The Rises and Falls of a Champion: Shall I end it?

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beyond down under
Contents

Chapter 1. Introductions (see below)
Chapter 2. Special Pickup
Chapter 3. Let's go Racing
Chapter 4. The School of Racing
Chapter 5 1/2. Am I in?
Chapter 5 2/2. (The Rest of it Anyway)
Chapter 6. Brave New World
Chapter 7. Tiki Tour (European style)
Chapter 8. Picking up the Idiot
Chapter 8 Part 2. Qualifying Twice
Chapter 9. What Now?
Chapter 10. The Spirit Carries on
Chapter 11. The Challenger
Chapter 12. Departure
Chapter 13. I Will Remember
Chapter 14. A Change of Seasons
Chapter 15. Out of Mind
Chapter 16. A New Beginning
Chapter 17. Illusions from the Past
Chapter 18. A Fowl tasted Debut
Chapter 19. The Enforcer and the Moron
Chapter 20. You're my WHAT!!!!?
Chapter 21. A Nightmare to Remember
Chapter 22. A Touch of Evil
Chapter 23. The Road to Madness
Chapter 24. A History of Two Years
Chapter 25. A Reasonable Explanation
Chapter 26. The Two Spoilt Brats!?
Chapter 27: The Body at the Door?

Chapter 1: Introductions

The street lay pitch black. The rain reached everything in sight. The wind trying to break open every door, it was a storm. A 19 year old man lay in his bed, trying to sleep, but it was of no use, the storm kept him awake to think.
“Where is my life going, how do I get somewhere. At the moment, I cannot even get a job; I’m just relying on my mate to live. I’m a reasonably well mannered guy, I follow the rules, I dream of a better place, but still I see nothing interesting in my life,” he whispered. The scruffy brown haired man rolled over. The light shining through the door onto his blue eyes, and showing his pale skin. He rolled back over, and then heard banging on the wall,
“hey, Jimmy, stop talking to yourself, it’s unhealthy, and you woke me up again,” shouted the man. There was silence,
“how the hell can you sleep through a storm, Greg,” Jimmy shouted.
There was silence again…
“Ear muffs,” Greg replied, “now go to sleep,”
Greg sounded a bit frustrated, so Jimmy tried sleeping, but still nothing.

Morning came, it was still raining, but the wind had died down. Greg burst through the door, a short 19 year old man with very tanned skin stood there. His tall spiky black hair hidden in the darkness, though his eyes were not to be seen,
“get up man, it’s 11, we’ve got to go,” he said, he picked up a shoe and threw it at Jimmy, it hit him in the back of the head, then came a massive groaning noise,
“aaarrrgghhh, go away,” Jimmy moaned, then 2 seconds later he jumped up,
“11 O’CLOCK, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME,” he shouted, Jimmy looked through the curtains and light came beaming through. Greg rolled his eyes and left the room. Jimmy got dressed into his usual outfit, a black t-shirt, black hoodie, and well used jeans, he went into the kitchen,
“hey Greg,” he said,
“Jimmy, why don’t you wear skinny jeans instead of those baggy ones,” Greg asked, Jimmy dived into the pantry,
“food food food food,” he said as he searched.
“Well that answers my question,” Greg says. Jimmy pulled out bread, and throws it at Greg,
“eat it,” said Jimmy,
“oh well that’s polite,” Greg said,
“oh fine then, eat your rather dull piece of sliced bread before I kick it up your bottom so hard it will come out of your mouth,” Jimmy said.
“That’s better,” said Greg as he ate his bit of bread. They put their stuff into the back of Greg’s now wet green Toyota Yaris.
“Okay, do we have everything,” Greg said,
“yep,” they jumped in the car,
“um, do we have… Food, money, drinks,” Greg asked. Jimmy searched the bag,
“yep yep yep, we also have sunscreen. Hahahaa, what a joke,” Jimmy said. They headed off,
“To Addleton Raceway to watch some racing,” Greg sung.

They were driving, and Greg got bored of just listening to music.
“Jimmy, why don’t you try to find a girlfriend,” he asked.
“Why? Because I’ve never met anyone that would fit the bill, and I don’t want to end up going girl crazy,” Jimmy replied.
Greg shrugged,
“your loss,” he said.
They carried on,
“what about that girl you talk to on the internet almost every day,” he continued, Jimmy rolled his eyes,
“She’s a friend, not anything more,” Jimmy replied. They carried on talking for the rest of the trip.
“Here we are, Addleton Raceway,” Greg said.
They turned into the car park, stopped to pay for entry, the official approached the car,
“names please,” he asked.
“I’m Greg Grayhart, and he’s Jimmy Veraan,” Greg told him,
“okay, that will be $10 each,” the official said, we paid up, and entered.

They walked onto the grid.
“Wow, is that the new Audi R8 V10,” Jimmy shouted,
“yes it is, in the lovely blue colour as well,” Greg replied, they approached it,
“wow, never seen something this flash before,” Greg said,
“maybe it’s a special race,” Jimmy said as he looked at the car. They moved on,
“an SLS, wow, this must be a big event,” Jimmy said. They had a look at the Mercedes. Through the speaker everyone was told to get off the track. They moved to the first turn, and awaited the start, the cars set off.
“Get the camera Jimmy,” Greg told Jimmy.

