The Slashers - Coffee Break!

Discussion in 'GT5 Race Reports' started by RCKakashi14, Oct 30, 2013.

  1. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

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    Page 8 - The Fastest Housewives


    I arrived home from work, with tons of bags of groceries. Okaasan is present for dinner as well. I will cook curry rice with katsudon for dinner. Hmmmmm.... How about I add more spice to the recipe? Everyone seems fine eating spicy food, and Takanori even wants them spicier.... oh well, my twin is a foodie in secret... hehehehehe....


    All right, dinner is served!



    Takuma: "Here's my specialty curry!"


    Little Ben: "I think we can save a lot of money from eating at restaurants if we just taste all of Daddy's delicious food!"


    Tomoko: "That's a good idea."


    Takuma: "Heh. Though something is running at the back of my mind. What if I open up a restaurant of my own? I'm seriously contemplating on it. Though it's far off, perhaps I'll do it once I near my retirement."


    Kokoro: "Though you are not retiring from racing early, right?"


    Takuma: "Of course not. Though I am saving some of my earnings for my retirement."


    Little Ben: "Even just 10% of your earnings can buy a car. So I guess your retirement funds will be big. Hehehehehe...."



    Kokoro: "Hey, honey.... ummmmm...."


    Takuma: "Yes, dear?"



    Kokoro: "I will be having another hanging out with the girls this Saturday. Is it okay if you can watch over the kids at the afternoon?"



    Takuma: "Hey, it's okay. Have fun. Besides, I do need to catch up with the kids, knowing how the F1 season made me distant from them."



    As long as the next Saturday is free, I am ready to face Iwasaki. You go ahead, Kokoro. Have as much fun as you want, you deserve it, after all the stress you go through everyday as a mother.



    **************************************************************************************



    The next day, work continues as usual. Oh how I miss the tedious and rather gloomy atmosphere in the office when everyone of us is working on our articles. Even Takanori didn't even sing a chorus of his songs, as he is dead set to finish his article on time.



    Nobuyuki: "Man, it's creepy in here. Silence dominates the air. It's like there's the calm before the storm."



    Takanori: "Hmmmmm.... almost done. Hey, any plans on the weekend?"


    Takuma: "I will be staying home, since my wife will have a girls night out."


    Takanori: "Me too... my wife will also be out. Oh boy... just as long as my two kids don't cry, I'll be fine. My wife scolds me should that happen."


    Nobuhiko: "Good for you, you have kids. I'm actually jealous. I want a family of my own."


    Takanori: "Well, it is fun! But our jobs as racers can sometimes put a strain. What matters most is balance."


    Nobuyuki: "So are you still seeing Kasumi? Well, you better take it to the next level if you want to achieve that goal."


    Nobuhiko: "With our work, I guess it is hard to make that happen. Though I will be seeing her this coming Saturday. Perhaps I should take heed to your advice."


    Nobuyuki: "As for me, though.... I don't know when I can find a woman of my dreams...."



    **************************************************************************************



    Saturday.... at Nagao pass in Kanagawa Prefecture. At sunset, the Pink Army arrives.


    [​IMG]


    Sasori: "Whoa... this road is complicated! I wonder why the Melancholy Angel wants to have the duel in a place like this."



    And then Sakura and Juri shortly arrive.


    [​IMG]


    Juri: "Not bad for a drift, Sakura."


    Sakura: "Thank you, but I don't do this often..."



    The two cars park at the lot just facing the starting line. The girls gather, and wait for Kokoro and Makoto to arrive.


    Sasori: "Where are those two?"


    Juri: "They are practicing now. All that's left is the Melancholy Angel and her Corvette. I'm really surprised by her preferences, as she recently switched from an S15 to a Corvette."




    [​IMG]



    [​IMG]



    Makoto: "We're all set now, Kokoro!"


    Kokoro: "Thank you for the last minute adjustments. I can confidently go all-out with this car now."





    Then the Melancholy Angel arrives.


    [​IMG]



    Juri: "Nice Corvette there. It would be a match against the duo's 458."


    Setsuko stops at the starting point, waiting for her opponents.



    Setsuko: "Who will be racing with me?"


    Sakura: "A duo. Please wait for their arrival."


    Setsuko: "Seesh... you still wear a kimono? Good thing I'm not racing you, with all those high sandals messing around your footwork."


    Shortly, the pink 458 arrives. Makoto and Kokoro get out, and some of the watchers focus their attention to them, especially Makoto's short skirt and Kokoro's bosoms.


    Setsuko: "Well, what do we have here? Some housewives. The Pink Army is a weird bunch."


    Makoto: "We are The Passionate Pink duo. We shall represent the Pink Army. Thank you for arriving."


    Setsuko: "I thought I'll be facing some serious racers here. Why do you race? Aren't you supposed to look after your children and cook dinner? Don't be bad mothers, you know? Racers, either man or woman, should just focus on one thing, which is racing! You think you'd be fast if other things meddle around? You are still housewives at the end of the day."


    Kokoro: "We have heard your exploits as well. But have you forgotten my former passion? I shall reignite it, for one last time."


    Setsuko: "Whatever. I will appreciate your effort standing up and decide to race me. But, I shall show you how a woman should run! And I will be this country's fastest woman driver! Once I beat you, your husbands will be next.

    I will chase, as I want to see your abilities for a while."



    Makoto: "Understood."


    They all get in their cars. Makoto couldn't help but feel pissed.


    Makoto: "Oh dear. I don't like it when women are like that! She really doesn't deserve to become a racer with that attitude! This is our last run, and we must show her that we are the fastest housewives!"


    Kokoro: "I agree that we are just housewives, but that's not an excuse to stop exploring out of the boundaries! She's not the woman I intend to lose to!"


    Makoto: "Yeah! Let's go!"


    The two cars set off.




    [​IMG]



    Setsuko: "Not bad for a Ferrari. Though why buy one, when you can buy a Corvette instead and spend the remainder for tuning it?"




    [​IMG]



    Makoto: "She's not bad. Well, she's a Slasher after all. Okay then, next corner is a tighter one!"


    Kokoro: "Understood!"



    [​IMG]


    Setsuko: "I expected more from you. I am assuming you learned something from your husbands, since they are professional race car drivers."


    At the next corner, however, the 458 is wide open due to excess speed on that corner.




    [​IMG]



    Kokoro: "Damn, I let this thing go wide. The Corvette will fare well at the straight."




    [​IMG]



    Setsuko: "You're pathetic, I suppose you know the concept of understeer and oversteer, right? Now, I shall show you how a real pro does it!"


    Makoto: "Amazing power from the Corvette!"





    [​IMG]




    Kokoro: "Don't worry, my husband taught me how to hold back and attack later on."




    Makoto: "I believe in you, Kokoro."



    Kokoro: "Besides, I shall challenge her at the next section, and it's the place we're the strongest."




    [​IMG]


    Makoto: "Amazing accelerator control from Kokoro! I'm sure she took some pointers from her husband. I didn't notice that until now. I believe in her skills, and it's my job as her co-driver to guide her to victory! It will be our turn to shine!"



    Kokoro: "That corner is nearby. Let's challenge her there..."



