Jokes!!

  • Thread starter DQuaN
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LeMansAid
Hmm, didn't take offense to being called famous tv dogs though?
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DG_Silva
Spelling Nazi here: It should be bonnie, not bony and lasses, not lassies, I'm afraid. Men are called laddies.
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daan
Yeah, this a bony lass.

f2f35737832985.5606771a7cd12.jpg
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And yet that's exactly the way it was spelled in the biggest selling newspaper in Melbourne, Australia.
:embarrassed:
 
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

 
TenEightyOne
"lassies" is the correct spelling. Sorry :D

As you were...
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As both lasses and lassies come from a time when not much was written down, how can you say which is correct?

Many a Scots word is just badly spelled English anyway.
 
daan
As both lasses and lassies come from a time when not much was written down, how can you say which is correct?

Many a Scots word is just badly spelled English anyway.
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They're both from old-Norse, the spelling of lasqa (and lassie in Finnish) is recorded a long way back. In each case the pronunciation that's handed down defines the final spelling in this type of "old" word. I take your point about misspelt words though :)

Anyway, I should tell a joke now...

A rich Sheikh's son goes to Germany to study. A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying: "Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."

Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying: "Stop embarrassing us, go and buy yourself a train."
 
I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts. "Really" she said, "Go on then... try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the nuts but totally worth it.
 
Roo
Bought a locket and put my own photo in it.

Now I'm independent.
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I've got one.....

A friend was really sick in hospital. Some other friends and I organised to stay by his side around the clock, but I was the only one that turned up. I stayed anyway.

I wanted to be individual.
 
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Five Important Qualities in Women:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
 
Joke may be a little icky for some, so inserting spoiler tags..

A man (let's call him Dave) walks into a restaurant and notices another man looking a bit under the weather, not even touching the plate of soup he's got on his table. The soup looks delicious, so Dave decides to make an offer for the stranger.
"Do you mind if I eat that for you?"
"Go ahead." the stranger says apathetically.
So Dave sits down and begins eating the soup. It's just as delicious as it looked. However, just as he's about to finish the plate, he finally notices that there's a comb in the bottom.
Dave immediately throws up all of the soup back on the plate.
The other man, still at the scene, looks at him and says: "That's how far I got too."
 

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