The General Relationship Thread

[MoLiEG]

Ohhhh boi... here we go again...

Long Story short, I started dating some girl in March and now we are a couple! (Yay! )

But since May, from time to time, she brings up this conversation that some male friend of hers wants to have a trio with us... the 1st time it was funny and I thought she wasn't serious, so I simply told her I'm not into that stuff, that I only want to be with her and that I loved her, and she said she would tell this friend not to mention that again..

It's been a few months and guess what? She keeps bringing that up. and this male friend... well, I'm not 100% sure that he doesn't want something else with my lady, despite she told me he has a girlfriend. It went from "funny" to "not so funny" to "this is starting to hurt me". And today, that we were talking about doing some, well, sexy stuff to keep the passion burning... she mentioned that AGAIN.

So I finally told her it was enough. I asked if she really wanted to do that, if she wasn't happy or I wasn't enough for her or what else I could do to improve myself and yeah, told her she was hurting me. She apologized and said it was something she would really want to try if she wasn't on a serious relationship. But right after her "apology" she started to become distant, hostile, and even came up with 2 strange things: 1) Now she doesn't want to see me on Satuday, which is the day we usually see each other, and 2) A strange dinner with some friends appeared today...

So... am I wrong to defend my ideals and my feelings towards my relationship? Is it wrong if I start thinking she might drop me because of this? Or that she might start looking for a way to have that trio without telling me?

And BTW... this girl has freaking VULVODYNIA. So we can't do anything because it will hurt her.

And last Thursday said she felt insecure because she can't please me physically, and that she is afraid of losing me because of that.

But yeah, apparently she became upset because I won't do a trio with her...

Any advice or thoughts?

 

[Ze Elephant]

So... am I wrong to defend my ideals and my feelings towards my relationship? Is it wrong if I start thinking she might drop me because of this? Or that she might start looking for a way to have that trio without telling me?

...

Any advice or thoughts?

In no way are you in the wrong for holding fast to what you are comfortable with and think is right. If she's not willing to accept your values, then she's not worth it in my opinion.

It seems like after she hasn't gotten what she wants, she's trying to guilt you into making it happen anyways. If it goes any farther, then at least one of you, likely both of you, are going to be extremely hurt or lying in a puddle of regret.

Personally, I think you'll be better off dropping her and moving on to a woman that's also interested in the kind of committed relationship you're looking for. You've stated your desire to be in a serious, monogamous relationship, and if she doesn't respect that, then get out while you're ahead.

 

[MoLiEG]

In no way are you in the wrong for holding fast to what you are comfortable with and think is right. If she's not willing to accept your values, then she's not worth it in my opinion.

It seems like after she hasn't gotten what she wants, she's trying to guilt you into making it happen anyways. If it goes any farther, then at least one of you, likely both of you, are going to be extremely hurt or lying in a puddle of regret.

Personally, I think you'll be better off dropping her and moving on to a woman that's also interested in the kind of committed relationship you're looking for. You've stated your desire to be in a serious, monogamous relationship, and if she doesn't respect that, then get out while you're ahead.

In no way I'm allowing that to happen. It is extremely incongruent with everything she has told me and incompatible with my morals. She is basically asking me to participate in something that can only be described as the most terrifying nightmare I could ever have.

The 1st thing she also told me when we talked about this (back when it was funny), she said she wanted and old-school, serious, romantic and monogamic relationship. This only makes me think she hasn't been honest with me and that there might be someone else in her mind.

I can't make a decision without confronting her face to face. But man, when I see her, she is going to hear me. I'm upset, angry, and feel EXACTLY the same as I felt 2 years ago. And I'm not walking that road again...

 

[Akmuq]

But yeah, apparently she became upset because I won't do a trio with her...

Any advice or thoughts?

Send it.

 

[Team THRT Drift]

started to become distant, hostile,

A strange dinner with some friends appeared today...

But yeah, apparently she became upset because I won't do a trio with her...

Any advice or thoughts?

If all is true...

 

[W3H5]

Felt like I’d chime in after reading through the “trio” saga for a bit.

