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Discussion in 'GT4 Race Reports' started by Rykon Zero, Sep 5, 2008.
Yay, the Blue Wedge didn't die. Still, I would have thought that it might be an ambush.
Very nice screenshots in Chapter 26
Nah, there was enough tying up and "interrogation" in that chapter.
Hey Stig, love the story so far. Can't wait to see how it ends, although it's kinda sad there won't be much more to read.
But on the upside, I found the real-life Armageddon Van!
Please tell me those wheels aren't attached.
So that's where they hid it!!
AAAAAAARH MY EYES!!!!!!!111!1!!111 That thing needs to thrown off a cliff while on fire and filled with life-size cardboard cutouts of Justin Bieber.
It's the Armageddon Van, it would probably survive that.
No it's not! that's a Suzuki Wagon R thingy, not a Honda Life Step Van.
Is the real Armageddon Van
BUT IT DON'T GOT THE MAD CAMBER YO!
I love how it says Custom Van on the side. Like someone wouldn't know.
IT DO NOW:
Only on the left side
Okay, I'm going to have to lampshade the Armageddon Van in the finale. you guys are just being so ridiculous, I can't help it.
Chapter 27: Two Birds, One Stone
"So, what is a set of German twins doing in Italy?"
"Same reason as anyone else. Plot conveniences."
"Ah, that explains everything then."
"Yes, yes it does."
"But that's an utter bull**** answer, we need a better one for those people who don't like the utter lack of a fourth wall in this story."
"Um, well, I guess they liked the track, and stayed here for it. It's not like they don't have enough money."
Well, we're here in Italy, in this town that I can't remember the name of because it's name was in a flashback chapter. Our quest for today is to meet and defeat the twins, Hans and Franz, in one chapter, so the author can have a nice clean ending chapter. I think I'll be able to manage that, if my sheer ability is anything to go by.
"Whee! I bought us a milkshake!"
Kyoko was enjoying this far too much. After I confessed to her two chapters ago, and we, uh, "sealed" our relationship, she's been rather... Clingy. Take this for example. She's gone and gotten a milkshake for the two of us to share, complete with two straws with hearts on them. This is so unmanly, that if I didn't exude awesome from every single orifice of my body, my testicles would have retracted by now. But this is just musing of my manly side, the rest of me is enjoying this thoroughly. It's almost like the author's going to have me killed by the end, leaving a child I conceived to exact revenge for me... Or maybe that's a rejected alternate ending. I used a condom, after all. Well, four, but...
"It almost makes me sick, seeing you two being all lovey-dovey like that."
"Well, there's no rule we have to be the only ones. Did you call up that girl? You could probably help her out emotionally."
"I did, actually. She said she's doing okay, the funeral for her friends is in a week. Did you want to come?"
"If it's in a week, I might not be able to make it, depending on how long these battles stretch out. But tell her I'll try to make it if at all possible."
I took a sip of the milkshake, then realized that a sip gets you nowhere if you're drinking a milkshake, and I took a long, drawn out gulp.
"So, what's the battle plan for today?"
"Find the twins, challenge them both, then have one do the time attacks, then you race the other, and beat the time while racing. I think they'll agree to that."
"Yeah, but I'll hang around here until they show up. They always do, somehow or other."
So thus, our, now famous racing team, is sitting here, doing nothing, until a bunch of German twins stumble upon us in the middle of Italy. Logic dictates that this would never happen, but then again, logic dictates that a five year old child cannot possibly learn to drive a car, let alone race it to S Class abilities, but I digress. I've never bowed to logic, and neither should you. Our team talked briefly about our plans for the future. I remember that dream I had those weeks ago, about the sort of awesome things I'm destined to do. I am easily the fastest, or at least second fastest man on Earth, so I don't see any reason why I can't start doing some serious races after I'm done beating in the Solar Flares and bringing their stupid ace down to ground. I've got some pretty serious money under my belt right now, I'll use that on my MR2, then I'll sell that RSC and get myself a race car, then I'll emerge onto the big stage...
Looking back now, I'd never have guessed I'd even possibly have this choice open to me. I can become a god of the racing world, my name could shine in lights as the greatest driver that lived... This could work.
"Ja, zen I vas der, being all like 'das is mein schlong.'"
"That wasn't very funny, and you know it."
