Confession Booth

[DJones]

Quick question. Does anybody else feel like they're always the one their friends run to when something's wrong because you're always there and always willing to listen, yet when you need to vent, nobody's around? Gets really old, not the listening part, I'm always willing to listen to anybody, just gets old when none of my friends want to get a beer and let me vent about my rough day. Don't get me wrong, they ARE good friends, but I'm just wondering if anybody else experiences this, lol.

Oh yeah, all the dang time.

 

[Danny]

Quick question. Does anybody else feel like they're always the one their friends run to when something's wrong because you're always there and always willing to listen, yet when you need to vent, nobody's around? Gets really old, not the listening part, I'm always willing to listen to anybody, just gets old when none of my friends want to get a beer and let me vent about my rough day. Don't get me wrong, they ARE good friends, but I'm just wondering if anybody else experiences this, lol.

Yes. A hundred yesses.

 

[dice1998]

I want to stab about 15 members now.

Also, to everyone that knows the feels i'm going through with being in love with someone that's unobtainable:

 

[kikie]

There is a new thread for people like you.

Really didn't know that. I'm too slow to notice.

Oh, look

No, really. My last IQ test gave a score of 88! That's almost 100 less than Famine.

I have to say that the test was done (taken at the hospital) when I was heavely doped by medication (sertraline and temesta), during a severe clinical depression and having a nervous breakdown at the same time.

Nobody knows me personal so no harm done with this confession.

 

[Lucas]

I want to stab about 15 members now.

Also, to everyone that knows the feels i'm going through with being in love with someone that's unobtainable:

I know that feel bro. She's my friend, she knows I love her, but hey, I don't expect everyone I love to love me back.

 

[MoLiEG]

Quick question. Does anybody else feel like they're always the one their friends run to when something's wrong because you're always there and always willing to listen, yet when you need to vent, nobody's around? Gets really old, not the listening part, I'm always willing to listen to anybody, just gets old when none of my friends want to get a beer and let me vent about my rough day. Don't get me wrong, they ARE good friends, but I'm just wondering if anybody else experiences this, lol.

I feel your pain bro... That's me... over and over again...

I know that feel bro. She's my friend, she knows I love her, but hey, I don't expect everyone I love to love me back.

My brain and heart are having a hard time trying to understand that very last line On the outside, I've been pretending to be ok for about a week, but on the inside, my heart is not broken in tiny pieces... it's pulverized...

 

[Katiegan]

Right, here goes. This will be more of a vent than a confession. Never really spoke to anyone about this before, so expressing it on an internet forum probably isn't the best thing to do.

I'm scared of my dad. Not so much anymore, but I was when I was younger. He frustrates me, because of the way he treats my mum. He never hits her, that's one thing I can praise him for, but he verbally abuses her, and it sometimes makes her cry, and when she cries, I cry. I hate crying, and I hate seeing her cry, and when she cries it makes my dad angrier, so she tries her best to not. There is only one time I like seeing her cry, and that's when she cries of laughter. Me and my mum are more like best friends rather than mother and daughter, we share the same tastes in almost everything. She never embarasses me and I love being around her, and I'm not afraid to be seen with her. But my mum isn't perfect, and that's why I love her. I'm not perfect, in fact I'm just like her. Obviously, nobody is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes, but it seems like that whenever my mum makes a mistake, my dad just freaks out.

For example, today, about an hour ago, my mum came home from work. We have about half a foot of snow here, and an FF Mondeo with summer tyres and a lowered suspension, so not the most ideal car for driving in snow. Nonetheless, my mum tries to put the car in the garage. She gets stuck, and me and my dad have to come out to help her. Now I have no problem with this, as I would do anything for my mum and I'd also do anything for the Mondeo - but that's a different story. My dad is getting annoyed that she's done this, but keeps his cool. Then as time progresses and we struggle to get the car out of the snow, he gets increasingly angry. A passer-by with a young daughter offers to help, but my dad says we're fine. We continue to try and push the Mondeo out, but it doesn't get very far. Another passer-by on the phone offers to help, and this time my dad says yes, so the passer-by says he'll call the caller back and comes over to help us. The car moves a bit and we get it further out, but it still won't move. Eventually we stop and my dad tries to dig out the car, keeping his cool for the passer-by. The passer-by leaves, and then my dad starts yelling at my mum. I hate it when he does it in public because everyone looks, and when he shouts he gets close to her face and grits his teeth. I hate that, but I can't do anything about it.

