Red-Zone: Racing to the Next Level
- Thread starter Skygrasper550
- 162 comments
- 24,666 views
- 1,915
Another nicely written chapter...👍
- 7,937
- LMSCorvetteGT2's Mom's House
- GTP_LancerEvo7
Great chapter! I hope Zaira can beat the CarbonR!
- 188
- São Paulo
- infodevil
Very nice! waiting for the next chapter!
I barely can catch up with you guys.
- 3,196
- Philippines
- skygrasper_550--
3 weeks with no update.., sorry guys, I'm having some technical difficulties, not to mention that I'll be one very busy student in the coming weeks.., I really have to study hard, university life is no joke.., 
Hopefully you won't take this too hard.
I love your stories don't get me wrong 'have read through both Redlines and find them extremely entertaining, but sometimes the main character losing is a good thing.
Some times coming 2nd, 3rd or 4th is better then constantly winning and adds depth to your character. You'll also find you can be alot more creative with the characters and add alot more emotion, then just the elation of winning ALL THE TIME!
To me racing is not just winning, its the hard fought self victories that count a lot. Michael Schumacher for example stated that he hadn't had so much in 2005 then he had since 2000. Even though the car was a pig, the constant push for speed put a smile on his face.
I love your stories don't get me wrong 'have read through both Redlines and find them extremely entertaining, but sometimes the main character losing is a good thing.
Some times coming 2nd, 3rd or 4th is better then constantly winning and adds depth to your character. You'll also find you can be alot more creative with the characters and add alot more emotion, then just the elation of winning ALL THE TIME!
To me racing is not just winning, its the hard fought self victories that count a lot. Michael Schumacher for example stated that he hadn't had so much in 2005 then he had since 2000. Even though the car was a pig, the constant push for speed put a smile on his face.
- 13,877
- Ireland
- driftking18594
- CiaranGTR94
Hello? *hears "hello" echo around this thread*
Seriously, you must be having major technical issues if you haven't posted a new chapter in (opens new tab, checks the date of the last chapter of "Red-Zone") nearly 4 months. Seriously, if Zaira wins against the Carbon R, then you have been smoking a :censored:load of weed. Maybe enough to last Shorty from Scary Movie hundreds of years! Seriously though, great story 👍.
Seriously, you must be having major technical issues if you haven't posted a new chapter in (opens new tab, checks the date of the last chapter of "Red-Zone") nearly 4 months. Seriously, if Zaira wins against the Carbon R, then you have been smoking a :censored:load of weed. Maybe enough to last Shorty from Scary Movie hundreds of years! Seriously though, great story 👍.
- 801
- Chance2012
Nice story going caught it late but,no posts of the story for four months. Hope this thread isn't dead.
- 3,196
- Philippines
- skygrasper_550--
sorry for the months that I've been gone.., thought I'd drop something by before I prepare for exams, something "NEW". Enjoy!! 👍
- Chris - "Pretty soon she'll know the reason..."
- Toshiro - "Why our crew is unbeatable once we took over the Sumiya Highway..."
For some unknown reason, Suichiro feels restless after the race.
- Zaira - "Suichiro? Hey, what's the matter? You thinkin' about something?"
- Suichiro - "I'm just feeling uneasy."
- Zaira - "How come??"
- Suichiro - "I don't know. I don't know either if you should be the one who's restless instead of me."
- Zaira - "Me instead of you? Aw come on, relax. Look, I beat the crew, how hard can the leader be?"
- Suichiro - "......." (looks at Zaira's car, then at the ARC racing team)
*some time later*
As Zaira and Suichiro were talking, the unusual noise of what seems to be a car echoes throughout the long straight of the Sumiya Highway.
- Chris - "It's about time. Why does he always have to be so late? He isn't THAT special."
- Toshiro - "That's just the way he is."
- Chris - "What way? C'mon man, you two never tell us anything about him. Only thing we know is that you and Kai are cousins."
- Zaira - "What was that?"
As the sound gets louder, the car emitting the sound is finally getting within sight of the crowd.
- Suichiro - "What the?!?! Don't tell me...?!"
- Zaira - "What? What is it, Suichiro? You startled me there."
- Suichiro - "...oh no..."
A black car pulls over near Toshiro and Chris. The crew howls as the driver gets out.
- Suichiro - "I'm beginning not to like this..."
- ? - "Sorry I--"
- Toshiro - "I'm late."
- Chris - " I'm late. Yeah we know, same old s:censored: different day. That's you all right."
- ? - *chuckle* "So, where is she?"
- Toshiro - "Over there, just look for the white MR2."
- ? - "I see. Well then, let's get this started."
- Toshiro - "Oh, and uh, Kai??"
- ? - "Yes?"
- Toshiro - "Are you really going to do this?"
- ? - "That depends on her answer later."
The crowd near Zaira and Suichiro begins to step aside as if someone whom they respect is making his way through. A man appears before them.
- ? - "So, I finally get to meet the daughter of Tori Akawa face-to-face. I must say, you don't have the look of a racer."
- Zaira - "Yeah, well keep talking."
The crowd woes and the man chuckles.
- ? - "Some attitude you got there, I like it. You know how to handle yourself in a crowd. Pardon me if I haven't introduced myself yet, I'm Kai Sakurano, the leader of the ARC Racing Team. As you may know or have heard about already, we have a reputation here in the Sumiya Highway."
- Zaira - "Really? No wonder your so-called team got trashed just a few minutes ago."
