The General Relationship Thread

[Obelisk]

It's been months since I replied to this thread but anyways,

My girlfriend has been acting strange to me lately. Everytime I hang out with a different girl (who are my college friends), she comes in and tells her to leave me alone because he's mine. Then I told her that those are my friends because my block section is mostly girls (in fact there are 20 of us in a block but 2 of them including me are boys while the rest are girls.) and then she tells me that I might cheat on her but then again why would I do that? Can anybody help?

It sounds like she's either getting jealous or possessive. I can't really give you any advice on that, but someone else here could help.

 

[Team THRT Drift]

.

 

[Vert4848]

Is getting a girlfriend worth the trouble? Will it change my life in any sort of way?

 

[V0RT3X]

Is getting a girlfriend worth the trouble? Will it change my life in any sort of way?

That's for you to decide. Some will tell you that having a girlfriend is super important and amazing and some will tell you that's it's a waste of time.

 

[Vert4848]

Now that I think about it, I probably would be able to do more without that "someone" in my life.

 

[V0RT3X]

Now that I think about it, I probably would be able to do more without that "someone" in my life.

Well, there you go.

 

[Stephan]

I had dinner with my gf yesterday and we talked about why is she acting being possessive and jealous every time I hang out with another girl and looks like @Obelisk was right, she was being possessive and she was worried about losing me but then I told her that she shouldn't worry about that since I'm very loyal to her. Then after that I gained her trust and I promised that I would never do that to her.

 

[phillgt2002]

Is getting a girlfriend worth the trouble? Will it change my life in any sort of way?

It will change your life if you allow for it to.

 

[AlvaroF]

Personal update


Back home, still with my unicorn Spending another year with her

Glad to hear that you and your unicorn are ok after that rough bit.



-----------------------------------

As for myself me and my girlfriend are still going strong for 14 months now.

 

[Obelisk]

I had dinner with my gf yesterday and we talked about why is she acting being possessive and jealous every time I hang out with another girl and looks like @Obelisk was right, she was being possessive and she was worried about losing me but then I told her that she shouldn't worry about that since I'm very loyal to her. Then after that I gained her trust and I promised that I would never do that to her.

Iknewit.jpg

Anyways, glad to hear that this resolved peacefully.

 

[Johnnypenso]

I had dinner with my gf yesterday and we talked about why is she acting being possessive and jealous every time I hang out with another girl and looks like @Obelisk was right, she was being possessive and she was worried about losing me but then I told her that she shouldn't worry about that since I'm very loyal to her. Then after that I gained her trust and I promised that I would never do that to her.

If all it took was a little chat to straighten things out, I'd say put a ring on her finger as soon as you can Any partner in a relationship that actually listens to reason and takes it to heart and can change instantly change their behaviour as a result, is absolute gold! It's never that easy

 

[Team THRT Drift]

👍

 

[V0RT3X]

I have always tries to do things for the benefit of others, and tried to be as selfless as possible. Well, look where that's gotten me. I'm too concerned with how other people feel in general and about me, that I don't focus on myself at all.

In relationships this happens too. I'm too nice, too concerned about the other person and I don't take any actions. As a result I get stepped on like crazy and I get no respect. I need to take relationships a lot less seriously then I do, and almost not care, in general.

 

[Johnnypenso]

I have always tries to do things for the benefit of others, and tried to be as selfless as possible. Well, look where that's gotten me. I'm too concerned with how other people feel in general and about me, that I don't focus on myself at all.

In relationships this happens too. I'm too nice, too concerned about the other person and I don't take any actions. As a result I get stepped on like crazy and I get no respect. I need to take relationships a lot less seriously then I do, and almost not care, in general.

Speaking generally and completely from my own experience, most women really dig it when you have your own identity and own life outside of your relationship. They tend to like and admire men that are individuals who have hobbies and activities that don't always have to involve them. They really enjoy it when you are really passionate about something so long as it's not to the point of obsession that takes up the majority of your free time. IMO, it's not healthy to spend an excessive amount of time with your partner or focus on them as much or more than yourself. In order to contribute to the relationship you yourself need to be healthy and you need to be able to bring outside experiences into the relationship or eventually it gets boring and stale.

Myself, over the years, I've developed close male friends and we do things together without the women around. For many years we've done Sunday morning breakfast at the same greasy spoon (Pete's Place FTW) and gone out most Thursday nights as well. We golf, play hockey, go on fishing trips, watch sports etc by ourselves. It's important to maintain your own identity and your own space. A woman worth having will admire that in you and you in turn would admire the same quality in her I would hope.

 

[V0RT3X]

Speaking generally and completely from my own experience, most women really dig it when you have your own identity and own life outside of your relationship. They tend to like and admire men that are individuals who have hobbies and activities that don't always have to involve them. They really enjoy it when you are really passionate about something so long as it's not to the point of obsession that takes up the majority of your free time. IMO, it's not healthy to spend an excessive amount of time with your partner or focus on them as much or more than yourself. In order to contribute to the relationship you yourself need to be healthy and you need to be able to bring outside experiences into the relationship or eventually it gets boring and stale.

Myself, over the years, I've developed close male friends and we do things together without the women around. For many years we've done Sunday morning breakfast at the same greasy spoon (Pete's Place FTW) and gone out most Thursday nights as well. We golf, play hockey, go on fishing trips, watch sports etc by ourselves. It's important to maintain your own identity and your own space. A woman worth having will admire that in you and you in turn would admire the same quality in her I would hope.