Another thing that really frustrates me about him is the way he talks about my sister. My sister is my half-sister and not his daughter, and is about 5 years older than me. Because my sister isn't related to him, he sees her as something that's been 'dragged in' to the family because of my mum. My sister has two kids and her boyfriend is in the army, meaning she's often home alone with the kids, both under the age of 4. Money is tight, so sometimes she'll ask us for some, which angers my dad. Now I know for a fact that if I was in that situation, my dad would give me more than enough money, because I'm his daughter. My sister is also prone to illness or infection, and suffers very badly from asthma, so she is often admitted to hospital, and because her boyfriend is 100 miles south at the barracks, she needs someone to look after the kids, which is my mum. So my mum has to take trips to the hospital too to make sure the kids are alright, which also angers my dad.

I'm sick of feeling helpless when he does stuff like this. He once made me hide under my own bed covers, shivering and crying because I told my friend on MSN that he was sometimes grumpy and he saw the conversation. He started throwing things across my room. I was about 9 at the time.

I don't want to look like I'm pouring out my feelings to everyone, but after tonight I just wanted to get that off my chest.

TL;DR: I don't like my dad.

...We did eventually get the car out, by the way.

 

[Rykon Zero]

That kind of reminds me of my brother. I don't think he'd go quite that far, but he loses his temper in exactly the same way, and usually over some insignificant thing. It probably isn't an option, but when he makes the mistake of directing the anger at me, I step toward him and stare him in the eyes.

Oh, and it's not okay to make your wife cry like that.

 

[Slash]

Right, here goes. This will be more of a vent than a confession. Never really spoke to anyone about this before, so expressing it on an internet forum probably isn't the best thing to do.

I'm scared of my dad. Not so much anymore, but I was when I was younger. He frustrates me, because of the way he treats my mum. He never hits her, that's one thing I can praise him for, but he verbally abuses her, and it sometimes makes her cry, and when she cries, I cry. I hate crying, and I hate seeing her cry, and when she cries it makes my dad angrier, so she tries her best to not. There is only one time I like seeing her cry, and that's when she cries of laughter. Me and my mum are more like best friends rather than mother and daughter, we share the same tastes in almost everything. She never embarasses me and I love being around her, and I'm not afraid to be seen with her. But my mum isn't perfect, and that's why I love her. I'm not perfect, in fact I'm just like her. Obviously, nobody is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes, but it seems like that whenever my mum makes a mistake, my dad just freaks out.

For example, today, about an hour ago, my mum came home from work. We have about half a foot of snow here, and an FF Mondeo with summer tyres and a lowered suspension, so not the most ideal car for driving in snow. Nonetheless, my mum tries to put the car in the garage. She gets stuck, and me and my dad have to come out to help her. Now I have no problem with this, as I would do anything for my mum and I'd also do anything for the Mondeo - but that's a different story. My dad is getting annoyed that she's done this, but keeps his cool. Then as time progresses and we struggle to get the car out of the snow, he gets increasingly angry. A passer-by with a young daughter offers to help, but my dad says we're fine. We continue to try and push the Mondeo out, but it doesn't get very far. Another passer-by on the phone offers to help, and this time my dad says yes, so the passer-by says he'll call the caller back and comes over to help us. The car moves a bit and we get it further out, but it still won't move. Eventually we stop and my dad tries to dig out the car, keeping his cool for the passer-by. The passer-by leaves, and then my dad starts yelling at my mum. I hate it when he does it in public because everyone looks, and when he shouts he gets close to her face and grits his teeth. I hate that, but I can't do anything about it.

Another thing that really frustrates me about him is the way he talks about my sister. My sister is my half-sister and not his daughter, and is about 5 years older than me. Because my sister isn't related to him, he sees her as something that's been 'dragged in' to the family because of my mum. My sister has two kids and her boyfriend is in the army, meaning she's often home alone with the kids, both under the age of 4. Money is tight, so sometimes she'll ask us for some, which angers my dad. Now I know for a fact that if I was in that situation, my dad would give me more than enough money, because I'm his daughter. My sister is also prone to illness or infection, and suffers very badly from asthma, so she is often admitted to hospital, and because her boyfriend is 100 miles south at the barracks, she needs someone to look after the kids, which is my mum. So my mum has to take trips to the hospital too to make sure the kids are alright, which also angers my dad.

