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- Ireland
- The__Luke
Results may vary when used on teachers.
Results may vary when used on teachers.
Got involved in a minor fight at school today (the full story is in the High School thread), but I'm just going to be up front and honest here how I usually am, I'm worried that my crush is going to find out and get scared away.
I guess you could say that's it a bit of both.
Well i was DJ'in at a Semi-Formal Dance at a College... 2 hours 30min into the set..
A girl comes up gives me a piece of paper with a # that says Kayla.
Well that's a first
I have some advice for you from someone who is much older but recognizes your mindset because it was my own when I was a teenager. Your/my problem is/was threefold IMO.Got involved in a minor fight at school today (the full story is in the High School thread), but I'm just going to be up front and honest here how I usually am, I'm worried that my crush is going to find out and get scared away.
Actually there is a lot to it, but this advice, while comical, actually does work, the caveat is that you have to have some experience to know when and where it's appropriate. In my experience, many women, even in this day and age, still prefer a confident and yes sometimes cocky fella.
It's not just about the confidence, imho. From my experience, a lot of women do like a guy who's a bit on the dominant side of things. My girlfriend, for example, likes it when I grab her butt because it shows that she's mine, for example. Not like I'd need much reason to do it... The tricky part is doing such stuff without coming across like a creep who's harassing her, so it's not the sort of stuff to do on a first date. I'd recommend a bit of gallantry and gentleman-like behaviour to offset such brisk behaviour as well
But confidence has a limit. I don't know how you actually laid your hands on a woman in North America.
I actually understand every word you said. Its hard to go about such a thing in a proper way, because I have absolutely no expedience with this kind of thing, and I only have very few people to ask for advice about it, who happen to be some of my closest friends. Not once in my entire life from the day I was born to now, have I had anyone to talk to because things like this never really came up. And plus, there's only a limited amount of things that I'm comfortable talking about. Most of what I do know, which to be honest isn't much more than the super obvious stuff, I can thank a very close friend of mine for, who shall remain nameless. But even with his help, there's still things out there that I have no idea how to go about.I have some advice for you from someone who is much older but recognizes your mindset because it was my own when I was a teenager. Your/my problem is/was threefold IMO.
One is you are too focused on the outcome and not on the method. You are thinking solely about how things will turn out rather than focusing on the job at hand, which is simply having a conversation with a girl you like. You have to train yourself to have the mental discipline to simply talk to a woman, even one you really like, solely for the enjoyment of talking to her and having a conversation with her, not because you want something from her and hope to get it as fast as possible.
Second, maybe you aren't getting enough practice. Talk to lots of women, all kinds of women. At the bus stop, in the hall at school, in the mall, your Mom's friends, your sister's friends etc. etc. etc. Not world altering in depth conversations, but small things, like standing beside someone at the mall looking in a store window and saying, "Wow that's really cheap, last week it was $XX", not, "Wow you're really pretty, would you like to go on a date?" Small things sometimes lead to big things or lead you down paths you never thought you would go. Stop thinking about dating and getting worked up over it and just think about talking to women. Practice and failure will teach you how to converse with women without feeling like a tool and without coming across as one because we all do at first trust me.
Third problem is, your goals are way too high. Your immediate goal with any woman should never be a date or girlfriend status. Your goal should be having a normal conversation with her about anything and everything except for your feelings and her feelings and going on a date. If you have that conversation you've succeeded. Your next goal is a second conversation..etc. etc. One small step at a time.
Once I stopped focusing on what I wanted and backed it up a few notches to just having a conversation, everything fell into place. The confidence built fairly quickly and I was able to talk to anyone about anything and then all the barriers fell down. I still get nervous even to this day, talking with a woman I really like for the first time, but if I have a normal conversation and don't say anything stupid, and make her laugh (that's key by the way) I've succeeded. After that it's just natural, you talk, you flirt, you laugh and if it's meant to be it'll happen without really trying.
No criticism intended here either. I was a train wreck through most of high school and only hit my stride in grade 12/13 and when I went off to university. Some guys are born with a gift for this and I admire that, most of us have to work at it like any other acquired skill.
And if you get shot down...so what? There's only billions of other women.