    End of Page 8





    AUTHOR'S NOTES:




    The inspiration behind the Passionate Pink duo:















     
  2. AudiMan2011

    AudiMan2011 Contributing Writer

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    Awesome. :tup:
     
  3. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

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    Page 9 - Corner of Death



    The two cars enter the next section, and then Kokoro goes on full-throttle.





    [​IMG]





    Makoto: "That's right, we'll pressure her from here on!"


    Setsuko: "Impossible... why are they still hanging on?"


    At the next corner, Kokoro's move worked, as the Corvette understeers.





    [​IMG]





    Setsuko: "Dammit! I have been pressured! I'd never thought that this would happen. I thought they're just talk with that fancy Ferrari!"





    [​IMG]




    Makoto: "So far so good! This race is really worthwhile."

    Kokoro: "I'm going to give my best shot for this last run!"






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    Setsuko: "Damn you, b:censored:hes!"

    The 458 sets the gap even wider.





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    Makoto: "What's the problem, Melancholy Angel? I thought you're a professional racer?"


    [​IMG] \

    Setsuko: "They're pushing me hard in this section. If that's what you want, then I'll get wild!"


    [​IMG]



    Makoto: "After that S-Curve is the Corner of Death. We will challenge her there!"

    Kokoro: "No one has ever cleared that corner as fast as I do!"


    At the short straight just approaching the Corner of Death, Kokoro once again goes on full blast.

    Setsuko: "The Ferrari is accelerating away. Heh, this Corvette can be as annoying as a fly and stick around you!"





    [​IMG]




    Makoto: "There's no oncoming cars. HIT IT, KOKORO!"

    Kokoro: "Roger! I shall show to her the pinnacle of Takuma's accelerator control!"

    She lets the 458 drift through that infamous corner. Just like her husband, she also controls the throttle inch-by-inch while applying countersteer.

    Setsuko: "You wanna spin out? MR cars are not ideal drift cars! I can drift better!"





    [​IMG]




    However, ironically it backfired for Setsuko, as the Corvette spins out.





    [​IMG]




    Makoto: "No wonder my husband fears Corvettes. Too much torque can spin the rear wheels excessively and will cause that loss of control."




    [​IMG]



    Kokoro: "We did it."

    Makoto: "You know, you and your husband can be a perfect racing duo at the track!"


    Kokoro: "You think so? Well, on some weekends, we go out to the track as a family and he teaches me his techniques. I'm so blessed to marry a man like him."


    Hearing the news from Makoto, the rest of the Pink Army celebrates.





    [​IMG]



    Sasori: "They did it!"

    Sakura: "Kokoro-san hasn't lost her touch after all. And she even improved thanks to her husband."

    Juri: "When can I find a man as delicious as Takuma?"


    The group gathers at the base of the hill.


    Sasori: "Both of you really pulled it off!"

    Makoto: "It's really sad that this would be our last race. After all, Kokoro and I are still housewives with bigger responsibilities at home."

    Sakura: "We do have responsibilities too, but we should not let them strain our bonds as a group."

    Juri: "Hey, find a way to connect ourselves, okay? Oh, while at it, please find a man as yummy as Takuma."

    Kokoro: "Silly! You will have a man of your dreams too, Juri!"

    Makoto: "It was a good one year of secretly racing at the streets. But we have learned important things as time passed by."

    Kokoro: "That's right."



    **************************************************************************************




    Location: Takuma Kanonji's residence, Aoyama, Tokyo
    Time: 11 pm


    Kokoro arrives late, due to the celebration of their team.





    [​IMG]



    She gets the house keys from her bag. However, the front door opened, and Takuma is standing with his arms crossed.


    Kokoro: "Uh-oh.... hehehehehe."

    Takuma: "You have lots of explaining to do. And this is the first time I saw your car. A Ferrari?"

    Kokoro: "You see... hehehehe.... that car spent most of its time being tuned in a shop. That's why you just saw it now."

    Takuma: "And... what a nice performance."

    Kokoro: "Huh? You knew what I was doing???"

    Takuma: "It's a Slasher you've dealt with, so it's normal for that one to be a headline in the racing community."

    Kokoro: "Sorry if I did this in secret."

    Takuma: "What's there to apologize? I love you so much, and I will give everything to you. And what's more, I'm happy that you applied what I taught to you. Congratulations on the new car, and your victory."

    And the couple enter inside and spend a wonderful night.






    End of Page 9

    BONUS VIDEO:






     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2013
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  4. Mat123

    Mat123

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    Hmm...
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2013
  5. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

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    Page 10 - The Double Ace


    Location: Nagao Pass, Kanagawa Prefecture
    Time: 6 pm


    On Sunday, Nobunaga prepares for their upcoming duel on the same day and place as Takuma's duel with Iwasaki. Kanagawa is also a popular street racing place, especially for mountain passes. Kanagawa is situated just beside Tokyo, hence making it an alternative venue for Tokyo street racers, knowing that Tokyo's Shuto Expressway has plenty of devices that prevent street races from happening.




    [​IMG]


    Nobunaga: "Word has it that Takuma will have a duel with Jintei in this place too, and on the same day as my duel! Such a big event, I say..."




    [​IMG]




    Nobunaga: "With one year of living in the U.S., I have realized that American sports cars are just as fun. And gone are the days of those cars being criticized for poor handling. The Camaro SS has a sophisticated independent multi-link suspension at the rear set up for the Nurburgring! Hence cornering is a breeze for this thing!"




    [​IMG]


    Nobunaga: "I went a different path of tuning this car. I didn't opt to add a supercharger. Instead, the engine is tuned heavily. And with aerodynamic aids, this car is meant to smash lap times in race tracks."


    [​IMG]


    Nobunaga: "These modifications should suffice. Besides, I shall show Nobuhiko how racing must be done! Ha!"


    On the next corner, however, he steps on the brake pedal using his left foot. The Camaro shifts its body and tucks the inside neatly.


    [​IMG]


    Nobunaga: "In left foot braking, no one can have the same mastery level as I have!



    But first though, I must meet my opponent. After all, he's my relative, and I have never, ever seen him in my life. I am not entirely cold as what everybody thinks."



    **************************************************************************************



    Location: Motoring Weekly Office, Nishi-Shinjuku, Tokyo
    Time: 9 am, the next day




    It's the start of the week again! Oh dear... I hate Mondays as much as everybody does. I just salute people who take Mondays positively.

    Takanori and Nobuyuki are out on their own car reviews with their filming crew, while Nobuhiko and I stay in the office for the studio taping and as well as finishing our articles.


    Takuma: "I gotta prepare myself for Saturday."


    Nobuhiko: "Me too."


    Takuma: "Oh, so where are you gonna have the duel?"


    Nobuhiko: "Oyaji told me that the battle will take place in Nagao Pass in Kanagawa."


    Takuma: "Same here. Heh, so Saturday is a big event."


    Suddenly, the director told us to go to the studio, as the taping will start. It took us around an hour to finish it. Coffee break!


    We helped ourselves, and then we continued the conversation.


    Nobuhiko: "Saturday will be the talk of the town. Perhaps even across this country's racing community."


    Takuma: "We will make that day special for them. And I shall make a so-called "speech" during that day. This concerns everyone."