I'm sick of feeling helpless when he does stuff like this. He once made me hide under my own bed covers, shivering and crying because I told my friend on MSN that he was sometimes grumpy and he saw the conversation. He started throwing things across my room. I was about 9 at the time.

I don't want to look like I'm pouring out my feelings to everyone, but after tonight I just wanted to get that off my chest.

TL;DR: I don't like my dad.

...We did eventually get the car out, by the way.

Been through rough times before. Maybe you should talk to him about it. Sometimes that helps. Or talk to a professional so they can get the help you and family seeks and needs. Not a good situation, I know. I hope the best for you and your family. 👍

 

[Fazerfan]

*Sad Stoy*

Talk about your father to your friends or anybody close to you. Even here in GTP somebody are willing to listen if you want to talk.

 

[MoLiEG]

Sad, sad story... a man isn't supposed to do that to his family...

Maybe you should talk to him to show him your thoughts (???)

 

[Katiegan]

I've tried talking to him before, and when I was younger I used to almost yell at him in tears to not shout at my mum, which he did kind of take notice, but it hasn't stopped him getting angry. Don't get me wrong, he's an awesome guy when he's not angry, but how he acts when he's angry cancels out the good times. The way he overreacts to everything is really getting beyond a joke, and it's childish.

This is probably going to sound really weird, but I have a really close attatchment to our Mondeo. This is also something I've never really spoken out to anyone about before, but I feel a connection with him (yes, it's a him, called Bruiser, in case you didn't know that by now ). He's my world, and I don't know what I'd do without him. My dad refuses to understand this very strong sentimental attatchment I have with the car and instead, pretty much hates it. He's forever telling me how much he thinks it's a POS and he wants to sell it. He knows it gets to me when he says that, but he still says it. Recently he's been talking a lot about selling it, and even went to the point of saying my name after saying he's going to sell it to make sure I'd heard what he said. I just carried on watching the TV and ignored him.

I'm glad you guys are taking me seriously... like I said, I've never spoken out about my dad in this way, mainly because I was afraid he'd somehow find out like he did with the MSN conversation.

 

[MatskiMonk]

Right, here goes. ...

He never hits her, that's one thing I can praise him for,

...

TL;DR: I don't like my dad.

Praise isn't deserved for not physically abusing your wife, he may deserve praise if he chose to speak to somebody about his apparent anger issues. It's no fun when you live in fear of getting that kind of reaction to the minor things, people shouldn't have to put up with that.

Just my two cents, though, I know it's none of my business.

 

[Danny]

I've never had a similar experience, so I don't think I could offer any valuable advice. But for what it's worth, I think that was really brave, Katie. 👍

 

[Ibonibo]

This is just my advice,

As your dad seems to be the coolest with you (what I get from the story), you can try to talk to him, but when your calm and you need to stay calm during the conversation. Try making a list what you want to tell him, and keep at it while you have the conversation so you don't get dragged away by feelings.

Your dad seems to have issues controling his anger, anger is normal and good, but the way he does it isn't.
Try to convince him into seeing someone, maybe not alone, a family counceling or something.
You can also tell him what you feel (loose of respect, love) when he acts like that. As he seems to care for you, that can be a good catalyst.

Just my 2 cents that I get after reading your story....

Best luck, having a good family isn't sadly a given but a privilege which not all of us are blessed with.

 

[Katiegan]

Praise isn't deserved for not physically abusing your wife, he may deserve praise if he chose to speak to somebody about his apparent anger issues. It's no fun when you live in fear of getting that kind of reaction to the minor things, people shouldn't have to put up with that.

Just my two cents, though, I know it's none of my business.

I probably should've used a different phrase rather than 'praise', but I just wanted to get the point across that he's never hit her. Or at least, not with me knowing...

I've never had a similar experience, so I don't think I could offer any valuable advice. But for what it's worth, I think that was really brave, Katie. 👍

Oh, stop it Danny! You're making me get all choked up!

