Falling in love...

[Tourettes Guy]

Is it possible to only be friends with the opposite sex?

 

[G-T-4-Fan]

THATS JUST IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!


No offcourse it isn't But it's very hard to make that clear if for example a girl is in love with you, but you just wanna stay friends.

For the discussion if you should stay loyal or not...no one can judge the situation better then yourself.
If you stay loyal, and then after 2 years your girlfriend comes back and you break up, at least you can say to yourself that you would be a good loyal boyfriend to someone else and thats something to be proud of:tup:

So staying loyal is the way to go IMO.

 

[Dave A]

There's a few girls I'm just friends with so yeah it's very possible to be just friends with the opposite sex. I agree about being loyal. Cheating is not the way to go, if you really want to go off with another girl that badly you should at least end it with who your with first, you obviousely don't like her enough to not want another girl so badly. There's a girl I know and if i was single I'd be stupid not to go for her, we get on great. As it is, we have to be just friends, but I'm not in a position where I want her that bad. Sure she's a really nice girl, we get on and if I was single I think we'd be great together and would ask her out. As it is I don't think about it much, I've already got all that.

 

[Poverty]

The thing about long relationships is that when shes not with you im sure shes not sitting at home infront of the box everynight. You guys will be amazed at how man girls cheat too especially when given the oppurtunity.

 

[Dave A]

I wouldn't be amazed, not at all. Load's of girls cheat, just last week a mate's missues tried it on with me, he isn't seeing her anymore and it turns out I wasn't his only mate she tried it on with. But if you've been with a girl a long time like I have now, you get to know them well, especially if you live together. When you get into a relationship where you know each other that well you can tell when something's not right. You can't pinpoint it to cheating, not all the time, but you can tell somethings not right. The other persons patterns start changing, and how they act to you can start changing. A lot of it can be subtle, but the signs are there.

 

[G-T-4-Fan]

I wouldn't be amazed, not at all. Load's of girls cheat, just last week a mate's missues tried it on with me, he isn't seeing her anymore and it turns out I wasn't his only mate she tried it on with. But if you've been with a girl a long time like I have now, you get to know them well, especially if you live together. When you get into a relationship where you know each other that well you can tell when something's not right. You can't pinpoint it to cheating, not all the time, but you can tell somethings not right. The other persons patterns start changing, and how they act to you can start changing. A lot of it can be subtle, but the signs are there.

I completely agree, this is common sense, you cant take advice over the internet about this seriously either, because in order to judge correctly, you should know your girlfriend.

Also, sometimes you are also being told things by your friends, things like "ah I dont know m8, I would dump her if I were you". All kinds of stuff like that can happen, but you must question yourself, if that friend really knows you and your girlfriend. Other friends can be very helpfull and right but you have to judge that yourself, cause if you do what your friends say you might as well make on of the biggest mistakes in your life yet.
Sometimes your friends will give you tips that are just stupid, honestly. Some friends sometimes just wanna appear helpfull so they will say something stupid and random.

 

[Niels]

ATTENTION PLZ.

I need some advice
Is this meant seriously?

Facts you need to remember:
-She said she liked me before, out of the blue.
-There's another guy in my class that likes her too. He's a bit silly and immature but you know he's a pretty nice guy. Because of that she's like just good friends with him. Lets call that guy Bill lol.
-My class sucks, if she would reject me I would be THEEEE MORON of the class.
-She isn't shy, and likes to do things for fun much, she always appears to be messing around a bit. I dunno she isn't very SERIOUS at least. But not stupid and annoyingly active either.
-In holland you dont ask "Do you wanna go out sometimes?" cause thats serious and that means the girl is your girlfriend automatically. You say "Do you wanna be my girlfriend" if I translate it right.
-She often just tries to get attention of me with silly things. But she also messes around with Bill a bit now she knows he probably likes her.
-We get along good so far, we can laugh and stuff. It's nice. I dont want to scare her off by any means.

So here's the story, I came to MSN yesterday and started a convo just out of curiousity, I like the girl and I was curious. I though I'd get some info out of her if she had a boyfriend and stuff and who she likes and blablabla.
So I'm like teasing a little bit saying the guy Bill likes her and stuff, and she says she says she has a love anyway. So Bill is out of the question I guess.

Then one hour later in the same convo she asks if I want to go out with her to some schoolplay. The schoolplay happens to be Romeo and Juliette and she says she wants to go to it. "You wanna go together?" "Yeah ok"
Anyway I didn't know if she meant it serious, she had a boyfriend she said and she might as well just want to go there for fun you know, just like she told me. But it's Romeo and Juliette yeah We only had to buy some tickets today(friday) so we could go to that play tomorow (saturday).
Now I come to school again pretty happy you know, but I prevent to talk to her too much because I dont want her to think I mean it seriously while she might mean it as something normal and just for fun.
Then I see the tickets are sold out I told her and now we cant go.