The race finished,
"don't forget we entered that competition to drive a Jaguar XK," Greg told Jimmy
"If we win, who's driving," Jimmy asked
"You, I don't like driving fast," Greg quickly replied. Jimmy rubbed his hands together
"Haha, Sucker", Jimmy whispered.
"What", Greg flicked towards Jimmy
"HAHA, SUCKER", Jimmy shouted. Greg turned back as if nothing happened.
"And the competition this week. The chance to drive our brand new 2010 Jaguar XK around the track, guided by one of the drivers from the previous race.
"Do you have your winner code," Greg asked
"oh no, where is it, Greg check your pockets," Jimmy asked
"I don't ha; oh here it is, here you go," Greg passed Jimmy the ticket
"981, who has 981," the loudspeaker bellowed
"Oh man, I lost, stupid 186," Jimmy threw the ticket in the air
"Hey look another ticket," said Greg. He caught it
"Hey Jimmy, this is the winning ticket, 981" he showed Jimmy the ticket
"What the, it even has my name on the back," Jimmy said confused
"Hmmm, weird indeed," Greg walked off.

They walked to the start line, and everyone else had left the track.
"Looks like no one wants to see you fail then," Greg said.
They walked to the Jag parked on the grid,
"But I like failing in front of crowds," said Jimmy chuckled about it,
"hey, I'm the funny one here. Anyway, that wasn't even funny," said Greg.
A man in a tuxedo approached them,
"Are you the winners here," he asked
"Well, we're the only people here," Jimmy replied
"Okay, I'm Mark Flares, you are," Mark asked
"he's Jimmy Veraan, and I'm Greg Grayhart," Greg told him.
"Only one of you can drive the car, so who's it going to be," Mark asked
Greg turned and walked the the start line
"Me," said Jimmy,
"Brilliant, let's get started," said Mark. They hopped in the car
"Okay, before we start..." Mark was interrupted
"Start," Jimmy said as he floored it,
"Stop stop stop you imbecile," Mark shouted at him
'I'll star... Go from the beginning again. The car has no traction or ABS, and none of that Skid recovery force," Mark said
"SRF is only on the game," Jimmy quickly replied.
"This is a game, but we're not supposed to know, why else do you think we have pixellated smoke and shadows... And standard cars," Mark said angrily.
"Anyway, the car's been restricted to 350 Horses, so you don't kill the both of us," Mark added
"Can I go now," Jimmy asked
"Did you listen to any of that," mark asked.
"No," Jimmy replied

"Just start, use a little power" Mark said


"I thought I had no traction," Jimmy screamed as they took off
The V8 roared

"Ahhh" the track's gone narrow," said Jimmy
"brake, no power through here, then brake for the next turn," Mark said calmly

"This feels to easy, I'm going faster,"
"No, the car will eat you for dinner"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!"
"you have no control where it goes now, take off the throttle"

"I can save this," said Jimmy, he managed to stop without hitting anything. After a few more turns of no power Jimmy got bored again.

"I can hold it, I can hold iiiiiiit.... YES"
Jimmy carried on driving
"I'm doing that again"
"You crash it you're payiaaaaaaarrrrghhhh"

"Not again, I'll try and end up in the right direction"

"Nope, that hasn't gone the way I expected it to"

"TADAAAA, I knew it would work"
Mark wiped the shocked face off,
"I'm shocked that you have the talent in you but currently are the worst driver I've ever driven with"
"Yeah, well I didn't prepare for driving a 350 Horsepower Jag with a big hairy V8 today, so we're even"
After a few more turns of no power the lap ended

"Get in the damn pit before I kill you," Mark said as they drove into pit lane.

Jimmy stopped in the pit lane, Greg walked up to the car,
"you idiot, you are useless beyond anything in creation, what do you have to say for yourself" he shouted. Jimmy looked at him with his helmet still on
"you have a lot to learn if you want to race," Mark said
"Wait, how did you know I wanted to," Jimmy asked
"It's a missing line earlier in the story," Mark said
"Why doesn't the author fill it it then," Jimmy asked
"Because the author is a mentally retarded girl, or boy. I can't tell," Mark said
"Makes sense, anyway, let's unfreeze Greg and get back to the story," Jimmy said
"So almost crashing 150 grand 3 times is fun, I don't want to know what you think is the drive of your life, sheesh," Greg said.
Jimmy got out of the car, and still said nothing, then suddenly,
"Well, that was fun, now I need to buy a car with the 8 grand I've been saving," Jimmy said. Greg only had one thing that could be a reply. The famed facepalm collided with Greg's face, they picked up there things and went home in a what can only be called as a now blue Yaris,
"hopefully this Yaris doesn't magically change colour again, it's the third time this week," Greg said.

“Well for what the drivers had that race was boring,” Greg said,
“agreed,” Jimmy replied. They got home.
“Well, I’m going to have a look at some used cars,” said Jimmy,
"okay, I’m hitting the hay, goodnight,” Greg went to bed. Jimmy searched.
"Mazda, boring, Honda, boring, Nissan, boring, everything was boring. Hey look, a Holden Monaro that is… Way out of my budget, um, I want a V8, but I’ve only got 8 grand to spend, so I won’t get a good old V8." Jimmy continued searching,
“this looks tidy,” he said, he clicked on a Toyota.
“It’s over 20 years old, but it’s in pretty good nick,” he said,
“I’ll see what Greg thinks in the morning,” Jimmy stood up and went off to bed.