This is just my advice,

As your dad seems to be the coolest with you (what I get from the story), you can try to talk to him, but when your calm and you need to stay calm during the conversation. Try making a list what you want to tell him, and keep at it while you have the conversation so you don't get dragged away by feelings.

Your dad seems to have issues controling his anger, anger is normal and good, but the way he does it isn't.
Try to convince him into seeing someone, maybe not alone, a family counceling or something.
You can also tell him what you feel (loose of respect, love) when he acts like that. As he seems to care for you, that can be a good catalyst.

Just my 2 cents that I get after reading your story....

Best luck, having a good family isn't sadly a given but a privilege which not all of us are blessed with.

I'd love to have a sit down and talk with him, but I never really get the chance to talk with him. He works the night shift, so he sleeps for most of the day, so we don't really get to talk properly. Even on weekends I never get a chance to just sit down with him. I do think he needs some kind of help, but whether he's willing to accept that fact or not, only time will tell. I just don't feel like I should be doing this anyway. Why should the daughter be teaching the father how to behave? He never used to be like this, apparently... although I have no memory of him never being like that. Perhaps it was me all along that caused him to be like this? Am I taking away the care he had for his own wife?

He says next week he's going to try and stop smoking, too... and those cigerettes are the only things that can keep him calm.

Thanks for the advice so far guys. Hopefully I can sort something out to stop him from doing things like this.

 

[Slash]

I've tried talking to him before, and when I was younger I used to almost yell at him in tears to not shout at my mum, which he did kind of take notice, but it hasn't stopped him getting angry. Don't get me wrong, he's an awesome guy when he's not angry, but how he acts when he's angry cancels out the good times. The way he overreacts to everything is really getting beyond a joke, and it's childish.

This is probably going to sound really weird, but I have a really close attatchment to our Mondeo. This is also something I've never really spoken out to anyone about before, but I feel a connection with him (yes, it's a him, called Bruiser, in case you didn't know that by now ). He's my world, and I don't know what I'd do without him. My dad refuses to understand this very strong sentimental attatchment I have with the car and instead, pretty much hates it. He's forever telling me how much he thinks it's a POS and he wants to sell it. He knows it gets to me when he says that, but he still says it. Recently he's been talking a lot about selling it, and even went to the point of saying my name after saying he's going to sell it to make sure I'd heard what he said. I just carried on watching the TV and ignored him.

I'm glad you guys are taking me seriously... like I said, I've never spoken out about my dad in this way, mainly because I was afraid he'd somehow find out like he did with the MSN conversation.

Don't tell anybody but I have a stupid close connection with the truck in my driveway. I've had it as long as I've existed and it always puts out a combined smell of gas and oil and I LOVE IT haha. When it goes away I will be depressed. Legit. She's my baby. And its a she haha. But yeah I feel ya, I've always had a strong emotional attachment for reasons I cannot explain and when people talk crap, I don't take it very well and I can get offended. Luckily my dad still talks about "really, REALLY building it up" so it's not going anywhere any time soon lol

 

[cphbullet]

@Katie im working on a reponse to your issue but first how does your dad seem to feel about you, are you the apple of his eye etc (if that makes sense)?

 

[Jay]

I'm glad you guys are taking me seriously... like I said, I've never spoken out about my dad in this way, mainly because I was afraid he'd somehow find out like he did with the MSN conversation.

My mothers father was like that (my grandfather) he had two daughters and he was king, he was never hands on physically abusive but he still had his temper and a lot of things had dents in them and everything had to be his way. My mother moved out at a fairly young age for that very reason but always felt sorry for how demanding he was on her mother (my grandmother). My father wasn't like this but he still used to have temper times where he would snap and give everyone a bit of a scare like he was going to kick my ass (but never did) and I would run for it, once in my later teens I finally stood up to him and he did nothing and now I am taller and bigger than him, his temper has calmed right down to what it used to be. Not that I am threatening but he just can't get away with the irrational "Do what I want" behaviour from before.

I think in some way you need to stand up to him, might seem hard but if he has never been physically abusive I think you need to tell that excessive behaviour isn't acceptable. Or at least work up to it and show him it's not working on you and you won't sit aside and allow bad treatment of your mother (no I'm not talking about getting in fist fights or anything). Anger is normal but throwing things around and getting in peoples faces is not.