If she wants to go 2 up on dudes then she should have done that when single. It’s fair that she asked you, of course, because you should know each other’s fantasies, but she should have dropped it when you said you weren’t interested.

 

[MoLiEG]

Felt like I’d chime in after reading through the “trio” saga for a bit.

If she wants to go 2 up on dudes then she should have done that when single. It’s fair that she asked you, of course, because you should know each other’s fantasies, but she should have dropped it when you said you weren’t interested.

I know, that's why I can't understand why she wants it. (Promised she would never ever mention it ever again, but that remains to be seen)...

Anyway, I talked to her on Saturday and she apologized. It felt a little bit weird because I come from a relationship where everything was my fault no matter what (you all remember it, no need to explain)...

We talked about it and yes, turns out she has some curiosity for the BDSM world. I told her that it's not my style, but I can't say I don't like something until I try it. I told her that if she wants to bring some elements of that world to our relationship it will have to be slowly, because I'm not a dominant man, I barely know anything about it and I'm not exactly used to people following my orders. I told her that more than a Dominator, I'm here as a facilitator, and that I want nothing more but her happiness and to make her grow as a woman. And she said she was happy with that.

It's not the outcome I expected, but it allowed me to dig deeper into this girl's mind, and that's ok. And maybe, just maybe, it will allow me to dig a little bit deeper into mine.

Send it.

If all is true...

For now, I'm still in. She confirmed she just went for some icecream with her office colleagues (all girls, so no need to worry, for now...). She even showed me some pics.

I'll keep you updated.

 

[Team THRT Drift]

I'm here as a facilitator,

What... what is going on here????

I'm sorry but you're not some stepping stone for her the development of her womanhood. Love, and every aspect of love, is a two-way street. You both grow and develop in unison.

She's into some things, you're into others. There's compromises that have to take place.


Also, you need to sit down with her and set in boundaries as to what this Male friend can and cannot ask about the relationship.

Suggesting fantasies is a definite no-no.

 

[MoLiEG]

What... what is going on here????

I'm sorry but you're not some stepping stone for her the development of her womanhood. Love, and every aspect of love, is a two-way street. You both grow and develop in unison.

She's into some things, you're into others. There's compromises that have to take place.

Also, you need to sit down with her and set in boundaries as to what this Male friend can and cannot ask about the relationship.

Suggesting fantasies is a definite no-no.

I already did. I talked to her about this friend she has. She either stops taking advice from him or I'm done. I don't want to hear anything about that topic again. This is not the alternate reality where I allow that to happen.

About refering myself as a "Facilitator", what I meant with that is that I'm a natural born dominant person and that I can't pretend to be something I haven't been in my life and most importantly, that I don't like the "Dominator". It sounds super aggresive to me, like some kind of female abuser or something. And of course I mentioned that WE need to develop and grow as a couple, not only her. I'm not her or anyone's floormat.

I'm confident this will lead me somewhere, and I can only hope this lead US somewhere.

 

[MXH]

And BTW... this girl has freaking VULVODYNIA. So we can't do anything because it will hurt her.

And last Thursday said she felt insecure because she can't please me physically, and that she is afraid of losing me because of that.

But yeah, apparently she became upset because I won't do a trio with her...

Let me get this straight - She's insecure about not being able to physcially please you and due to that also afraid of losing you, yet doesn't mind being banged by two dudes in a threesome. You'd have to be a fool to fall for that considering her condition.

Don't be gullible. I'd say she most likely already made up her mind and wants to hop on the cock carousel. She shows absolutely no respect for your values nor the relationship.

If my girlfriend brought this up regularly, I'd drop her at the spot.

Edit :

I told her that more than a Dominator, I'm here as a facilitator, and that I want nothing more but her happiness and to make her grow as a woman. And she said she was happy with that.

Ah, I missed this.

What do they say : ''Happy wife, happy life''? This applies to just being in a relationship as well. That's pure simp mentality. The above makes perfect sense to me then.

 

[MoLiEG]

Let me get this straight - She's insecure about not being able to physcially please you and due to that also afraid of losing you, yet doesn't mind being banged by two dudes in a threesome. You'd have to be a fool to fall for that considering her condition.

