Depression and Anxiety Thread

[Pepperoncini]

I’ve got to say, Wellbutrin in the morning of around 150mg and Prozac 50mg in the evenings has been a great blend for my anxiety and depression. I’m glad I found a psychiatrist on Talkspace and glad I gave it a try. I have found that Wellbutrin has helped me with focus as well.

 

[W3H5]

Prozac 50mg in the evenings

That’s a huge dose! I’ve taken 20mg daily for 20 odd years. That much would mess with my subconscious big time. Watch out for Prozac dreams, that can really send you over the edge when you can’t tell where dreams end (nightmares, really) and reality begins.

 

[Chris30]

Wow, that's a huge dose indeed.

 

[Pepperoncini]

That’s a huge dose! I’ve taken 20mg daily for 20 odd years. That much would mess with my subconscious big time. Watch out for Prozac dreams, that can really send you over the edge when you can’t tell where dreams end (nightmares, really) and reality begins.

I started on 20 but we moved to 40 and then 50mg. I haven’t had any side effects where I feel like it’s been awful so I’m happy there.

 

[Touring Mars]

Wow, that's a huge dose indeed.

Was that necessary, @Chris30? W3H5 already said the exact same thing right above you.

Frankly, I don't think it is at all appropriate to be passing comment on what a medical professional has prescribed to an individual. It really doesn't matter what you think, and making comments like this could easily make someone feel bad or anxious about what they are taking, which is not the smartest thing to do when talking about anxiety medication!

In any case, it is not a huge dose at all - it is not even the maximum recommended daily dose here in the UK, so it's really a pointless remark.

 

[TB]

Where did you guys get your medical degrees from again?

Normal Prozac dosage is 20-60mg but can go up to 80 if necessary. Far from a huge dose.

As TM said, if it was prescribed and isn't being abused, it's medically necessary. Just because 20 is good for one person doesn't mean 20 works for everyone.

 

[Chris30]

Was that necessary, @Chris30? W3H5 already said the exact same thing right above you.

Frankly, I don't think it is at all appropriate to be passing comment on what a medical professional has prescribed to an individual. It really doesn't matter what you think, and making comments like this could easily make someone feel bad or anxious about what they are taking, which is not the smartest thing to do when talking about anxiety medication!

In any case, it is not a huge dose at all - it is not even the maximum recommended daily dose here in the UK, so it's really a pointless remark.

Ok, I'm sorry. I won't do it anymore. Please try to cut me some slack. I'm doing the best I can to follow the rules and be polite to everyone here. If you want to, you can delete my post. I don't mind.

 

[Touring Mars]

Believe me @Chris30, you have been cut more slack than almost everyone else on this site combined, so rather than repeatedly asking for that, you could take more responsibility for yourself and think more carefully about what you are posting.

 

[Chris30]

Believe me @Chris30, you have been cut more slack than almost everyone else on this site combined, so rather than repeatedly asking for that, you could take more responsibility for yourself and think more carefully about what you are posting.

You're right, like my mom said to me many times; I have to take accountability for my choices and actions here. I need to watch and think hard before making a post in a thread like this one. Thank you.

 

[GTboyz]

Is it just me or does anyone else feel a bit worse during this month?

I've been feeling gradually down ever since the start of this month, day by day. Anxiety creeping in slowly and everything started to feel crappier. I feel more agitated and unmotivated after feeling boosted last month. It's so weird, I thought I've been improving.

 

[Pepperoncini]

Yeah my depression is kicking in again. I hate the cold weather. I’m so close to figuring out if I can move somewhere warmer. This just ain’t it for me.

 

[W3H5]

Yeah my depression is kicking in again. I hate the cold weather. I’m so close to figuring out if I can move somewhere warmer. This just ain’t it for me.

I had to do it years ago in my early twenties because cold, dark, miserable climates cause harsh depressions.

That’s not to say that depression is completely avoidable living in the tropics, but I get my fair share of sunlight and my joints don’t seize up as much.

 

[Pie O My]

I wonder if medications could be adjusted for the winter months. Will have to look if that's been trialled before.

 

[W3H5]

I wonder if medications could be adjusted for the winter months. Will have to look if that's been trialled before.