________________________________________
Chapter 1 complete, yaaaaaay
 
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Can I just make a quick suggestion?

You should take a new line for each speaker. This:
Then came morning, it was still raining, but the wind had died down, Greg burst through the door, a short 19 year old man with very tanned skin stood there, his tall spiky black hair hidden in the darkness, though his eyes were not to be seen, “get up man, it’s 11, we’ve got to go,” he said, he picked up a shoe and threw it at Jimmy, it hit him in the back of the head, then came a massive groaning noise, “aaarrrgghhh, go away,” Jimmy moaned, then 2 seconds later he jumped up, “11 O’CLOCK, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME,” he shouted, Greg rolls his eyes and leaves the room. Jimmy gets dressed into his usual outfit, a black t-shirt, black hoodie, and well used jeans, he went into the kitchen, “hey Greg,” he said, “Jimmy, why don’t you wear skinny jeans instead of those baggy ones,” Greg asked, Jimmy dived into the pantry, “food food food food,” he said as he searched. “Well that answers my question,” Greg says. Jimmy pulled out bread, and throws it at Greg, “eat it, arsewipe,” said Jimmy, “oh well that’s polite,” Greg said, “oh fine then, eat your rather dull piece of sliced bread before I kick it up your bottom so hard it will come out of your mouth,” Jimmy said. “That’s better,” said Greg as he consumed his bit of bread. They put their stuff into the back of Greg’s now wet Toyota Yaris. “Okay, do we have everything,” Greg said, “yep,” they jumped in the car, “um, do we have… Food, money, drinks,” Greg asked. Jimmy searched the bag, “yep yep yep, we also have sunscreen. Hahahaa, what a joke,” Jimmy said. They headed off, “To Addleton Raceway to watch some racing,” Greg sung.
Should read like this:
Then came morning, it was still raining, but the wind had died down, Greg burst through the door, a short 19 year old man with very tanned skin stood there, his tall spiky black hair hidden in the darkness, though his eyes were not to be seen,
“Get up man, it’s 11, we’ve got to go,” he said, he picked up a shoe and threw it at Jimmy, it hit him in the back of the head, then came a massive groaning noise,
“aaarrrgghhh, go away,” Jimmy moaned, then 2 seconds later he jumped up, “11 O’CLOCK, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME,” he shouted, Greg rolls his eyes and leaves the room. Jimmy gets dressed into his usual outfit, a black t-shirt, black hoodie, and well used jeans, he went into the kitchen, “hey Greg,” he said,
“Jimmy, why don’t you wear skinny jeans instead of those baggy ones,” Greg asked, Jimmy dived into the pantry,
“food food food food,” he said as he searched.
“Well that answers my question,” Greg says. Jimmy pulled out bread, and throws it at Greg,
“eat it, arsewipe,” said Jimmy,
“oh well that’s polite,” Greg said,
“oh fine then, eat your rather dull piece of sliced bread before I kick it up your bottom so hard it will come out of your mouth,” Jimmy said.
“That’s better,” said Greg as he consumed his bit of bread. They put their stuff into the back of Greg’s now wet Toyota Yaris.
“Okay, do we have everything,” Greg said,
“yep,” they jumped in the car,
“um, do we have… Food, money, drinks,” Greg asked.
Jimmy searched the bag, “yep yep yep, we also have sunscreen. Hahahaa, what a joke,” Jimmy said. They headed off,
“To Addleton Raceway to watch some racing,” Greg sung.
You also tend to change tenses a little bit. Sometimes you refer to Greg and Jimmy in the third person, but towards the end you slip into first person. That's very confusing for your readers. You also have a tendency to slip into run-on sentences that are far too long, and you seem to lose a sense of time; when Greg enters the house, it's dark, but he says it's eleven in the morning. If I may, I'd like to have a crack at rewriting the first part of that paragraph to show you what your writing could be if you put some more effort into it:
Morning came. The howling wind had, at least, died down but the ground was still slick with a fine sheen of water from overnight rain, and the sky overhead was threatening to deliver more. The weather did little to mute Greg's enthusiasm as he burst through the door at the break of dawn. At nineteen years old, he thought of himself as a man, though those who knew him knew there was still a boy inside. he was tall and lanky, with skin that was tanned too evenly to be natural, and thick, spiky black hair that was swallowed up in the pre-dawn darkness. He quickly worked his way through the house to Jimmy's room, not bothering to tip-toe through the assorted clutter that filled the hall; 'neat' was not a word he would readily use to describe his friend.
"Come on, man," he called out to Jimmy's prone form. "Get up."
"Wha--?" Jimmy stirred.
"It's six in the morning. why aren't you up?"
"Six in the ... Greg it's the crack of why-the-hell-am-I-awake; what the hell are you doing?"
"You told me to get you up at six. I have a very clear memory of it," Greg said, throwing a wayward shoe at his friend.
"Wait, that six in the morning? Why didn't you say so?"
"Why do you think we're having this conversation?" Greg asked, rolling his eyes. "You've five minutes. Actually, make that ten," he corrected himself as he noticed the mess on Jimmy's floor. "I don't want to be seen with you half-naked because you couldn't find pants in time." He closed the door and Jimmy rolled out of bed, picking out a black t-shirt and a pair of well-loved jeans that were falling apart at the seams from the nearest pile of mess.
 