Don't be gullible. I'd say she most likely already made up her mind and wants to hop on the cock carousel. She shows absolutely no respect for your values nor the relationship.

If my girlfriend brought this up regularly, I'd drop her at the spot.

Thankfully she hasn't mentioned it again. But I swear to god, she mentions that again, it's freaking over. I was clear.

Ah, I missed this.

What do they say : ''Happy wife, happy life''? This applies to just being in a relationship as well. That's pure simp mentality. The above makes perfect sense to me then.

I'm just going to quote myself so I don't have to write this again:

About refering myself as a "Facilitator", what I meant with that is that I'm a natural born dominant person and that I can't pretend to be something I haven't been in my life and most importantly, that I don't like the "Dominator". It sounds super aggresive to me, like some kind of female abuser or something. And of course I mentioned that WE need to develop and grow as a couple, not only her. I'm not her or anyone's floormat.

Basically, we grow together or we don't grow at all.

Maybe facilitator was not a good word, either... :/

Anyway...

I'm confident this will lead me somewhere, and I can only hope this lead US somewhere.

I am extremely surprised about this girl. I'm not going to enter into much detail, but hiding behind her cute face lies a woman that has.. a very interesting energy and well... has interesting desires...

Which btw, and thank god, are not as strange or wild or are against my values or limits... pretty basic stuff to be honest...

BUT... these days I've learned two important things about her. I kinda knew it might happen because this thing we are trying exposes a person in a way not many things can:

1.- She is very impatient.
2.- She is kinda paranoid.

Not going to talk about what happened because is not AUP friendly, but... I'm just gonna say she hurted herself by overeacting to 2 things that were 100% meaningless.

...

What da hell, there has been development during the writing of this post...

https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-qu...t-pregnant-if-i-have-sex-without-penetration/

There... she thinks we got pregnant... and now this has escalated to Nuclear levels...

She began talking about abortion, how irresponsible I am... how it is my fault that she now has to endure a visit to the gyno and the bleeding produced by the next day pill...

Ahhh... sounds like my ex all over again... crazy about stupid stuff...

A part of me wants to quit right now...

 

[Ze Elephant]

A part of me wants to quit right now...

It kinda sounds like this will be the best option.

Impatience and (we'll say mild) paranoia of some kind don't sound like a very fun or healthy kind of personality. Overreactions and, most importantly, immediately assigning all blame to you aren't healthy, either. She needs to: a) figure herself out, b) gain a sense of real world maturity, or c) both of the previous.

I'm going to cast my vote on losing her and moving on. You don't need or deserve that stress, negativity, and unwarranted blame.

 

[MXH]

Thankfully she hasn't mentioned it again. But I swear to god, she mentions that again, it's freaking over. I was clear.

Good. Stand your ground.

By the way, If I sounded way to harsh in my description it's because I've I know or have known guys go through similiar BS. The next step is usually the girlfriend wanting an open relationship.

Basically, we grow together or we don't grow at all.

That's alright and I can get behind that mindset. However, to me it sounded as if you'd do anything to make her happy even if it ment you'd be miserable. But I now see that's not the case. 👍

A part of me wants to quit right now...

Going by what you've been writing here, she has more red flags than North Korea. Not worth the headache. Also, demand a paternity test if she claims she's pregnant and would might want to keep it.

 

[MoLiEG]

@MXH , @Ze Elephant ... the worst case scenario is already unfolding...

Girl is feeling awful (lots of blood, headache, list goes on) and in her pain she is taking even more bad turns...

It's happening and there is no going back. Once it is confirmed she is not pregnant she looks like she is 100% out.

It is only a matter of days.

Edit: hours... maybe hours...

 

[MoLiEG]

Sorry for the double post.

So, things got extremely awful in the last few days... In fact, the day we met last week (Thursday) she was awful to me, and of course, I backfired. Everything was about to collapse... but after the pregancy test gave us a NEGATIVE, something happened...

When we went her house to talk with her mother about the "probable" pregnancy and talked with her about the circumstances that lead to my girlfriend's incorrect assumption and terrible decisions... she (her mother) absolutely destroyed her...