Most likely it’s possible. I got berated for my claims about antidepressants recently so I won’t say more than it’s possible. I’m not a doctor.

Sunlight lamps work well though. I know people that got through bitter grey winters by having a sunlight lamp on their desk or by their sofa. Made a huge difference. I think it’s a vitamin D thing. Don’t quote me.

 

[Pie O My]

Most likely it’s possible. I got berated for my claims about antidepressants recently so I won’t say more than it’s possible. I’m not a doctor.

Sunlight lamps work well though. I know people that got through bitter grey winters by having a sunlight lamp on their desk or by their sofa. Made a huge difference. I think it’s a vitamin D thing. Don’t quote me.

Noted, I will stay onside of the AUP.

Quick search pulled up this:

Seasonal Variation in Antidepressant Prescribing: Year on Year Analysis for England - PubMed

The study confirmed seasonal variation in antidepressant prescribing with a peak in November/December. Growth in the antidepressant prescribing year on year was related to seasonality and requires further scrutiny in terms of understanding the factors that underlie the seasonal variation seen.

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

(Pubmed is the go-to for health professionals although, thanks to Trump the NIH is experiencing funding cuts (Yay MAGA!))

Conclusions: The study confirmed seasonal variation in antidepressant prescribing with a peak in November/December. Growth in the antidepressant prescribing year on year was related to seasonality and requires further scrutiny in terms of understanding the factors that underlie the seasonal variation seen.

While this isn't looking at dosage changes, I thought it interesting to put here because of the prescribing differences having a peak in Nov/Dec, correlating with what @GTboyz and @Pepperoncini are experiencing.

Maybe those with diagnosed depression/low mood are vulnerable to the same stressors and could benefit not from an actual prescription (as they are likely to be already on one) but a review of their meds.

Sunlight lamps work well though. I know people that got through bitter grey winters by having a sunlight lamp on their desk or by their sofa. Made a huge difference. I think it’s a vitamin D thing. Don’t quote me.

While Vit D is good for warding off depression, I'm not sure the SAD lamps lead to production of it (UVB lamps do though). I think they work through a different mechanism.

 

[GBalao888]

Regarding my relationship with my former girlfriend, I just want the pain to stop.

I've always been holding on to revenge with the sole goal of making her come back to me and to date me again, but part of me feels like over the last five years since she did all of this to me (the fake K-pop boyfriend prank she pulled on me back in 2021, then her cheating on me last year), I've been way too angry, hurting and exhausted over the years.

There are some days where it's hard to distract myself from this issue, and also some days where I feel like if I were to let go and date another woman, that would mean accepting that I'm a loser for moving on, and losing all hope of us getting back together and repairing our story despite everything she did (especially cheating which is mostly unforgivable).

My parents recently renewed their vows after a long period of turbulence in their marriage (they separated 11 years ago, distance crept in, there was longing, and an affair in between - which led to my little brother being born from another man, but then they reunited, and my dad loved my little brother as his own, as the biological father wanted nothing to do with him).

This is what I would have wanted for them over these years, but somehow it hurts, realizing they have the happy ending while I don't.

And if my parents went through this, part of me thinks I still have a chance with my former girlfriend, but in truth, I'm not gonna hold my breath.

If they fought like hell to get to where they are, it gave me such an impression that I still had hope left, but I'm not gonna be blindsided. Being downgraded to just a friend to her and realizing she cheated on me is already painful enough, and moving on, as well as dating another girl would be the ultimate feeling of pain, as if she caused this to happen, mocked our storyline, and it would be her victory all along.

 

[lbpomg95]

Regarding my relationship with my former girlfriend, I just want the pain to stop.

I've always been holding on to revenge with the sole goal of making her come back to me and to date me again, but part of me feels like over the last five years since she did all of this to me (the fake K-pop boyfriend prank she pulled on me back in 2021, then her cheating on me last year), I've been way too angry, hurting and exhausted over the years.

There are some days where it's hard to distract myself from this issue, and also some days where I feel like if I were to let go and date another woman, that would mean accepting that I'm a loser for moving on, and losing all hope of us getting back together and repairing our story despite everything she did (especially cheating which is mostly unforgivable).