Now I like this girl, should I ask her the question?
Or another way to put it:
Does she mean it seriously you think? I mean a friend of me says she wants more than just going there, "it's ROMEO AND JULIETTE SHE WANTS MORE OF YOU".

I NEEEEEEEED ADVICE! BTW if she says no then I'm dead...I'll be the moron of the class and trust me I will stay it then.

btw she looks good I have a picture PM me though I dont want to post it all up the all so accesible internet

 

[Appie]

ATTENTION PLZ.

I need some advice
Is this meant seriously?

Facts you need to remember:
-She said she liked me before, out of the blue.
-There's another guy in my class that likes her too. He's a bit silly and immature but you know he's a pretty nice guy. Because of that she's like just good friends with him. Lets call that guy Bill lol.
-My class sucks, if she would reject me I would be THEEEE MORON of the class.
-She isn't shy, and likes to do things for fun much, she always appears to be messing around a bit. I dunno she isn't very SERIOUS at least. But not stupid and annoyingly active either.
-In holland you dont ask "Do you wanna go out sometimes?" cause thats serious and that means the girl is your girlfriend automatically. You say "Do you wanna be my girlfriend" if I translate it right.
-She often just tries to get attention of me with silly things. But she also messes around with Bill a bit now she knows he probably likes her.

So here's the story, I came to MSN yesterday and started a convo just out of curiousity, I like the girl and I was curious. I though I'd get some info out of her if she had a boyfriend and stuff and who she likes and blablabla.
So I'm like teasing a little bit saying the guy Bill likes her and stuff, and she says she says she has a love anyway. So Bill is out of the question I guess.

Then one hour later in the same convo she asks if I want to go out with her to some schoolplay. The schoolplay happens to be Romeo and Juliette and she says she wants to go to it. "You wanna go together?" "Yeah ok"
Anyway I didn't know if she meant it serious, she had a boyfriend she said and she might as well just want to go there for fun you know, just like she told me. But it's Romeo and Juliette yeah We only had to buy some tickets today(friday) so we could go to that play tomorow (saturday).
Now I come to school again pretty happy you know, but I prevent to talk to her too much because I dont want her to think I mean it seriously while she might mean it as something normal and just for fun.
Then I see the tickets are sold out I told her and now we cant go.

Now I like this girl, should I ask her the question?
Or another way to put it:
Does she mean it seriously you think? I mean a friend of me says she wants more than just going there, "it's ROMEO AND JULIETTE SHE WANTS MORE OF YOU".

I NEEEEEEEED ADVICE! BTW if she says no then I'm dead...I'll be the moron of the class and trust me I will stay it then.

btw she looks good I have a picture PM me though I dont want to post it all up the all so accesible internet

look if it was me, i would go to her and ask and when she says no so what. The important thing is that you asked . that whats i think.

(probeer het gewoon, en veel geluk jonge 👍)

 

[Niels]

Remember I'm dead if she says no I'll be bullied like hell for a long long time. Wich doesn't make me look popular either for future events.

I can try it but dude I'm DEAD if it doesn't work! I need to know if there's a bigger chance she'll say yes than no...
I know alot of people at school thats not the prob, I can get along with everyone, the prob is that it works the other way around too, all those people will know about THAT too. I like how it's going now, I got something to lose you know

Edit: But I got something very nice to win too I just need a number of inputs on it. If you all say go for it then at least I cant blame myself for misjudging everything if she says no. Everyone would go for it.
IF!! that is.

 

[FaLLeNAn9eL]

The article doesn't indicate that people fall out of love after a year, it just says the Nerve Growth Factor levels associated with romantic love or infatuational love recede after a year.

It's possible not to be goo-goo eye infatuated with a person after a year and still be in love with them, but only if you use that year to build a relationship more meaningful than "love at first sight".

I've been with the same girl for eleven years. I'm not ga-ga goo-goo wowee in love with her anymore, but I still love her and respect her.

i totally agree with u, thats exactly what im experiencing now. its been...a year and 8 months.

 

[gt_masta]

If you don't ask, you won't know the answer. (Except at GTP, where you need to search...)

If she says no, why would everyone laugh at you? Even if they did, people forget these kind of things fast...

 

[Niels]

I'm so nervous. So you would all ask her?

