The Love Therapy Thread

[Luminis]

You're 14. Just have fun, don't waste all your time on one girl.

Exactly. I've had quite a few relationships already, but at the age of 22, I found what I'd actually call 'love' for the very first time. In retrospect, the girls prior to my current girlfriend weren't much of a love affair, at all. It's more, well, like being attracted to her body and charakter to a degree that I thought was love. It wasn't.

The first few crushes always feel more important than they actually are...

 

[Mr. S]

Exactly. I've had quite a few relationships already, but at the age of 22, I found what I'd actually call 'love' for the very first time. In retrospect, the girls prior to my current girlfriend weren't much of a love affair, at all. It's more, well, like being attracted to her body and charakter to a degree that I thought was love. It wasn't.

The first few crushes always feel more important than they actually are...

Just to add something: you also have to take into account that it's only natural that you want to get active the younger you are. I mean, remember: kissing your first girlfriend was probably way more exciting than nowadays. It's more important to have a partner if you're getting older, not just someone you meet to have sex with.

 

[Luminis]

kissing your first girlfriend was probably way more exciting than nowadays.

Exactly. That's why I'm thinking it's only natural to rate the feelings you're getting a lot higher than they are when you're still ineexpierienced

 

[Ru-fus]

You're 14. Just have fun, don't waste all your time on one girl.

this! no offence to the teenagers on here but i seriously don't understand young people being in long relationships at that age...is it cool to have a gf when you still at school or something? i didn't have many relationships growing up, i could count the number of them on one hand, the longest lasting no longer than a year, so most of the time i've been free and single, haven't regretted it one bit! when your young you should be out enjoying yourself and having fun, not having a gf is just one major thing less to worry about!

I'm turning 25 this year and i know myself that its prob time to start looking for a serious relationship, but just waiting for the 'right girl' so to speak. In previous years, the past 2 or 3 anyway, i've meet and went out with one or 2 girls i honestly really liked, but nothing serious ever developed due to a 'distance' issue as we lived a good bit apart and long distance relationship are hard unless a big commitment is made.

 

[Luminis]

^ Dunno if I would agree with that...

I wouldn't say that having a girlfriend (as in, a longer, more serious relationship) is a bad thing, per se. Just don't expect such a relationship to come easy, last forever or think of that girl as the only thing in the world.
It's cool if it goes well for long time, but it's not a big deal if it doesn't. It's natural at that age. Not a necessity, but natural. And it's also natural to male a bigger issue out of it than it really is

 

[zedextreme8177]

Okay guys, I'm 15 1/2 yo, and chatting online with a girl whom I really like. She's just over 2 months younger than me, and I really like her because she's not frustating/bitchy, rather she's rather willing to talk and has a really great sense of humour:tup:

This is the first time I'm seriously in love with a girl. It isn't helped anymore by the fact that she lives 530km away from me, separated by sea. And I'll only get the chance to visit her twice a year, if any.

I'm also in a rather awkward situation when it comes to other girls as I'm around 1.5years younger than nearly everyone in my Grade, and I've not got the chance to date girls before as secondary school is single-gender It's not as easy to "have fun" as in your sense, considering our societal norms

Ofcourse, being my first time actually chatting with a girl, are there some dos and don'ts which I should know of? I'm constantly fearing that I might make a mistake

She's been cheated on by her ex BF, and knows very well about friend zoning. We've only been chatting for one week, plus fact that she's very busy at school means that we can only chat for around 2 hours a day

 

[Luminis]

First off: A long distance relationship is tough stuff. Not exactly what you'd want for a first relationship, not at all. It's sucky as hell even if it's not your first relationship. Been there, done that, didn't like it. Seeing each other twice a year isn't exactly a relationship. That's torture. They say 'love conquers all', but I wouldn't bet on that.

Second: If you've been chatting with her for a week, two hours a day, that's not a basis to decide whether you're in love with her, or not. You barely know her. If anything, at least wait until you've seen her in person. The internet and phone calls can be rather deceiptive. Not saying that she tries to hide something or whatever, but people do some strange stuff at times.

Third: Do's and don'ts depend pretty much on her personality. My personal recommendation: Don't start very intimate topics. Aside from that, just keep your cool. If you're doing something she doesn't like, she'll most likely tell you without getting all furious...

 

[zedextreme8177]

^ Thanks for your advice regarding the do's and don'ts

My saying that I love her was a bit of an overstatement to be honest I'm more than anything fascinated by her in a rather strange way

I know a lot about her from both my cousin and some of my best buddies, all who know her in person and are close friends with her. Hell, they've even gone as far as to help me as much as they can with this We've also videocalled a few times, and she often talks to me a lot about how her day went by.