Thanks for pointing those out Interludes, I've fixed up some things and will further correct it later

PS: Nothing??? Come on, is it really THAT bad :nervous:
 
Not at all.
You should write a chapter or two more. interludes pretty much pointed out the flaws there and you can only receive advice if you give us some more content.

And I can't think of names to save my life. It's up to you as you probably have a basic idea of where you're going with this, so you're the only one that can think of a good name.
 
Yeah, agree with Apokalipse. Are they doing track or illegal stuff? Are they just fatties going to see races around the world? Please tell us so that we could think of a name.
 
Will Chapter 2 lead to a 'inspiration' of the main character?
The only mentioning of a car was That Wet Toyota Yaris:dunce:
 
I'm with these guys as well. You need to plot out your story for a few chapters to see what'll go on. Apokalipse's story is called The Learning Curve: The Hardest Corner because Drake's learning to race and it's punny :P
Machate's is called Legend of the X1 because the legend is that there's a spirit called X1 'haunting' (can't find a better word, sorry Machate :indiff:) the two brothers.
DK calls his story 'Hashiriya' because it's Japanese for Street Racer.
I called mine The Captain because that was the name of Tom's first car. And the first few chapters were based at El Captain 👍

I'm gonna suggest a generic one anyway... Sky's the Limit. Based on the storm in the sky in the first chapter, and your username :P
 
IYou need to plot out your story for a few chapters to see what'll go on.
I'd actually suggest plotting the entire thing out in advance, not just a few chapters. You need a beginning and and end. Then you need to plot out key events in between. If you don't know what you're working towards, there's no point in beginning the story (and it's unlikely you'll finish). At least, that's my way of doing it - find the beginning, then find the ending, work out the major scenes and sequences and then figure out what needs to happen for everyone to progress. And from there, you can work out where sub-plots branch out and how to weave them into the main storyline. This is certainly not the only way to do it, and it might be too chaotic for you to work out what should be happening (but then, my style leans heavily towards a noir flavour and my process is adapted to fit that ... but this isn't about me).

There are only really two rules to creative writing: first of all, you have to write what you know. If you don't like vampires, then don't write about vampires. You certainly shouldn't do it simply because it's popular. If you don't write what you know, then it doesn't matter how good a writer you are - your story will have no soul. The second rule is equally important: find a story that has to be told. This is a little difficult to quantify, but the point is that you don't just write for the sake of writing. It's a lot like a jigsaw puzzle; you have to slide the pieces around to make them fit together, and you're probably going to have to make a few new pieces to complete the picture. But once you're onto something, everything will become clear, and you'll keep working on it because you want to see how it ends.
 
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I already have it all planned out, right up to chapter 20 and have fully written 2 chapters, but I just need the images before I can carry on. The vehicle/main character stuff, and for your information, I'm basing it on circuit racing as I have a strong dislike towards street racing, cheers :cheers: for the advice guys, it's very helpful
 
...I just need the images before I can carry on.
You dont necessarily need pictures, but it helps to understand the story more when there are pictures.

(For example, To describe that Jeremy just blew up a car is enough to understand what happened, but the pictures make it more "immersive")
 
I disagree - you can easily describe the picture of Jeremy Clarkson shooting a car out of the sky with a rocket launcher without having to show a picture of it. You just need to have a bit more detail than "Jeremy just blew up a car". You could describe Clarkson shouldering the rocket launcher and taking aim, the way the car launches itself off the cliff and the long arc of its flight, the sensation of the rocket being fired and the finger-like plume of smoke it draws in its wake, and the explosion as the rocket hits the car mid-flight and the inglorious end of the car as it plummets back to earth as a firey wreck. Pictures? You don't need pictures. Words are enough.
 
Mine's called Yet Another Race Story, due to a long and convoluted chain of- kidding, it does what it says on the tin. The sequel-on-hiatus is called In The Blood, because it's going to be a showcase of what the main character's family and lineage has done. I'm planning on adding Napoleon and Caesar to the list of relatives, but I digress.

Simply put, understand the theme of your story, nothing more, then name it accordingly. Unless you're a lazy 13 year old.
 
What if I'm a slightly lazy 15 year old, I'll think of a name eventually though.

PS: I edited in the rest of the chapter

I've also got 21 chapters of structuring, a massive twist is in there that no one will know about until the time comes ;)
 
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I disagree - you can easily describe the picture of Jeremy Clarkson shooting a car out of the sky with a rocket launcher without having to show a picture of it. You just need to have a bit more detail than "Jeremy just blew up a car". You could describe Clarkson shouldering the rocket launcher and taking aim, the way the car launches itself off the cliff and the long arc of its flight, the sensation of the rocket being fired and the finger-like plume of smoke it draws in its wake, and the explosion as the rocket hits the car mid-flight and the inglorious end of the car as it plummets back to earth as a firey wreck. Pictures? You don't need pictures. Words are enough.