 

[MagpieRacer]

I would ask her, but id do it on msn

 

[FoolKiller]

First off I have to ask how old you are or at least what school level this class is in. I haven't dealt with that stuff since I was 14 or 15.

Whatever though it shouldn't matter. Just ignore your class. I mean, will that go on forever and will your life be ruined?


Then you have to ask yourself; is the chance to go out with her worth the risk? Answer that question and you have just answered yourself.

If you do still want to feel her out some ask her why she wanted to go to the play with you when she already has a boyfriend. Either she doesn't actually have a boyfriend and likes you or she has one and thinks of you as a friend. There is the chance she has a boyfriend and likes you, but you want to avoid that situation.

If you do ask that and she doesn't have a boyfriend then ask if she meant it as a date. Find a way to blame your friend for harrassing you about it being a date or something and you didn't think it was. If she meant it as a date tell her that you would be willing to do something else sometime. Heck, by that point she has practically admitted that she liked you.


Or, how do you, in Holland, ask a person for like a date without it being an instant boyfriend/girlfriend situation? Do that.



Whatever you do and however you handle it I can tell you this: If you don't try you will always wonder. I'm speaking from experience.

 

[Niels]

First off I have to ask how old you are or at least what school level this class is in. I haven't dealt with that stuff since I was 14 or 15.

Whatever though it shouldn't matter. Just ignore your class. I mean, will that go on forever and will your life be ruined?


Then you have to ask yourself; is the chance to go out with her worth the risk? Answer that question and you have just answered yourself.

If you do still want to feel her out some ask her why she wanted to go to the play with you when she already has a boyfriend. Either she doesn't actually have a boyfriend and likes you or she has one and thinks of you as a friend. There is the chance she has a boyfriend and likes you, but you want to avoid that situation.

If you do ask that and she doesn't have a boyfriend then ask if she meant it as a date. Find a way to blame your friend for harrassing you about it being a date or something and you didn't think it was. If she meant it as a date tell her that you would be willing to do something else sometime. Heck, by that point she has practically admitted that she liked you.


Or, how do you, in Holland, ask a person for like a date without it being an instant boyfriend/girlfriend situation? Do that.



Whatever you do and however you handle it I can tell you this: If you don't try you will always wonder. I'm speaking from experience.

Thanks I can use that I think:tup:
I guess there's no point of NOT asking it...

 

[FoolKiller]

Thanks I can use that I think:tup:
I guess there's no point of NOT asking it...

The only reason for that would be if you didn't like her, but I am guessing that you do.

 

[Jondot]

I would ask her, but id do it on msn

Now there's me

Niels: If you really like her, you'd be accepting that you have to go through the *Haha looser!*ing on the chance that she might say yes. Do what your heart tells you

 

[Niels]

Ok.................S**T MAN I"'m SOOOO NERVOUS

Ok ok ok.....I'm gonna ask now. I'm just gonna ask, why her boyfriend wouldn't mind us going to Romeo and Juliette.

Edit: .......she said that he would've made a problem out of it if we would've gone somewhere like the theater, but school is nothing to worry bout She asked "We're just friends right?".

Hmm dunno what to think 'bout that one....*sigh*

 

[DQuaN]

My advice......

Don't ask her anything...... at first.


Go with her, but don't seem like you want to get with her. Make it seem like you are doing her a favour. Say "i'll come with you if YOU want". Then go.

Be in control of the situation. Go with her as mutual friends and see what happens. If she advances on you, then by all means, take the opportunity. If she doesn't, act cool, and you can't be made a fool of.

If you get what i mean.

 

[FaLLeNAn9eL]

make hints at it, dont spill ur guts to her. make slow approaches to her.

 

[McLaren]

There's only 1 simple answer I was taught and told.
Just ASK.

The worst she can do is say, "No."
So what if people make fun of you?
It blows over in time. Afterwards, just ask if you can stay friends.

I, hopefully, next week will get to go to the mall with my "admired" and her friend, so I'll hopefully be able to get a little bit closer to her.

I think she has a boyfriend, but I'm not jumping to conclusions, and I prefer to bring up the "date" topic in humor.

 

[Div is back]

I met my girl at my birthday party, talk about timing.

 

[Zrow]

There's only 1 simple answer I was taught and told.
Just ASK.

The worst she can do is say, "No."
So what if people make fun of you?
It blows over in time. Afterwards, just ask if you can stay friends.

I, hopefully, next week will get to go to the mall with my "admired" and her friend, so I'll hopefully be able to get a little bit closer to her.

I think she has a boyfriend, but I'm not jumping to conclusions, and I prefer to bring up the "date" topic in humor.

