The Webber collection. . . . .

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Pako

Pako

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As I get posts from Webber I will pass them on to you. This is the first in a series of almost daily post sent to me.

Vikings football practice was delayed this morning for nearly two hours.
One of the players, while on the way to the locker room happened to look
down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance on
the
practice field. Head Coach Dennis Green immediately suspended practice
while the FBI was called in to investigate.
After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white
substance
unknown to the players was actually the goal line. Practiced resumed
when
FBI Special Agents decided that the team was not likely to encounter the
substance again.
 
A Nice Story. . . . . .

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing

smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the

comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The

handsome stranger turned, having sensed her

approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers,

he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze

measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft

murmurs of assurance.

He sank to his knees before her and without a

word, smoothly released her from her constraining

attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his

foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He

expertly guided her through this tender, new

territory, boldly taking her to heights she had

never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate,

confident in his ability to satisfy her every need.

Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching

desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long.

And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within

her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping

moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will

never fit!" Then, with a sudden rush, it slid

into place as if it had been made only for her.

As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she

met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining

in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long

before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would

want more. She would want to do it again and

again and again............
























DON'T YA JUST LOVE SHOPPING FOR SHOES?



Okay whose mind was in the gutter????
 
Originally posted by Jazza
MINE!!!!
Geez Pako, I thought he was ******* her!!!!
Click to expand...

Get your mind out of the gutter man! :D
 
HEADLINE STORIES FOR THE YEAR 2035
*************************************************
1. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

2. Spotted Owl plague threatens Western North America crops &
livestock.

3. Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American
Territory
of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Iraq, Syria, and
Lebanon)

4. Afghanistan still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at

least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe
levels.

5. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

6. 35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

7. Nursing home event... Bill Clinton denies allegations of affair
with
candy striper.

8. Texas executes last remaining citizen.

9. Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

10. Baby conceived naturally.....scientists stumped.

11. Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

12. Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los
Angeles.

13. Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches.

14. Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of
Windows
so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

15. New California law requires that all nail clippers,
screwdrivers,
and baseball bats be registered by January 2036.
 
A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they
hear a
voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One American soldier is better
than
ten Taliban!"

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the
dune
whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes,
then
silence.

The voice then calls out "One American soldier is better than one
hundred
Taliban!"

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over
the dune
and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of
battle, again
silence.

The voice calls out again: "One American soldier is better than one
thousand

Taliban!"

The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and
sends them
across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a
huge
battle is fought.

Then silence.

Eventually, one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune
and with
his dying words tells his commander: "Don't send any more men, its a
trap!
There's actually two of them!"
 
..........Can you believe it? Monica Lewinski turned 28 this week.
It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees.
 
Originally posted by Pako
..........Can you believe it? Monica Lewinski turned 28 this week.
It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees.
Click to expand...

:rotfl: That's great!
 
Saying Grace...

Last week I took my children to a restaurant. My
six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed
our heads he said, "God is good. God is great. Thank you
for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets
us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all!
Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby I
heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this
country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking
God
for ice-cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I
do it wrong? Is God mad at me?" As I held him and assured
him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly
not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.
He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God
thought that was a great prayer."


"Really?" my son asked. "Cross my heart," the man replied.
Then in a theatrical whisper he added (indicating the
woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad
she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is
good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my kid's ice cream at the end of the
meal. My son stared at his for a moment and then did
something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up
his sundae and without a word, walked over and placed it in
front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here,
this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes;
and my soul is good already."

The End
 
Originally posted by Pako
..........Can you believe it? Monica Lewinski turned 28 this week.
It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees.
Click to expand...
:lol::rotfl::lol: That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time! Keep 'em coming.............:lol:
 
George W. Bush was walking through an airport last week when he saw an
old man with white hair and a long white beard, wearing a long white
robe and holding a staff. He walked up to the man, who was staring at
the ceiling, and asked, "Excuse me, sir, aren't you Moses?"

The man stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the ceiling,
saying nothing. Again George W asked, a little louder this time,
"Excuse me, sir, aren't you Moses?"

Again the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without saying a
word.

George W tried a third time, louder yet. "Excuse me, sir, aren't you
Moses?"

Again, no movement or words from the old man. He continued to stare at
the ceiling. One of George W's aides asked him if there was a problem,
and George
W said, "Either this man is deaf or extremely rude. I have asked him
three times if he is Moses, and he has not answered me yet."

To which the man, still staring at the ceiling, finally replied, "I can
hear you and, yes, I am Moses, but the last time I spoke to a bush, I
spent 40 years wandering in the wilderness."
 
Now that American B-52's are reorganizing Afghanistan's
landscape,US intelligence has discovered that the Taliban
have renamed some of their towns to confuse us.

These new names include:

1. Wherz-Myroof
2. Mykamel-Izded
3. O****-Disisabad
4. Waddi-El-Izgowinon
5. Pleez-Ztopdi****
6. Kizz-Yerass-Goodbi
7. Ikantstan-Disnomore
8. Wha-Tafuk-Wazi-Tinkin
9. Myturbin-Izburnin
10. Imma-Dedshmuck
 
Originally posted by Pako
Now that American B-52's are reorganizing Afghanistan's
landscape,US intelligence has discovered that the Taliban
have renamed some of their towns to confuse us.

These new names include:

1. Wherz-Myroof
2. Mykamel-Izded
3. O****-Disisabad
4. Waddi-El-Izgowinon
5. Pleez-Ztopdi****
6. Kizz-Yerass-Goodbi
7. Ikantstan-Disnomore
8. Wha-Tafuk-Wazi-Tinkin
9. Myturbin-Izburnin
10. Imma-Dedshmuck
Click to expand...

:lol:
 
Originally posted by Pako
Now that American B-52's are reorganizing Afghanistan's
landscape,US intelligence has discovered that the Taliban
have renamed some of their towns to confuse us.

These new names include:

1. Wherz-Myroof
2. Mykamel-Izded
3. O****-Disisabad
4. Waddi-El-Izgowinon
5. Pleez-Ztopdi****
6. Kizz-Yerass-Goodbi
7. Ikantstan-Disnomore
8. Wha-Tafuk-Wazi-Tinkin
9. Myturbin-Izburnin
10. Imma-Dedshmuck
Click to expand...
:lol::rotfl::lol: That's great! I love #2 and number #9!
 
Originally posted by Pako
Now that American B-52's are reorganizing Afghanistan's
landscape,US intelligence has discovered that the Taliban
have renamed some of their towns to confuse us.

These new names include:

1. Wherz-Myroof
2. Mykamel-Izded
3. O****-Disisabad
4. Waddi-El-Izgowinon
5. Pleez-Ztopdi****
6. Kizz-Yerass-Goodbi
7. Ikantstan-Disnomore
8. Wha-Tafuk-Wazi-Tinkin
9. Myturbin-Izburnin
10. Imma-Dedshmuck
Click to expand...

:rotfl:
 
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment, so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly, there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!"
"Get out of my classroom," she yells. "I don't want to see you for three days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly, there is an even louder giggle from another male student.

She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "I just saw both of your garters!" Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time, there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks. "From what I just saw, my school days are over!"
 

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