As for my mothers father, her sister (my aunt) ended up standing up to him in later years and even though she honestly isn't a very nice person my grandfather kind of looked up to her because of this "take no crap" behavior even though my mother and our family was the ones always helping him whenever he needed it in every way, and my aunt was always just helping herself. World works in strange ways.

 

[Techy]

*snip*

My dad actually acted like that when I was younger too & had pretty bad anger issues, like he would throw stuff onto the floor over a particular problem. And admittedly, I felt helpless as well. His yelling was one of the worst whilst in his anger. Most of it was out of stress or financial issues. Fortunately, me and my sis sat down with him to see what we can do. And while it did suppress his anger a tad bit (we managed to make him quit smoking, for ex., as it actually stimulated his anger), it still was not enough. We sat down with him a couple of times to work this through slowly, but he never seemed to understand the objective of what we're doing. Eventually, he did went totally bonkers one day and were forced to take him into counseling. We never spoke of the matter with my dad, but he did promise us to never act like he used to act.

That doesn't specifically mean to take your dad into counseling, though. I feel that you should find a time to sit down with him.

 

[kikie]

*snip*

I don't want to look like I'm pouring out my feelings to everyone, but after tonight I just wanted to get that off my chest.

TL;DR: I don't like my dad.

...We did eventually get the car out, by the way.

You have to!

If you think that it's making you look silly or weak, don't. It takes a lot of courage to share "stuff" on the internet.

*snip*

I'm glad you guys are taking me seriously... like I said, I've never spoken out about my dad in this way, mainly because I was afraid he'd somehow find out like he did with the MSN conversation.

Why wouldn't we. It's very important that you can talk about this, eventhough it's on a fourm.
Don't bottle up these negative emotions. Have you talked to your mum about this? If not, talk to her. Talking about a mutual problem can help and can make a bond even stronger.

 

[DemurgicDemon]

This, ladies and gentlemen, was me nearly six years ago, when I was 14...
https://www.gtplanet.net/forum/showthread.php?t=99530
Yeeeah...

Let me provide you with this particularly ironic extract...

At your age its all obsession really. Every guy in here that has been your age will and has pretty much agreed. And oddly enough, the first girl most guys get hung up on at your age tends to be a total biatch normally.

This girl is nice, really. She is'nt a slut or anything like that, she's really nice. It's been a weird three days through, it went from good to bad, but know it's good again, because I've found out today she's intrested in me as well.

What's ironic here? What's ironic is that Azureman turned out to be completely correct. She was nothing more than a floozy (really trying to stay within the AUP here ) a'hole, whose only interest was to manipulate me into thinking she was decent, and use me as a narcissistic supply. After this epiphany, moving on was instantaneous...

I share this with you hoping that if anyone reading this is currently attending high-school, and you're having a similar issue to mine back then, that it will help you. Really I urge you to not just take someone for what they are presenting themself to you as, but to look at how they act & treat others also. That way you'll see what they really are. Although this can be a difficult thing to do as a teenager, it's possible, and it's something that becomes pretty much automatic as you get older.

Since then I've met someone else who is genuinely decent and although we didn't manage to make our relationship work, we've remained friends. And she really helped me get confidence back in myself after all that had happened in school.

If you wish to read that thread and get a laugh from it, be my guest!

 

[Danny]

What's ironic is that Azureman turned out to be completely correct.

This belongs in the Ludicrous Claims thread.

 

[DemurgicDemon]

This belongs in the Ludicrous Claims thread.

How?

 

[Katiegan]

Don't tell anybody but I have a stupid close connection with the truck in my driveway. I've had it as long as I've existed and it always puts out a combined smell of gas and oil and I LOVE IT haha. When it goes away I will be depressed. Legit. She's my baby. And its a she haha. But yeah I feel ya, I've always had a strong emotional attachment for reasons I cannot explain and when people talk crap, I don't take it very well and I can get offended. Luckily my dad still talks about "really, REALLY building it up" so it's not going anywhere any time soon lol

So I'm not the only one!

@Katie im working on a reponse to your issue but first how does your dad seem to feel about you, are you the apple of his eye etc (if that makes sense)?