My family is planning to move over to the south, once I'm done with my A'levels in about 2 years. If I still have contact with her by then, I'll more than likely be able to meet her everyday

However, I'm not really keeping my hopes too high on this one, otherwise it will turn out to be a MUCH bigger disappointment IF it doesn't work out. And that If is a very big one

 

[boiltheocean]

EDIT: Nevermind, didn't read the whole thing.

 

[Type S Tony]

That right there is why they acted interested, not because you were nice.

My motto is, if you want to be with lots of girls, get a girlfriend. Proven fact that you act differently and girls act differently towards you when you're in a relationship. I can agree from experience, although I won't go into detail as its not something to be proud of.

LOL, yeah your right, it seems that its hard to pick up girls when your single but once your with someone its asif all the girls get jealous and want a piece of you.

 

[McLaren]

Okay guys, I'm 15 1/2 yo, and chatting online with a girl whom I really like. She's just over 2 months younger than me, and I really like her because she's not frustating/bitchy, rather she's rather willing to talk and has a really great sense of humour:tup:

This is the first time I'm seriously in love with a girl. It isn't helped anymore by the fact that she lives 530km away from me, separated by sea. And I'll only get the chance to visit her twice a year, if any.

I'm also in a rather awkward situation when it comes to other girls as I'm around 1.5years younger than nearly everyone in my Grade, and I've not got the chance to date girls before as secondary school is single-gender It's not as easy to "have fun" as in your sense, considering our societal norms

Ofcourse, being my first time actually chatting with a girl, are there some dos and don'ts which I should know of? I'm constantly fearing that I might make a mistake

She's been cheated on by her ex BF, and knows very well about friend zoning. We've only been chatting for one week, plus fact that she's very busy at school means that we can only chat for around 2 hours a day

At your age, forget it man. Two times a year is enough for her & you to find interest in someone else. I've only seen 1 person make it last from such a young age, and that was my close friend. And personally, I still think it was a mistake & he still acts single when she's not around.

Long distance requires a lot of commitment. I've done it, & it gets to a point where 1 of you has to see the other for more than just a week if you're lucky. I couldn't move to her, she couldn't move to me, so we left it at that.

And please, don't say you're "seriously in love" with this girl. I'm sorry, but I don't see love as something that exists at your age, esp. not with a girl you just met online. Call it being an asshole, but I don't see such things.

 

[Philly]

I think it has a lot to do with confidence. A guys confidence will go up a lot when he already has a girl. I've noticed that I have an easier time talking to girls that I don't really know when I'm in a relationship. A lot of the girls I know now are very skeptical of my current relationship now too. My ex has also seemed a little more 'available' as well.

Having done a distance thing before, I think that it probably wouldn't be worth it when you never see her and want to be serious about it. My first relationship was distance (we go to school together, but broke up before getting back to school) and didn't really have a hard time with it, probably because we were going to see each other in a couple months anyway. But it also wasn't very serious at all, so that made it a little easier I think.

 

[Mr. S]

LOL, yeah your right, it seems that its hard to pick up girls when your single but once your with someone its asif all the girls get jealous and want a piece of you.

It's like "Oh, another girl has found out that he's trustworthy and reliable enough for a relationship." - and it's like some sort of *CLICK* in their minds.

 

[burgermaster]

LOL, yeah your right, it seems that its hard to pick up girls when your single but once your with someone its asif all the girls get jealous and want a piece of you.

Sucks but it's true. I think it has something to do with girl noticing you more or maybe competition between other girls.

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

It's like "Oh, another girl has found out that he's trustworthy and reliable enough for a relationship." - and it's like some sort of *CLICK* in their minds.

Girls want what they cannot have!

Zed, keep things a mystery to her. If you do move closer, she'll have lots to find out about you - If you tell her everything over the internet or phone she'll know you so well that she'll find you a lot less interesting.

Vague answers are cool for this. Let them work for the information that they want! "Hey, did you go out last night?" "Yeah." "Oh cool, where to?" "Town." "Do you not find town boring?" "No."

LOL, it looks weird but it lengthens conversations and girls love to work the information out of you as if you're confessing something crazy to them.

Another cool thing to do is ask her really open questions. "I'm ok, but really tired" "Aww, how come?" "BLAHHHH BLAHHHHH YAKKEDY YAK BLLLAAAAHHHH"

Sound genuinely interested, even when she is waffling and driving you insane, obviously. Even if you just say "Yeah" "Mhmm" "Really?" she'll appreciate that you're just sitting and listening to her. Make your comments after she has finished talking.

Girls like drama (they like to exaggerate and make things seem a lot more amazing than they really are/were) because it makes them feel like their life is full of cool, interesting, unbelieveable events (like a celebrity). This is why you listen carefully to them.