The crowd woes again, and this time Kai laughs.
- Suichiro - "*whispers to self*...oh no, Akawa-san! Please stop this! You're getting over-confident!"
- Kai - *laughter* "Well you're right. You've proven yourself to be a very skilled and capable driver. But listen, and listen well. Racing against a team member is different from racing against the leader. There's a reason why the crew leader is called, well, the leader."
Suichiro's uneasiness grows as the conversation continues.
- Kai - "So, let's get down to business, to the main reason why I made you came here. Zaira Akawa, I challenge you to a race."
- Suichiro - *heartbeat* "Uh, please wait just a minute." *grabs Zaira*
- Kai - "Sure, take your time. We have all night to wait for your answer."
- Zaira - "H-Hey, what's the matter, Suichiro?"
- Suichiro - "Akawa-san, hold on. Haven't you seen what he just drove and parked here?"
- Zaira - "Yeah, that's his car. So?"
- Suichiro - "That is an Amuse Carbon R. You won't stand a chance against him!"
- Zaira - "What, now you're against me? Oh c'mon, how fast can it be?"
- Suichiro - "You don't need to ask that! Look, from my point of view, he's only testing you. I'm telling you Akawa-san, reject the race offer. And also, you should be the one feeling nervous instead of me!"
- Zaira - "Reject? I've come this far, no way I'm backing out! Look, I got this Suichiro, okay? I got this. Just relax and watch me take home another win."
- Suichiro - "Akawa-san, don't do it!!"
- Zaira - "...I accept your challenge."
- Suichiro - "Dammit, she really did it!"
- Chris - "She's dooooooomed..."
- Kai - "Baka."
- Toshiro - "She's a goner. Kai, are you sure about this??"
- Kai - "She wants a race, there's nothing we can do about it. Get the course ready, I don't want anyone cruising around in the streets for the time being."
- Toshiro - *sigh* "Okay, you're the boss... All right people, let's get this show on the road! Get your cars aside, no roadblocks! Move it, move it!!"
As Zaira and Kai begin to move their cars to the starting line, Suichiro is getting more and more worried about Zaira.
- Suichiro - "I can't believe she really accepted the challenge."
- Toshiro - (approaches Suichiro) "Getting worried about your 'girlfriend' ? Well, you don't need to. She doesn't stand a chance against Kai. You should've prevented her from accepting his challenge."
- Suichiro - "I did, but she's persistent. *sigh* Dammit, right from the start, she already lost."
- Toshiro - "Obviously. Hmm, from my observation, you seem to know a lot. You were the one trembling and getting all sweaty instead of her. Look, just think of this as a part of life: you win some, you lose some. Is this her first time losing??"
- Suichiro - "...I don't know. Maybe."
- Toshiro - "Well, there's always a first time for everything. Part of losing is feeling bad. Oftentimes you have to lose to learn. That's a fact."
- Suichiro - "Yeah, I know...but still..."
The cars are now set. The sound from Kai's R34 and the howl of the crowds dwarfs Zaira and her MR2. Only this time has Zaira felt so nervous, a feeling which she should have felt sooner. Will Zaira really lose for the first time?? Race 5, begin!!
- Zaira - "No way... I...lost..."
- Kai - "Fool. Right from the start you already lost."-
- Crew member 1 - "She got owned...just look at the gap between them!"
- Crew member 2 - "Wow, a 230 on the radar gun! That thing IS fast!"
- Toshiro - "As always, he's unbeatable."
- Chris - "Oh yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!!"
- Suichiro - "This isn't good..." *follows Zaira after she crossed the starting line*
As Zaira begins to slow down at cruising speed, she spots the R34 midway on the first corner, on a standstill with flashing brakelights. She pulls over, Kai comes out first then Zaira.
- Kai - "Is this your first time losing??"
- Zaira - "........."
- Kai - "Answer me."
- Zaira - "...Yes, it's my first time."
- Kai - "I see. Now you know what it feels like to lose. ...too bad, I was expecting more from you."
- Zaira - "More from me?? Look at you! You have a car that's way faster than mine! No way I could catch up with that, even if I am as skilled as you!."
- Kai - "...And now you're making ignorance as an excuse??"
- Zaira - *gasp* "...!!"
- Kai - "I can't believe you've come to realize that just now. You were the one who accepted my challenge, you're the one who's reckless. I was expecting more not from your skills, but from your head. I thought you were as smart as your father. Turns out, you only know how to drive."
- Zaira - "...What the....? How dare you...!!"
- Kai - "Look, having confidence in your skills isn't bad. But sometimes, don't just come rushing in, think first. This isn't a game, it's the real deal."
- Zaira - "............."
- Kai - "I thought you were gonna back out. But if you were to, I would've respected you. There's nothing wrong with backing out, sometimes it's the smartest thing to do. Hey, don't blame your father for not teaching you this, I can understand why he didn't. This is one of those things which you have to learn and experience it for you to learn yourself."
- Zaira - "............."
- Kai - "Don't get me wrong. If you really are smart, you would think of what I said tonight as a lesson, not some brag and big talk just because I won. ...Oh, your friend's here. Well, you two have a good night, I'll be going back to my crew."
As Suichiro runs to Zaira, Kai gets back to his car and drives back to his team.
- Suichiro - *catches breath* "Akawa-san, are you all right??"
- Zaira - "........."
- Suichiro - "Akawa-san??"
- Zaira - "Uh, what?? Uh...oh, yeah, I-I'm fine..."