Sorry for using such a vulgar example, but you do have a point.
A bit more description works for well-spoken people such as you:D, but for teenagers like Skython and I:dopey:, pictures add an entire other element to the story. They make for easy-reading.

Going the extra mile and adding detail never hurt anyone, though...
 
I see no reason why teenagers cannot do it. I'm twenty-four years old, and I've been writing since I was three. I write every day (though of late I haven't had the time to), and have since the age of ten. It's not about being well-spoken - it's about taking the time to bring the page to life.
 
You dont necessarily need pictures, but it helps to understand the story more when there are pictures.

(For example, To describe that Jeremy just blew up a car is enough to understand what happened, but the pictures make it more "immersive")

I could very easily watch that constantly for a long period of time and not get bored :lol:
 
Chapter 2: Special pickup

Once again, no proper sleep was to be found in the house, this time being broken by street racers. Jimmy came out into the kitchen to once again see Greg eating, he was on the laptop.
“Hey, Jimmy, take a look at this,” he says. Jimmy walks over,
“this better be good,” Jimmy replied. He looked at the screen,
“what, it’s a car we can’t afford,” Jimmy said, Greg pointed at the price, and Jimmy’s eyes widened,
“you needed a cheap car didn’t you,” Greg said,
“yeah, and this is better than the hunk of junk I saw yesterday,” Jimmy said. Greg swung around on his chair,
“but I thought you hated Nissans,” he said.
“This is different, the 200SX is an exception,” said Jimmy. Greg looked at Jimmy,
“Are you sure, it’s about 6K, and you have?” Greg waited for an answer,
“you’re meant to say how much dough you’ve got,” he added.
“Oh right, I have 8 grand,” Jimmy said. Greg sent the owner an offer.
“Now, Jimmy, I’m off to work, you… Do something useful,” Greg said, he threw a plunger at Jimmy,
“the toilet’s blocked,” Greg shouted, and then he left. Jimmy shrugged, threw the plunger into the toilet, and went back to bed.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here, sleeping on the job,” said a voice,
“whoa, I’m awake, I’m awake,” said Greg, he looked up to see his boss, Steven Wilton, standing in front of him,
“this is the 8th time this has happened in the past 3 days, I didn’t want to do this, but…” His face turned almost green.
“I’m putting you on leave for 3 months,” he said. Greg rolled his eyes,
“what was that Steven, I thought you were firing me,” he said.
“Sorry, I’ve never put someone on leave before,” Steven said.
“It’s not that hard to tell someone that, you know,” Greg replied.
“Your leave starts NOW,” Steven said angrily. He pushed Greg out the door,
“well that was polite,” Greg muttered, he then set off home.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here, sleeping on the job? I see the toilet’s been fitted with a new way to stop accidental blockage, which is of course intended blockage” Greg said as he walked in the house. He checked his emails,
“oh, who’s Jim Green,” he said, Greg clicked on the email, it read

Hi, I found your email on your profile, and I can’t be bothered sorting out a time that works for you, so come at 1300 hours tomorrow, or no deal, come and get the Nissan 200 for $5890, + an extra $5 entry to the property, and another $10 for the keys. I’m at 34 Rosendale grove.

Greg read it,
"well that was interesting,” he said.
“JIMMY, GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE,” Greg shouted. A crashing came from down the hall,
“AARGGHH dammit,” Jimmy shouted. Then the wreck walked into the room,
“what do you want,” it said,
“well, it turns out the man we’ve bought from is an inconsiderate and strange man, I’m on leave for 3 months, and we have to pick up the car at 1 tomorrow,” Greg said. Jimmy stared at him confused,
“1 IN THE MORNING, isn't that a bit early” Jimmy shouted. Greg fell back on his chair, and facepalmed.
“Now I see why it’s better to read it in 24 hr time. To avoid confusing retards like you,” Greg said.
“Damn straight,” Jimmy replied, Greg chuckled,
“of all I said, you only took in the time,” he said. Jimmy nodded,
“we’ll head up there tomorrow,” Jimmy said and walked back into his lair, a massive banging noise came from the room,
"OW, WHAT DO I KEEP ON TRIPPING ON,” Jimmy shouted. There was some more smashing around…
“Ahh, there you are brick, you cheeky bugger, tripping me over like that, twice. Hahahaaa, NOW GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE,” Jimmy shouted, Greg ignored the rest and went off.

The next day rolled on fast, Greg had found out how to get to the house to get the car. It was a bit of a drive, but Greg’s Yaris eventually made it over the steep hills to reveal an old house. It had a wide driveway that wasn’t actually wide, largely due to the overgrown bushes on the side,
“this is the place, I hope,” Greg looked at his map, which was an A3 picture of this.


They went up the driveway. The garden was dead, as was rabbit on the path towards the house. The Nissan 200SX sat there in the sun.
“Wow, it’s pretty tidy,” Jimmy said as they stopped the car.
“Yeah, but it was grey in the photo,” Greg replied. They sat in the Yaris.
“You go, we’re here for YOUR car,” Greg said.
“Hell no, I’m not going up there, you do it. Besides, I have the emergency coke,” Jimmy replied. Greg swiped at the coke, but missed,
“uh uh uhh. GO,” Jimmy said. Greg shivered, and got out,
“wish me luck,” Greg said,
“good luck, don't step on the mouse head just there,” Jimmy said. Greg jumped back and screamed, and ran up to the house, staring at the rabbit in horror, he was looking back as he ran into the door. He stopped himself falling over, and knocked,
"You alright Greg," Jimmy shouted out.
"Yeah, I think so," Greg shouted back.