Side with her. If she says "I hate my boss, he always makes me do the worst jobs" DON'T say "Maybe he trusts you to do it right" DO NOT side with the 'enemy'. Instead say stuff like "That sounds really rough, how (how NOT why) do you put up with it?". She doesn't want advise on how to sort her problems out unless she asks. She is a strong, independant woman and can sort her own problems (or so she says ).

 

[Joel]

I think my friends don't understand what I mean when I say I like a particular girl. She has a boyfriend, and they're talking to me as if I'm heartbroken and traumatized that I can't be with this girl for that reason. I care about her and genuinely like (not love, I'm 16) her, but really, she's just a dumb high school girl and it really doesn't matter. I think the thing with these friends is that they take themselves far too seriously and have taken all this "young adult" BS to heart. They all want to grow up and live grown up lives with "grown up love" and "real relationships". Personally, I'm content to just chill out, enjoy being a kid and enjoy having no real responsibility while I can. I just think this girl would be fun to be with and have some good times with for a little while, she's not "the one", I'm 16. I think the biggest thing kids and teenagers need to keep in mind is that we're all kids. I don't know why my friends want to grow up so damn fast, being a kid is fun.


For example, here's a snippet of a facebook chat session with a close (female) friend:

Me: "Yeah, I like so and so, but she has a boyfriend"
Her: "Awweee, that sucks Keep your chin up, you'll find someone!"

I don't get why people think I'm traumatized? Maybe because I'm usually pretty aloof when I do show my emotions people think I'm breaking down. I dunno, the way I see it it's her loss, and I'm certainly keeping her in play, but she hasn't cast a spell on me or anything.

 

[Type S Tony]

aloof

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH, Sorry, everytime I hear this word I cant help but laugh

 

[Joel]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH, Sorry, everytime I hear this word I cant help but laugh

Hahah it is a strange sounding word, but is a good description of my personality.

 

[zedextreme8177]

And please, don't say you're "seriously in love" with this girl. I'm sorry, but I don't see love as something that exists at your age, esp. not with a girl you just met online. Call it being an asshole, but I don't see such things.

I'll quote what I said in my second post here

My saying that I love her was a bit of an overstatement to be honest I'm more than anything fascinated by her in a rather strange way

Zed, keep things a mystery to her. If you do move closer, she'll have lots to find out about you - If you tell her everything over the internet or phone she'll know you so well that she'll find you a lot less interesting.

Vague answers are cool for this. Let them work for the information that they want! "Hey, did you go out last night?" "Yeah." "Oh cool, where to?" "Town." "Do you not find town boring?" "No."

LOL, it looks weird but it lengthens conversations and girls love to work the information out of you as if you're confessing something crazy to them.

Another cool thing to do is ask her really open questions. "I'm ok, but really tired" "Aww, how come?" "BLAHHHH BLAHHHHH YAKKEDY YAK BLLLAAAAHHHH"

Sound genuinely interested, even when she is waffling and driving you insane, obviously. Even if you just say "Yeah" "Mhmm" "Really?" she'll appreciate that you're just sitting and listening to her. Make your comments after she has finished talking.

Girls like drama (they like to exaggerate and make things seem a lot more amazing than they really are/were) because it makes them feel like their life is full of cool, interesting, unbelieveable events (like a celebrity). This is why you listen carefully to them.

Side with her. If she says "I hate my boss, he always makes me do the worst jobs" DON'T say "Maybe he trusts you to do it right" DO NOT side with the 'enemy'. Instead say stuff like "That sounds really rough, how (how NOT why) do you put up with it?". She doesn't want advise on how to sort her problems out unless she asks. She is a strong, independant woman and can sort her own problems (or so she says ).

She's the one playing hard to get with me It often leads to rather awkward situations. Anyway, I'll keep this in mind when I'm talking to her from now on

 

[Mr. S]

Girls want what they cannot have!

Explains why my girlfriend keeps going to the shops located at the Boulevard Haussmann in Paris.

(Compare it to...uh...Fifth Avenue in NYC or so.)

 

[Ru-fus]

^ Dunno if I would agree with that...

I wouldn't say that having a girlfriend (as in, a longer, more serious relationship) is a bad thing, per se. Just don't expect such a relationship to come easy, last forever or think of that girl as the only thing in the world.
It's cool if it goes well for long time, but it's not a big deal if it doesn't. It's natural at that age. Not a necessity, but natural. And it's also natural to male a bigger issue out of it than it really is

i see what your saying yeah, i didn't actually say it was a bad thing, by all means it would be nice to have a chick. but i was just speak from my side of view as someone who was always in relationships at a young age or growing up....i can understand someone in the opposite situation from me would probably have a different opinion than me.

but i agree with a good bit of what you said, at that age, your young and still have a lot to learn about relationships, due to inexperience so to speak you may think that the girl your in a relationship is the best girl in the world, you love her, what to have her babies and so on...