- Suichiro - "...hmm...let me take you home. Sit in the passenger's seat, I'll drive."
*back at the ARC racing crew...*
- Chris - "Way to go, Kai! You smoked yet another one!"
- Kai - "Personally, I don't consider this as a win. I didn't smoke her, I just taught her a lesson."
- Chris - "You sure did! You taught her that no one messes with the King of the Sumiya!"
- Kai - "No, really, I DID teach her a lesson."
- Chris - "??Huh? Then what lesson is that?"
- Kai - "...Something that's...important...if she wants to become the best. Something Toshiro would understand and you won't."
- Chris - "What the?? Aww c'mon man, cut the crap!! Hey Toshiro, what's Kai talking about??"
Zaira looked pale as Suichiro took her home.
- Suichiro - "...are you okay, Akawa-san? Hey, there's always a first time for everything. *sigh* You should've thought twice before accepting his challenge. Sometimes it's bad to just charge in and not know anything about your opponent--"
- Zaira - "Oh yeah?! Well what do you know?! How am I supposed to feel okay, I lost!! Yes, I know there's a first time for everything but--!! ...sorry...You're right...I shouldn't have charged in. I should've known more about Kai and his car before I accepted his challenge. *sigh* "
- Suichiro - "Losing is part of racing. You're not the only one who feels bad when you lose, look at all the drivers you've faced against in your races. Even though some of them showed sportsmanship, deep inside they feel bad because they gave their best and yet still, they lost. You're just the same as them."
- Zaira - "...yeah I know..."
- Suichiro - "And also, sometimes you learn something when you lose, so it's not bad to lose once in a while. That's part of life. Cheer up, okay?"
- Zaira - "Yeah, thanks..."
(Akawa residence, doorbell rings)
- Suichiro - "Good evening, Mrs. Akawa."
- Zinaida - "Suichiro?? ...Zaira honey! Where have you been?! We were so worried about you! Why do you look pale and...why is Suichiro with you?"
- Zaira - "It's a long story, Mom. I'll tell all about it later. Hey, uh...Suichiro? Thanks for taking me home."
- Suichiro - "You're welcome, Akawa-san."
- Zaira - "It's getting pretty late, you should get going, too. I'm...sorry if I dragged you along and caused you trouble."
- Suichiro - "It's okay, don't worry. Yes, I'd better be going now. Good night, Akawa-san. Good night, Mrs. Akawa."
- Zaira - "Take care, good night."
- Zinaida - "Take care of yourself, Suichiro."
As Suichiro left, Zaira got inside the house.
- Tori - "Zaira? It's past 10 P.M., where have you been? Are you tired? Hurt?"
- Zaira - "No, Dad. I'm okay."
- Zinaida - "Are you hungry, dear? I'll go get you some food."
- Zaira - "Thanks, Mom." (Zinaida goes to the kitchen)
- Tori - "So uhh...what happened?"
- Zaira - "Well, you see..."
Zaira told everything that had happened in the Sumiya Highway.
- Tori - "I see, so you lost. No wonder you look like your soul's taken away from you. Kai Sakurano?? Seriously, you don't know anything about him??"
- Zaira - "What about him, Dad?"
- Zinaida - "He's a former professional race driver. He's quite well known here in Japan."
- Zaira - "Really?! No way!! No wonder he's driving that kind of car!"
- Tori - "Well, now you know. Sometimes honey, you have to know about a lot of things, trust me it'll do you good."
- Zinaida - "You look like you're tired, sweetie. Go get some sleep now, I'll clean this up for you."
- Zaira - "Okay, thanks Mom."
As Zaira was about to sleep, she remembered the things Kai and Suichiro taught her.
- Zaira - "Hmm...losing...well you gotta admit, they have a point. I'll keep in mind what Kai taught me."
next on Red-Zone: Chapter 12 - Plans
don't miss it!!
Chapter 11 - King of the Sumiya
- Chris - "Pretty soon she'll know the reason..."
- Toshiro - "Why our crew is unbeatable once we took over the Sumiya Highway..."
For some unknown reason, Suichiro feels restless after the race.
- Zaira - "Suichiro? Hey, what's the matter? You thinkin' about something?"
- Suichiro - "I'm just feeling uneasy."
- Zaira - "How come??"
- Suichiro - "I don't know. I don't know either if you should be the one who's restless instead of me."
- Zaira - "Me instead of you? Aw come on, relax. Look, I beat the crew, how hard can the leader be?"
- Suichiro - "......." (looks at Zaira's car, then at the ARC racing team)
*some time later*
As Zaira and Suichiro were talking, the unusual noise of what seems to be a car echoes throughout the long straight of the Sumiya Highway.
- Chris - "It's about time. Why does he always have to be so late? He isn't THAT special."
- Toshiro - "That's just the way he is."
- Chris - "What way? C'mon man, you two never tell us anything about him. Only thing we know is that you and Kai are cousins."
- Zaira - "What was that?"
As the sound gets louder, the car emitting the sound is finally getting within sight of the crowd.
- Suichiro - "What the?!?! Don't tell me...?!"
- Zaira - "What? What is it, Suichiro? You startled me there."
- Suichiro - "...oh no..."
A black car pulls over near Toshiro and Chris. The crew howls as the driver gets out.
- Suichiro - "I'm beginning not to like this..."
- ? - "Sorry I--"
- Toshiro - "I'm late."
- Chris - " I'm late. Yeah we know, same old s:censored: different day. That's you all right."