    Nobuhiko: "Just as long as everyone won't get sleepy, why not? Hey, I'll be getting off earlier today. I'll take it as another practice session."


    Takuma: "Good thing Sacho sits well with it. Well, take care."



    *****************************************************************************



    Location: Nagao Pass, Kanagawa
    Time: 6 pm


    Nobuhiko polishes up his one hand steering technique.


    [​IMG]


    Nobuhiko: "It's good that I am making progress, even if they're in small increments."


    [​IMG]


    Suddenly he receives a call.


    Nobuhiko: "Hello?"

    Nobunaga: "Is this Nobuhiko Hiramoto?"

    Nobuhiko: "Yes. And who are you?"

    Nobunaga: "Your opponent and your cousin, Nobunaga. Let's meet in Tokyo, shall we? Do you have time?"


    Nobuhiko: "Okay. I'm free."



    Nobuhiko postpones his run and heads to Tokyo. He meets up with Nobunaga at a restaurant in Ginza at 7 pm.


    Nobunaga: "So you are Nobuhiko now. With white hair. I have never seen you in my life, except of course in television. This is the first time we've seen each other.


    Nobuhiko: "I have never heard of your name, either. Until now."



    Nobunaga: "Well, that's all thanks to our fathers' rivalry. Ever since their last battle, the two have settled down, and they haven't kept in touch ever since. My father hasn't mentioned you, nor your father hasn't mentioned me."


    Nobuhiko: "So why have you turned into a Slasher?"


    Nobunaga: "I was given that name by the local racers, as I race through the hills too. And I am also racing in various Japanese racing championships. I set my sights in GT500 in Super GT, aiming to take your title away from you. The mountain passes bring out the best of each racer, remember that. Racetracks can get boring, and Suzuka is one of them."


    Nobuhiko: "You think it would be that easy?"


    Nobunaga: "I know that it won't, but on Saturday, only one will be the GT500 Legend."



    *****************************************************************************

    Location: Kanonji Mochi Shop, Aoyama
    Time: 9 pm




    Nobuhiko passes by at Aoyama, hoping that the Mochi shop is open. However, as he arrived there, it's closed. But Takuma approaches him, and the two walk along.



    Nobuhiko: "I'm about to buy some Mochi, but I guess I am too late."




    Takuma:
    "Store hours is up to 9 pm. Besides, Okaasan needs to rest early, due to her age."




    Nobuhiko:
    "Takuma-san, are you ready?"




    Takuma:
    "For Saturday? Yes I am."




    Nobuhiko:
    "Me too. I am ready to protect my title. I shall not give it away."



    Takuma:
    "I am ready to protect the interests of other professional racers."



    Nobuhiko: "Let's be The Double Ace once again."


    Takuma: "Yeah. The Steering Wizard, and the Pedal Master. Oh, I made those up. Hehehehehe...."


    Nobuhiko: "Clever names. With our techniques, let's show them."


    Takuma: "Hey, there's something running at the back of my mind. It's been that ever since we're paired up in F1."


    Nobuhiko: "What is it?"


    Takuma: "You think there would be a day that you and I will have a duel?"


    Nobuhiko: "That would be possible. And I am interested to gauge myself against you."


    Takuma: "So am I. Let's save that day, shall we?"




    End of Page 10














     
  6. AudiMan2011

    AudiMan2011 Contributing Writer

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    A duel between Nobuhiko and Takuma is something I'd love to see. :tup:
     
  7. SomePlayaDude

    SomePlayaDude

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    I wonder when's that going to happen... *nudge, wink, all sorts of signs pointing to green light this*

    Or, if that's not possible, they can do a dream match. I love dream matches. :drool:
     
    ApexDrift123 likes this.
  8. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

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    Here are the choices, though:

    - Lotus Elise 111R RM vs. RE Amemiya FD3S RX-7 (Touge Monster) at the Touge.

    - Toyota Supra JGTC vs. Mazda RX-7 TC at any of Gran Turismo's original tracks.



    Or it could push through at the end of the sequel (for GT6).
     
  9. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

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    Page 11 - Accusation

    Location: Nagao Pass, Kanagawa
    Time: 3 pm

    Iwasaki attempts to set a course record with his R34.




    [​IMG]


    Iwasaki: "Just to be on the safe side, I have increased this car's power further to 800 horsepower."



    [​IMG]


    Iwasaki: "Either he uses an FD or one of his Lamborghinis, the power increase should even the odds."



    [​IMG]


    Iwasaki: "But the traction is still strong. I expect no less from the ATTESA-ETS."


    At the next corner, Iwasaki slightly lifts the handbrake, and the R34 tucks in.



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    [​IMG]


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    Iwasaki: "All right, let's see the time."


    He gets out of the car and consults his friend holding the stopwatch. He recorded a time of 3 minutes and 26 seconds.


    Iwasaki: "All right, now that's something that Takuma could have a hard time on."



    2 hours later...

    A loud noise can be heard all over. Birds have even flew away from their trees.



    [​IMG]


    The red LP640 shows amazing lines. The car does not show a single trace of under or oversteer.


    [​IMG]


    And its braking is just as amazing as the car's speed, being able to slow down the heavyweight supercar without a problem.


    [​IMG]




    It passed by some watchers.


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    "Whoa! It's really fast! I haven't seen that car running at this pass!"

    "Even a supercar that big can be agile on a twisty road? Unreal!"



    [​IMG]



    Passing by at the base of the hill, the LP640 smashes Iwasaki's time. At 3 minutes and 24 seconds, it is 2 seconds faster, which took Iwasaki's friend by surprise.




    *****************************************************************************


    Location: Motoring Weekly Office, Nishi-Shinjuku, Tokyo
    Time: 5:00 pm



    Whew... I've done everything today. Despite being so hectic, with lots of things to submit, and not to mention I came from a road test.

    Takuma, Nobuyuki, Nobuhiko, and Takanori: "Otsukaresamadeshta!"


    The 4 of us leave the building. Hmmmm... hey, does any one of them have plans of stopping by at a coffee shop for a while?

    Takanori: "Hey! Who's up for some coffee?"


    Takuma: "Shouldn't you be going home now? You live in Yokohama now, remember?"


    Takanori: "I know! I just wanna grab some before heading home. And that would keep me up for the traffic jam on the way home."


    Suddenly, it's a phone call. It's Iwasaki again. What does he want?

    Takuma: "Hello?"


    Iwasaki: "I won't be a Mr. Nice Guy this coming Saturday. To think you have beaten my lap time I've worked so hard on hours ago."


    Takuma: "Lap time?"


    Iwasaki: "Don't play innocent. Everyone knows you are the only one who can drive Lambos at their limits. To think you brought that red LP640 and managed to set a record time 2 seconds faster than mine. I'd never thought a heavyweight supercar like that could be agile on a mountain pass."


    Takuma: "Seesh, just because I'm known for driving Lamborghinis doesn't automatically mean I'm fast with them. I was working, and do you think I'd skip work for that petty time trial? There are plenty of Lamborghini drivers around the world."


    Iwasaki: "Whatever. If you sent out someone to do that to provoke me for Saturday's battle, then I definitely won't lose to you. Well, time to go. See you on Saturday."


