Jokes!!

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bjl23

Premium
3,170
Australia
Adelaide
bjl2323
I manage a crash repair shop for trucks, its crazy the amount of damage that Roll overs cause.
Some of the drivers survive and I think how the hell did they survive that, others of course aren't so lucky. We have even come across human remains when we pull them apart
 

Pete05

Premium
6,685
Australia
Melbourne, Australia
projectvkls3
I’ve seen a few truck crashes throughout China and in most cases the driver was killed.
China has one of the worst Road Tolls per head of population on the planet. India is the other.

IMO, the largest contributing factor is the skill level for the task involved.
I manage a crash repair shop for trucks, its crazy the amount of damage that Roll overs cause.
Some of the drivers survive and I think how the hell did they survive that, others of course aren't so lucky. We have even come across human remains when we pull them apart
My brother works for Kenworth & he agrees with me - truck bodies are made from tinfoil so they can carry more freight & not exceed the weight restrictions.
 

Liquid

Fission Mailed
Premium
24,467
Slovakia
Bratvegas
GTP_Liquid
The other day I watched a documentary on how ships are made.

It was riveting.
 

kikie

I'm here
Premium
24,124
Belgium
in the land of stupidity
A guy suspects that his dog is dead and goes to a vet.
Put your dog on the table said the vet, opening a little box.
A cat emerges, jumps on the dog, walks on the dog and jumps back on the ground.
Yes, your dog is dead said the vet.
That is terrible, the guy said.
He asked the vet how much he has to pay.
$825, said the vet
Wait, what, that much? :eek:
Yes said the vet, $25 for the consult and $800 for the CAT-scan.
 
1,970
United Kingdom
United Kingdom
There have been reports that a tourist was hit on the head by a coconut whilst walking along the beach.

His wife is said to be desiccated by the experience.
 

DesertPenguin

(Banned)
10,691
United States
Long Island, New York
DesertPenguin_
Two guys and a mother walk into a bar. First guy asks for a shot and gets Jack Daniels. Second guy asks for a shot and gets Jose Cuervo. The mother says "No thanks, I don't do shots", then falls over and dies from Polio.
 

Liquid

Fission Mailed
Premium
24,467
Slovakia
Bratvegas
GTP_Liquid
Noddy Holder is doing a reunion tour with Slade and needs to get some of his old clothing back. He talks it through with his manager and dressers:

"What about some flares?"
"Flared trousers, dead nice them."
"Braces?"
"Braces would be fine."
"A kipper tie?"
"Yeah, milk, no sugar!"
 

bjl23

Premium
3,170
Australia
Adelaide
bjl2323
Wife: asks the husband for $5,000

Husband: why do you want $5,000?

Wife: I want to get Breast implants

Husband: you don't need implants, just rub toilet paper inbetween them

Wife: whats that going to do?

Husband: make them bigger, well it worked on your ass
 
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94
Canada
Southern Ontario
LittleSpikeGTS
What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

My ass.

NYYYAAAaaahhhh HAH HAAAAaahhh

HAH HAAAaaahhhh- ENOUGH
 

Jump_Ace

Goldmember
Staff Emeritus
8,507
United States
Portland, OR
GTP_Jump_Ace
JUMPxACE
I don't know if it's public knowledge yet, but FedEx and UPS are merging.

The new company is going to be named, FedUP


Jerome
 

Danoff

Who is John Galt?
Premium
29,658
United States
Mile High City
I don't know if it's public knowledge yet, but FedEx and UPS are merging.

The new company is going to be named, FedUP


Jerome

Make fed...

zuf3cgepnnj01.jpg
 

Jump_Ace

Goldmember
Staff Emeritus
8,507
United States
Portland, OR
GTP_Jump_Ace
JUMPxACE
You need something between your spoiler tags.
[SPOILER]Nutmeg[/SPOILER]
To give:
Nutmeg
You know, I typed that and saw it when I edited it. But when I when to post the reply again, it disappeared on me. It's still there when I edit that post....???

Did I just win the worst joke of the year? :gtpflag:


Jerome
 

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daan

Salut Gilles
Moderator
34,613
Scotland
Scotland
GTP_daan
You know, I typed that and saw it when I edited it. But when I when to post the reply again, it disappeared on me. It's still there when I edit that post....???

Did I just win the worst joke of the year? :gtpflag:


Jerome
You've typed it wrong. It's not spoiler="nutmeg", it's spoiler bracket nutmeg close spoiler like @polysmut wrote.