My parents recently renewed their vows after a long period of turbulence in their marriage (they separated 11 years ago, distance crept in, there was longing, and an affair in between - which led to my little brother being born from another man, but then they reunited, and my dad loved my little brother as his own, as the biological father wanted nothing to do with him).

This is what I would have wanted for them over these years, but somehow it hurts, realizing they have the happy ending while I don't.

And if my parents went through this, part of me thinks I still have a chance with my former girlfriend, but in truth, I'm not gonna hold my breath.

If they fought like hell to get to where they are, it gave me such an impression that I still had hope left, but I'm not gonna be blindsided. Being downgraded to just a friend to her and realizing she cheated on me is already painful enough, and moving on, as well as dating another girl would be the ultimate feeling of pain, as if she caused this to happen, mocked our storyline, and it would be her victory all along.

I don't know your full situation, but in your position, I would do my best to move on. Maybe try to imagine a world where this girl isn't the one for you. There may be someone out there who is better for you, and who you are better for.

 

[CTznOfTime]

@GBalao888

I don't think this would help much, but try to do things that will take your mind off it, and allow you to move on healthily. It is not easy, it is difficult yes.

I have been in your shoes before.... In my life, not just once, but twice...

...if not three times in my life, in your shoe... At least twice I have thought I have found the one... and twice it sadly didn't work out... No situation and outcome is ideal.
It is just as painful each time and it doesn't get easier...
But you gotta move on.

I hope you have your happy ending too, whether with her or without her, NO ONE KNOWS at this point, but don't focus on that, move on for your own sake and sanity


All I can say is:
1) don't do what doesn't feel right, do the right thing, and always choose the high road... Don't settle for the pity stuff.

2) don't do what you think you will regret down the line
3) alwYs try to move on in a positive way, and decisions that can make you proud as a person,
4) steer clear of negative thoughts
5) do good for you first, accept what it is and why it hurts, but don't dwell on it
6) in order to move one, you have to take the first step away from the bad situation, every day. Once step...

Before you know it, you will be in a better place...

If she is part of the story in the future, great
If she won't be ... Your destiny will also be great because your are looking out for your own self first.

If she is smart enough to realize you are a great person, she will come back, but right now, it's her loss, not yours.

Your future is bright and you still have much to discover,
Go on your own new adventure, discover and make new friends... Who knows...

The best revenge is to make her regret her own choices

You go out there and succeed, be the better person and be the best you can be without her.

Enjoy your life first and things will fall right.
Remorse is not doing in your life what you should have been doing, and missing opportunities... Right now you have lots of other opportunities, she is one door that needs to stay close... Move on.

When she is ready, maybe she will open it up again, but until then, don't be wasting your time waiting and loosing time.

Go have safe fun elsewhere.

Happy for your parents

 

[Chris30]

Is it just me or does anyone else feel a bit worse during this month?

I've been feeling gradually down ever since the start of this month, day by day. Anxiety creeping in slowly and everything started to feel crappier. I feel more agitated and unmotivated after feeling boosted last month. It's so weird, I thought I've been improving.

Well, I feel the same way. Been depressed ever since my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer on October 3rd, 2024. Even though she made it through 8 rounds of chemotherapy. She still has to have CT scans 4 times a year so the doctors can monitor to see if the tumor grows back. She'll be on pins and needles 4 times a year. Cancer is the worst thing anyone could ever have. And any type is dangerous to the body.

Have you had any family members that have experienced cancer? We try to listen to soothing calm music to relax our nerves but then 2-3 days later we'll start to worry again.

 

[Pepperoncini]

Most likely it’s possible. I got berated for my claims about antidepressants recently so I won’t say more than it’s possible. I’m not a doctor.

Sunlight lamps work well though. I know people that got through bitter grey winters by having a sunlight lamp on their desk or by their sofa. Made a huge difference. I think it’s a vitamin D thing. Don’t quote me.

Are these supposed to be on all day or when you wake up?

 

[W3H5]

Are these supposed to be on all day or when you wake up?

They supposed to be used when your idle, maybe at work or home when you’re staying in one place. I think the idea is to get as much exposure as possible.

 

[Touring Mars]

Sorry to hear this @GBalao888, but I can only reiterate what others have said and focus on finding someone who makes you happy and who you are happy with. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't treat you like you are the most special person in the world.