"Oh, look, plot."
Two identical german men. One with a horrible accent, one without one. I get the distinct feeling these are our men.
"Excuse me, Which one is Hans?"
"Oh, Das ist me! Vat ist it?"
"Franz, I'm going to challenge the both of you to a race."
I'll be damned if I'll listen to that accent.
"Because you are the twin captains of Solar Flare, right?"
"Uh, no. We're just tourists."
"Oh. Never mind then."
"Ve are kidding of course, silly man. Ve are Hans and Franz, ze racing twins!"
"You, shut up. Look, I want to get this race over as fast as possible, so could you go ahead and do a time attack to begin with?"
"I need to get these done in one chapter, and this is the only way. I need you to set a lap time for me to beat, then I'll break it when I race with Hans."
"That's a pretty lofty goal there. Think you can manage it?"
"I think so. You seem nicer than the other captains. The last one was a bit of a prostitute."
"We all have our quirks. Ours is that we're twins, and Hans has a horrible accent for no reason other than comic relief."
"Ja, das ist mein Blitzkreig!"
"Does he shut up?"
"Only if you subject him to German stereotypes."
I found a poolside chair, put a towel in the shape of the german flag on it, then put a bowl of sauerkraut on that.
"Oh mein gott!"
"Alright, now that he's out of the way, could you go do a time attack?"
"Alright. At once."
Franz walked away, dragging Hans along with the bowl of sauerkraut in tow. We were situated by the start line, so he'll be coming along soon.
"Have you decided what car you'll be driving?"
"I was thinking about driving your Renault. It'll be like home to that car."
"Nice. So, the twins always drive the same car from the time attack to the one on one race. I think it's coming."
We all looked over to our right, when the car crested over the hill.
"Renault 5 Turbo. This'll be an interesting race."
"He's probably decked it out as much as yours."
The Renault sped across the start line. We waited two minutes, then we heard the car approaching again. There was a GT race adviser here, to do the official lap time. The red Renault crossed the finish, then I asked the race adviser for the time.
"Wow, he's around 1:45. I don't know if even I could do that."
"Eh. Your car's good enough. I'll beat it."
I walked over to the Renault after it stopped.
"1:45. Good time."
"I'm proud of it. It's Hans' turn now. Still think you can beat that time?"
"I've got my own trickery this time."
Hans and Franz switched places in the car, and I went back to get the keys to Andrea's car.
"You know how dangerous the car is, right?"
"Yeah, I know. Don't worry."
I ran to the house my mother stayed in, and grabbed the Renault. That car used to stay there all the time. It's like nostalgia for cars. I drove the car on to the track, and found the other Renault.
"You brought your own Turbo! I like it! Maybe it'll be a good fight if it's tricked out enough."
"Don't worry, it is."
Hans started driving, and I followed suit. If I pulled this off, I'd be killing two birds with one stone. I'd be metaphorically comboing these guys. We drove up to, and crossed the start line.
This is why he's a captain. My car's faster on the straights, his is slightly faster in the corners. This normally poses no problem, but not only is he a better than average driver, this track is narrower. I simply couldn't find a way past here.
"Good work David! Keep the pressure on him!"
I brought Kyoko along. I didn't need any help, but I wanted the woman I love by my side. Thinking back, that was a genuinely stupid idea, what if I crash?
"He's faster in the corners, but I'm fast enough to make up for that on the straights. I just need a long enough straight, and one wide enough..."
My prayers have been answered. I put my foot down, and pulled along side him.
"Well, you can get it next time! Don't lose hope yet!"
"I never lose hope."
This had rather thrown a wrench in the works. I was planning on executing a First Lap Finisher, then doing the time attack later. Looks like I'll have to forgo that.
"Kyoko, I love you."
"Wah! That came out of nowhere!"
Eh. Didn't quite make it. Oh well, the uphill bit here is a straight too. I took the lead here.
Erm, or here.
"Now is the time to end my discontent."
I drove. I drove hard. I pulled every last bit of power out of this car now, and I am going to beat that time.
And across the line!
"Yay! We won! Think we managed to do it?"
"We did two chapters ago... Oh, you mean the time trial? Yeah, I think so."
We pulled the car over to the side of the road, and a race adviser came up.
"You beat the time attack as well."