    The call ends. Really? Why would you get so worked up on that? And I'd wish I was that Lambo's driver. But I don't like being accused, though.



    Takanori: "Who was that?"


    Takuma: "Iwasaki."


    Nobuyuki: "What did he say this time?"


    Takuma: "He accused me of beating his lap time today. You all saw me, I was working back in the office, right?"


    Nobuhiko: "We have to make preparations as well. You have to come up of a way to beat his R34, especially that he's more eager than ever."


    Takuma: "I know how to beat 4WDs. Ironically, they're very easy to beat on a normal road condition. 4WD drivers have some sort of belief that their fancy 4WD systems are the best in any given road condition. But those systems are useless, when the road is dry. And a RWD car driver who can utilize the grip of the rear tires can outclass even the most advanced 4WD cars."




    End of Page 11


    AUTHOR'S NOTES:

    - Kaido is definitely not the driver of the red LP640, if that's what you're thinking. The LP640 handles better than the Aventador, especially when you get the LSD and Torque Split settings right. The LP640 gives more G's of cornering than the Aventador.
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2013
  10. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

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    Page 12 - The Good Samaritan


    This is it.... it's Showtime! Days go by quickly, aren't they? And just by our entrance....



    [​IMG]


    [​IMG]


    "It's the Dream Alliance!"


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    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]


    "Three support vans! Are they crazy?"



    All right, we have arrived at the starting point. We have also seen Nobuhiko's relatives as well. Iwasaki too, no less.



    Iwasaki: "So this is it."


    Takuma: "Let's reserve our race for the last. We'll let the Hiramotos have their bout first."


    Nobuhiko: "Takuma-san...."


    Takuma: "Let's get our practice started right away."


    Hiroyuki: "Correct."


    We have our personal mechanics attending to us. Motoharu would be in charge of my FD since he also specializes on Rotary engines, while Tetsuda will be in charge of Nobuhiko's settings. All right, setups are on the way!


    Nobuhiko: "Tetsuda-san, please strengthen the front brakes. I'll try out a stronger front brake setting first."


    Tetsuda: "Understood, sir."



    On the other side of the road.



    Nobunaga: "Heh... so they're bringing their circuit activities here as well, eh? I wonder how much did they spend on those spare parts and those three vans?"


    Ryuji: "Settings add little to the overall advantage. What matters most is still driver skill."


    Nobuhiko sets off first.



    Hiroyuki: "Nice decision strengthening the front brakes on something so sensitive."


    Takuma: "Perhaps to help ease up the challenge of the one-hand steering even by just a little."


    Nobuyuki: "Man, so many people are watching us. Even they came as far as Gunma to watch this."


    Takanori:
    "Well, we're facing two Slashers today! And both are of high-level."



    Tetsuda: "Setup is complete, Takuma-san. You can now set off. Please take care."



    Takuma: "Thank you."


    All right. Yeah, it's just like everyone wondered, can this FD stack up well against Iwasaki's R34? Did I make the right decision sending this out?



    [​IMG]


    [​IMG]


    This feels amazing. It follows my every command. Only a few cars can be like that.



    [​IMG]




    Suddenly.... wait, what!? I can't shift gears! Great... this happened on the day of the showdown! I pulled over and tried shifting gears. Shoot! It won't shift up! I got stuck in 2nd gear! I shut off the car's engine and just stepped out.


    [​IMG]


    Sorry, Shin... I broke your precious toy. Thinking about it right now makes me remind of those moments that showed my shortcomings as a father. I've always been away, and my kids rarely even see me. It's like their image of their father is fleeting away.

    I shed a tear. I'm such a bad father! Shin can beat me to death if he wants to... I deserve it.



    I told the team what happened...



    Nobuhiko: "What!? So what are we gonna do?"


    Takanori: "I guess it'll be my turn to talk to Iwasaki. Let me handle this."



    Takanori heads to Iwasaki across the road and tells the situation.



    Iwasaki: "A transmission damage is considered a loss."


    Takanori: "It will be fixed!"


    Iwasaki: "I'm sure you know how transmission units are installed, right? They won't take an hour to do so! I didn't come all the way here for nothing. You call yourselves a racing team and didn't mind that fact!?"


    Takanori: "You don't have to talk like that."


    Takanori points his finger at Iwasaki.


    Takanori: "On behalf of Aniki, I pity you. I have known about you as well, and it's such a shame that you end up this way. We will definitely not lose!"




    Back on the road...



    Dammit.... just dammit! Why did this have to happen!? FD, what have I done wrong? Did I demand too much from you?


    Suddenly, I hear a loud noise.... something familiar.




    [​IMG]


    That tone... it's something that a V12 can only produce.


    [​IMG]


    It's a red Murcielago LP640! Could that be the one Iwasaki was accusing me of? Suddenly, it stopped in front of me...


    [​IMG]


    With the scissor door opened, the driver is.... OLD MAN SHAW!?


    Sir Shaw: "Oh... I came to right place. You have a race, right? Why are you idling here?"


    Takuma: "The FD's transmission broke down. Damn... this had to happen on the main event."


    Suddenly, he shows his car's keys to me.


    Sir Shaw: "Well, here. Take them."


    Takuma: "Are you serious about that?"


    Sir Shaw: "I have said and plotted against you. So let me repent my sins."


    Takuma: "Thank you, old man. Thank you very much. Expect my gratitude, and I'll make up to you."


    We returned to the starting point.


    Iwasaki: "That red Lamborghini. An old man is driving it?"


    He approached us.


    Iwasaki: "So you showed up as well? You must have some guts to beat my course record."


    Sir Shaw: "Please keep distance. And you are a thousand years too early to talk to me!"


    Takuma: "That's right. And I'll be using this Lamborghini against you. The show must go on."



    With everything all set, the first duel is about to start! The Hiramotos decided that Nobuhiko should lead.


    [​IMG]


    The drivers rev their car's engines. There's already tension just by that!


    [​IMG]


    Nobunaga: "If I lead, then it would be boring since the Camaro can outrun the Elise easily! I want to see how the GT500 Legend does it! And... I shall show you how real racing must be done! Get ready!



    End of Page 12














     
  11. AudiMan2011

    AudiMan2011 Contributing Writer

    Messages:
    12,154
    Location:
    Scotland
    Good thing Shaw turned up to rescue his adopted grandson's fortunes.
     
  12. SomePlayaDude

    SomePlayaDude

    Messages:
    3,668
    Location:
    Singapore
    I find it unbelievabull to see Shaw in Japan.
     
    RCKakashi14 likes this.
  13. nk4e

    nk4e

    Messages:
    21,128
    Location:
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    I wonder if the races will cross paths.
     
  14. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

    Messages:
    5,039
    Location:
    Philippines
    Tomorrow shall be the first part of the Hiramoto duel.



    I'll spill a bit for the sequel:


    - Remember the remaining NH robots that Sayuki discovered in Europe? They will be a team driving the Vision Gran Turismo cars. One of them is a girl, and Nobuyuki dates her while unaware of her origins.

    - The Nobuhiko vs. Takuma duel will be on the sequel, definitely on the last part.
     