She told her she was very irresponsible, that she owed me an apology for being extremely rude to me and making me leave the office and spend lots of money on useless stuff, she told her she should trust her and hear me and stop hearing the advice of people outside her family and me in these kind of issues...

She bassically told her:

You need to be calm and talk to the people who love you and care about you and not panic because of something you read on the internet... You compromised your physical and mental health, your body, your relationship and both of your jobs for nothing, hurt your boyfriend and now you are going to live in hell for the next days until the effect of the pills completely vanishes... I hope you are happy...

Needless to say, she immediately apologized to me.

The relationship is still on hold until we can get a definitive YES or NO. (99.99% it's a NO, she would have to be the reincarnation of Mother Mary to get pregnant given the circumstances), but I'm confident this experience will teach her a valuable lesson.

 

[Rallywagon]

Sorry for the double post.

So, things got extremely awful in the last few days... In fact, the day we met last week (Thursday) she was awful to me, and of course, I backfired. Everything was about to collapse... but after the pregancy test gave us a NEGATIVE, something happened...

When we went her house to talk with her mother about the "probable" pregnancy and talked with her about the circumstances that lead to my girlfriend's incorrect assumption and terrible decisions... she (her mother) absolutely destroyed her...

She told her she was very irresponsible, that she owed me an apology for being extremely rude to me and making me leave the office and spend lots of money on useless stuff, she told her she should trust her and hear me and stop hearing the advice of people outside her family and me in these kind of issues...

She bassically told her:

You need to be calm and talk to the people who love you and care about you and not panic because of something you read on the internet... You compromised your physical and mental health, your body, your relationship and both of your jobs for nothing, hurt your boyfriend and now you are going to live in hell for the next days until the effect of the pills completely vanishes... I hope you are happy...

Needless to say, she immediately apologized to me.

The relationship is still on hold until we can get a definitive YES or NO. (99.99% it's a NO, she would have to be the reincarnation of Mother Mary to get pregnant given the circumstances), but I'm confident this experience will teach her a valuable lesson.

I think you aught to be learning a valuable lesson here bud. Just how much are you willing to put up with? Are you really sure she will learn a lesson? Are you really sure, given the way she seems to react to stressful situations now, that it's not going to be worse 5 or ten years on, married and dealing with stuff even more stressful? Financial, children, passing of family, so on and so forth. Take a deep, dark dive into yourself, give it a good hard think.

 

[CTznOfTime]

@MoLiEG

I can be very wrong, but I feel that your lady has deeper issues and things she has not yet been able to deal with or get over with deep down inside her, which causes her to not be able to think cohesively.

You are a good guy Molieg and I feel that you can help her deal and get over those suppressed issues.

If it is the case, it will not be easy at all, but start slow and thread carefully.

You have to let her know that you love her as a person, thAt you care for her and only want the best for her, for her to be healthy mentally, spiritually, and physically.

Tell her You may remain a couple for now but most importantly you want to be friends who want the best from and for each other...


Maybe you two can go out of town, somewhere new, take a vacation from the usual routine... It doesn't have to be an expensive trip... It can be just a weekend drive out of nowhere for example...

Give you both a chance to be alone and away from busy noise, so that you can frankly and honestly talk and LISTEN to each other without fear of ulterior motives...

Ask her what it is that she wants to do if she could right now, if life wasnt getting in the way, what would she most enjoy doing ? Where does she see herself in 5 years....

What either one of you would do if you had nothing to lose?

Share and don't be critical of each other ... Just listen...

If you haven't done this already....

But Don't ever drop her like an old rag... Even if she doesn't deserve you, but she deserve that you leave her in a better state of mind that the one she had when you two hook up...

(Keep in mind, you are not trying to fix her, because she is not broken... Just lost, so you want to help guide her to the path that SHE wants, not necessarily the one you want.... Make sure she understands that...)

Good luck to the both of you...

 

[MoLiEG]

I think you aught to be learning a valuable lesson here bud. Just how much are you willing to put up with? Are you really sure she will learn a lesson? Are you really sure, given the way she seems to react to stressful situations now, that it's not going to be worse 5 or ten years on, married and dealing with stuff even more stressful? Financial, children, passing of family, so on and so forth. Take a deep, dark dive into yourself, give it a good hard think.