"I thought I would. By how much?"
"Your time was 1:41.32."
"You did it!"
Kyoko kissed me. Again, to hear my feelings about it, please- actually, no. A kiss is manly too.
We drove to the house after getting my money, and Andrea was there to greet me.
"I don't know how you managed it, but you got nearly 1:40. Congrats!"
"Thanks, though it's not that impressive."
"Kurt's time in a similar car is 1:42.11. You're already beaten his time. Be proud."
Wow, maybe I really can beat this guy. Cool.
"Alright, the next guy is a fellow called Miss Butch. He, or rather, she, is a transvestite."
"Uh. Okay. My father used to hang around some pretty weird ass people."
"You're telling me. Well, she is scheduled for a race back at Grand Valley, in France. It'll be a quick jump over to challenge Kurt too."
"Am I set for a race against him?"
"Yes you are. Her."
"Do I get to speak?"
"He beat your time. 1:41.32 around Aria."
"And he was in a Renault?! I can't believe it!"
I posted that time when I was in my prime! It can't be... He is from Seattle... He has to be his child. There is no doubt about it. I need to race him directly first, then the truth will come out.
"Is Butch going to be racing him?"
"He's secured a place in the grid with her. I can't see why not."
"This may be my chance to see him up close. Ready the anti-gay beam."
"Ready the GT."
"Muahaha. MUAHAHA. MUUUUAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA-" *cough* *hack* *bleed* *intestines*
End of chapter 27.
It was designed to take part in the upcoming event RACSAN, NASCAR but in reverse!
Great chapter Stig, can't wait to see how the race with "It" pans out.
One thing though, two actually. Somehow you have travelled back in time to chapter 17, and are you sure the word b***h is allowed?
My typing skillz are too mad tyte for you to comprehend. Which is why I managed to cut you.
EDIT: Fixed, and I'm pretty sure it's fine. The mods didn't have a problem with it last time, but I think I'll change it for safety.
Keep it up or we will make you...
eat lime jello!
Uh, I won't be able to keep it up much longer.
David on the other hand...
Damn, that looked easy. Kurt doesn't look so scarily fast now...
Oh, reeeally? I think you're underestimating the curbstomping abilities of the legendary classes.
Chapter 28: Oh Dear God No
"Turn left here."
"You say it was a very handsome and masculine man, before he became a transvestite?"
"Yes, and unfortunately, he was only good looking as a man, it's lost all of it's appeal to anyone."
"It's not a very smart person, but I can't imagine it ever regretted it. You have to admire that quality."
"I do. So why exactly are we driving around for no reason?"
"Someone said it'd still be funny if we did it, and we're trying to prove him wrong."
"We're talking about trannies while driving around France in a tiny van filled with five people. Anything we say, can, and will be used as humor, because of the sheer absurdity of it all."
"Yeah, you have a point. Last few chapters were pretty absurd too. Though, it's nice that we're actually able to drive around in this thing normally."
"It's kind of disappointing though, this thing gets so much faster when the combo multiplier is above 8."
"That usually makes no sense, but you managed to obliterate the SDF, so whatever."
"Here's a sandwich and a Yellowfin Tuna. If you need a napkin, I brought the Magna Carta."
"Thanks. That was so random I don't even. So, we need to talk a bit about Butch."
"Shut up. Butch is by far the fastest of the captains. He's not anywhere near Kurt, but this should still pose a challenge to you. He's a solid EX+ Class, so race with all you've got. Behind your back, like most things I've done, I've done some research. Butch only does races at above Japan standard, or basically, he races against modified NSXs and GT-Rs. So, I've secretly added a few modifications to your Silvia. I say a few, but I really mean a hell of a lot. She's pounding out closer to 425 horses, I made her lighter and tuned her suspension to perfection. The chassis is really, really good, it took all 425 without a sweat. I also made it a note to give her a special turbo from HKS, it's specially tuned for high boost but minimal lag."
"I'd normally be pissed off now, but I'm not. That is by far the coolest thing you've ever done in this story."
"Yeah, I thought I'd be unpopular, got to boost my standing. Well, all of this tuning made it so I could imagine you'd easily be able to take on Vipers and low supercars."
"But Butch doesn't drive a Viper, that much is certain."
"Okay, good. Let's head over to Grand Valley now, time's almost here."
