The Book of Turismo

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Upon entering the holy shrine of GT Auto, young Kazunori became instantly disoriented by the white emptiness extending infinitely in all directions, and by the endless cycle of "The Entertainer" playing in the background. A man with a yellow shirt and a clip board approached Kaz and said "Welcome to GT Auto! We offer a diverse variety of detailed services, covering everything from regular maintenance like washing your car and oil changes, to more serious maintenance, such as engine and chassis overhauls. We'll even paint your cars or perform racing modifications, transforming your favorite car into a full racing machine. Everything you need to support your motoring life is available here!" Kazunori, still in awe of the sheer holiness that is GT Auto, could only muster up but one single sentence to the man with the clip board. "May I have an oil change, your holiness?"
The man replied "Oil changes cost 250 credits. And Please, call me Bob, for I, unlike most who reside in the House of GT Auto, use artificial intelegence to race in my free time." Kazunori took his wallet out of his pocket, removed 250 credits, and gave the credits to the man.
Suddenly, Kaz's GTR which had accompanied him on the long journey from the circular garage icon to the yellow rectangular icon of GT Auto rose into the air. A man who looked identical to the man Kaz had just been talking to slid under the GTR for a few seconds, then slid back out. Kaz's GTR softly touched back down onto the reflective white surface that is the floor of GT Auto.

Thats it for now, but I might continue the story later.
 
sorry double post..
 
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Okay as Schwartz38 said I'm going to try finish the story, and then do a quote on the Ten or more Carmandments

Firstly the incomplete story. (now completed. took about a hour.)

Little Leroy went to his mother demanding a new DLC. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well Leroy, it isn't Turismas (Christmas) and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Kaz and pray for one instead." After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Kaz.

Dear Kaz, I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new DLC.
Your Friend, Leroy.

Now, Leroy knew that Kaz really knew what kind of boy he was (brat), so he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.

Dear Kaz, I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new DLC.
Your Truly, Leroy

Well, Leroy knew this wasn't totally honest, so he tore it up and tried again.

Dear Kaz, I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a new DLC?
Leroy

Well, Leroy looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his mother really wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trash can and went running outside. He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the way he treated his parents and really considered his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Holy Garage of Polyphonus Digitus. Leroy went inside and knelt down in a pool of old oil, looking around not knowing what he should really do. Leroy finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a small one and ran out the door. He went home, hid it under his bed and wrote this letter.

Kaz, I've got your precious GT-R. If you ever want to see it again, give me a DLC!
Sincerely, You know who.

And later on that night Kaz raged with fury as he thought this child was the son of Forza. He thought over his mind how he could possibly make the child happy without losing out on something.

It was new years eve and the year was 1.11 and Leroy was getting impatient waiting for the new millennium 2.0. So he decided that he would write another letter to Kaz, but decided to type an email instead as the post wouldn't get there for a couple weeks, and that Kaz probably wouldn't read it anyway.

Title: IMPORTANT

I HAVE YOUR PRECIOUS GT-R SO GIVE ME SOME FREE DLC OR ELSE.

Thank you for taking the time to read this,
Yours Faithfully,
Leroy.

When Kaz saw this he instantly replied that they read your letters and that they'd sercretly been working on it for the last few weeks so they could realise it for new year, and that he would not get it for free since they put so much into it.

Leroy was very dissapointed by this as his mother doesn't own a credit card and he considered himself lucky to even have medium speed broadband.

And he typed furiously back to him stating.

Look I'm sorry for my attitude but my mom doesn't have a credit card and I would quite like to have it anyway but as it seems that won't happen. Anyway if you want your GT-R back you can have it as I don't see why i should keep it from you.

And after all of this had been done Leroy realised he'd missed the cometh of 2.0 and he went to sleep. he woke up the next morning with a improved version of 2.0 brought back from the year 2.02 and a greetings card from Kaz. He opened up the card and said I have given you the current DLC and one of the future as you have seen maturity and owned up to your wrongdoings and tried to set them straight. This is part of maturity and hopefully you will grow up into a very good courtious man. Apex my son.

Apex.

THE TEN CARMANDMENTS:

1. Thou shall spread the word as it's written in the great forum of GTPlanet.

2. There's only one Console, the PlayStation, and Gran Turismo is His Game.

3. Thou shalt not preach war with the Forzites.

4. You shall not misuse the name of Kazunori Yamauchi your son of Polyphonus Digitus.

5. You must not kill your tyres by thus driving recklessly unless hearby drifting.

6. Thou shall take proper breaks so as to not developed carpal tunnel syndrome.

7. On the 4th day, Kaz Almighty created the sun. He forgot to let the sun set on some locations.

8. Thou shall not dispraise the holy GT-R.

9. Neither shalt thou duplicate cars of 1,000,000 credits and over.

10. You must not commit adultery by trading for or driving a car below your A-Spec level.

There are my own ideas of the ten carmanments and a few from the OP in the final ten as i see it.

Apex.
 
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Upon Entry in The Beginning, The GT Life Home, Believers encounter Kaz's Statement, etched beautifully on a red digital card. This message sends an interminable amount of praise and honor to all Believers, where He never in the Nine Divines shall ignore or betray His own followers. He and include Polyphonus promise to their beating hearts, onto this continuous letter. And to close, His own golden signature. All Believers may hope to see all of his apprentices sign this Holy Document.