A tall, old, angry looking man stood there,
“I thought I told you people, I don’t want your products,” he had a rough voice. The man grabbed Greg,
“I’M NOT SELLING ANYTHING, I’M BUYING SOMETHING,” he screamed. The man let him go, and stared at him.
“Oh, right, come with me,” he said. Jimmy got out of the car, as Greg and the man approached.
“Muggles, I Told you, no sleeping on the pathway,” the man said,
he lifted up the rabbit on the path, and it woke up, and then he put it down. They then had a look at the car,
“6 speed manual, 200 horsepower, I’ll give you time to think about it,” the man said.
Greg and Jimmy walked off, they sat on the front of the Nissan,
“are you sure you want…” Greg was interrupted,
“times up, do you want it,” the man said,
“we haven’t decided you moron, try being reasonable,” Greg shouted at him. The man turned around and picked up a rock,
“and this is why you don’t mess with Jim, he said, and threw it at Greg and Jimmy.
They jumped out of the way. SMASH!!!! The rock smashed a window of the house,
“you’re paying for that, an extra $300,” Jim demanded.
“I’ll take it,” Jimmy said. Greg covered his face,
“oh no,” he slowly muttered. Jim smiled,
“that’s $6190,” he said. Jimmy went to the vehicle, and came back to give the money to Jim.
“Don’t do it Jimmy, he’s taking our money,” Greg said. Jim smacked him hard in the head and Greg fell over. He got back up,
“what was that for,” he said.
“Lying,” Jim replied, Jimmy gave him the money, Greg whispered,
“blood sucker,” Jim gave them the keys, and they drove home.

______________________________________________________________
Edited chapter 1 and is now complete (that's in case you missed my other notification on it)
 
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Chapter 3: Let’s go Racing

“I’m hungry, I’m going to check the fridge,” Greg said.
“Dude, where’s my schnitzel,” he started getting angry,
“who ate my damn schnitzel… JIMMY,” he shouted. He walked up to Jimmy who was fast asleep which is unsurprising considering it was 4 in the morning.
“Wake up. Hey wake up you idiot,” he said as he shook Jimmy,
“waarraarrgghhaarrghhAAARRGHHH, what,” Jimmy groaned.
“You ate my schnitzel,” Greg said.
“Well it was in there, if you put it in there it is fair game for anybody who wants to eat it,” Jimmy said. Greg stared at him,
“well maybe THIS is fair game.” Greg walked over to the doorway, and he picked up Jimmy’s shoe. He looked at Jimmy and threw it at him, missing and heading out the window. Jimmy ran to the window,
“Greg, you just hit Darry Vent’s car… His Mercedes SL55,” Greg’s eyes widened…
“It was you,” he said and ran for it, Jimmy quickly got dressed, got his keys and they drove out in the Nissan 200.

"Let's go and buy some racing gear, because I want to race," Jimmy said,
"You can but I don't think you're going to do well," Greg replied. They drove on and parked outside The Racing Warehouse, a store for racing gear. They walked in the warehouse, it was massive,
“wow,” Greg said sarcastically. Jimmy found the race clothing section, they walked in, suddenly the isles rattled and a man almost flew out of the side,
“can I help you,” he said. He had the typical forced smile of a salesman, they looked at him,
“beat it, we don't want your suggestions,” Greg told him. The salesman’s smile faded and he threw a helmet at Greg, Greg caught it and turned to Jimmy,
“why is he trying to sell you a pink helmet,” Jimmy said.
“You never know, we could be gay, or girls,” Greg said. The salesman went spastic and slowly moved towards Jimmy,
“that’s it, I’m done with this,” Greg said,
"HELLO, A LITTLE HELP," Jimmy shouted, and instantly another salesman came in from each end of the isle, and instantly screamed like girls and jumped back. Just then the mad salesman tackled Greg, and he screamed like a little girl too,
"Not the face, please not the face," he screamed
“Oh no, these rabid salesmen are getting more frequent,” one said,
“Sir, put the helmet down,” came a voice through a megaphone, Greg put the helmet down beside him, and the rabid salesman stopped. He stood up, stared at the helmet, and fell backwards and landed flat on his back unconscious. The staff came running up,
“are you okay,” one asked,
“yeah we’re fine,” Greg said,
“you two are lucky you didn’t end up on the list of hospitalities due to this,” another said,
“or the fatalities,” the first one said.
“We’ll give you this voucher for racing gear, since you must still be in shock, don’t worry, it’ll be okay,” they said,
“Greg, I think they’re exaggerating this a bit,” Jimmy whispered, “
me too, I think they’re just proud to have saved people from a murderous salesman,” Greg whispered back. They took the voucher and found some racing gear, and used the voucher, and then went home.

“Well, that was handy, now I don’t have to lose any money so you can race,” Greg said,
“Yeah, we might get more money than we have now,” Jimmy replied.
“It’s late now, so I think we should go to bed, you should put off preparing the car for racing till tomorrow,” said Greg. They went to bed and managed not to have any sleep disturbances.

