The General Relationship Thread

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phillkillv2
Am I in the green?
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Obelisk
Should be in the green, but I'd treat it as a yellow flag. Proceed with caution
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It's been mentioned that I am being friend zoned, or what ever that ******** is. Honestly, it doesn't feel like it or seem like it.

They said that they felt that way because she asked me to go on a trip WEEKS in advanced, and that if she wanted to get together, she would have asked to do so sooner.

I don't know what to think, but them saying that has sort of pissed me off.

I'm not really over thinking it. Just thinking about what was said, and it's pissing me off that they said that.
 
Your co-workers or whoever is saying that doesn't get it. Being friends is a good step in the right direction - and sometimes adds to the value of the relationship.
 
^This.

First of all, trust no one when it comes to someone you like. Whatever someone else says about how someone feels about you is never 100% true. Plus, it's none of their business. And like Obelisk said, having a good friendship beforehand can be beneficial.

Anyways, since this is the relationship thread, I'll explain my situation (although its very minor).

I've wanted to see this girl that I've known since middle school. Problem is that I'm moving away a few states, and I don't think it's worth it if I'm far away all the time. Not too concerned though, as I'm still very young :D
 
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I asked a few, and they kept echoing "Just ask her out." "Ask her out or she'll just get uninterested." "Just be straight to the point and ask her out." I'm going to ask her out. I have her name/number, so it's not a big deal, but they want me to be "assertive", blah, blah.
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Again, this is very much a situational thing. In this case, it's totally unnecessary as she's already making pretty clear hints.

I mean, I understand what they mean, but it's just annoying when asking them for advice when that's all they say. She's clear with her intentions, and she doesn't mind the idea of spending time around each other, so I think it's a good time. They were saying all of these things before letting things develop. I think we're on the same page.
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Always better to let the connections grow first before making a move, unless she starts acting impatient about it. At that point I can't really suggest anything.

The blow that pretty much threw me off was this one: "It doesn't seem like she's interested in dating you, it seems like she wants to just be friends based on her asking you out on to a hiking trip with other people."
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F:censored: that guy. That is all.

So, I'm just going to disregard that stuff and try to move on my own terms. I have no problems asking girls out, but considering the fact that I am in class with this girl and in frequent contact, I don't want things to crash down because she feels like I'm coming off too strong.
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Again, as I've said before, be cautious but proceed.

I'll see what she is doing this weekend, and I'll move on through that. Does what I said sound the least bit of reasonable?
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That's a reasonable starting point. Good luck!
 
I'd say definitely go hiking (or whatever activity it is) with her, as during it you will learn more about her and possibly see more signs that she is into you.

OK, so new updates from me. I'm pretty sure she likes me, but like @Team THRT Drift said, it's possible that she thinks that I don't like her as she is seeming a bit more distant the past couple of days. I was going to ask her out today, but as we didn't have any big "moments" I guess you could call them, and she seemed a bit cold (well maybe thats not the right word, less interested perhaps?) which didn't give me any confidence.

I think I have isolated what my fear is. I don't think it is a problem with worried about being rejected, I think I am afraid of asking, quite simply. Going through it in my mind i get more anxious when thinking about asking than I do when I think of what would happen if I got rejected. It's the putting myself on the ledge, exposed, vulnerable and wait the seemingly eternal seconds passing by before an answer, that is my fear, not the answer itself. Any thoughts?
 
V0RT3X
I'd say definitely go hiking (or whatever activity it is) with her, as during it you will learn more about her and possibly see more signs that she is into you.

OK, so new updates from me. I'm pretty sure she likes me, but like @Team THRT Drift said, it's possible that she thinks that I don't like her as she is seeming a bit more distant the past couple of days. I was going to ask her out today, but as we didn't have any big "moments" I guess you could call them, and she seemed a bit cold (well maybe thats not the right word, less interested perhaps?) which didn't give me any confidence.