  15. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

    Messages:
    5,039
    Location:
    Philippines
    Page 13 - Crazy Nobu's Left Foot


    Before the cousins set off, their fathers approach the respective cars one by one, as if giving pieces of advice. I am standing to do the countdown.


    Hiroyuki: "This is it. Don't forget what I taught you. Give it everything you got. Nobunaga is like your uncle, aggressive and pushy. If you keep your cool, then the run should be just fine."


    Nobuhiko: "Thanks, Oyaji. What you taught more than makes up for the time we've lost. Those moments were among the best, ever. I will put on an epic performance for you! I won't fail!"


    Ryuji: "Shall we start?"


    Takuma: "Understood.


    The race will start in..... 4... 3... 2... 1... GO!!!"



    And they're off! Man, that Camaro looks aggressive as it sounds.


    [​IMG]



    Nobunaga: "Such a nice launch for the Elise. Not bad at all. Well, that's lightweight for you."




    [​IMG]




    Nobunaga: "Oh ho ho... playing aggressive there, eh? I'm afraid I'm a pro in that game!"





    [​IMG]




    Nobuhiko: "I can't shake him off at the corner exits. He is planning on something. I can tell it!"




    [​IMG]


    Nobunaga: "You are known for tapping the rear end of your opponents, right? But that's nothing! I shall show you how the real tap should be done! Get ready!"


    The Camaro strongly rear-ends the Elise.


    [​IMG]





    Nobuhiko: "What the!? It's a strong push! I'm losing control!"





    [​IMG]


    Nobunaga: "Sayonara! Well, I hope you make it!"



    With his one hand steering, Nobuhiko managed to execute a 360 degree spin and still faces the right direction.



    Nobuhiko: "That was a cheap trick! Even though you're a relative, I WON'T LOSE TO SOME TRASH LIKE YOU!"





    [​IMG]


    Nobuhiko: "You are one Crazy Nobu!"



    [​IMG]


    Meanwhile, at the starting point, Hiroyuki learns the current situation from the phone.



    Hiroyuki: "Is that so? I see..."



    As he puts his phone in the pocket, he is being approached by Ryuji.



    Hiroyuki: "Did you teach your son to do that cheap and nasty trick?"



    Ryuji: "Me? Heh... no. Nobunaga is far more aggressive than I am. Even at one point, he almost got banned from Super Taikyu because of it."


    Hiroyuki: "That thing would be his demise should he do it again."


    Ryuji: "So, care to share what you taught to your son?"


    Hiroyuki: "Sure, just as long as you share yours first."


    Ryuji: "I didn't teach him anything in preparation for this battle. However, Nobunaga has mastered the technique of Left Foot Braking on his own for years."


    Nobuyuki: "Left Foot Braking? Normally, we brake using our right foot regardless if there's a clutch pedal or not."


    Ryuji: "That's true. However, Left Foot Braking is actually a common method in circuit racing and used mostly in Front-wheel Drive cars. For a Rear-Wheel Drive car though, it takes superhuman reflexes to pull that off."




    [​IMG]



    Ryuji: "In tracks that have tight corners, it's a useful technique. When one steps the brake pedal using the left foot, it takes the load off the rear, hence creating a slight oversteer that actually makes the car turn better and tuck in to the corners neatly. However, it must be done at the last moment when you enter the corner."



    [​IMG]




    [​IMG]


    Ryuji: "Should Nobunaga step on that brake pedal a bit longer, then he can perform a drift with just the Left Foot Braking."


    [​IMG]




    Ryuji: "Despite looking and sounding simple, Nobunaga took him years to master it. And he wants to be known for his mastery of that technique. He uses the mountain passes as his training grounds for that."




    [​IMG]



    Ryuji: "I have done my part, Aniki. Now, it's your turn to explain."


    [​IMG]


    [​IMG]


    Hiroyuki: "Listen well to my lecture of...


    ...The Sorcery of One Hand Steer!"




    End of Page 13


    AUTHOR'S NOTES:


    - Since I only use a DS3, the closest thing I can do for the left foot braking is when I momentarily tap the brake at the corner entry, and I notice that the car turns better.

    So for steering wheel users, have you ever simulated the Left Foot Braking? I'm just curious.



     
  16. AudiMan2011

    AudiMan2011 Contributing Writer

    Messages:
    12,154
    Location:
    Scotland
    It's very difficult to left foot brake when using the clutch pedal using full manual H-shifting on my G25, hence why I use the paddles where it's easier to left foot brake.
     
  17. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

    Messages:
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    Location:
    Philippines
    Page 14 - The Sorcery of One Hand Steer


    Hiroyuki-san is about to explain the technical details of his technique that he passed on to his son. I'm curious about it too.


    Hiroyuki: "The One-Hand Steer is as complicated and difficult as Sir Ben's Accelerator technique. It is another way of truly controlling your car.




    [​IMG]


    Hiroyuki: "But there are requirements to fulfill first before tackling that technique, though Nobuhiko realized them too late while he's practicing it, and that's what made him struggle."


    Takuma: "So what are those requirements?"


    Hiroyuki: "One must first determine the limits of the car. I gave him time to do that by letting him steer using his two hands first. Yet, he failed to realize my purpose."




    [​IMG]


    Hiroyuki: "Then on the next session, he is showing me already the one-hand steer, but when he is about to lose control, he tends to put his left hand on the steering wheel to help with the countersteer, but just as he is about to do it, I whipped his left hand and he returned it to the gear lever instead. I told him my purpose of finding out the car's limits."



    [​IMG]


    Hiroyuki: "But what made him master it is because of his dedication. Nobuhiko is dedicated to what he does, and his determination that he learned from Takanori helped him pass this hurdle.


    If you know beforehand how the car moves and loses control, then it would be a bit easier for you to steer at the correct angle using only one hand.

    What made the hurdle higher is the car. The Elise is a sensitive car that deserves a skilled driver. It easily snaps out of control if you're not careful with it. It doesn't even have power steering, which adds insult to the injury."




    [​IMG]


    Ryuji: "So what are the merits of the technique then? I'm sure you taught him that to give him an edge."


    Hiroyuki: "The One-Hand Steer lets you use just the necessary amount of grip of your tires. If you steer as less as possible, you lighten the stress of the tires. It also shows smoothness of driving on your line. I do not expect Nobuhiko to fully master it immediately, but I'm really happy that he's showing great progress, to the point...



    [​IMG]


    Hiroyuki: "...that he's confident in using it in this race! Funny thing is, an episode of Initial D helped him a lot. Just watch, Ryuji."



    Nobuhiko, now having his opponent right in front of him thanks to his mastery of the technique, taps the rear of Nobunaga's Camaro.


    [​IMG]


    Nobunaga: "A tap!? Don't tell me! He's already kept up!?"


    Nobuhiko: "My tap is much more lethal than yours, Nobunaga. It's more of a psychological attack! You see, if I tapped you, then that means I am challenging you. And normally, you'd push harder..."



    [​IMG]


    Nobunaga: "I cannot play around! I'll show you who's the real GT500 Legend!"



    And then the Camaro overspeeds through the next corner.


    Nobunaga: "Crap!"




    [​IMG]


    Nobuhiko: "You'd push too much... that you'll make a mistake! That's what my tap is for! Now, I shall show you the fruits of my labor. The One-Hand Steer!"