I've been able to detect she is the kind of girl that immediately loses it once something goes even a little bit against her wishes/plans/expectations and that immediately puts BIG labels to bad experiences that not necessarily mean something is 100% bad or wrong.

She is also the kind of girl that avoids having deep conversations in person and prefers to "hide" behind a screen... which is something I'm kind of familiar with because my ex was like that. Thankfully, and unlike the former, she acknowledges the problem and has been trying to open up.

In my mind, she just needs to open up a little bit more and calm down just enough time to ask me or any of her loved ones what to do and don't immediately panic and make panic decisions. Sounds easy, but it conects to this:

@MoLiEG

I can be very wrong, but I feel that your lady has deeper issues and things she has not yet been able to deal with or get over with deep down inside her, which causes her to not be able to think cohesively.

You are a good guy Molieg and I feel that you can help her deal and get over those suppressed issues.

If it is the case, it will not be easy at all, but start slow and thread carefully.

You have to let her know that you love her as a person, thAt you care for her and only want the best for her, for her to be healthy mentally, spiritually, and physically.

Tell her You may remain a couple for now but most importantly you want to be friends who want the best from and for each other...

Maybe you two can go out of town, somewhere new, take a vacation from the usual routine... It doesn't have to be an expensive trip... It can be just a weekend drive out of nowhere for example...

Give you both a chance to be alone and away from busy noise, so that you can frankly and honestly talk and LISTEN to each other without fear of ulterior motives...

Ask her what it is that she wants to do if she could right now, if life wasnt getting in the way, what would she most enjoy doing ? Where does she see herself in 5 years....

What either one of you would do if you had nothing to lose?

Share and don't be critical of each other ... Just listen...

If you haven't done this already....

But Don't ever drop her like an old rag... Even if she doesn't deserve you, but she deserve that you leave her in a better state of mind that the one she had when you two hook up...

(Keep in mind, you are not trying to fix her, because she is not broken... Just lost, so you want to help guide her to the path that SHE wants, not necessarily the one you want.... Make sure she understands that...)

Good luck to the both of you...

I've already done some of this. The easy choice would have been to drop her on the spot, in front of her mother and run away as far as I could, but that's not me.

I'm open to help her and guide her, but just like Bray Wyatt says, she needs to really LET ME IN so I can understand why she thinks the way she thinks and why she immediately panics when things go "wrong".

Many things in her life are not in optimal shape today and as far as I'm concerned, it's been a while since she was 100% ok both mentally and psysically. I want to keep talking to her to see what else I can do to help.

It surprises and amazes me how she is capable of making so many good decisions at her job, while in her personal life she is kind of the opposite: She is terrible with her finances, terrible with her diet (I'm not saying she is fat or anything, but she rarely eats a full meal during daytime until she arrives from the office, and I'm 100% some of her health issues can be corrected just by switching to a healthier breakfast/supper/dinner lifestyle) and doesn't have a go-to gynecologist (which is unbelievable for a 30 y/o woman). I feel her parents and overall family structure have something to do with this, but I think I will keep learning new things from her as the days go by.

And BTW, she still thinks she is pregnant. Again, until the blood test is performed, apparently no power on Earth will help her find mental peace. She would have to be the reincarnation of Mother Mary to get pregnant the way things happened, but I understand why she feels this way (see early paragraphs of this post).

I just hope she wants the help I offer her and that she needs to listen to me more. Whatever she is listening inside her head is not doing her any good.

 

[CTznOfTime]

A girlfriend of my ex used to do that too, thinking she is pregnant out of nothing... And I know that back then all she wanted was to be with someone and start a family...


It could be that your gf also wants deep down to have children but is unable to somehow voice it out in a proper formal manner... Being frustrated with so many issues and society expectations of a successful modern woman....


I may have missed it but did you ask her if she wants to have a family of her own ??

 

[MoLiEG]

A girlfriend of my ex used to do that too, thinking she is pregnant out of nothing... And I know that back then all she wanted was to be with someone and start a family...