 

[Hollow]

Hmmm you say your 13... tlowr4, have you tried the Rubik's cube yet?

That'll keep you busy for a few years..

 

[E28]

I've had trouble with the friend zone before and I'm having it again. The 1st time it actually became a relationship that lasted 6 months and that was it. Still good friends with her now though. Then there's the current problem, one of my friends who I kinda have a crush on. I know her well and we have the sane sense of humour but I'm trapped in the friend zone. There's also one other problem: Just before Christmas she asked my best friend out. He said yes, and got dumped early January. Worst thing was it wasn't face to face (one of my friends dumped his gf via a note which was passed through multiple friends. When her friends went to speak to him he ran away... That's another story...) so what do I do? Bide my time or just give up. I don't really want to go asking people out because I'm worried I'd get a bad reputation for being the person with 2-day 'relationships'

 

[itsbenjibrand]

I am constantly friend-zoned. I have one question? How the h:censored: do I get out of being friend-zoned? Or should I just keep moving along?

 

[McLaren]

Move along. Takes too much time & effort to get out of it for something that may just end the friendship altogether.

 

[itsbenjibrand]

Thanks McLaren, I have a good friendship and not messing anything up is in my best interests. I just needed a second opinion. I mean she is attractive and I'd like to be with her...but I'm not keen on risking friendship. Why do I always contradict myself...

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

She's the one playing hard to get with me It often leads to rather awkward situations. Anyway, I'll keep this in mind when I'm talking to her from now on

It works both ways. She's doing it to try to draw you into her, so you're chasing her. If you start to seem to lose a bit of interest, she'll likely try to get you interested again which means that she is chasing you to an extent.

I am constantly friend-zoned. I have one question? How the h:censored: do I get out of being friend-zoned? Or should I just keep moving along?

If it is constantly happening to you, you need to look at yourself to find out why. To avoid being friend-zoned you need to have intent. The girl needs to know that you know what you want and know how to get it. Nothing too extreme, just something that lets her know that you might be interested without screaming "I THINK ABOUT YOU 24/7 365 DAYS A YEAR! PLEASE MARRY ME!".

See a cute new girl and get chatting? Instead of making small talk about whatever friends talk about all day, let her know that she's cute. Straight-up, nice and confident, eye contact (but not psycho style), smile "You're pretty cute". Don't overdo it by barraging her with complements all the time.
She'll probably say "Thanks" or something and blush. After this just talk about a completely different normal topic, but bust her balls about stuff she says, stuff she does and stuff she wears, but in a jokey way.
Touching is a good 'in' too. Nothing creepy (vital not to come across creepy) but just stuff like touching her upper arm in conversation (if you are standing), high fives (be gentle, she's delicate!), thumb wrestling (and cheating to win! 👍) etc.

If you don't touch in conversation normally, you have to be very subtle with starting to do it and touch EVERYBODY you talk to. Friends, girls you like, etc, because otherwise it's a little weird touching one or two girls out of your entire friendship group! Obviously male friends are easiest as you can pretty much get away with any bro-style stuff.

All of the above is helped greatly if you are confident in yourself. Don't doubt your actions unless you KNOW you're wrong/being creepy and weird.
If other guys start messing you about saying "Ha, you think the new girl's cute, gonna marry her!?" just look them directly in the eye and say and do nothing else. Just stare blankly. Teasing is no fun without a reaction.
Don't let things tool you, because you're a cool guy, right? You do what you want (within reason) and what makes you feel good.

Remember that you have decades to find a girl you love, so chill. Just talk, see where it goes from there and don't keep thinking to yourself "how can I get this girl to like me?". If she's talking to you by choice, she probably likes you at least a teeny bit.

As McLaren said, if you have been friend-zoned and value the relationship, move on. Do the above on the new girl who has caught your eye and avoid being friend-zoned in the first place!

 

[itsbenjibrand]

Good advice Imakuni. Thanks bro! I've never expected to find 'the one' in high school, that'd be just silly.

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

Good advice Imakuni. Thanks bro! I've never expected to find 'the one' in high school, that'd be just silly.

Glad you've got your head screwed on. I'm not saying school sweethearts never result in getting married with kids, etc, but it's pretty unlikely these days.

So long as you're both having fun, you can't go wrong.

 

[Joel]

Back to what I was ranting about earlier, why in the hell do teenagers want to grow up so damn fast? I mean, everyone's out running off looking for Mr or Mrs Right, and we're 16 years old. I don't see why kids think they need to have adult "serious" relationships at 16. It all just ends in a huge drama fest because teenagers make rash decisions and have no idea how to deal with problems because they're noobs at life. I'm not saying don't bother having a relationship in high school, but Christ almighty, don't take it so damn seriously.