The weekend came, time for Jimmy to prove his worth as a driver, after 19 years of life he would finally show he could do something. They had the car ready, roll cage, seats, and even suspension upgrades; the car was in good racing shape for the race.
“Are you ready Jimmy,” Greg said as they were driving,
“yeah, when we get there I’m going to show everyone how fast I can be,” Jimmy replied,
“you’re not a good driver yet, don’t think you’re going to win,” Greg said. They arrived at the track,
“you know the drill, money please,” said the man at the gate.
“We’re not spectators today buddy, we’re participating,” Greg told him.
“Oh, then go into behind the pit garages and park up,” the man said.
“Okay,” Jimmy replied as they drove off. They parked up and sat around for an hour before the race, then it was time to race,
“good luck Jimmy, you can do it,” Greg said.
“Thanks, I’ll do my best,” Jimmy replied.

Jimmy parked up on the grid, the cars were a lot faster than he thought they would be, there were RX-7's and Skylines from what Jimmy could see, he waited for the start. The lights were like stoplights, though all were lit up, then they counted down.
"Red's gone, orange's gone, lights are gone, off I go," said Jimmy
The other cars took off a lot faster than Jimmy

"Come back, it's cold back here"

"HA, what a runt, it's so little and slow," Jimmy laughed at the little car

"I'M SURROUNDED, I need to keep in front of the midget car, POWER!!!!"
Jimmy pushed through a few turns

"Take that stupid rotary," said Jimmy
"I'll get you later," said the Mazda driver

"Ha, that Silvia must have gotten lost, James May must be in it. I don't even remember overtaking it"

"Told ya," said the angry Mazda driver
"Damn he's not giving up, I'll give him that," Jimmy shouted
Jimmy pushed through another lap, overtaking the Mazda again. Then there's the next car, a Mitsubishi

"Almost got him, AAAArgggh, why are the walls so close on this narrow track"

"Damn you, now that Mazda's going to pass me as well," the Mitsubishi driver ripped at the wheel but couldn't pass Jimmy again

"Man, there is still a lot of cars to pass here, must be like 10 more, and I've only got 1 lap"

"Take that classic rally world"

"Come on let me through," Jimmy said
"I can't be bothered with this race, I'm bored," said the Mitsi driver

"COME ON, POWEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!," Jimmy tried to replicate one of Jeremy Clarkson's famous lines

"HAHAAA, 100 HP handicap and I still overtake you, bye bye"
Jimmy drove on,
"One more corner, don't crash, take it easy"

"HELL YEAH, 6TH, TAKE THAT MOTHER LICKERS!!!!!!"

Jimmy drove into pitlane after a warm down lap,
"Wow, 6th, I certainly thought you'd be battling with that Ginetta for the whole race," Greg said. Jimmy tilted his head,
"the midget car," Greg explained.
"OOOhhh, the little runt, anyway, I think that went well" Jimmy said.
"It certainly did," said a voice
"What, did you say something Greg," Jimmy asked
"No, but that racing instructor from last week did," Greg replied
"oooh, hey Mark, how's it going," Jimmy turned towards Mark
"Good, I watched that race, you did well, and I think you have massive potential. I have an offer, which is, get third by the end of November, and I'll hire you for my race team," Mark said.
"You have a race team," Greg asked
"Yeah, Pirelli Gran Turismo Motorsport, it sounds boring but the little C30 makes for a great race car," Mark replied
"I'll try and get third by then, and I have how many months," Jimmy added
"6 months, no more, maybe even less," Mark replied again. He walked away, "see ya guys," he said.
"Bye Mark," Jimmy and Greg both said.
They sat in front of the car,
"Do we get money," Greg asked. Another man approached them,
"when I sold you my car I didn't expect you'd put it to good use, good job. My name's Jim Green by the way," it was Jim.
"Hey you, why aren't you acting like such a lazy old fart," Greg asked,
"because I found out that you can drive that car well, if you want I can manage you, get you offers for teams and all that," Jim said.
"Wow, really. That would be awesome, thanks," Jimmy replied. Jim gave Jimmy a contact number and an email address, and said,
"You're welcome, bye," and walked away.
"Well, that was handy," Greg said,
"Yeah, we have a manager, and are soon to be accepted to a team," Jimmy walked back to the car, and on the driver seat was an envelope. Jimmy opened it to find $600,
"Wow, Greg, we got six hundred bucks," Jimmy shouted out
"Sweet, now let's go home," Greg replied. They drove home, and as usual, did nothing interesting and went to sleep.

_________________________________________
Yay, a full chapter
 
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I lol'd at the mental salesman.
 
Awesome chapter! I like this story a lot, it's very entertaining, keep it up! 👍
 
Thank you Dooglers8, I will keep it up :cheers:

Thanks Driftking, I appreciate it, :cheers:

PS: Next chapter will take awhile longer than these ones have, because I had the first 2 and a half ready to go, the end of Chapter 3 was made up on the spot
 
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If you absolutely have to swear, you should type the full word. The forum software will automatically detect it and censor it for you. Attempting to self-censor by obscuring half the letters in a word is not acceptable, because even if you technically haven't typed the word, anyone reading your post knows exactly what you mean. The AUP applies to all areas of the forums - even works of fiction.

