His Game.
    - Thou shalt not preach war with the Forzites.
    - Thou shalt not be in thine 12th year of living and useth thine microphone.
    - Remember the Race day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Race of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who works at the taco stand in the Nurburgring. For in six days the Lord made the Poyphony Digital and the Gran Turismo, the Nurburgring, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Yamauchi blessed the Race day and hallowed it.
    - Thou shall love "The Entertainer" and it shall become thy ringtone.
    (Entertainer is the name of the GT Auto song if you didn't know)
    - Thou shalt not drive thy X2010 whilst in the presence of other gamers in an online lobby. This is among the most unforgivable of sins, and is punishable by an instant damnation to the gloomy depths of the "You have been kicked" screen.
    - Thou shall not dispraise the holy GT-R.
    - Neither shalt thou duplicate cars of 1,000,000 credits and over.
    - Thou shalt covet thine neighbors awesome internet connection.
    - Thou shall buyeth and useth a proper wheel from the book of Logitech: chapter G:27.
    - Thou shall train thy children in the way of Turismo.
    - On the 4th day, Kaz Almighty created the sun. He forgot to let the sun set on some locations.
    - Thou shall take proper breaks so as to not developed carpal tunnel syndrome.
    - Thou shalt raise your B-spec Bob children slaves to lead obedient and rigorous grinding lives.
    - On the second day He craned His neck to notice thine rims were standard and did sweep forth and with his power make them changeable.
    - Kaz also decreed, in the year 2.02, that all shall have the free will to modify HUD and His children were sated ere they long for year 3.0.
    - Overtake unto others as you would have them overtake unto you.
    - Let he who is without spinout cast the first red cone.
    - Now I lay me down to sleep,
    I pray to Kaz my garage to keep:
    May Kaz guard bob through the night
    And give him victory by the morning light.


    ZeLemon has taken the liberty of creating a Facebook group! You are all welcome to join The Official Facebook Group of the Turismists

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The Gospels of shem

    Our Diver, which art in Asphalt,
    Hallowed be thy V12.
    Thy Turbo come.
    Thy will be done in Sarthe,
    As it is in Nürburg.
    Give us this day our daily fuel.
    And forgive us our tyre wear,
    As we forgive them that trade paint against us.
    And lead us not into blocking,
    But deliver us from the Gravel.
    For thine is the Piston,
    The power, and the traction,
    For ever and ever.
    Apex.

    ---------------

    1. GT is my shepherd; I shall not want.
    2. It maketh me to drive in green pastures: it leadeth me beside the pit lane.
    3. It restoreth my chassis: it driveth me in the slipstream of righteousness for his name's sake.
    4. Yea, though I race through the valley of the shadow of Kallenhard, I will fear no understeer: for thou art with me; thy shock and thy springs they comfort me.
    5. Thou preparest an opening before me in the presence of mine rivals: thou anointest my sump with oil; my fuel tank runneth over.
    6. Surely race suits and paint chips shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of GT for ever.

    ---------------

    The Sermon on the Mount Eiger NordWand


    And seeing the multitudes, he went up into Trail Mountain: and when he was set, his drivers came unto him:
    And he opened his helmet, and taught them, saying,
    Blessed are the poor in skill: for theirs is the kingdom of Gravel.
    Blessed are they that crash: for they shall be comforted.
    Blessed are the Red Bulls: for they shall inherit the earth.
    Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after tyres and fuel: for they shall be filled.
    Blessed are the corner cutters: for they shall obtain no penalty.
    Blessed are the pure in carbon fiber: for they shall see Him.
    Blessed are the pace cars: for they shall be called the children of Him.
    Blessed are they which are persecuted for over use of racing softs: for theirs is the kingdom of grip.
    Blessed are ye, when men shall cut you up, and out-brake you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
    Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in Nurburg: for so persecuted they the racers which were before you.

    ---------------

    On the first day He looked upon thine humble garage and decried "You shall have content for downloading five moons from now." And it was so.
    On the second day He craned His neck to notice thine rims were standard and did sweep forth and with his power make them changeable.
    On the third day He lost chassis stability through Bergwerk and sent forth 10 coupons for maintenance.
    On the forth day He saw our troubles cashing in tickets and declared "This is taking too long!" and so gave the ability to make multiple collections.
    On the fifth day He heard thy V8's low grumble and did make it a powerful roar.
    On the sixth and seventh days He sat back and marvelled at his doing while watching the motor-sports on TV

    ---------------
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2016
  2. m8h3r

    m8h3r Premium

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    Thou shalt not ram other racers.
     
