Regarding my relationship with my former girlfriend, I just want the pain to stop.
I've always been holding on to revenge with the sole goal of making her come back to me and to date me again, but part of me feels like over the last five years since she did all of this to me (the fake K-pop boyfriend prank she pulled on me back in 2021, then her cheating on me last year), I've been way too angry, hurting and exhausted over the years.
There are some days where it's hard to distract myself from this issue, and also some days where I feel like if I were to let go and date another woman, that would mean accepting that I'm a loser for moving on, and losing all hope of us getting back together and repairing our story despite everything she did (especially cheating which is mostly unforgivable).
My parents recently renewed their vows after a long period of turbulence in their marriage (they separated 11 years ago, distance crept in, there was longing, and an affair in between - which led to my little brother being born from another man, but then they reunited, and my dad loved my little brother as his own, as the biological father wanted nothing to do with him).
This is what I would have wanted for them over these years, but somehow it hurts, realizing they have the happy ending while I don't.
And if my parents went through this, part of me thinks I still have a chance with my former girlfriend, but in truth, I'm not gonna hold my breath.
If they fought like hell to get to where they are, it gave me such an impression that I still had hope left, but I'm not gonna be blindsided. Being downgraded to just a friend to her and realizing she cheated on me is already painful enough, and moving on, as well as dating another girl would be the ultimate feeling of pain, as if she caused this to happen, mocked our storyline, and it would be her victory all along.