- ? - *chuckle* "So, where is she?"
- Toshiro - "Over there, just look for the white MR2."
- ? - "I see. Well then, let's get this started."
- Toshiro - "Oh, and uh, Kai??"
- ? - "Yes?"
- Toshiro - "Are you really going to do this?"
- ? - "That depends on her answer later."
The crowd near Zaira and Suichiro begins to step aside as if someone whom they respect is making his way through. A man appears before them.
- ? - "So, I finally get to meet the daughter of Tori Akawa face-to-face. I must say, you don't have the look of a racer."
- Zaira - "Yeah, well keep talking."
The crowd woes and the man chuckles.
- ? - "Some attitude you got there, I like it. You know how to handle yourself in a crowd. Pardon me if I haven't introduced myself yet, I'm Kai Sakurano, the leader of the ARC Racing Team. As you may know or have heard about already, we have a reputation here in the Sumiya Highway."
- Zaira - "Really? No wonder your so-called team got trashed just a few minutes ago."
The crowd woes again, and this time Kai laughs.
- Suichiro - "*whispers to self*...oh no, Akawa-san! Please stop this! You're getting over-confident!"
- Kai - *laughter* "Well you're right. You've proven yourself to be a very skilled and capable driver. But listen, and listen well. Racing against a team member is different from racing against the leader. There's a reason why the crew leader is called, well, the leader."
Suichiro's uneasiness grows as the conversation continues.
- Kai - "So, let's get down to business, to the main reason why I made you came here. Zaira Akawa, I challenge you to a race."
- Suichiro - *heartbeat* "Uh, please wait just a minute." *grabs Zaira*
- Kai - "Sure, take your time. We have all night to wait for your answer."
- Zaira - "H-Hey, what's the matter, Suichiro?"
- Suichiro - "Akawa-san, hold on. Haven't you seen what he just drove and parked here?"
- Zaira - "Yeah, that's his car. So?"
- Suichiro - "That is an Amuse Carbon R. You won't stand a chance against him!"
- Zaira - "What, now you're against me? Oh c'mon, how fast can it be?"
- Suichiro - "You don't need to ask that! Look, from my point of view, he's only testing you. I'm telling you Akawa-san, reject the race offer. And also, you should be the one feeling nervous instead of me!"
- Zaira - "Reject? I've come this far, no way I'm backing out! Look, I got this Suichiro, okay? I got this. Just relax and watch me take home another win."
- Suichiro - "Akawa-san, don't do it!!"
- Zaira - "...I accept your challenge."
- Suichiro - "Dammit, she really did it!"
- Chris - "She's dooooooomed..."
- Kai - "Baka."
- Toshiro - "She's a goner. Kai, are you sure about this??"
- Kai - "She wants a race, there's nothing we can do about it. Get the course ready, I don't want anyone cruising around in the streets for the time being."
- Toshiro - *sigh* "Okay, you're the boss... All right people, let's get this show on the road! Get your cars aside, no roadblocks! Move it, move it!!"
As Zaira and Kai begin to move their cars to the starting line, Suichiro is getting more and more worried about Zaira.
- Suichiro - "I can't believe she really accepted the challenge."
- Toshiro - (approaches Suichiro) "Getting worried about your 'girlfriend' ? Well, you don't need to. She doesn't stand a chance against Kai. You should've prevented her from accepting his challenge."
- Suichiro - "I did, but she's persistent. *sigh* Dammit, right from the start, she already lost."
- Toshiro - "Obviously. Hmm, from my observation, you seem to know a lot. You were the one trembling and getting all sweaty instead of her. Look, just think of this as a part of life: you win some, you lose some. Is this her first time losing??"
- Suichiro - "...I don't know. Maybe."
- Toshiro - "Well, there's always a first time for everything. Part of losing is feeling bad. Oftentimes you have to lose to learn. That's a fact."
- Suichiro - "Yeah, I know...but still..."
The cars are now set. The sound from Kai's R34 and the howl of the crowds dwarfs Zaira and her MR2. Only this time has Zaira felt so nervous, a feeling which she should have felt sooner. Will Zaira really lose for the first time?? Race 5, begin!!
- Zaira - "No way... I...lost..."
- Kai - "Fool. Right from the start you already lost."-
- Crew member 1 - "She got owned...just look at the gap between them!"
- Crew member 2 - "Wow, a 230 on the radar gun! That thing IS fast!"
- Toshiro - "As always, he's unbeatable."
- Chris - "Oh yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!!"
- Suichiro - "This isn't good..." *follows Zaira after she crossed the starting line*
As Zaira begins to slow down at cruising speed, she spots the R34 midway on the first corner, on a standstill with flashing brakelights. She pulls over, Kai comes out first then Zaira.
- Kai - "Is this your first time losing??"
- Zaira - "........."
- Kai - "Answer me."
- Zaira - "...Yes, it's my first time."
- Kai - "I see. Now you know what it feels like to lose. ...too bad, I was expecting more from you."
- Zaira - "More from me?? Look at you! You have a car that's way faster than mine! No way I could catch up with that, even if I am as skilled as you!."
- Kai - "...And now you're making ignorance as an excuse??"
- Zaira - *gasp* "...!!"
- Kai - "I can't believe you've come to realize that just now. You were the one who accepted my challenge, you're the one who's reckless. I was expecting more not from your skills, but from your head. I thought you were as smart as your father. Turns out, you only know how to drive."