    [​IMG]


    Nobunaga: "He's fast!"


    Steering only with one hand, and thanks to the Elise's short wheelbase and light weight, Nobuhiko tucks inside the corner is effortlessly.



    [​IMG]




    Nobunaga:
    "Like I'm gonna end this battle easily! My Camaro can corner well too!!!"




    [​IMG]



    All of a sudden, however, the Camaro's suspension broke down, prompting Nobunaga to slow down.


    [​IMG]


    Nobunaga: "With the suspension broken, it's like a runner limping down during the marathon. I gotta hand it to you, Nobuhiko. You are on a different level."





    [​IMG]


    Nobuhiko: "I won... my title is safe."




    End of Page 14



    BONUS PHOTO:


    [​IMG]
     
  18. SomePlayaDude

    SomePlayaDude

    Messages:
    3,668
    Location:
    Singapore
    Nothing to do with the story, but the Elise is overpowered at all the levels it can reach.

    At max pp it competes with 600pp supercars. Heck, I'm guessing it'll do 36 flat in Motegi West (my supercar benchmark ground).
     
  19. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

    Messages:
    5,039
    Location:
    Philippines
    I agree. And its stock PP figure can fool you. It can run rings even with higher than 460pp cars.


    Just the last few pages till the end! Perfect timing for GT6! :)
     
  20. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

    Messages:
    5,039
    Location:
    Philippines
    Coffee Break - What's to Come on the Final Battle

    I'm happy that this story will end coinciding the release of GT6. Of course, I have to make the final battle a bit more dramatic.


    Here's a hint:




    [​IMG]



    This photo was taken from The Formula of Speed, if you remember the race between Yuki and Hans.

    Because of rather crappy rain effect in the Photo Mode of GT5, I decided to use Photoshop, and spiced it up a bit. Plus, a fog will make things more exciting! So, you will see these effects in the final race.

    The final battle will take place after the Takuma vs. Jintei battle.



    Next page to be posted tonight! Kinda short, though. The Page Title will be:

    ALWAYS DIFFERENT. ALWAYS LAMBORGHINI.


    :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2013
  21. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

    Messages:
    5,039
    Location:
    Philippines
    Page 15 - Always Different. Always Lamborghini.


    All right! Nobuhiko wins! Wait, where's his opponent? Did he ran into a mechanical trouble?


    Nobuhiko: "I win round 1. It's your turn now."


    Takuma: "Where's your opponent?"


    Nobuhiko: "Now that I think about it, he did slow down at the last part of the course. He should be turning back and head here."


    Hiroyuki: "Great job, Nobuhiko. Let this battle be your learning experience too. Keep on honing your One-Hand Steer, just like how Takuma is practicing his accelerator control techniques."


    Nobuhiko: "I will."


    Nobuyuki: "Man, I hope I'm as cool as Little Nobu! I'm sure that I will have a special skill too! Ha!"


    Hiroyuki: "I've already found out what it is, and it would be beneficial for the upcoming FIA GT3 Series."



    Then Nobunaga's Camaro arrives. Hmmmmm.... it's limping down.



    Nobunaga: "Sorry Pops, I lost. What's worse, the Camaro's suspension broke down."


    Ryuji: "Don't sweat it. We'll beat them next time. Hey Aniki, I guess you bagged another win. But I shall have my revenge yet."



    Hiroyuki: "Stop being childish. It's our children that battled today, not us."



    Then Sir Shaw is checking upon his Lamborghini. I approached him, and as well as Motoharu.


    Sir Shaw: "Maybe this deserves a mechanic's touch?"


    Takuma: "Motoharu, increase the strength of the rear brakes just by a notch."


    Motoharu: "Understood, sir!"


    Sir Shaw: "I hope this pays off. My car is tuned to 700 horsepower, and weight has been reduced as well."


    Takuma: "Win or lose, I thank you for your help. And I am here to tell an important message, not to win. A message that concerns each and every racer."


    Sir Shaw: "I see. But have you driven a Murcielago?"


    Takuma: "I have inherited your son's entire Lamborghini collection, and I have driven them all. I am familiar with the Murcielago's dynamics, by having driven his Reventon. Truth be told, I am not too fond of four-wheel drive cars. It's like they're nagging you every time you want to have fun. But I know very well how the four-wheel drive system of the Murcielago works, and it's entirely different from conventional systems. It's a Viscous Traction system. It's rear-biased all the time."


    Meanwhile...



    [​IMG]


    Tatsuru: "Sorry, Yuki. It took me too long to attend to my customers in the shop."

    Yuki: "It's okay. Even if I don't watch Nobu-senpai's race, he will definitely win. Senpai wins every time."



    [​IMG]


    Tatsuru: "But are you fine with people calling you by your first name?"

    Yuki: "Yuki or Samui, it's fine. But I need to show who I really am. My next target is Motoya Iwasaki and his R34."


    Then Yuki stops the car in which they can watch the race clearly.


    [​IMG]


    Yuki: "Let's stop here, Ichishima-san."


    They get out of the car, and they overhear the crowd about Nobuhiko's victory.


    Tatsuru: "Your Senpai wins again, huh?"


    Yuki: "I must watch my cousin's race. I want to confirm something."


    Tatsuru: "Which is?"


    Yuki: "I have been seeing them... those wings. I want to see them again."


    Tatsuru: "Wings? What are you talking about?"



    Then the race is about to start, having no interruptions at all.


    Takuma: "Which position do you prefer?"

    Iwasaki: "Either way is fine. Let's flip a coin, shall we? Heads, then I lead. You lead if it's Tails."


    I got a coin from my wallet and tossed it. It's Heads.


    Iwasaki: "So, I will lead, then. Besides, I want to see if that Lamborghini can keep up. No Lamborghini in history has ever beaten a GT-R. Even the R32 GT-R defeated a Diablo at Tsukuba."


    Takuma: "Don't make assumptions. We have yet to race."



    So we got in our cars. It pisses me off when people make assumptions on things they have yet to know. You just made a Raging Bull very mad now.



    [​IMG]



    Iwasaki: "Allow me to save you from the illusions of the professional racing world. This is an opportunity too valuable to miss."



    [​IMG]


    I know this Murcielago is 4WD, and probably heavier than the R34, but...


    Always Different. Always Lamborghini! Lamborghinis make it a point to stand out from the rest, and even defy conventional methods. This Viscous Coupling 4WD system, and even these Scissor Doors! No other car can do that! I am not just Japan's Rotary Meister! I shall let this Raging Bull trample your crazy ideals!



    End of Page 15



    [​IMG]





    AUTHOR'S NOTES:


    - Here's another hint of the final battle.


    [​IMG]


    With the location, I'm sure you can guess who will be Takuma's rival for the final battle.





     
  22. AudiMan2011

    AudiMan2011 Contributing Writer

    Messages:
    12,154
    Location:
    Scotland
    [​IMG]
     
    Turbotwin01 likes this.
  23. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

    Messages:
    5,039
    Location:
    Philippines
    Coffee Break - Inspirations Behind The Characters


    Tomorrow shall be the day that the first part of the duel will be posted. I do need a volunteer, but I cannot send the car today (due to the volunteer backing out due to the lack of time; plus the R34 has currently not yet sent back to me, but I bought and tuned another one).