  3. vandaliser

    vandaliser (Banned)

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    Thou shalt not kick someone out for beating your ass fair and square
     
  4. Darren.

    Darren.

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    Thou Shalt not glitch
     
  5. HumanDestroyah

    HumanDestroyah Premium

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    Thou shalt not drive against the flow of traffic.


    Edit: Thou shalt not abuse in game chat whilst spectating.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2011
  6. noisiaturismo

    noisiaturismo (Banned)

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    There's only one Console, the PlayStation, and Gran Turismo is His Game.
     
  7. GfxJG

    GfxJG

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    Thou shalt not be in thine 12th year of living and useth thine microphone.
     
  8. Schwartz

    Schwartz Premium

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    ^Best one so far
     
  9. gslooney

    gslooney

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    Thou shall not talk down others and curse on voice comms when online.:censored:

    Thou shall forgive the mistakes of others :mad:

    Thou shall spread the word as it's written in the great forum of GTPlanet :gtpflag:
     
  10. noisiaturismo

    noisiaturismo (Banned)

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    Thou shall make a race on the Holy Track in Germany once a week.
    Thou shall give Cars to other people in The Game.
    Thou shall stop playing The Game to learn how The Holy AI Drivers do not experience.
    Thou shall make a Race with 7 laps once in your career
     
  11. devintheninja

    devintheninja (Banned)

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    thou shalt not use AWD in a drift room

    thou shalt not threaten to report someone for not changing room setting to allow AWD for drifting

    thou shalt have race etiquette


    yea this happened to me. dude got really heated when i didnt want to allow awd drifting in MY room.
     
  12. devintheninja

    devintheninja (Banned)

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    forgive me father for i have sinned many many times:ouch:
     
  13. seanneedscar

    seanneedscar

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    bwahahahahaha... Winnar!!
     
  14. seanneedscar

    seanneedscar

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    Thou shall let people use whatever F*king car they want. If they are dirty, kick them
     
  15. theotherspongey

    theotherspongey

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    :tup:
     
  16. devintheninja

    devintheninja (Banned)

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    negative. if they cant follow the host rules they will be kicked
     
  17. theotherspongey

    theotherspongey

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    Which hardly ever happens.
     
  18. tankuroded

    tankuroded

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    Thou shalt drive cleanly. ;)
     
  19. Schwartz

    Schwartz Premium

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    Thou shalt not covet thy opponent's automobile.
     
  20. GTShadowKing

    GTShadowKing

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    There's shall not be another 5 years of waiting.
     
  21. priesty_lfc

    priesty_lfc

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    Thou shall not use chrome for other than painting rims!!

    To many ruined cars with chrome paint jobs online!
     
  22. obsessive rules

    obsessive rules (Banned)

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    Thou hast not an ft-86 g-sports thou shant enter my lobby.
     
  23. turbolefty78

    turbolefty78

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    Thou shalt covet thine neighbors awesome internet connection.
    Keep holy thine Nascar, for there can be none other.
    Thou shalt not commit adultery to GT5 by playing Forza.
     
  24. Bobert power

    Bobert power

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    Thou shall not rage kick those in Ferrari F1 rooms just because they can't beat a certain person like me.
     
  25. GOTMAXPOWER

    GOTMAXPOWER

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    If I'm leading: Thou shalt not pass :D
     
  26. PS3GamerxD

    PS3GamerxD

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    Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord, thy God, Kazunori Yamauchi in vain, for he will removeth thy PSN.
     
  27. Malc01

    Malc01

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    Thou shat not tune cars under 600pp on racing softs!

    [PP Number up for debate]
     
  28. McClarenDesign

    McClarenDesign Premium

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    +1
    Thou shalt not use thine horn like a 5 year old douchebag.
    Thou shall remember the Dirty Shuffle, and keep it Holy.
    Thou shalt not covet thine neighbors Shuffled car (thine wife is fair game, for she distracts).
    Thou shalt not compare The Holiness to that other hunk of junk from that other company on that other console.
    Thou shall use "Search" before posting a new topic on this forum.(this thread excluded)
     
  29. seanyb505

    seanyb505

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    Thou shalt not go and get the same car as the winner of the last race.
    Thou shalt accept responsibility to not punt when passing.
    Three shalt be the number thou shalt count to, and the number thou shalt count to shall be three. Upon reaching three, (being the third number reached)...
     
  30. tazmanuk

    tazmanuk

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    Good One ^

    Thou shall love "The Entertainer" and it shall become thy ringtone.