It could be that your gf also wants deep down to have children but is unable to somehow voice it out in a proper formal manner... Being frustrated with so many issues and society expectations of a successful modern woman....

I may have missed it but did you ask her if she wants to have a family of her own ??

1.- Yes. We've talked about it (now and before the "incident") and she wants a baby and a family. I'm perfectly fine with it because in the long run, either with her or with someone else, I also want a family.

2.- She does feel the pressure. Society, age, friends, you name it. Her parents are actually very cool and don't put any pressure on her, but the rest of her world kinda makes up for that. I feel she has this mindset where she is in some kind of weird race where she is getting way behind everyone and that makes her feel extremely unhappy.

I'm still trying to convince her that there is no such thing as a "race", but like I said, those voices in her head are just too loud at the moment...

 

[CTznOfTime]

There are no races. Only artificial deadlines we set ourselves too, but always be realistic and keep your feet to the ground... This is reality we are talking about, nothing will be perfect... As long as she understands that, it will make her life easier to deal with...

My wife and we started at around 34...

There is no rush... Just have to make sure you are the one for her and vice versa....

But she has got to be honest with you BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY Honest with HERSELF...

There is no benefits in fooling anyone, especially herself... Because if you do it for the wrong reason, it will get back and bite you...


It's not easy I understand
Much easier said than done...

Good luck my friend ...

 

[Hollow]

I've been able to detect she is the kind of girl that immediately loses it once something goes even a little bit against her wishes/plans/expectations and that immediately puts BIG labels to bad experiences that not necessarily mean something is 100% bad or wrong.

She is also the kind of girl that avoids having deep conversations in person and prefers to "hide" behind a screen... which is something I'm kind of familiar with because my ex was like that. Thankfully, and unlike the former, she acknowledges the problem and has been trying to open up.

In my mind, she just needs to open up a little bit more and calm down just enough time to ask me or any of her loved ones what to do and don't immediately panic and make panic decisions.

I just hope she wants the help I offer her and that she needs to listen to me more. Whatever she is listening inside her head is not doing her any good.

After reading all your recent posts, I think it's best she sees a therapist or someone professional for her problems. You trying to untangle her mental issues will eventually take a toll on you and drain your energy. It's not easy to just drop someone and leave, but in your case, it'll always be about her and her issues.

 

[MoLiEG]

There are no races. Only artificial deadlines we set ourselves too, but always be realistic and keep your feet to the ground... This is reality we are talking about, nothing will be perfect... As long as she understands that, it will make her life easier to deal with...

My wife and we started at around 34...

There is no rush... Just have to make sure you are the one for her and vice versa....

But she has got to be honest with you BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY Honest with HERSELF...

There is no benefits in fooling anyone, especially herself... Because if you do it for the wrong reason, it will get back and bite you...

It's not easy I understand
Much easier said than done...

Good luck my friend ...

Thank you my friend, I'm doing my best.

So, things are taking an unexpected turn...

The last few days she has been suffering from several things: inflammation, headache, nausea, general weakness... and while all of that sounds like pregnancy, there hasn't been any blood or chest pain, those two stopped about a week ago. We (her mother and me) still believe she is not pregnant, but the duration of the secondary efects of the next day pill don't take that long to go away... sooo we are a bit confused...

The thing is, her stepfather (who is a doctor) believes she might have hepatitis, because what she has is consistent with some of the symptoms of hepatitis. 3 weeks ago her mother was diagnosed with it, and in order to be safe we both recieved a vaccine. I'm not sure if it is contagious or not, but I'm 100% sure we took all the precautions to avoid any issues.

I'm starting to get scared, and I'm starting to think the pregnancy would not be as bad as it sounds considering the other possibility is... well... absolutely horrible.

I'll keep you updated. I'm seeing her this afternoon.

After reading all your recent posts, I think it's best she sees a therapist or someone professional for her problems. You trying to untangle her mental issues will eventually take a toll on you and drain your energy. It's not easy to just drop someone and leave, but in your case, it'll always be about her and her issues.

A part of me still wanted to run away a few days ago, but with the possibility of hepatitis... I don't know...