We drove back to Grand Valley. This was a GT sponsored event, so we had individual heats. Mine was 666. Suggestive much? We arrived at the track, I got into my car, and drove into a line. There were a lot of races to get done, so I had to register I was here. Turns out, I wasn't the only one. after finishing the registration, I drove back to the Van. As it happens so, Andrea was talking to a 6'6 woman. That obviously doesn't fly in my mind, so upon closer viewing, I found out it was a good looking man with features that don't transfer over to womanly traits. I parked next to the Van.
"Hello there, I assume you're Miss Butch?"
"That's me. I heard you're the man who asked to be specifically in the same grid as me. Why?"
"I'm trying to dethrone Kurt, and I need to take out the captains first."
"Ah! You're the guy who took out Lisa, Hans and Franz! Well, are you sure you can take me out?"
"I heard you're the strongest captain, but the last three didn't pose a threat. I hope you're a better signal of the Solar Flare's power."
"I am indeed the strongest. But you need to be so much faster than me to even compete with Kurt. I don't think you're there."
"David here has ability that none of us have."
"That sounds rather cocky. How so?"
"You've got skill on pavement, I've got skill on dirt, and David, he has skill of innovation. Even if he loses to you today, he'll be far faster than you tomorrow. David."
"You wouldn't have beaten Hans and Franz without first taking out Lisa. You didn't have the skill. Now, without beating Hans and Franz, you wouldn't have stood a chance."
"We'll see about how much he's improved. For now, it's another fifteen minutes to race. I'll go put on some manly clothes."
Butch walked away.
"He didn't seems like a transvestite, he hasn't gone under for any surgery."
"Well, I really should have said cross-dresser. He's not really that extreme."
"Dude, I was calling him "It" since the last few chapters. I think you blew this all out of proportion."
"By the way, he wears a WWII trench coat while racing."
"That matters nothing to me."
"It helps the readers."
We sat around and ate little pizzas. Just stalling for time. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, the light brigade flew out of the grandstands riding unicorns.
"Yeah, it is. I think it's heat 666 now, go drive in."
I hopped in my car, and drove over the unicorns. I found myself on the starting grid, at the back.
Let's see, a Mercedes Benz AMG E55, good car, not really at home on the race track. Corvette, very nice. I'd like one. That's some sort of Honda concept car. What sort of idiot brings such an expensive car? Next, an Aston Martin DB9, a very nice car, but a tad on the heavy side, and last but not least... A familiar sight. A gray RUF BTR.
"David, Butch is in the BTR. I was talking to him about your father, apparently he didn't know anything about Daniel getting assassinated, but he knew he drove around in a gray BTR. Butch said Daniel loved his BTR, so it was natural he'd buy one. David, that BTR was your father's inspiration. Don't underestimate it."
"Don't worry, I won't."
I never underestimate my opponents. They're always so weak though, I can't help it. The lights began to flash, and as the light struck green, the race started.
It seemed like Butch was stuck behind the DB9, so I took that opportunity to slide in past him.
The DB9 and Corvette were easy pickings, I slid wide on a right-left series of corners, getting higher speed, and slotting right in front of the 'Vette.
The Honda gave me trouble. All the racers were at around S class, so they were really good, but this guy, while I was still obviously superior, gave me a lot of trouble. I couldn't find a way to pass him, and I could tell he was right around EX class.
I got fed up with it, and eventually just went for the overtake. But wouldn't you know it, the Honda was a poor loser, he tapped my rear end, and I went sliding of the track.
Okay, not pleased. you know what, I'll do it. I'm using the Unbreakable Will mode, I need to get back up to the lead.
Aaaaaand done. Half a lap, took the lead. But boy, am I tired now. That took a lot out of me.
Well, whatever, rest of the race should be easy.
Holy crap, that's the first time I've ever been overtaken! Now I know why he told me not to underestimate him, the captains are a notch above masters, but this guy is a notch above the captains! I need to fight for that lead again!
Come on... Gah!
Hah... Finally... Holy crap. If this guy really is inferior to Kurt... Man, I'll have to fight for this.
Man... Even fighting as hard as I can, I couldn't lose him... Good thing I'll be able to steal his techniques.