I think I have isolated what my fear is. I don't think it is a problem with worried about being rejected, I think I am afraid of asking, quite simply. Going through it in my mind i get more anxious when thinking about asking than I do when I think of what would happen if I got rejected. It's the putting myself on the ledge, exposed, vulnerable and wait the seemingly eternal seconds passing by before an answer, that is my fear, not the answer itself. Any thoughts?
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Well now you know what the problem is. Which is great!

Now here's my next question; why are you afraid of asking her out?

If you can find the answer to that question, you'll know what to do.

Don't post your answer here though. You gotta keep it yourself. Think about her. Trace your steps back to whenever you were about to ask her out. What makes you shiver? What makes you hesitant?
 
Team THRT Drift
Well now you know what the problem is. Which is great!

Now here's my next question; why are you afraid of asking her out?

If you can find the answer to that question, you'll know what to do.

Don't post your answer here though. You gotta keep it yourself. Think about her. Trace your steps back to whenever you were about to ask her out. What makes you shiver? What makes you hesitant?
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Ok, I think I have it somewhat figured out. My main problem right now is that it seems to me that she thinks I'm not interested, so she has stopped bothering to give me signals and no longer starts interactions. Of course I could solve it by simply asking her out, but I don't want it to seem like it's out of nowhere, I feel like I need to get her back to where she was a few days ago, hoping for me to say something, rather than not expecting anything and suddenly get asked out. I feel like I need to do something nice for her or make some sort of gesture again in order to regain her interest. Am I making any sense?
 
You'll be like, eventually talking about places you and her have gone and/or want to go; in my opinion, that's the perfect occasion to ask someone out.

Just don't think about it.
 
AJHG1000
You'll be like, eventually talking about places you and her have gone and/or want to go; in my opinion, that's the perfect occasion to ask someone out.

Just don't think about it.
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That is starting to make a ton of sense now. "What are some of your favorite restaurants?" "Well, (insert restaurant here) has really great food." "Sounds good. We should go there sometime." Something like that perhaps?
 
V0RT3X
That is starting to make a ton of sense now. "What are some of your favorite restaurants?" "Well, (insert restaurant here) has really great food." "Sounds good. We should go there sometime." Something like that perhaps?
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Or...a more direct one like just: "the blablabla has great food, maybe we should try it"

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I want to share my last experience with everyone so maybe we can get a nice discussion here

Recently I've lost a girl because I was extremely scared about her, despite having a quite solid experience on this field...
First time we met I had a great impression about her and I'm sure that day she was completely into me, we danced togheter and I got a tons of kisses afterward but I developed some sort of "negative tunnel vision" and the next two days I was in total depression.
My fear was actually true and confirmed after I've gathered some infos: she was the kind of girl that likes to hang out with guys without crossing the line of being a slut...
So I was in "tactician mode" for like 4 months, the plan was to get in a relationship without being brutally friendzoned like the other guys, but this ended in a "iceman me": no emotions & dull and monotonic conversations.

LOW RISK STRATEGY=LOW PAYOUTS=LOW CHANCES OF WINNING​

During this period I made a big mistake, losing a good friendship I'd really like to recover asap...in order to "defend myself" against her I kissed another girl hoping that was enough to forget the other one and start a relationship with this one (dumbest move of all time), we were good friends and she had a huge crush on me...
For her that kiss meant a lot, for me, well...it was just a kiss...I still feel guilty for this...A LOT.
Last day of the year after a friend of mine told me she was hanging out with another guy so I raged badly and once we met again I was acting like a complete bastard.
We both deserve this bad ending, for a number of reasons...
At the end of the story, she's now engaged with another guy (he's a dick) and I've lost any interest in her way before this happened since I've completely lost my mind for a cute and smart girl I REALLY, REALLY like but...it's an impossible mission for now
 
I think the reason I was hesitant to ask her out was because deep down, I knew I didn't want to date her, I just couldn't admit it. I really started thinking about it today, as I was planing on asking her out today, but I realized that she isn't what I thought she was. Not that she's a bad person, or that she has changed, I just tricked myself into believing that she was so amazing. She is extremely beautiful as well as nice, which sucked me in. I was constantly afraid to talk to her which the more I think about it, the more I realize that is not a good thing. Once I got up the nerve to talk to her much more regularly, I realized that I didn't really enjoy talking to her. She is kind of dull, to be honest. I just can't believe I let myself think there was more to her than what there was. :banghead:
 
Is it that weird that if a guy just want to be friends with a girl ?