And speaking as a writer, I find your use of swearing to be completely unnecessary. It doesn't contribute to the narrative, and it appears to be there only to make your characters sound like bad-asses. Especially since all your characters seem to do is abuse one another. This is not how people actually talk to one another.
 
If you absolutely have to swear, you should type the full word. The forum software will automatically detect it and censor it for you. Attempting to self-censor by obscuring half the letters in a word is not acceptable, because even if you technically haven't typed the word, anyone reading your post knows exactly what you mean. The AUP applies to all areas of the forums - even works of fiction.

And speaking as a writer, I find your use of swearing to be completely unnecessary. It doesn't contribute to the narrative, and it appears to be there only to make your characters sound like bad-asses. Especially since all your characters seem to do is abuse one another. This is not how people actually talk to one another.

Sorry :(, I will change it, I'm just used to using swearing in speaking like that (well my mates do it, but I don't as much) because that's a bit what it's like where I live

Also, they're not abusing, it's just ant the start some characters don't get along as well as they do later, so they tend to have a bad attitude towards each other (like Greg and Jim in Chapter 2), but thanks for telling me that it isn't necessary for it, as I didn't really know.

EDIT: Does it still have any unnecessary language? I think I got all of it, but I'm not sure :nervous:
 
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: PLEASE READ AND HELP

I'm not sure if this chapter is good, but I'm going to put it out and ask what you guys think (what needs to be added, I'll add some more license detailing at a later date if necessary, :cheers:

Chapter 4: The school of Racing

“What did you do with the keys,” Jimmy shouted,
“They’re in the kitchen, sink,” Greg replied.
“No they’re not, what did you do with the keys,” Jimmy repeated,
“The sink,” Greg shouted.
“Oh, here, why are they there,” Jimmy asked. Greg walked into the room,
‘um, something to do with Darry Vent’s Mercedes and a hole in the window of the Nissan,” he said.
“Oh, and it’s your fault,” Jimmy replied.
“Well it should teach you for eating my schnitzel,” Greg mumbled,
“please don’t tell me you’re making one of those repeated things that a character goes on about in these fan fictions,” Jimmy said.
“Well, everyone else is doing it,” Greg turned his back.
“Anyway, let’s stop going off-topic and get back to the story. Remember,” Jimmy said, Greg tilted his head,
the script you were meant to remember,” Jimmy rolled his eyes,
“I’m going to racing school now,” Jimmy tried to get Greg’s head working.
“Ohhh, the script, the one about dancing ponies,” Greg almost cracked it. Jimmy handed Greg the toilet plunger,
“That toilet still needs cleaning, it started talking yesterday,” Jimmy said as he left the house. Greg walked into the bathroom and stared at the toilet in shock,
“What are you looking at,” it said. Greg ran out of the room screaming.
Jimmy just sat in the car and turned on the engine and looked out of the window to see Greg run out of the house.
“Don’t leave me here, it’s going to eat me,” he was screaming. Greg jumped in the car,
“It won’t eat you, he’s pretty cool, he made some funny jokes,” Jimmy told him.
“No way man… No way,” Greg relaxed into the chair and Jimmy drove to the Gran Turismo License Grounds.

They arrived and walked into the building, a note on the wall read,
“All drivers here for licensing in the hall,” it pointed to a big door with, HALL written in large bold letters, and then they walked in.
“Sir, why are you late,” the man up front said.
“Um, traffic,” Jimmy forced out a laugh for it. The man just rolled his eyes,
“Sit down,” he said.

2 Hours Later

“Finally, some testing, I’m so sick of hearing this old man blabble,” Jimmy said as everyone clapped.
“Why are there so many people here,” Greg asked. Then the man up front said.
“And now you should all know how to tie a tie,” then Jimmy covered his face and Greg cracked up laughing.
“Sir, what’s so funny,” the old man said,
“We’re in the wrong place and have just realized that you all can’t tie a tie, hahahaa,” Greg shouted out. Jimmy slowly moved out of the room, he looked around for another door. A door standing ever so proud stood right next to the first door.
“Damn, this is exactly the reason why I haven’t made it in life, there’s always two doors. That must be why that surgery was performed on my stomach at the dentist,” said Jimmy. After a lot of explaining why they didn’t show up and apologizing, the race instructor let him into racing school.

“Okay, I am Scott Barren, and I will now teach you the basics of racing,” said the instructor.
“I think I know this already,” said Jimmy. Scott carried on.
“The first test is a simple acceleration test, simply drive and stop within the checkered box,” Scott said. Jimmy got into the Toyota Vitz and tested. After many tests Jimmy eventually achieved a silver medal in all of the tests.

“Good. Very good, you have potential, and since you have had a fast and consistent result you have a voucher for free license testing for the International licenses which use more of the test tracks we have available,” Scott said. He also gave Jimmy his A and B racing licenses and sent Jimmy off home.
“Greg, what did you do all day,” Jimmy asked.
“Something called Test drive their cars, I told them I was here to see if their cars where good for licensing uses, and I got to drive loads of things, but not fast, I hate all the speed,” Greg stopped and breathed back in.
“Right, I believe you,” Jimmy said.

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It's a fairly small chapter as well, :cheers:
 
I take it you're using a DS3 if you're only getting silvers (no offence intended).
 
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