    With that said, I must head on now to the topic of this post. The characters I've included here have been inspired from characters from different Anime (with the exception of Lucas, of course). Below their names would be the photos of these characters.




    Takanori Kanonji:

    Kozo Hoshino of Initial D

    [​IMG]

    and Lucas Ordonez

    [​IMG]





    Takuma Kanonji:


    Ichigo Kurosaki of Bleach



    [​IMG]

    and Keisuke Takahashi of Initial D:


    [​IMG]

    Nobuhiko Hiramoto:


    Kirigaya Kazuto of Sword Art Online:

    [​IMG]

    Yuki "Samui" Kanonji:

    Takumi Fujiwara of Initial D:

    [​IMG]

    and Shinji Inui of Initial D:

    [​IMG]




    Nigel Heidelberg:

    Alisa Bosconovitch of Tekken:

    [​IMG]





    Hiroyuki Hiramoto:

    Bunta Fujiwara of Initial D:

    [​IMG]

    and Ryousuke Takahashi:

    [​IMG]

     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2013
  24. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

    Messages:
    5,039
    Location:
    Philippines
    Page 16 - Handbrake Turn


    With Iwasaki leading, I might as well fall behind with his R34's power. GT-Rs that exceed 800 horsepower are the norm nowadays.


    [​IMG]


    [​IMG]


    I revved the LP640's engine. This sounds really good. GT-Rs don't get this kind of voice.



    Then I fixed the position of the rear-view mirror. The first person I saw is Nobuhiko. You are not only getting the
    applause for today, you know?

    Takuma Sato... and then Nobuhiko... How do I fare against them? Someday, I'll race them both, and they deserve to see my full potential!


    But for now, I've got a message to relay.


    Hiroyuki: "Are we all set? Well then, the race will start in 3... 2... 1... GO!!!"


    All right! We're off! Whoa... look at that R34 go.


    [​IMG]


    I gotta admit, V12 Lamborghinis from the 350GT up until the Murcielago SV suffer the same tall gear ratio problem that make them sluggish, all in the pursuit of speed. The Aventador, however, finally addressed that issue. But still, 800 horsepower is 800 horsepower!


    [​IMG]


    Iwasaki: "You think you can keep up with Jintei? Better make it worthwhile. I shall fulfill my mission."


    [​IMG]


    Thankfully, that old man Shaw opted to install carbon ceramic brakes on this Lambo. Though that option would set you back at 1 million Yen. But it's a money well spent, as I can brake later approaching the turns.


    Ooooh... such agile movements on a big body, Iwasaki. Our cars are too big for the Touge, you know?


    [​IMG]




    I have read Iwasaki's techniques on his webpage, and he demonstrates one of them. He will pit in his R34 at the inside...



    [​IMG]



    ...and then use the handbrake to keep tucking in. He does not make the R34 skid, but it's his way of taking the tight corners. I'll allow Takanori to explain that, and he also knows the drawbacks of that technique for the GT-R.




    [​IMG]


    Keep it coming, Iwasaki, or Jintei. I'll lay in wait like a dragon until you really tease me. Thanks to my twin who has a thorough knowledge on GT-Rs, I know how to deal with those bombastic heavyweight missiles.


    Yuki and Tatsuru Ichishima see the two cars pass by.


    Tatsuru: "It kinda makes me sick and tired to see GT-Rs that fast. It's too common nowadays. Well, that's RB26DETT for you."


    Yuki: "I saw wings once again."


    Tatsuru: "Wings? Of course those two cars have rear wings."


    Yuki: "No... it's those black dragon wings. The red car has a dangerous aura, with those black dragon wings. The blue car is unaware, that it will be eaten by a dragon later on."





    [​IMG]


    [​IMG]


    Crazy acceleration at the corner exits! That's the GT-R for you. But really, it's not enough for me to make me buy one.



    [​IMG]


    [​IMG]


    [​IMG]


    He's taking the inside again. Yeah, keep doing it while you can.



    At the starting point...



    Takanori: "Aniki... just time that attack right, and you'll be able to beat that R34."


    Nobuhiko: "What kind of attack?"


    Takanori: "I have read Iwasaki's handbrake turn he published in his webpage. There's even a video of it. He would take the inside as he approaches the corner, and then after slowing down, he briefly raises the handbrake at a certain angle and then turn. He does not let it drift, but rather to significantly increase the power of the rear brakes momentarily to overpower the front and turn better. It's a nice technique, but you don't see me using it when I drive GT-Rs!"


    Nobuhiko: "Why?"


    Takanori: "From the R32 to the R34 GT-R models, all of them came with not only the ATTESA-ETS 4WD, but also with the Super HICAS Four Wheel Steering. For a novice, the HICAS is useful, however, once you mastered the car, the HICAS will actually turn out to be a hindrance. The HICAS will do whatever it takes to straighten the car once it senses that it will lose control, and it's 100% effective. Hence, using the handbrake turn will make the HICAS interfere, and that causes GT-Rs to understeer. It's also the reason why a lot of people say that GT-Rs are impossible to drift. All my GT-Rs have the HICAS system removed."



    Nobuhiko: "So what is Takuma-san's plan of attack, then?"


    Takanori: "Take the inside! Simple! Jintei cannot perform the handbrake turn once he's at the outer lane! Though of course, it takes timing. When his R34 understeers, then Aniki should strike fear by taking the inside lane!"




    End of Page 16




    AUTHOR'S NOTES:


    - That part of the battle was done via a 2 player battle, and I'm the only person racing those cars. Silly, right? I still need a volunteer for the duel.



    - Here's a video of the TXR3, with the player taking on the final bosses of Tokyo area - Midnight Rose, Red Devil, and then finally Jintei.









     
  25. 787bcgr

    787bcgr

    Messages:
    776
    Location:
    United States
    if you really need a driver, I can volunteer.
     
  26. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

    Messages:
    5,039
    Location:
    Philippines

    Hmmmmm... I'll add you later on at PSN. And maybe tomorrow you can help me out doing the final battle of this story. I'll lend you the Opera S2000 if you're available.


    Next page to be posted tonight.
     
  27. Ruby Kyrie

    Ruby Kyrie

    Messages:
    12
    Hello, I've been reading most of your works for a time being including this one so here is my full feedback of it.

    I truly respect your dedication and passion. However...

    As an avid reader whom enjoyed a great storytelling, I have 4 really big and MAJOR issues about your works in general, including this one. Hope you won't be too sore about this as I am really being sincere in telling you where did you do wrong in your stories...

    No.1 : Your story. You got a fine idea to start but your way of executing is just too premature and unrefined that it falls flat in terms of being generic and mediocre at best. The way you write the plot is way too flat and it lacks dynamic view that leave a true impact to readers. There really is nothing much going on save for your main casts 'aiming to be number one in a kingdom' or 'reign supreme in the end'. That's really...all there is to that and it's in all honesty, NOT enough at all for a good story. Most of your works can do so much better so why not improvise?

