Jesus christ. Where do I start?
Okay. Let's begin.
@Obelisk is under investigation for unapproved cranial emissions, and the device used to pass initial testing. VW and
Apple are both currently litigating the patent on this, so expect the judgement to be announced once those court proceedings are completed.
(My money is on VW, because unlike Apple products, it actually works.)
Neither the NSA, nor the Canadian government can either confirm nor deny any involvement, nor can they confirm or deny my employment by the NSA or any interactions with any other covert agency. But then again, you've got nothing to hide, right?
When you figure it out, the Norwegian Nobel Committee would like to submit your findings for peer review and testing before offering any reward.
@Vic Reign93 is under investigation for intentional deception for personal and/or monetary gain. Additionally, a charge of Providing False Testimony has this was not previously discussed, as stated by the Defendant.
@RacingOtaku86 is under investigation for failure to provide adequate attention, as stipulated by the rules and regulations accepted in the Car of the Week Concorde Agreement of 2012.
@Vic Reign93 has been fined 300,000 Cr as
punishment for bringing our sport into ill repute. Because he has cooperated with the investigation and assisted with correcting the damage done, this penalty is considerably lighter than typically awarded. However, the sanctioning body reserves the right to administer
punitive damages at an exponential rate for each further occurrence at a minimum rate of 1,000,000 per offense.
We are not amused.
@photonrider is under investigation for copyright infringement.
@Baron Blitz Red is under investigation for censorship.
@Niku Driver HC is under investigation for failure to ensure laughter met levels equal to or greater than the total number of participants, as well and failing to ensure that satisfaction was received by said participants.
The sanctioning body would like to remind the participants that if you aren't offended at least once, you probably aren't a participant the sanctioning body approves of, and will likely find yourself under investigation if not already in the process. Participation in Car of the Week constitutes initial warning and acceptance of the terms of use, even when offended by said terms of use.
By breathing you agree to those terms and waive all rights to challenge the authority, conclusions, and punishments handed down by the sanctioning body for past, current and all future investigations.
@Obelisk is under investigation for console genocide, as stipulated by the Geneva Convention.
@RacingOtaku86 is under investigation for identity theft.
@Racer283 is under investigation for failing to ensure the PS3 was offered the same benefits and rights as offered to other members on his team, including the drivers and staff. This constitutes console abuse and will be punished with the same sentencing used in child/animal abuse cases per appropriate statute. The sanctioning body reminds
@Racer283 that said accommodations were met when he traveled to Los Angeles last year, and "neener."
@turismoslayer is under investigation for failure to ensure his likeness is on adequate milk cartons, as to alert local authorities and the general public of his absence in a timely manor.
IF you have any information about the location of
@turismoslayer please contact your local authorities, or dial 911.
Very very scared now! 
)