Pretty much. It's frustrating that he won't treat me the same way he treats my mum and sister. Granted, he does flip out at me for no reason, but not as much as he does with my mum.

I think in some way you need to stand up to him, might seem hard but if he has never been physically abusive I think you need to tell that excessive behaviour isn't acceptable. Or at least work up to it and show him it's not working on you and you won't sit aside and allow bad treatment of your mother (no I'm not talking about getting in fist fights or anything). Anger is normal but throwing things around and getting in peoples faces is not.

I really do want to stand up to him, but it's hard, because, well... I'm scared, basically. When I was younger I always had this theory that if he flipped out once I was older, I would fight back. Sometimes I try to now and again, but it just makes him worse.

My dad actually acted like that when I was younger too & had pretty bad anger issues, like he would throw stuff onto the floor over a particular problem. And admittedly, I felt helpless as well. His yelling was one of the worst whilst in his anger. Most of it was out of stress or financial issues. Fortunately, me and my sis sat down with him to see what we can do. And while it did suppress his anger a tad bit (we managed to make him quit smoking, for ex., as it actually stimulated his anger), it still was not enough. We sat down with him a couple of times to work this through slowly, but he never seemed to understand the objective of what we're doing. Eventually, he did went totally bonkers one day and were forced to take him into counseling. We never spoke of the matter with my dad, but he did promise us to never act like he used to act.

That doesn't specifically mean to take your dad into counseling, though. I feel that you should find a time to sit down with him.

I would love to have a talk with him, but finding the right time and place to do it is hard. I'm scared that if I do talk to him about this, he'll take it personally and get upset, and stop talking to me like a child. He has done that a few times before.

You have to!

If you think that it's making you look silly or weak, don't. It takes a lot of courage to share "stuff" on the internet.

I just always feel like I'm attention seeking when I talk about my problems, I don't know why... it's not that I'm scared it'll make me look weak, although I don't want the image that I'm a victim to my own father or something. I never really saw this as a problem before... I thought it was the normal, but obviously as I grew older I realised he wasn't supposed to treat us this way.

Why wouldn't we. It's very important that you can talk about this, eventhough it's on a fourm.
Don't bottle up these negative emotions. Have you talked to your mum about this? If not, talk to her. Talking about a mutual problem can help and can make a bond even stronger.

I'm very much used to not being taken seriously, so it's quite a surprise that I am! [/sad violin music]

We do talk about it all the time, or rather just rant to each other. My mum has almost just accepted the fact that my dad will shout at her, and instead she just stays quiet and doesn't say anything. She even told me that the reason she cries isn't because he's shouting, but because he does it in public. She also said that the reason she isn't divorced is because she doesn't want me to have two addresses. I hate it when people don't stand up for themselves though, but then I feel worse for not standing up for them when I can.

 

[XS]

Katiegan,
Your dad sounds very much like mine. My father yelled and shouted anytime my mom and I broke something. I thought it must be so hard for him to work 35 years in a job he hates, only to come home and find things wrong that we caused. He was a very angry man for most of my life. I hated that in him. Everytime I stood up to him he got worse. However, Everytime I sympathized with him, he would calm down fairly quickly. One day he confided in me that he hated his job and that's such a big part of his life, but it's too late to go back and do it all over again and he just needed to stick with it for us. I told him I hated how I treated myself and others when I was in Highschool. I was very rotten. I would pick fights with anybody, do a hell of a lot of drugs, was very mean to many people. I told him I hated that I couldn't go back in time and change that. He seemed impressed we shared much of the same feelings. I used that opportunity to tell him that anytime he gets upset he can talk about it with me before he got angry. I told him I was concerned for his well-being and wanted him to be happy. Well, he never really did calm down after that talk, but when he retired he was a whole new man. Much happier. Now it takes quite a bit of BS to get him angry. I wish I could have done something for him years ago, but at least now he's happy. Also, I found ways of diffusing situations before he blew up too. I got very good and making him laugh. If he started to get angry at something I would tell a joke or make a funny comment and that seemed to help quite a bit. I also know a lot more now, about cars, about life etc. So now if he has to fix something or do something I know will piss him off, I try and fix it first or offer my help. Anyway, I'm not sure how much that helped you, but I do wish you the best of luck.