    No.2 : Your characters. ALL of them actually, but the most noticeable one is Makoto. She is too much of a Mary Sue. But putting her aside, MOST of your characters are too 2 Dimensional. There's nothing unique that made them stand out from the rest and most of them looked like they're there just for the sake of being there and it's a shame because most of your casts looked so promising yet you handled them in such half-hearted manner. It's like you're not even trying to bring out their true purpose. :/

    They are also too rich. Richer than Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. Seriously. Rich and wealthy characters with charm like Makoto are fun to write, I'll admit, but you're going too overboard with her. I mean her family owning a plethora of exotics and even one-offs that were meant to be owned by one person only and yet you still use it leisurely without consideration of realism. It's just far too unrealistic and it turns readers away whom wished to enjoy a good racing story that sticks to reality. Keep in mind you're writing a racing story that is STRICTLY limited to realism. Don't cross the line in terms of wealth unless you're absolutely confident you can make the background of how he/she gets the car stands as legit and acceptable.

    But even I know one-offs are never meant to be owned by anyone except those that bought it. So any addition of finding ANOTHER ONE just happened to be in place would be instant BS and that will cost readers to think you're just being delusional. :(

    No.3 : The cars. Again. Keep in mind you're strictly limited to realism by default if you're writing a racing story. Do not go overboard of using exotics or hypercars just because you WANT them to be featured in GT media to look stylish. It won't work that way unless your story has reasonable explanation. Learn how to draw a balance between expensive rides and domestic rides. You are writing a story that is based off Initial D's style no less so keep this in mind. Please. The use of Red Bull X2011 is already more than enough to make me cringe at the unrealistic approach of your writing. :(

    Finally, your concept lacked originality.

    You copied WAY too much ideas from Initial D and TXR series (Like Fujiwara Zone or renaming Impact Blue into Passionate Pink Duo)

    Please, unless you can put an interesting twist, don't overuse so much of the same series' concept otherwise people may as well just read that series you based off on rather than reading your writing.

    Find more inspiration sources and not just in terms of characters. Concept, themes as well as development routes all have inspiration sources. Find them and broaden your horizons. :)

    Find a stable development route too, baby steps and don't crank things up to eleven.

    That's all I can say about your writing, friend! Hope it will help you in your future endeavours!

    Good luck!

    My score: 5.5/10 (Refine your plot and characters more. :3)
     
  28. RCKakashi14

    RCKakashi14

    Messages:
    5,039
    Location:
    Philippines
    Before reading on this page, let me defend my side. And this is also for the benefit of my readers.

    Attention, @Ruby Kyrie I appreciate your feedback, and I really salute people who tell the truth. May God bless you.

    And here is my defense:


    First thing, how come you say that my characters are 2-dimensional? Or my story lacks spine? Character development is still ongoing, and even the three main characters - Takuma, Takanori, and Nobuhiko - continue on developing even though I think they're fully-developed. Nobuyuki will be my focus of development on the sequel, but he's still playing a supporting role. Being number 1 is still the point of this story, and my characters have their own story to tell, and they don't lack "spine".


    They are all too rich? Race car drivers earn like Hollywood celebrities or rock stars. Takanori started out as a middle-classed high school student who just plays GT5 after school and helps out on his family business. And him marrying a daughter of a tycoon is all out of love. But then part of the marriage is inheriting his father-in-law's fortunes because it's a Japanese tycoon culture wherein the son-in-law inherits the whole company. Takuma, on the other hand, was adopted and raised by a racing legend, and that could explain his wealth from the beginning.


    My choice of cars are primarily because of my interest. Remember, this is still a Race Report, and I gotta highlight an experience with a car with a storytelling twist. While there are a lot of Exotic cars, I have a larger respect for JDMs, and you notice there's plenty of them too, right? So there is balance. And since this is GT5, I can highlight everything under it, and that includes the Red Bull X2011 even though it's not a realistic car.




    And Makoto is not like Paris Hilton, as she is a down-to-earth person and even took a cashier job in the Kanonji Mochi Shop while Takanori is racing overseas (by the time they were dating).


    To top it all off, allow me to quote one of the lines from SomePlayaDude's first post in The Legacy of The Dark Horse:


    "Lastly, don't tell me how to write MY STORY, while feedback will be considered. Feel free to speak your mind, but don't be an ass, okay?"


    This is how I write, and while you noticed a plethora of Initial D references, I didn't copy it entirely. If I could copy, then I could have just made a crossover with the Initial D characters and cars instead. What I like Initial D a lot is how the characters grow as not only better drivers, but also better persons as a whole. The technical jargon is just an icing on the cake. So my story still has original ideas, with Initial D as a heavy inspiration. The One-Hand steer, accelerator control, gutter run techniques, and even the upcoming rain and fog final race are not exclusive only in Initial D, you know? They all exist in real life as well, and the techniques mentioned above are common race car driver techniques that I wish to highlight.


    I don't care what kind of rating you will give it, and I don't intend to compete with the other fanfics AS THEY INSPIRE ME TO WRITE THIS. I write purely for passion and fun, and also to give GT5 some worth in playing it knowing how it got boring for me.




    I do hope you understand, as the criticisms at the above post are a bit harsh. But don't misunderstand me, I do appreciate them.


    However, I don't want any further arguments here, as this is not a debate and I don't want flames. It's up to you if you will continue to read this or not.




    Page 17 - Opportunities


    All right, let me take a good look once again of your Handbrake Turn, Iwasaki.




    [​IMG]





    Whoa... it makes the R34 look like it's not understeering and take the inner lane with finesse. But if you have a sharp eye, then you'll notice that the body shifted slightly to make it tuck in.




    [​IMG]





    Iwasaki: "Takuma... I don't really get it. How come you're still at the top of your game? Pretty soon, even the FIA will abandon you..."





    [​IMG]




    Iwasaki: "I did everything I can to succeed in the world of professional racing, but it seems opportunities are very hard to come by. I did a lot to make them come to me, but they can't. I thought the FIA promised me those."




    [​IMG]




    Iwasaki: "At the end, going back to the streets is the right choice! The streets already teach you the harsh realities of racing! No need for on-track experience for that!"





    [​IMG]



    I pity you, Iwasaki... the race track offers you plenty of opportunities in life. But it's your fault why you let them vanish. It's just that a lot are vying for them as well, and you have to be aggressive!

    At the next section, I shall start my attack.



    [​IMG]




    All right! The R34 understeered to the outer lane! Time to shut the inside lane!




    [​IMG]


    Like a Raging Bull, I shall start my charge! This is the opportunity! I intentionally pushed the R34 back to the outer lane.


    [​IMG]

    Iwasaki: "What are you doing!?"


    Think you can perform your Handbrake Turn again? Think twice now... It's time to end your delusions!



    End of Page 17
     
    MyogiWarrior34 likes this.
  29. AudiMan2011

    AudiMan2011 Contributing Writer

    Messages:
    12,154
    Location:
    Scotland
    It's over for Iwasaki.
     
  30. SomePlayaDude

    SomePlayaDude

    Messages:
    3,668
    Location:
    Singapore
    It had to be said in a Cinema Sins voice:

    The "hero makes a comeback from learning his opposition's tricks when the opponent had a significant boost in the beginning" cliche.

    *DING*

    And if that's nearly all of them, what's part 3 going to be filled with?