Apex.
 
And let it be known that gamingoneasy duth purchase the playstation of the third with GT5 One year of this earths passing...ago.
But ,at finding a feweth of the games great tests impossible to complete, He casteth the game asunder.Returning it to the mighty gameth of station and swapping the mighty GT5 for some other tat.
Now behold, for gamingoneasy has returned to thine alter of apexes and now takes charge of "the disk of auto" once more.
That he may find true salvation once again.


Apex

in other words...

count me in !
 
And Schulze approached the Lord Kaz, and concerned said, "Lord, there be no petrol left for us to use, we may have to forfeit the race." He replied, "What will you have of me?" He observed 4 jerry cans laying by the Holy GT-R. Each would be able to hold 40 litres. " Fill those jerry cans with water," He commanded the pit crew, "And take them to the chief." So the pit did as He said, and filled the cans up with water from a tap in the room. Again, as he said, the crew brought the cans to Crew Chief Schulze, and astonished, Schulze exclaimed, "Petrol!" As the room filled of the scent of 103 Octane, a flash of delight danced about the room, of the transformation of water to petrol.
 
Thou shall randomly talk in old english online.

Second funniest thing I have ever done online. Thanks for inspiring the idea 👍
 
"'Twas the eve of 2.02 and Shem did loadeth the Station of Play for the cometh of the new era. In his strive for the update Kaz did test his faith and cut blunt the data carriage not once but four times in number.
Shem did ask to Him "Why, oh Lord, do you smite thy chance to be merry in 2.02?" and the Lord of Turismo did reply "Do not ask why, just believe in me and I shall show you the asphalt path. Resign from your update until 5 moons have past and thy servers are peaceful once more"
It was with heavy heart that Shem did trust in the Lord Kaz and began the wait for the new era. During this time no races were raced and no bonus collected.
On the fifth day Shem did continue the journey to 2.02 after five days and nights of fasting slowing from race-craft. This time, at the eve of 2.02, was known as the Slow of Shem."


granturismo.gif

Apex​
 
shem
"'Twas the eve of 2.02 and Shem did loadeth the Station of Play for the cometh of the new era. In his strive for the update Kaz did test his faith and cut blunt the data carriage not once but four times in number.
Shem did ask to Him "Why, oh Lord, do you smite thy chance to be merry in 2.02?" and the Lord of Turismo did reply "Do not ask why, just believe in me and I shall show you the asphalt path. Resign from your update until 5 moons have past and thy servers are peaceful once more"
It was with heavy heart that Shem did trust in the Lord Kaz and began the wait for the new era. During this time no races were raced and no bonus collected.
On the fifth day Shem did continue the journey to 2.02 after five days and nights of fasting slowing from race-craft. This time, at the eve of 2.02, was known as the Slow of Shem."


Apex
Click to expand...

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

This MUST be voted funniest post EVER but certainly for 2011!!

Can't stoppeth the loleth :lol:
 
The great sunwheel known as DFGT riseth in the sky this fine day and shineth upon all the children of Kaz, may thine holidays be filled with races & new hardware to aid thee in thine quest for virtual speed :)

Happy holidays!

HP
 
Thou must find a way to sleep while waiting for the arrival of thou's Turismists paraphernalia, item g/model 27.

Many moons I must wait. The great Kaz wants me to fast, and fast I shall.
 
DJones
Thou must find a way to sleep while waiting for the arrival of thou's Turismists paraphernalia, item g/model 27.

Many moons I must wait. The great Kaz wants me to fast, and fast I shall.
Click to expand...

Ah, yes. You must be refering to one of our holy commandments:
Thou shalt buyeth and useth a proper wheel from the book of Logitech: chapter G:27.

You have learned the ways of Turismo well.
 
Thou shalt not judge tunes unless thine custom tunes be judged. If thou shalt judge tunes with out His judgement, then thou too shalt be judged.
 
And the year of the Kaz did end & the year of the piston did begin this very day...

Hearken, Shem!

Speak to us thine wise words & bestow unto us thine sage advice for this most glorious of years to come!

Apex :bowdown:
 
The Begining of 2.02 has dawned and the wait for 2.0? has begun, for the Lord Kaz did not abandon us after of a year of updates and did promise forthcoming glory in laer DLC!

Apex!
 
Revolutions 13:18

This calls for wisdom. If anyone have insight, let him remember the name of the beast, for it has ridiculous power. It's name is Bugatti Veyron.
 
bluexterra
Overtake unto others, as you would have them overtake unto you.
Click to expand...

I like this. Its going into the OP.

Thou shalt not alter the appearance of a DeLorean, for it destroys the nostalgic value and beauty of it.
 
Thou shalt seek wisdom from the disciples of Kaz for they are Stealth & Chromeline...

Wisdom ye doth gain from driving these most rare of disciples. Gain ye knowledge from the Editions de Signatúrê lę Collectorê only for nay canst they be shared so nay canst thee borrow for they are holy and revered :bowdown:
 
Thou shalt turneth off all thine in-race hymns so as to not defileth the ringing sounds of the all mighty engine roar.
 

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