Jokes!!

  • Thread starter DQuaN
  • 4,663 comments
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Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed-steak.

Need some help to build an ark? I Noah guy!

Two antennas fell in love and got married. The ceremony was nothing special, but the reception was excellent!

How could Vader be Luke's father? They don't even Luke alike!


...okay I'm done now. Regards. :)
 
Apologies if this one has already been posted.

A wealthy businessman was pottering around the backyard of his mansion one day when an itinerant handyman walked past and asked about casual work.

Feeling sorry for the fellow, the businessman produced five litres of paint and a brush and asked the handyman to paint the porch.

An hour later the handyman came back to collect his earnings.

The businessman commended him on the speed of his work and handed him $10.

As he was leaving, the handyman called back to the businessman: "By the way, it's a Mercedes, not a Porsche."
 
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homeforsummer
Remember there are hardly any vitamins in a bacon sandwich, so you need to eat a lot of them stay healthy.
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The next time you poke yourself in the eye, stub your toe or trap your finger in a door is god punishing you for that joke. Just letting you know.
 
People ask me where I see myself in 5 years.

I just say I will see which way the wind blows and then I will become a meteorologist.
 
A man is driving a Fiat Panda. Suddenly, the engine breaks down. He hitchhikes so someone can get him to the nearest garage. A 918 Spyder appears and the guy driving it says to our friend that he can tow the Panda (don't ask how a 918 can tow another car).

Our other friend in the Porsche likes to drive very fast, and the 918 owner says to the Panda owner "Get in the Panda and get the control of the wheel. If I'm going too fast, flash the lights". So they are driving to the nearest garage when a LaFerrari appears. Obviously, it challenges the 918, and they begin to race. The 918 owner forgets he is still towing the Panda, and the Panda owner tries desperately to warn the 918 owner by flashing its lights.

Some police officer watches the scene shocked. Knowing that it is impossible to catch them in his ordinary police car, he drives quickly to the police station. There, he says to the other police officers: "Guys, you are not gonna believe what I saw. A Porsche and a Ferrari driving at 240 kph, and a Fiat Panda behind them flashing its lights to overtake the other two".
 
Here's one from 3rd grade, I'm sure many of you have already heard, but its car related so I figured what the hey......

What's the difference between a Mercedes and a cactus?
A cactus has its pricks on the outside.
 
HoseHead
What's the difference between a Mercedes and a cactus?
A cactus has its pricks on the outside.
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One is quite expensive and the other is cheap and has air pockets in the doors to help prevent car park dings?
 
Once there were three sisters - Jan, Ann and Fanny. Jan and Ann had gone out on a double date, and both men had noticed something unusual about them. One of the men commented 'Goodness, haven't you got big feet?' Jan replied 'You should see our Fanny's, they're huge!'
 

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