I pulled out of the track and drove over to the Life Step. My friends were cheering. It seemed they had a TV tapped into the race cameras. I got out of the car, and Kyoko ran up and hugged me.
"You almost lost! How could you?"
"He was a lot better than I thought, I thought he'd be a little better than the other captains, but he's on a different planet!"
"I wouldn't have been able to beat him, good job. But you really shouldn't have underestimated him. He almost made you pay for it."
"I know... My bad. I need to speak with Butch."
A man was standing in front of a gray RUF, with a trenchcoat on.
"You beat me. Not many people can attest to that, and only two can say they beat me when I overtook them again. Kurt Rinehart and Daniel Fuhrmann. Who are you?"
"I'm David Johnson. I heard you didn't know what happened to Daniel Fuhrmann."
"That is correct. More than 20 years ago, he just fell off the grid. He was my best friend, and I had no idea what happened to him. I asked around, no one knew."
"I'm sorry to say that's a lie. Who did you ask?"
"Everyone I knew. They never told me."
"First off, why do you cross-dress?"
"A bet. I made a bet with Daniel all those years ago, and I lost it. He said "As long as I'm alive, and I can still beat you, you have to wear a dress." He didn't want to strip me from racing, so he made me do that. I've grown used to it, it's fine. Why do you ask?"
"You don't have to cross dress anymore."
"Why do you say that?"
"His son said so."
I told him the story about me. How my father ran away with my mother to Seattle, where they started a family, and where my father was murdered by a group of thugs from Solar Flare. Butch just sat there, listening.
"I had a feeling that's what happened. After Daniel left, the Solar Flares became nothing more than a glorified mafia based on racing. I'd have left long ago, to search for Daniel, but I was too afraid. Thank you, David. Now I know the truth. Did you want revenge on Kurt?"
"Not really. I don't care about him killing my father so much as the atrocities he committed against him and other people. If I beat him, he'll listen to me, and if he listens to me, I'll be able to change his ways."
"He might not work like that. He used to, but he's grown older, and crazier. He might retaliate in a way no one knows. Be careful. I'm thanking you for this race, and letting me know this. Just be careful. If you change the Solar Flares for the good, I'll be in your debt, but just know, you might not be able to make it happen."
"Well, I've got a back up plan if it all fails."
Suddenly, a car pulled up behind us. A black Mercedes. A man stepped out, and at that moment, I knew he was an enemy.
*clap* *clap* *clap*
"Excellent job, David. You officially qualify for racing against me. Good work."
The man resembled a snake, or lizard in my mind. He seemed evil to every part of my body.
"Already made accommodations. The home team always chooses the track, if you don't mind."
"That's fine, I've got a car for every occasion. Say the time and place."
"In one week, meet up at 1:00 PM. I'll see you there."
"Meet up where? Here?"
"Oh, my bad. I forgot to say. Meet up in one week in Germany. Specifically, Nurburg, Germany. I've got a home there, I'll be able to have my car meet your demands. See you then."
Kurt got back in the Merc and drove away. It seemed Butch ran away after seeing Kurt, and I don't blame him.
"That was Kurt. Did anything seem... Off?"
"Oh yeah. he's crazy."
"He's further gone than I feared. Butch may be right, you might not be able to change him."
"Wait, did he say what I thought he said?"
"Yeah, as in 'Nurburgring'?"
End of chapter 28. Yeah.
Hmmm...Will David be able to conquer the Green Hell? Looking forward to seeing how it turns out.
In any other story I would be confused if anyone mentioned a combo multiplier, but in yours it works perfectly
Gotta keep the absurdity level high.
I have a sneaky suspicion that Butch's car is actually Daniel's...but I'm probably wrong. Glad you worked in the Green Hell, especially in the most appropriate time.
Nah, it's not Daniel's car, just the inspiration for it.
Right, because Kurt's car is actually Daniel's.
DANIEL'S CAR WAS BURNED TO A CRISP ON A BACK ROAD IT DOES NOT EXIST AS A RUF ANY LONGER.
It is an ex-Porsche! It is no more!
You got him pissed
We appologise o great master
What if they fixed it?
Yeah. They fixed it. Into the dirt.
Just to let you know, I'm not angry or anything, it's just that you expect to see the BTR, which isn't going to happen.
The Ford GT will be owned at the 'ring with the Step Van.