- Zaira - "...What the....? How dare you...!!"
- Kai - "Look, having confidence in your skills isn't bad. But sometimes, don't just come rushing in, think first. This isn't a game, it's the real deal."
- Zaira - "............."
- Kai - "I thought you were gonna back out. But if you were to, I would've respected you. There's nothing wrong with backing out, sometimes it's the smartest thing to do. Hey, don't blame your father for not teaching you this, I can understand why he didn't. This is one of those things which you have to learn and experience it for you to learn yourself."
- Zaira - "............."
- Kai - "Don't get me wrong. If you really are smart, you would think of what I said tonight as a lesson, not some brag and big talk just because I won. ...Oh, your friend's here. Well, you two have a good night, I'll be going back to my crew."
As Suichiro runs to Zaira, Kai gets back to his car and drives back to his team.
- Suichiro - *catches breath* "Akawa-san, are you all right??"
- Zaira - "........."
- Suichiro - "Akawa-san??"
- Zaira - "Uh, what?? Uh...oh, yeah, I-I'm fine..."
- Suichiro - "...hmm...let me take you home. Sit in the passenger's seat, I'll drive."
*back at the ARC racing crew...*
- Chris - "Way to go, Kai! You smoked yet another one!"
- Kai - "Personally, I don't consider this as a win. I didn't smoke her, I just taught her a lesson."
- Chris - "You sure did! You taught her that no one messes with the King of the Sumiya!"
- Kai - "No, really, I DID teach her a lesson."
- Chris - "??Huh? Then what lesson is that?"
- Kai - "...Something that's...important...if she wants to become the best. Something Toshiro would understand and you won't."
- Chris - "What the?? Aww c'mon man, cut the crap!! Hey Toshiro, what's Kai talking about??"
Zaira looked pale as Suichiro took her home.
- Suichiro - "...are you okay, Akawa-san? Hey, there's always a first time for everything. *sigh* You should've thought twice before accepting his challenge. Sometimes it's bad to just charge in and not know anything about your opponent--"
- Zaira - "Oh yeah?! Well what do you know?! How am I supposed to feel okay, I lost!! Yes, I know there's a first time for everything but--!! ...sorry...You're right...I shouldn't have charged in. I should've known more about Kai and his car before I accepted his challenge. *sigh* "
- Suichiro - "Losing is part of racing. You're not the only one who feels bad when you lose, look at all the drivers you've faced against in your races. Even though some of them showed sportsmanship, deep inside they feel bad because they gave their best and yet still, they lost. You're just the same as them."
- Zaira - "...yeah I know..."
- Suichiro - "And also, sometimes you learn something when you lose, so it's not bad to lose once in a while. That's part of life. Cheer up, okay?"
- Zaira - "Yeah, thanks..."
(Akawa residence, doorbell rings)
- Suichiro - "Good evening, Mrs. Akawa."
- Zinaida - "Suichiro?? ...Zaira honey! Where have you been?! We were so worried about you! Why do you look pale and...why is Suichiro with you?"
- Zaira - "It's a long story, Mom. I'll tell all about it later. Hey, uh...Suichiro? Thanks for taking me home."
- Suichiro - "You're welcome, Akawa-san."
- Zaira - "It's getting pretty late, you should get going, too. I'm...sorry if I dragged you along and caused you trouble."
- Suichiro - "It's okay, don't worry. Yes, I'd better be going now. Good night, Akawa-san. Good night, Mrs. Akawa."
- Zaira - "Take care, good night."
- Zinaida - "Take care of yourself, Suichiro."
As Suichiro left, Zaira got inside the house.
- Tori - "Zaira? It's past 10 P.M., where have you been? Are you tired? Hurt?"
- Zaira - "No, Dad. I'm okay."
- Zinaida - "Are you hungry, dear? I'll go get you some food."
- Zaira - "Thanks, Mom." (Zinaida goes to the kitchen)
- Tori - "So uhh...what happened?"
- Zaira - "Well, you see..."
Zaira told everything that had happened in the Sumiya Highway.
- Tori - "I see, so you lost. No wonder you look like your soul's taken away from you. Kai Sakurano?? Seriously, you don't know anything about him??"
- Zaira - "What about him, Dad?"
- Zinaida - "He's a former professional race driver. He's quite well known here in Japan."
- Zaira - "Really?! No way!! No wonder he's driving that kind of car!"
- Tori - "Well, now you know. Sometimes honey, you have to know about a lot of things, trust me it'll do you good."
- Zinaida - "You look like you're tired, sweetie. Go get some sleep now, I'll clean this up for you."
- Zaira - "Okay, thanks Mom."
As Zaira was about to sleep, she remembered the things Kai and Suichiro taught her.
- Zaira - "Hmm...losing...well you gotta admit, they have a point. I'll keep in mind what Kai taught me."
next on Red-Zone: Chapter 12 - Plans
don't miss it!!
Last edited:
- 3,196
- Philippines
- skygrasper_550--
Welcome back!
The video is a nice touch, I see what you did there.
i finally got to upload the dang video!! this one was like, 2 months old! i tried to upload it months ago but 'unknown error' keeps popping up, i don't know why.., i think this is the first time someone posted a video in a race report, so, hooray for me!!
i was going to add some pics, but i kinda got excited..,
Zaira... lost?! *dies of shock* I think she needs an Autobacs MR-S to compete with the Carbon-R.
the majority of the readers want a loss, they get a loss.
