Funny/Strange News Stories

[TenEightyOne]

Two front pages caught my eye today (click to enlarge);

The Daily Express, not only is Elvis dead (Diana having a day off, apparently) but GP's surgeries are apparently going to be open 7 days a week to care for Coronation Street's Deirdre Barlow, otherwise known as her actual name, whatever that is.



In The Daily Star (never a good way to introduce a headline) experts are baffled by a chilling haunting...but what's striking is that the ghost of the black-eyed girl-ghoul (last seen in the 80s) is in a pose that seems just like "a selfie". They grow up so fast nowadays.

 

[axletramp]

Exactly who are the baffled 'experts' here? Experts on paranormal activity? Well, anyone who claims to be an 'expert' on ghosts and the paranormal is presumably baffled by absolutely everything and anything.

 

[Liquid]

A Daily Star expert is a mountain of silicon with a pair of shoes.

 

[Wiegert]

I bet they've never even watched Paranormal Activity 3... 4... Th-the most recent one.

Philistines.

 

[Dotini]

In The Daily Star (never a good way to introduce a headline) experts are baffled by a chilling haunting...but what's striking is that the ghost of the black-eyed girl-ghoul (last seen in the 80s) is in a pose that seems just like "a selfie". They grow up so fast nowadays.

View attachment 232619

Here's the story, with a bit of background, on the black-eyed child. Very likely it's a hoax. But by whom?
http://mysteriousuniverse.org/2014/09/black-eyed-child-may-have-returned-to-staffordshire/

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/chilling-sightings-black-eyed-child-4341525

 

[TenEightyOne]

Here's the story, with a bit of background, on the black-eyed child. Very likely it's a hoax. But by whom?
http://mysteriousuniverse.org/2014/09/black-eyed-child-may-have-returned-to-staffordshire/

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/chilling-sightings-black-eyed-child-4341525

Normally the first suspect in absolutely any utterly moronic hoax is The Daily Mirror itself. This story features a local Paranormal Investigator (who has Launched An Investigation) and links back to the Burminghum Mail which seems to have the same story pretty much word-for-word.

Said investigator has a book for sale it seems, this story is a tremendous stroke of luck for him coming up to Hallowe'en. It wouldn't surprise me to find that the Mirror are either selling them or that they're part of the publishing chain.

 

[Dotini]

Normally the first suspect in absolutely any utterly moronic hoax is The Daily Mirror itself. This story features a local Paranormal Investigator (who has Launched An Investigation) and links back to the Burminghum Mail which seems to have the same story pretty much word-for-word.

Said investigator has a book for sale it seems, this story is a tremendous stroke of luck for him coming up to Hallowe'en. It wouldn't surprise me to find that the Mirror are either selling them or that they're part of the publishing chain.

So the anonymous source for Lee Brickley's story is nonexistent, and Brickley is the hoaxer, in an incestuous criminal conspiracy with The Mirror. That in itself is a good story.

 

[TenEightyOne]

So the anonymous source for Lee Brickley's story is nonexistent, and Brickley is the hoaxer, in an incestuous criminal conspiracy with The Mirror. That in itself is a good story.

Possibly, the more I look the more I think the author himself is taking advantage of the Hallowe'en season and the Mirror were looking for anything other than the Conservative Party conference to fill the front pages. I just checked and The Mirror and The Birmingham Mail have the same owners, a nice cheap front page for the national edition lifted straight from the work-experience local.

 

[Dotini]

Possibly, the more I look the more I think the author himself is taking advantage of the Hallowe'en season and the Mirror were looking for anything other than the Conservative Party conference to fill the front pages. I just checked and The Mirror and The Birmingham Mail have the same owners, a nice cheap front page for the national edition lifted straight from the work-experience local.

While you're investigating, you can entertain yourself with these tropes...
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/StringyHairedGhostGirl
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CreepyChild

 

[Submerged]

I love the harsh, biting contempt toward the Mirror and the explanation for this story.

Makes me proud.

Jaded is a great thing in when it works.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

He might be going to sue. She must be his lawyer.

Honestly, I'm surprised he hasn't tried to sue Barack Obama for embarrassing him by killing Osama bin Laden when Trump was demanding that Obama present his birth certificate. History will undoubtedly remember that as one of the greatest come-uppances of all time.

 

[Dotini]

I love the harsh, biting contempt toward the Mirror and the explanation for this story.

Makes me proud.

Jaded is a great thing in when it works.

We elevate ourselves when we diminish and ridicule others. One of life's many ugly truths.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

I don't think that such a cynical outlook applies here. The tabloids leave themselves wide open to condemnation.

 

[Dotini]

here

Yes, here is the dedicated thread for diminishing and ridiculing others, often using tabloids as the launching pad. So simple, even a caveman could do it.

 

[axletramp]

Tory MP, Matt Hancock, deletes a tweet stating that the Labour is 'quite full of queers' claiming it was a mistake.

Certainly was, Matty, but not as you meant it, you chump.

 

[Liquid]

Crucially, it's something he retweeted, not something he wrote himself.

Still... moron.

 

[Pupik]

More like Matthan Cock-up, amarite? Hello?

 

[Grayfox]

A US man has been arrested after threatening a troop of boy scouts with a sword.

Cub scouts selling popcorn door-to-door as part of a fundraising initiative knocked on the Owen Reese's front door on Wednesday last week in Sparta, Wisconsin.

Twenty-two-year-old Reese answered the door "holding a sword above his head" and started screaming at the children, the police report alleges.

The children's parents yelled for them to leave, and they did.

Later, when police arrived to speak to Mr Reese, he again answered the door with his sword raised, but promptly dropped it when police aimed their weapons at them.

He later told them he always greets visitors in such a fashion, in order to "protect himself against religious people".

A search of his home turned up a large number of swords and knives, as well as marijuana and smoking implements.

He was charged with recklessly endangering safety, as well as drugs charges.

http://www.9news.com.au/world/2014/...hares-after-threatening-boy-scouts-with-swrod

Using a sword(swrod for ninemsn) to keep religion away?
A good idea it is.

 

[Chrunch Houston]

The only thing he did wrong was allowing the cops to come into his home.

If it had been Halloween, and he did the same thing nothing would have happened.

I am not saying the guy is not a nut job, just that holding a sword over your head and screaming is not a crime. I suspect the "recklessly endangering safety" charges will be dropped.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

The Twelve Labours of Vlad:

http://m.bbc.com/news/world-europe-29513589

 

[Liquid]

Drug Dealer Arrested After Posing For Photo With His Stash

Metro

 

[Liquid]

 

[TenEightyOne]

A stiffening breeze with a chance of showers?

 

[Liquid]

Beware of any golden showers, in particular.

 

[axletramp]

Be careful out there You could get blown all over the place...

 

[axletramp]

I wondered where I'd put that...

 

[m8h3r]

I wondered where I'd put that...

I love the way half the sentences start with "it turned out to be an inflatable toy" and end with "police apprehended the crocodile".

 

[TenEightyOne]

People criticise the BBC and say that their standards are slowly falling.

Seems to me they don't really have much to work with any more.

EDIT: Click here to see Boris cripple a frightened child, or here to see Michelle Obama dance with a turnip. It's hard to know where humankind will end up, really.

 

[TenEightyOne]

Ambulance chief apologises although he refuses to give details of exactly what he's apologising for.

The claims are that a dead body was left out with the dustbins by mistake. Allegedly true story.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

It's hard to know where humankind will end up, really.

Wherever it is, I'm pretty sure we're already there. After all, it's not just Michelle Obama dancing with a turnip, but Michelle Obama dancing with a turnip to Lil' John.