You don't want to hear it, but I suggest you move on before you get too attached. I wouldn't say it's a good idea to try to spend time trying to get a girl with a boyfriend interested in you.



Guys act too nice to girls they like. Nice guys don't get girls. You don't want to get too close to her, because you'll probably just end up in the friend zone. Be kind of cocky, tease her, call her on stupid things she says, don't say "just kidding", don't act like she's better than you. Confidence is key. You're not trying to be her friend - you're trying to be her interest.

But if she's not interested and she's obviously not going to be, move on. First of all, there's a chance that she will suddenly see you in a new light now that you aren't paying so much attention to her. More importantly, however, is that you're saving yourself all the time and effort, and heartache even on a girl that's not interested in you. Cut your losses and get movin'.

 

[McLaren]

Ah, true, but here's the deal.

I really don't care, because I'm happy as long as I spend time with her. I do tease her as you say and make jokes. Heck, sometimes, just to scare her, I'll come up from behind and give her a hug.

But I am really tired of the "nice guys" crap. It makes seem as if guys who do bad things like smoke, talk back, and all that get women. And I always prove that wrong when people see me. I hang out with women who would prefer me over some pothead, wanna-be badass, but I'm just not really interested in anything past friendship and neither are they.

I also am NOT sure she is dating, but it doesn't matter to me, cause I'll just do what I can to win her affection. We're already close friends as she told me she can trust me so that's got to be a plus somewhere.

Besides, I'm happy as long as I spend time with her (and get my own little hug at the end of the day).

 

[Niels]

Well I know there are some girls in my class that like me. What I found out recently that you can just joke around a bit, but also spend some time not focussing your attention to anyone in class, the attention will come to you

Being able to just shut your mouth from the fun doesn't seem to be smart, but if you do that you will notice it has results. At least it had/has for me.

Its kinda over now, I already asked the girl if her boyfriend would allow the Romeo and Juliette thing and she answered yes with a little explaination and she said we would just stay friends afterwards, nothing more.

For the bullying, it would've been more tough to say "ah I dont care about the bullying afterwards" but I'm not here to be tough, I do care about it and I dont want to end up worse than before. I made sure she didn't know for sure if I liked her or not. I asked it out of suspicion(at least acted like it) wich means she cant be sure if I like her or not now.

My next replies will be from the g-t-4-fan account again, just so that you know:tup:

 

[Zrow]

Ah, true, but here's the deal.

I really don't care, because I'm happy as long as I spend time with her.

Well, if you really think so. I've said that before, but I realized I was just kidding myself. It's hell to be interested in a person who isn't interested back, and I don't think it's worth it.

But I am really tired of the "nice guys" crap. It makes seem as if guys who do bad things like smoke, talk back, and all that get women.

Are you disputing the fact that they do? Women are attracted to jerks, no matter how many times they deny it. I don't care if everyone on this board disagrees with me - they want seriously confident, cocky guys. They want really masculine dudes. It's completely true. Am I suggesting to turn into a jerk? No, do whatever you want. But I am saying that having more confidence with yourself and to stop being so damn careful and nice to the girls you're interested in would probably help you out.

 

[Dave A]

You don't want to hear it, but I suggest you move on before you get too attached. I wouldn't say it's a good idea to try to spend time trying to get a girl with a boyfriend interested in you.

He said she might be intersted and he isn' sure if she has a bloke. That might not apply here, but I agree with you, getting attached to a girl who's taken is not a good move.

Guys act too nice to girls they like.

It can be overdone, it can be done too little, it depends on the girl your after.

Nice guys don't get girls.

Yes they do, I did.

You don't want to get too close to her, because you'll probably just end up in the friend zone.

That's where he is now, nothing to lose then eh.

Be kind of cocky, tease her, call her on stupid things she says, don't say "just kidding", don't act like she's better than you. Confidence is key.

This can work to get initial attention with a girl, how much you do it again depends on the girl. If you already know the girl well then you should already have a good idea of what she likes in a man.

But if she's not interested and she's obviously not going to be, move on. First of all, there's a chance that she will suddenly see you in a new light now that you aren't paying so much attention to her.

First part might not apply here again, but backing off will result in her seeing you in a new light. What light that is depends on the girl.

My advice, don't take advice about a girl you know off random people online. Every girl is different and different girls like a guy to do different things to impress. Some girls like a guy to pay for them on their first date, some like to pay for themselves. Some girls like guy's that don't give a damn, some would hate to be with a guy who's letting farts go in public, and the list goes on. Get advice from people who know you personally, and who know the girl personally, no-one else is qualified to tell you what your next move should be.

