Your job's like a culdesac? Get a new job.
Okay, the bus driver is legit.
Get a new computer...
If you were an outstanding employee they'd probably give you a raise.
You live in England, of course it's always raing you twit. Move to Arizona.
I've never had a "dead" banana. Must be a British thing.
So half of ther problems are personal and easily solved. That means they are a bunch of liberal pansies and I hate them.