Looking forward to the next one, now that you're back.
next one will be up next week..,
- 9,738
Not bad. I wish you wouldn't jump between locations and instead describe how they got there and so on.
If you haven't planed to let her lose yourself, then this isn't the chapter you would've posted if readers wouldn't have told you something about the winning rate of Zaira. Go on with the story how you would like to write it. Sure, that loss is a good thing you've put into the chapter, but it isn't coming from you.
the majority of the readers want a loss, they get a loss.
If you haven't planed to let her lose yourself, then this isn't the chapter you would've posted if readers wouldn't have told you something about the winning rate of Zaira. Go on with the story how you would like to write it. Sure, that loss is a good thing you've put into the chapter, but it isn't coming from you.
- 5,398
- Buenos Aires
This. There's plenty amount of dialogue, but there's little description of locations and actions. This is something you should keep in mind when writing, but hey, it's your story, you can write it the way you want to.
If you haven't planed to let her lose yourself, then this isn't the chapter you would've posted if readers wouldn't have told you something about the winning rate of Zaira. Go on with the story how you would like to write it. Sure, that loss is a good thing you've put into the chapter, but it isn't coming from you.
And this... I know you were in a hard situation: to go on with Zaira not losing until a certain point, or make her lose right away to please everyone. But saying that you made her lose because people wanted her to lose doesn't make any sense. It makes it seem that you weren't planning to make her lose at all during the course of the story, or that's the way I see it.
The video is a good idea, but poorly executed. I'm not talking about the ghost here, but rather about the video in general. There's a device, I believe, for doing these kind of things. I would have personally not have even bothered to do this, since I know beforehand how it would have ended like.
And my last criticism:
Zinaida
Personally, I really, really, don't want to see this become Initial D. If a loss will only happen against a professional race driver, then I would rather see no losses at all.
It's your story alright, write it like you want to.
Smallhorses
Staff Emeritus
- 7,260
- 3,196
- Philippines
- skygrasper_550--
my writing skills must've gotten rusty, but don't worry I'll whip up something better next time..,
If you haven't planed to let her lose yourself, then this isn't the chapter you would've posted if readers wouldn't have told you something about the winning rate of Zaira. Go on with the story how you would like to write it. Sure, that loss is a good thing you've put into the chapter, but it isn't coming from you.
well, it didn't entirely come from the readers.., before I put up Red-Zone, I had already planned for a loss on the part of the protagonist. It's just up to the readers if they want it or not..,
What i said above..,
also what I said above..,
well, I don't have that kind of device you're talking about, so yeah, it looks and sounds terrible..,
well yeah, it came from a pro driver, but i have a different reason. Kai's dialogue said that he didn't consider this as a real race, because from the start Zaira already lost. The challenge wasn't really a test of her skill, but rather a test of her mind. This is contrasting to the race in Initial D, wherein that one was a serious race and Takumi stood a fighting chance..,
=d24/7=
- 9,738
Good to hear that.
=drifting24/7=well, it didn't entirely come from the readers.., before I put up Red-Zone, I had already planned for a loss on the part of the protagonist. It's just up to the readers if they want it or not..,
What i said above..,
also what I said above..,
Where was that in Red-Line?
👎
- 3,196
- Philippines
- skygrasper_550--
Good to hear that.
Where was that in Red-Line?
uh, what??
if you mean losing on the protagonist's part, I really had no intention of Tori losing back in Red-Line.., does anybody know what kind of device Codename L is talking about?? you know, that thing wherein you can get direct feed on videos, just like how others on the internet are doing.., i'd really like to have one, IF it's affordable..,
- 9,738
uh, what??
And why? - Bad thing.
- 21,173
- United States
- nk4e
Video Capture Carduh, what??
does anybody know what kind of device Codename L is talking about?? you know, that thing wherein you can get direct feed on videos, just like how others on the internet are doing.., i'd really like to have one, IF it's affordable..,
- 3,196
- Philippines
- skygrasper_550--
any other info, i.e. what does it look like, how much is it, how do you use it, etc?? thanks in advance..,
also, my friend said to me that some digicams can connect to the TV via AV, and once connected they can record the things + sound that are being shown on TV.., can anyone give me some some camera models?? it will be very appreciated..,
- 3,196
- Philippines
- skygrasper_550--
Chapter 12 - Plans
- Zaira - "Hmm...losing...well you gotta admit, they have a point. I'll keep in mind what Kai taught me."
(the next day, September 27, Friday, before start of classes...)
- Kimiko - "Hey Suichiro! Have you seen Zaira?"
- Suichiro - "No, I haven't. I just got here in school. Why?"
- Ayane - "Well, it's nothing. Usually she's earlier than us when coming to school. So it's kinda new that she's not around yet."
- Karen - "Really? I didn't know Zaira was so eager at learning and studying."
- Kimiko - "...Uh...not exaclty...she comes early because she asks for and crams homework most of the time. I wonder, did something happen to her?"
- Ayane - "Must've overslept or something."
As they were talking, Zaira appears and enters the classroom.
- Zaira - "Oh, hey guys, s'up?"
- Ayane - "Hey Zaira, it's a surprise you didn't come early."
- Kimiko- "Did something get into you?"
- Zaira - "I just overslept. Hey, uhh, Suichiro?"
- Suichiro - "Yes? What is it, Akawa-san?"
- Zaira - "I...would just like to apologize for what happened yesterday. You know, when I snapped at you and you made the effort to take me home, that stuff."