I just want her to be healthy and ok.

 

[MoLiEG]

Sorry for double post.

Nope. No pregnancy and no hepatitis either.

I really don't get this girl. Early on (the days we were fighting) She said she didn't want a baby and that it was going to ruin her life. But yesterday when we got the confirmation is a no-no, she became upset when me because when she asked if I expected it to be possitive I said "No". Then I had to elaborate why I said "No" and everything became a mess.

In person, this girl can't really comunicate properly. Because when we did the test and got the results everything was pretty ok and she said she was fine. But when I left and got home and started talking on whatsapp she opened up and the lattest mess happened.

No matter what, it just seems anything can be 100% fine with her. I just can't solve this puzzle. There is always going to be "something". And that "something" might be solved today but it may be wrong tomorrow, and fine again in 3 dáys.

I just wish she was a little bit more stable or coherent with what she says, thinks and does.

 

[CTznOfTime]

The tension that exists right now won't make things easy and will make things escalate in the wrong direction real fast...

I hope you will find a way to appease her state of mind...
Clearly she is stressed about something and or is frustrated...

Try to calm things down first and again ask her to voice things in a calm manner, there is no rush or pressure to flare up tensions....
It will not help anyone...

Again... From her point of view, she is not the problem, and she might not have any problem, so there is no need to try to fix her....

But ask her how you both can together fix the situation....
Make it a collaborative and CONSTRUCTIVE effort...
Work together peacefully...
One at the time talking in soft voices ....

Maybe it could become an enjoyable process...

What you described sounds exactly like the situation i found myself in with two of my girlfriends in the past...

What I couldn't do then, I wish you success and maturity now... Something I lacked back then...


I concede that working toward a moving Target is the most difficult thing... Let her know that you are just as lost as she is Given the situation... Tell her that she also needs to help you... Otherwise it cannot work...

 

[Sanji Himura]

So I met a girl on a dating site a few months ago (hence why I dropped off my activity here. This is my first post in what 3 months?), and I thought I had something with her, but she started attacking my disability, so I dumped her like a bad habit.

I since joined a couple of "single awareness" groups on Facebook (I know it was a bad idea, but something good turned out I promise), and on Sunday, a girl messaged me asking if I was an anime fan. I told her I was, and things took off from there. We had our first date on Monday, and I plan on spending the rest of the week with her.

Here she is:

 

[CTznOfTime]

So I met a girl on a dating site a few months ago (hence why I dropped off my activity here. This is my first post in what 3 months?), and I thought I had something with her, but she started attacking my disability, so I dumped her like a bad habit.

I since joined a couple of "single awareness" groups on Facebook (I know it was a bad idea, but something good turned out I promise), and on Sunday, a girl messaged me asking if I was an anime fan. I told her I was, and things took off from there. We had our first date on Monday, and I plan on spending the rest of the week with her.

Here she is:

View attachment 846746

Good luck buddy... Happy for you...
In regards to the previous girl, why would she attack your disability? Maybe it was a miscommunication and misunderstanding... Did you make sure to give her the benefit of your doubt ..?

Anyhow, learn from it and enjoy your time with the new girl...
PS: who is thAt guy as your avatar ??!

 

[Sanji Himura]

PS: who is thAt guy as your avatar ??!

That is Dave Strader, the former Dallas Stars play by play announcer who died of cancer two years ago. I keep him as my avatar as sort of a good luck charm for the boys in Victory Green.

 

[MoLiEG]

So, it's been a while.

Edit: Long Story short, my GF has HPV.

I'm scared and desperate and my head is a mess. I want to be with her and show her my support, but I also fear about my own health and the future of our relationship.

Sorry for everything. Will vanish myself for a while until I get answers.

 

[Team THRT Drift]

Yea, this is a new relationship not a marriage.

I understand being there for someone but at this point that is on hold.

Get yourself checked man, ASAP. Health is the priority in this matter, I don't know why that wasn't your first thought.

Also it is weird and a major breach of privacy that you're posting the nitty gritty medical details of another person on an online forum.

We don't need to know their name, address, etc for this to be a breach of privacy. Don't ever overshare information like this.