Trying to 'fix' an unfixable relationship is a thankless and pointless task. Rather, try to focus on positive things - spending quality time with people whose company you enjoy - most, if not all, lasting relationships start from that point anyway.

-

On the time of year - I've had several friends who suffer from SAD (Seasonally Affective Disorder) and one friend was really badly affected by it.

Light lamps seem to work well in the morning to mimic/replace natural light. In the evenings, however, more subtle lighting might help lift one's mood - I hate bright, artificial lights - particularly LED light bulbs, but I create a warm atmosphere in my living spaces by using shaded lamps, candles and other smaller lights to create a cozy atmosphere, which always makes me feel a bit better on a winter's night.

 

[Nexus]

Adding onto what others are saying @GBalao888 - if this person is on your socials, consider muting (or even blocking) them. Ignore their Instagram Stories (and don't ever check if they're viewing yours), hide their messaging chat heads, and do whatever else you can to limit reminders of them.

On a different note, I disabled my activity status on my main socials last year. My anxiety always made me feel that my friends were ignoring me, especially when sending messages and seeing them appear on and offline. Now that I can't see statuses, I just make the assumption that they're busy doing something else instead - and it helps me stop waiting for a response, in turn making it (slightly) easier for me to put my phone down.

 

[phillgt2002]

I now have such a feeling of apathy and anxiety that I don't know what to do with it

It’s a precarious time for many of us. I’ve been riddled with anxiety for spans of my life, but I tend to just focus forward on the things that bring me a little joy.

What do you enjoy?

For me, I’m incredibly unhappy about the state of my country, the U.S. I applied to grad school as one more leap of faith for my future desires, but I’m honestly just mentally burned out and need a break from my current job.

I guess it’s a good thing that I’ve been able to kick my own Prozac usage, which I was mainly on due to a really ****** relationship wearing me down. It’s been 4 months off and going smooth.

 

[MIE1992]

Not so much a feeling involving depression nor anxiety, but I've been trying to cut things out of my life that don't really make me feel alive, or alternatively simply evoke ennui. For example, Pokemon GO is a far cry from the far more mechanically-robust titles developed by GameFreak. Even the relatively simple first-generation titles feel more enriching than GO. Meanwhile, Champions is coming to both Switch 2 and mobile platforms, so that's something I'm definitely looking forward to, let alone getting a Switch 2 for all the titles I haven't played yet as well as the upcoming Winds/Waves.

 

[Chris30]

Not so much a feeling involving depression nor anxiety, but I've been trying to cut things out of my life that don't really make me feel alive, or alternatively simply evoke ennui. For example, Pokemon GO is a far cry from the far more mechanically-robust titles developed by GameFreak. Even the relatively simple first-generation titles feel more enriching than GO. Meanwhile, Champions is coming to both Switch 2 and mobile platforms, so that's something I'm definitely looking forward to, let alone getting a Switch 2 for all the titles I haven't played yet as well as the upcoming Winds/Waves.

Well, I hope things work out for you and you also find different hobbies. That's what I've been trying to do since I don't have my ps5 at the moment. I was a Pokemon fanatic from 1999-2020, I took a break from the series for 5 and a half years. Almost 6.

 

[phillgt2002]

These past few weeks have been.. difficult. It feels like I’m just in a slow motion unhappy car crash.

 

[XSquareStickIt]

Things have happened and they're all heavy enough to warrant a lengthy writeup on their own, but I'm so tired, it's hot, blah blah, you already know the usual excuses.

I... also think I've somewhat come to fear writing or talking about my own problems and feelings. It feels as if if I were to be 100% candid with my deepest and darkest emotions, that I'd just physically unravel in real time. It's... an odd thing to try to describe, but I think the panic and anxiety I feel every sleepless night I lay on my bed is a much more honest and vulnerable me. The most awful and bleak thoughts and fears haunt me then. As I am right now, awake and conscious, that self feels so distant as though a myth, even though I know full well it'd come back around if I let it.

I've always struggled to explain to others why I'm upset and depressed. And because of that difficulty in rationalising my emotions to other people, I too have the exact same difficulty rationalising—and therefore believing—that I have clinical, treatable depression that has been experienced by many others and extensively studied. Logically, I don't doubt that I've depression; the symptoms might as well be my biography, and I've had a few mental health professionals reassure me of my own sadness. I just somehow can't believe I'm sad, even though I'm feeling all these overwhelming feelings and harbouring thoughts that I'd struggle to put coherent words to.