- Suichiro - "Oh, that? Don't worry, it's not big deal. I understand. So, did your parents get angry?"
- Zaira - "No, they didn't. I thought I was gonna take a beating, ahahaha."
- Suichiro - "I see. Are you okay now?"
- Zaira - "Yeah, thanks..."
- Karen - "...Uhh, oookaay..."
- Ayane - "Clearly we 3 girls are OUT of the conversation. THEIR conversation. Every time they have a conversation."
- Kimiko - "We're definitely missing something. Would you two mind explaining??" *school bell rings*
- Zaira - "We'll tell you later. We promise we'll tell you EVERYTHING later."
- Kimiko, Ayane - "Everything??"
- Zaira - "Everything. We've got nothing to hide, right, Suichiro?"
- Suichiro - "Yes, don't, worry there's no need for secrets on what happened last night."
- Ayane - "You better make sure, Ms. Zaira Akawa!"
- Zaira - "I know, I know. Well, better get to your seats, Mrs. Takeuchi's already at the door."
(later that day, after classes)
Zaira and Suichiro explained to the 3 girls what happened last night.
- Ayane - "Bummer."
- Karen - "Definitely a bummer. So, it was your first time last night."
- Zaira - "Hey Karen, can I ask you something? Did you feel bad when you lost back at our race in Tsukuba?"
- Karen - "Of course I did, but only slightly, because I wanted to win as much as you do."
- Zaira - "I see...but hey, don't worry about me, I'm okay, I already got over my loss."
- Kimiko - "Good girl. Just always remember that, you win some and you lose some. You don't get to have it your way all the time."
- Zaira - "Yeah, I know. Uhh, Kimiko? Ayane? ...I'm sorry. Lately I've been keeping a lot of things from you. We're friends, so hiding something from you would be a serious offense. I'm so sorry..."
- Kimiko - "...We thought we would be the ones saying that to you. It's good that you sensed your shortcoming. It's okay Zaira."
- Ayane - "We forgive you, Zaira. C'mon, cheer up, okay?"
- Zaira - "Thanks a lot. You guys are the best! Group hug!"
As he saw the group hug together, Suichiro had a very, very, very faint smile on his face. Zaira was the only one who saw him smile.
- Zaira - "Suichiro! Don't forget that you are a part of this group, too!"
- Suichiro - "Uh...I am??"
- Ayane - "Yeah! So come over here and join the hug!"
- Suichiro - "Uh, sure...but, uhh...I'm a guy."
- Kimiko - "So? Don't tell me you're shy around girls?"
- Karen - "Come on, it's just a friendly group hug."
- Suichiro - "All right, fine then."
As Suichiro joins in...
- Boy1 - (in the distance)"Hey, isn't that..."
- Keiji - "Suichiro?? And the girls??"
- Boy2 - "What the...??"
- Keiji - "That's it! This is the last draw!!"
- Boy2 - "He has got to tell us how he gets around Zaira and the others!"
- Boy1 - "...Or else he's gonna get it."
(September 28, Saturday. Morning, Akawa residence, kitchen...)
Zinaida gets startled a bit as Tori grabs two pieces of toast beside her.
- Zinaida - "Whoa, in a rush, honey?"
- Tori - "Yeah. I have to go to Tsukuba, me and some of my colleagues are working on something."
- Zinaida - "Sounds exciting. Here, have some orange juice before you go."
- Tori - "Well yeah, that's why I'm hurrying up. Thanks!! Don't worry, I'll be back before 5. Take care, sweety."
- Zinaida - "You too, take care." (goodbye kiss, then Tori walks to the front door. Zaira just woke up, goes down the stairs still sleepy.)
- Tori - "Oh! Mornin' sweety."
- Zaira - "Mmm...mornin' Dad. Going somewhere?"
- Tori - "Yup! By the way, I sneaked into your room and took your keys. Your mom's car is out for maintenance, you don't mind if I use the MR2 today, do you? You don't have any plans to go out today, right?"
- Zaira - "What? Oh, no, I'll just be staying here today. Sure, you can use the car."
- Tori - "Thanks! Well I'll be going now. You go fix yourself up and get yourself something to eat, okay? *kisses Zaira on the forehead* I'll be back before evening, take care of your mom while I'm gone."
- Zaira - "I know, take care too, Dad." (Tori left.)
- Zaira - "Hey, uhh Mom?"
- Zinaida - "Oh, you're finally awake, dear."
- Zaira - "Where's Dad going?"
- Zinaida - "He's going to Tsukuba today. I almost forgot, he took your car."
- Zaira - "Yeah, he was just about to leave when I got downstairs. Any idea where he's going? He looks like he's in a rush."
- Zinaida - ""No I don't, sweety. Well, you know your father, he's the kind of person that likes to surprise others."
- Zaira - "I know...*yawn* I know..."
(later that day, at the Tsukuba Circuit...)
Tori gets to the pit garage and checks out something.
- Tori - "What's the status of the two 'projects'?"
- ??Mechanic - "They're almost ready, sir. Just a few minor tweaks and they should be good to go. If all things go well, we should be able to finish them today."
- Tori - "Good to hear that. I'll take care of the last-minute fine tuning later."
- ??Mechanic - "Your call anytime, sir."
(meanwhile, at the Akawa residence...)
- Zinaida - "Honey, could you get that? Someone's at the door."
- Zaira - "Sure, Mom."
- Karen - (As Zaira opens the door...) "Hey Zaira!"