A mate of mine called me a while ago telling me he'd met this girl and they''d started seeing eachother but it was more of a casual relationship, but they were getting on great. He asked me what he should do to take it to the next level becasue they liked each other. At this point I hadn't met her, so I just told him he'd got that far without my advice, why spoil it now. She likes you, be yourself.

 

[Niels]

I REALLY agree with Zrow.
I found out myself that holding back attention works. Just being a bit more silent and now they will just call my name sometimes out of the blue.

Like I'm just following the lessons and then suddenly some girl behind me says "hey niels" *I turn around*, she says "Hi", and I say "hi" back. Then I laugh a bit and she laughs too And I turn around again. Works well guys, try it.

For the friends part. Yeah it's nice to be friends but somehow I think you can get stuck in there. Maybe if some girl thinks of you as a good friend then there's no possible way of moving on. It must stay interesting guys!

I usually make jokes and stuff, but as I said take time to turn around and do nothing, THATS the way to really drag that attention towards you

Edit: Thats almost with everything btw. If a girl is unsure if you like her or not, she'll start thinking and watching you. If you do it right she'll get a bit annoyed and wants to find out. Thats what you want really.

So thats why I hate to ask a girl, cause it's a sign you do like her and she wont feel the need to get your attention anymore. I have actually avoided some girls, if they become your girlfriend officially then it's not as interesting anymore. You might actually have the best relationship with someone thats not your official girl/boyfriend. I think it works both ways.

 

[Dave A]

I REALLY agree with Zrow.
I found out myself that holding back attention works. Just being a bit more silent and now they will just call my name sometimes out of the blue.

It can do, but there has to already be some kind of relationship or interest there already. And my point is, it varies from girl to girl, some girls will take you suddenly backing off as a sign your not interested anymore, and then they'll back off as well. Some will figure out what your trying to do and keep you at bay and not give in on principal. Others will start showing you more attention in an effort to get more attention from you, it changes from girl to girl, theres no absolute correct answer. Also you have to remember, with you still being in school, how girls behave in general can change dramatically by the time they're in their 20's.

Like I'm just following the lessons and then suddenly some girl behind me says "hey niels" *I turn around*, she says "Hi", and I say "hi" back. Then I laugh a bit and she laughs too And I turn around again. Works well guys, try it.

No, I don't go to school . But it still depends on the girl, for every girl that will just out of the blue say "hey" theres plenty that won't. When you get one that will theres a chance you can get her, but since I neither know you or the girl your on about I can't say what will make her interested in you, ask a few mates who know her.

For the friends part. Yeah it's nice to be friends but somehow I think you can get stuck in there. Maybe if some girl thinks of you as a good friend then there's no possible way of moving on. It must stay interesting guys!

You can get stuck there, and I'm in a position where thats all I'm encouraging with any girls I meet. The longer your just friends the harder it will be to become more than that. So if you like a girl your just friends with, you have to make a move sooner rather than later, though again that's not a set rule, different circumstances will create different results.

Edit: Thats almost with everything btw. If a girl is unsure if you like her or not, she'll start thinking and watching you. If you do it right she'll get a bit annoyed and wants to find out. Thats what you want really.

That depends if she likes you or not, if she doesn't she won't give a crap. If she does she might hold out and if you don't make a move she'll back off herself. some girls want you to make the move, some don't, some will be after you either way.

So thats why I hate to ask a girl, cause it's a sign you do like her and she wont feel the need to get your attention anymore.

I've asked girls out and got them and I've asked girls out and not got them, whatever approach you use you'll hit some and miss others, but then it's different in schools today. I honestly couldn't say what's the best way for you. I can only say what works for me, what your most confident doing is usually the best way to go.

I have actually avoided some girls, if they become your girlfriend officially then it's not as interesting anymore. You might actually have the best relationship with someone thats not your official girl/boyfriend. I think it works both ways.

I can't comment on this, mine certainly wouldn't be as interesting if she wasn't officially my girlfriend, with us currently living together and all. But when your at school dating is different.

 

[McLaren]

I'd say we have a really close relationship and as Niels put it, that may be best.

And it's true. Different girls have different tastes, interests, etc.

With me and her, we always tease each other and its always fun when we get confused on AIM.

Zrow, I'm out of high school, where dating is really different from the real world (which is much better 👍 ).
I'm sure I'm old enough to mean what I say.

I still have many, many years left to find someone.
I love that our friendship is strong enough where she can trust me with something. Granted, we rarely hang out outside of our classes, it's always a pleasure to see her, and she does know I care about her. Sometimes, we spend so much time together, people around us think we are dating.

I'll stick with what I got now, and ask the way I want to and when.