 

[Slash]

So I'm not the only one!



Pretty much. It's frustrating that he won't treat me the same way he treats my mum and sister. Granted, he does flip out at me for no reason, but not as much as he does with my mum.



I really do want to stand up to him, but it's hard, because, well... I'm scared, basically. When I was younger I always had this theory that if he flipped out once I was older, I would fight back. Sometimes I try to now and again, but it just makes him worse.



I would love to have a talk with him, but finding the right time and place to do it is hard. I'm scared that if I do talk to him about this, he'll take it personally and get upset, and stop talking to me like a child. He has done that a few times before.



I just always feel like I'm attention seeking when I talk about my problems, I don't know why... it's not that I'm scared it'll make me look weak, although I don't want the image that I'm a victim to my own father or something. I never really saw this as a problem before... I thought it was the normal, but obviously as I grew older I realised he wasn't supposed to treat us this way.



I'm very much used to not being taken seriously, so it's quite a surprise that I am! [/sad violin music]

We do talk about it all the time, or rather just rant to each other. My mum has almost just accepted the fact that my dad will shout at her, and instead she just stays quiet and doesn't say anything. She even told me that the reason she cries isn't because he's shouting, but because he does it in public. She also said that the reason she isn't divorced is because she doesn't want me to have two addresses. I hate it when people don't stand up for themselves though, but then I feel worse for not standing up for them when I can.

Definitely not haha. But yeah I'm also never taken seriously. It's good to get your feelings out there.

 

[cphbullet]

So I'm not the only one!

We had a mondeo estate (the version that existed before bruiser) i missed that for ages it was well used and full of memories. It had something like 210,000 miles on the clock when my dad sold it, now i miss the passat we just sold dearly.:town:

Pretty much. It's frustrating that he won't treat me the same way he treats my mum and sister. Granted, he does flip out at me for no reason, but not as much as he does with my mum.

I really do want to stand up to him, but it's hard, because, well... I'm scared, basically. When I was younger I always had this theory that if he flipped out once I was older, I would fight back. Sometimes I try to now and again, but it just makes him worse.

Thats sort of good in the sense that he's more likely to listen to your opinion.

We're all here for you on GTP make no mistake so we will listen and try to suggest ways to help but this is about what you feel comfortable doing/saying and only after you've thought about everything a lot.
As for the notion of you asking him to seek help about his anger, i wouldn't advise it the first thing pretty much anyone will do is become embarrassed and go on the defensive or get angry about it, if you really wanted him to get help it would require VERY subtle nudges and to be honest I'm not quite sure how you would go about doing that so again i don't think its a great idea.

One thing i have found now that i'm closer to my dad is the sentence 'You seem really stressed lately, whats up?' has always helped just make sure its said in more of a caring tone than a questioning one (which probably sounds stupid as yes it is a question).

The other thing is the phrase 'I love you but you test my patience' never fails to get someones attention (of course this would be something i would only advise saying if everything else has failed and you genuinely feel like giving up and again would require a lot of thought first and obviously only if you felt it needed saying).

What does your dad do in his spare time/what are his interests?

I just always feel like I'm attention seeking when I talk about my problems, I don't know why... it's not that I'm scared it'll make me look weak, although I don't want the image that I'm a victim to my own father or something. I never really saw this as a problem before... I thought it was the normal, but obviously as I grew older I realised he wasn't supposed to treat us this way.

Don't every worry about sharing your problems, it's really not good to bottle them up, keeping things that trouble you to yourself will only eat away at you and make you bitter and angry (speaking from experience here) so definitely no good, you don't want to end up like me lol.

I hate it when people don't stand up for themselves though, but then I feel worse for not standing up for them when I can.

Theres the unfortunate and sad truth that things rarely change unless that person stands up for themselves however if someones being put down it's never a bad thing to stand beside them.

 

[Roger the Horse]

I am extremely arrogant and highly smug about all of my achievements. Especially the A I got in that Geography exam when I was 14. Forget that I got a B and a D in the other two Geography exams that came later on in life... I got an A when I was 14!

 

[Danny]

Definitely not haha. But yeah I'm also never taken seriously. It's good to get your feelings out there.

Please don't keep quoting entire posts.