- Suichiro - "Good day, Akawa-san."
- Zaira - "Karen! Suichiro! What're you doing here??"
- Karen - "We've got something to tell you. But first, may we come inside?"
- Zaira - "What if I don't want to??"
- Karen - "Oh c'mon, Zaira! It's hot outside! And it's not yet noon!"
- Zaira - "It's not my fault you two made a surprise visit."
- Karen - "Show some love, girl! Look, me and Suichiro are sweating as if our pores are like faucets!!"
- Suichiro - "......"
- Zaira - "Ahahaha! Just kidding! Come on, go inside."
- Zaira - "So, what brings you two here??"
- Karen - "Oh yeah, Suichiro? Where's the paper?"
- Suichiro - "Here. Take this, Akawa-san."
Suichiro handed a piece of paper to Zaira. Zaira saw a map of a certain circuit, a circuit that is very familiar.
- Zaira - "Hey...isn't this...Suzuka?"
- Karen - "You guessed it! I'm planning to go there next week. I'm not gonna race, I just want to check out what's in there. You know, get a nice view of the track, see some cars and stuff."
- Zaira - "Hmm...hey Suichiro, are you planning to go there, too?"
- Suichiro - "I had no intention at first, but Karen called me just this morning and told me of her plans on going to Suzuka. So I figured, that would be a good time to test out my car."
- Zaira - "Your car's already...uh...ready?"
- Suichiro - "It'll be ready by Friday. I can't wait to test out my tune. I'll be racing there next Saturday, I want to see if I got my setup right this time."
- Zaira - "Good for you. Hey, I'm finally gonna see your Silvia! And in action, too!"
- Suichiro - "Whoa, I can't believe you're more excited than the owner..."
- Karen - "*giggle* So, how about you, Zaira? Is your car in a condition to race?"
- Zaira - "Of course. And now that you mentioned about Suzuka, I'm also planning to go there. I want to race again!"
- Suichiro - "But, are you in a condition to race? You know, after that loss..."
- Zaira - "Oh don't worry about me. I already said that I'm fine, right? Did you forget?"
- Suichiro - "No I didn't. I'm just worried."
- Karen - "There's no need to worry, Suichiro. I'm sure Zaira can handle herself, am I right, Zaira?"
- Zaira - "Yeah!"
Zinaida goes downstairs to see what's going on in the living room.
- Zinaida - "Zaira dear, what was that on the door?"
- Zaira - "Oh, hi Mom. They were my friends, they came over."
- Suichiro - "Good day, Mrs. Akawa."
- Karen - "Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Akawa!"
- Zinaida - "Suichiro! Good to see you again! And...you must be...Karen, right? Zaira's new friend?"
- Karen - "Yes Ma'am! I'm Karenomiya Ichijou."
- Zinaida - "I've heard about you from my husband and Zaira. Good for my daughter, she's met someone who is as energectic as she is. Right, Zaira?"
- Zaira - "Ahehe, you're right Mom!"
- Karen - "Uh, Zaira, why did your Mom say 'Suichiro, good to see you again' ? "
- Suichiro - "It's a long story..."
Suichiro told Karen his first reason for coming over at Zaira's house. And so Zaira and the others talked about other things while time passes by.
(later that day, afternoon...)
- Karen - "Hahaha! Man, that's rich! Ahaha... hey, Suichiro-kun?"
- Suichiro - "Yes? What is it, Ichijou-san?"
- Karen - "I'm surprised you can keep your cool, I mean, you're always with us girls at school. Usually a boy would be shy and tense around girls."
- Suichiro - "It's nothing, I just act normally around girls, there's no need to be nervous. Plus, oftentimes a boy would be shy with a girl if he has a crush on her."
- Zaira - "So, you're saying you don't like any one of us? Our classmates think we're pretty. Are we not, Karen?"
- Karen - "Gee, I dunno, it's hard to tell! Ahahaha!"
- Zaira, Karen - *bragging laughter*
- Zaira - "Or maybe, Suichiro already has a girlfriend, that's why he can act normal."
- Karen - "Or maybe she broke up with him, he's still bitter over her."
- Zaira - "Awww...poor Suichiro-kun..."
- Suichiro - "......Whatever......"
- Zaira, Karen - *loud laughter*
- Karen - "(looks at the time) Whoa, we just came here to talk about Suzuka and does time sure fly! It's already 3:30."
- Suichiro - "What? Really?? Oh no, I need to get home now, I still have some things to do."
- Zaira - "You're not gonna wait for the onigiri, Suichiro?"
- Suichiro - "Sorry, I'm in a rush now, maybe next time. But thanks for the offer. I'll be going now, Akawa-san."
- Zaira - "Oh, okay. Let me accompany you up to the front door."
- Suichiro - "I'm really sorry. My mom needs me at home right now, I have things to do."
- Zaira - "No, it's okay, I understand."
- Suichiro - "Thank you, Akawa-san. I'll be going now, please say to Mrs. Akawa that I already left."
- Zaira - "Sure thing. Take care, Suichiro."
- Suichiro - "Take care, too, Akawa-san."
(meanwhile, at the Tsukuba circuit...)
- Mechanic - (as Tori rolls back to the pits) "Sir, I heard the first car is already finished, how's this one going?"
- Tori - "...It's done. They're finally ready."
next on Red-Zone : Chapter 13 - Un-Expectations
don't miss it!!
whoops!! almost forgot, big thanks to AMG again for making the GT4 maps.., 👍👍
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