Jokes!!

Discussion in 'The Rumble Strip' started by DQuaN, Apr 22, 2004.

  1. W3HS

    W3HS Premium

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    I’ve seen a few truck crashes throughout China and in most cases the driver was killed.
     
  2. bjl23

    bjl23 Premium

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    I manage a crash repair shop for trucks, its crazy the amount of damage that Roll overs cause.
    Some of the drivers survive and I think how the hell did they survive that, others of course aren't so lucky. We have even come across human remains when we pull them apart
     
  3. Pete05

    Pete05 Premium

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    China has one of the worst Road Tolls per head of population on the planet. India is the other.

    IMO, the largest contributing factor is the skill level for the task involved.
    My brother works for Kenworth & he agrees with me - truck bodies are made from tinfoil so they can carry more freight & not exceed the weight restrictions.
     
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  4. Liquid

    Liquid Premium

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    The other day I watched a documentary on how ships are made.

    It was riveting.
     
  5. kikie

    kikie Premium

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    A guy suspects that his dog is dead and goes to a vet.
    Put your dog on the table said the vet, opening a little box.
    A cat emerges, jumps on the dog, walks on the dog and jumps back on the ground.
    Yes, your dog is dead said the vet.
    That is terrible, the guy said.
    He asked the vet how much he has to pay.
    $825, said the vet
    Wait, what, that much? :eek:
    Yes said the vet, $25 for the consult and $800 for the CAT-scan.
     
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  6. Jump_Ace

    Jump_Ace Staff Emeritus

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    Why couldn't the pig cross the road?

    He hurt his oinkle.

    #dadjoke


    Jerome
     
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  7. Roo

    Roo Premium

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    Before my surgery, the anesthetist offered to use the knock-out gas or whack me over the head with a canoe paddle.

    It was an ether/oar situation.
     
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  8. Roo

    Roo Premium

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    I recently tried selling beach footwear for one-legged people.

    It was a flop.
     
  9. Liquid

    Liquid Premium

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    As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a traffic warden's funeral, a voice screamed from inside, "I'm not dead! I'm not dead! Let me out!"

    To which the vicar replied, "Too late pal. I've already done the paperwork!"
     
  10. Carbon_6

    Carbon_6

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    There have been reports that a tourist was hit on the head by a coconut whilst walking along the beach.

    His wife is said to be desiccated by the experience.
     
  11. DesertPenguin

    DesertPenguin

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    Two guys and a mother walk into a bar. First guy asks for a shot and gets Jack Daniels. Second guy asks for a shot and gets Jose Cuervo. The mother says "No thanks, I don't do shots", then falls over and dies from Polio.
     
  12. Liquid

    Liquid Premium

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    Noddy Holder is doing a reunion tour with Slade and needs to get some of his old clothing back. He talks it through with his manager and dressers:

    "What about some flares?"
    "Flared trousers, dead nice them."
    "Braces?"
    "Braces would be fine."
    "A kipper tie?"
    "Yeah, milk, no sugar!"
     
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  13. Carbon_6

    Carbon_6

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    Me and my wife kept arguing because apparently I had no sense of direction.

    So I packed up my things and right.
     
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  14. Carbonox

    Carbonox

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    What is an ephebophile?

    A pedophile with a dictionary.
     
  15. bjl23

    bjl23 Premium

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    Wife: asks the husband for $5,000

    Husband: why do you want $5,000?

    Wife: I want to get Breast implants

    Husband: you don't need implants, just rub toilet paper inbetween them

    Wife: whats that going to do?

    Husband: make them bigger, well it worked on your ass
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2019
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  16. TB

    TB Moderator

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    And that's how the fight started.
     
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  17. Liquid

    Liquid Premium

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  18. LittleSpike

    LittleSpike

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    What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

    My ass.

    NYYYAAAaaahhhh HAH HAAAAaahhh

    HAH HAAAaaahhhh- ENOUGH
     
  19. Liquid

    Liquid Premium

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    What's the opposite of a waterfall?

    A firefly
     
  20. Jump_Ace

    Jump_Ace Staff Emeritus

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    I don't know if it's public knowledge yet, but FedEx and UPS are merging.

    The new company is going to be named, FedUP


    Jerome
     
  21. Danoff

    Danoff Premium

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    Make fed...

    [​IMG]
     
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  22. Touring Mars

    Touring Mars Moderator

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    What do you call a judge with no thumbs?

    Justice Fingers
     
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  23. Jump_Ace

    Jump_Ace Staff Emeritus

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    Dad joke of the year?


    Jerome
     
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  24. VulcanSpirit

    VulcanSpirit

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    Why do ghosts hate Christmas?

    'Cos they always have bad presence!
     
  25. Jump_Ace

    Jump_Ace Staff Emeritus

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    What is the name of Meg's crazy sister?




    Jerome
     
  26. polysmut

    polysmut Premium

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    You need something between your spoiler tags.
    [SPOILER]Nutmeg[/SPOILER]
    To give:
    Nutmeg
     
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  27. TB

    TB Moderator

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    I thought her name was Jerome. :dopey:
     
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  28. daan

    daan Moderator

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    Why would Meg's sister also be called Meg?
     
  29. Jump_Ace

    Jump_Ace Staff Emeritus

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    You know, I typed that and saw it when I edited it. But when I when to post the reply again, it disappeared on me. It's still there when I edit that post....???

    Did I just win the worst joke of the year? :gtpflag:


    Jerome
     

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  30. daan

    daan Moderator

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    You've typed it wrong. It's not spoiler="nutmeg", it's spoiler bracket nutmeg close spoiler like @polysmut wrote.
     
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