I kinda hate it that some girls just think i'm making a move on them when i just want to talk like friends. I didn't even ask them out or anything just usual talks like what people would do in conversations. Nothing even remotely close to "interested in dating".
 
GTboyz
Is it that weird that if a guy just want to be friends with a girl ?

I kinda hate it that some girls just think i'm making a move on them when i just want to talk like friends. I didn't even ask them out or anything just usual talks like what people would do in conversations. Nothing even remotely close to "interested in dating".
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Not weird at all.
 
GTboyz
Is it that weird that if a guy just want to be friends with a girl ?

I kinda hate it that some girls just think i'm making a move on them when i just want to talk like friends. I didn't even ask them out or anything just usual talks like what people would do in conversations. Nothing even remotely close to "interested in dating".
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They might be creeped out.

Could be your conversation topics, your pace (long pauses from sentence to sentence, showing insecurity, "uuuuh", etc.) Or even your physical appearance (hygiene and your physical appearance itself [either if you're ugly, handsome or somewhere in between])

Better to learn it this way instead of the hard way.
 
AJHG1000
They might be creeped out.

Could be your conversation topics, your pace (long pauses from sentence to sentence, showing insecurity, "uuuuh", etc.) Or even your physical appearance (hygiene and your physical appearance itself [either if you're ugly, handsome or somewhere in between])

Better to learn it this way instead of the hard way.
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What does physical appearance have anything to do with just trying to be friends ?
 
GTboyz
What does physical appearance have anything to do with just trying to be friends ?
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Quite simple, really. If someone is remotely attracted to you physically, they will possibly have feelings of romanticism later on.

And people who are more attractive than average will tend to take advancements as being just friends another way. That may be possibly due to their previous experiences with other people asking them out otherwise.

I mean, it could be subjective, but it's not like it has no matter in the situation. Physical appearance plays a huge part in relationships consciously and sub-consciously.
 
phillkillv2
Physical appearance plays a huge part in relationships consciously and sub-consciously.
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Very true. People always say, "real beauty is on the inside!" which is true and false at the same time. While you should not choose someone based on looks alone, it is still an important factor. It's just like cars, One might have better reliability, gas mileage, and better build quality, but a car that looks good to you (that's very important.) will stand out to you more and you will most likely choose that one, purely because you like it more because it is better in your mind than on paper.

Example, which would you rather have? A Toyota Camry or an Alfa Romeo Guilia Sprint?
 
V0RT3X
Very true. People always say, "real beauty is on the inside!" which is true and false at the same time. While you should not choose someone based on looks alone, it is still an important factor. It's just like cars, One might have better reliability, gas mileage, and better build quality, but a car that looks good to you (that's very important.) will stand out to you more and you will most likely choose that one, purely because you like it more because it is better in your mind than on paper.

Example, which would you rather have? A Toyota Camry or an Alfa Romeo Guilia Sprint?
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Alfa Romeo Giulia Sprint

She's probably promiscuous, though.
 
For someone whose friendship circle is mostly dominated by girls (12-3), it isn't that hard to be friends with the opposite sex.

While being boy/girlfriend might have physical appearance be a key factor, just being friends is not even close to being important. I'm a rather large person with a buzz cut and has hair all over my body like Chewbucka, I'm very anti-professional too when it comes to dressing up. Forcing yourself into friendships is probably a big problem. While in relationships it might be important but I became friends by just being mellow and talking when I have to, also assisting people when they are down also helps. If you can't be friends this way, I say you need to stop trying and move on, you are only damaging yourself by forcing a friendship in the long run, especially if yu try changing who you are for a person.
 

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