Maybe I'm just extraordinarily sensitive, so the things that most people experience and find no more an annoyance or inconvenience greatly affect me. Maybe I've just never come across someone who believed me when I told them I was in pain, and now I've conflated the ignorance of others with incoherence on my part. Maybe I'm just autistic, and I'm saying all the "quiet parts" of life out loud that no one really has a solution to. Maybe I've made too many well–meaning people feel obligated to listen to me, only to make them feel inept at not having solutions or even words of consolation, and now I feel like sharing my thoughts is akin to somehow polluting the brains of others. And yet, I keep being told not to bottle up my own feelings. It's almost like my feelings are garbage: no one wants to see them, but also, no one wants to deal with them.

Sometimes it just feels as if my soul were crying somehow, like right now, and I don't even know where to begin taking that knot of feelings apart to begin understanding what the **** is wrong, let alone share with another person, a rare understanding soul.

Earlier this month, my dad had a mini heart attack and was hospitalised. It was very reminiscent of something my mother had experienced some six years prior, so this time round there's much less panic and uncertainty involved. Life has since resumed as though the heart attack had never happened, though my sis will have to fork out over a thousand SGD to cover the rest of the bill because I'm a ****ing useless burden waste of resources and a strain on the people who love and care for me the most. I'm supposed to be working with my therapist, ■, regarding all this negative self talk, but she's away for the whole month of May. ■ asked me on two occasions what finding meaning in my job means, and I ultimately couldn't answer her. I still can't, but I think I can describe it a little better now, albeit only with a crass quote from GTA V: "Here's the problem: I don't know what I want. It's a bit, well, like pornography, or a perfect turd; I can't quite describe it, but I'll know it when I see it." And working with cats is the closest thing I've ever felt to "it" in the years since I pronounced my dream of ■ dead.

So anyway, right now, I'm able to look in the mirror and say that I'm proud of myself. I'm proud that I took an uncomfortable chance at mingling with society by volunteering at a cat shelter. I'm proud of the work that I've done while I'm there. I'm proud of having met kind people who have done more for me than they'll probably ever realise. I'm even proud of myself for having a controlled snap on my last day, almost like a fuse, where I essentially said, "this is enough abuse; I'm out of here." I had a good cry on the way home, and I just somehow know that this is one of those things that I'll have a good cry about and then move on, instead of the ****ed up things that will stay with me for a lifetime. Hell, I might even be able to get a part time job at this rate.

Still, it's not all sunshine and flowers. I wish I got to properly say goodbye to the cats, and I even promised Ben Ben extra treats the day I left, and I never got to fulfil that promise. Even though I didn't do it out of expectation of reciprocation, I'm still nonetheless deeply hurt by the fact that none of the other volunteers reached out to me to ask if I'm okay, when I reached out to someone else that got "fired" like me prior. But most of all perhaps is the fact that, throughout every phase of my life, I've been met with either people clearly not right in the head, or just people hostile towards me for no reason I can discern. Having met with yet another person clearly not right in the head at this volunteer gig has really discouraged me from wanting to put myself out there again. Again, this is not something I can really explain at all, but I just get this feeling that so, so many people in society are down with some sort of illness of the mind that's too common to fit into a DSM, and it's something that feels manufacturered and baked into our lifestyles and expectations. I know I did my best. I know I did good work. I know I wasn't causing problems for anyone. I know I was amicible. And yet, I'm "fired" anyway, with nothing to show for it. There'll forever be a part of me that begrudges the fact that I'm the one on medications to adjust to this sick world, and not the other way around. I'll admit it's an arrogance I've had for a very long time now, and I don't super know where it came from. I just "know" I'm in the right. I "know" I'm the only sane person in a room full of insane people. But if I'm the only sane person in the room, then does that make me the sane one, or the insane one?

I'm writing all this in hopes that this counts as "processing" a feeling and event, and that my brain will henceforth let this go and not instead make me pursue more extreme avenues. And maybe some thoughts need to escape my head sometimes if I were to get better at explaining myself to myself and my therapist.