That's not the problem for me. I've got hobbies in spades lol, I just don't have a backbone.

 

[phillgt2002]

I mentioned this girl a while back. Found out she has a boyfriend, etc etc.

I ran into her a few days ago and she couldn't believe it was me. I withdrew from talking her and didn't contact her during summer break. I felt like an ass for it, but I knew it was the best move to take so that i wouldn't get hopes up. She was stoked to see me again, but I was really nonchalant in my mind, but I mentioned that it was nice seeing her again.

Well, I'm glad nothing went too far because i found out that she is planning on moving soon.

I'm jaded by the fact that she didn't tell me directly, especially after her response to seeing me. Looking back at it, I guess I can't say anything. For her, I dropped off the face of the earth without any prior contact.

Blah. I have to see her often now since she's doing things within the studio that I work at. It will be shameful if I let this go from a friend's perspective, but I feel like it's the best way, especially considering how much we've drifted as friends. Also, she gave me the dish on what she thinks about me. Wasn't really positive. She pretty much called me, emotionally, a robotic asshole showing no figurative emotion. 'A "what the **** do you want" type of person.'

Ugh.

 

[Johnnypenso]

That's not the problem for me. I've got hobbies in spades lol, I just don't have a backbone.

How does this not having a backbone manifest itself in your relationships?

 

[V0RT3X]

How does this not having a backbone manifest itself in your relationships?

Not being able to ask girls out, and always doing whatever they want rather than standing up for myself and taking charge.

 

[Johnnypenso]

Not being able to ask girls out, and always doing whatever they want rather than standing up for myself and taking charge.

I see. That's all part and parcel of what I mentioned above, having your own identity and things you are passionate about. It can manifest itself in multiple ways.

"Hey Vort, that new movie, Love, Flowers and the Meaning of Life is out, let's go see it Friday".
"Maybe next time babe, I'm really stoked about seeing Hands of Stone (because you're a fan of Roberto Duran and/or boxing"

Two things happen here. First is, she agrees and off you go. Second is, she insists on seeing Love and Flowers. If you cave, you think you're being agreeable and nice but in reality, you're being wimpish and giving up a small slice of your identity and you can appear weaker in her eyes. Especially so if this is an ongoing thing. By constantly giving in and giving up the things you like and want to do in favour of the things she likes and wants to do you're in effect telling her that you have no identity, that you're a slave to her wishes and you have no backbone.

Now this is just an isolated example and it's not always necessary to "get your way" but it is necessary in any relationship to establish your own identity and be passionate about things that mean something to you, even if they mean nothing to her. Constantly giving in is weakness and lack of identity, and although your partner might appear to really want that, in the end they usually see you as weak and lacking character and it comes back to haunt you. Before anyone jumps in I'm not saying to be an 🤬 for the sake of being an 🤬 but to know who you are and what you want as an individual and to bring that into your relationship. Compromise is good at times but going your separate ways or disagreeing is also important too.

 

[Darla Starch]

So, I'm back. Found someone who actually appreciates my sense of humor and is apparently single. Haven't made a move yet (near-crippling anxiety), but worth exploring the idea of something happening.

 

[Lilium]

I was reading here out of boredom on work, exploring GTP, and I decided to post to Say that Jhonny is indeed correct.

I was on the boat of being whimpsy/thinking I wasn't good enough. well, once I got to my 19's, I said Eff it, and just went along with life.
Bla bla bla
I'm now married, and indeed one cannot give away one's identity. My wife loves the fact that I love cars, and I love playing my games, specially GT. As I like that she likes her singing, fandubbing, and her hobbies. We compromise on small things, but never gie up on what we like, neither dismiss it for the other.

Stand your small ground, or you'll end up watching disney movies like I do. (they're not that bad, they just sing alot.)

 

[GTboyz]

is it really that wrong if you unfriended your ex ? can anybody tell me what is really wrong with trying to stay away for awhile ?

 

[Team THRT Drift]

is it really that wrong if you unfriended your ex ? can anybody tell me what is really wrong with trying to stay away for awhile ?

Nothing wrong with unfriending your ex. If it ended on bad terms then there is definitely nothing wrong. Even if it ended on good terms it's still not that bad.

It's understandable you want to be away from that person for reasons such as suppressed feelings for that person, memory association, etc.

 

[GTboyz]

Nothing wrong with unfriending your ex. If it ended on bad terms then there is definitely nothing wrong. Even if it ended on good terms it's still not that bad.

It's understandable you want to be away from that person for reasons such as suppressed feelings for that person, memory association, etc.

Thank you, i feel like an idiot trying to explain that i need to take some time off (even though we ended on good terms). Now everyone thinks i'm the jerk. I always have trouble moving on so i thought i should avoid her for awhile but this happens.

 

[TJ13]

Kinda got offered to move in with my girlfriend.
While I would love to but there is one con I have in that.
BIG CITY!
I never was into the big cities, horrible rush hour, etc.
Always in a somewhat small town of less than like 50K

Also it wouldn't be until after school which is like May/June. So I have lots of time to think.

 

[Team THRT Drift]

Kinda got offered to move in with my girlfriend.
While I would love to but there is one con I have in that.
BIG CITY!
I never was into the big cities, horrible rush hour, etc.
Always in a somewhat small town of less than like 50K

Sounds great! Yes I hate big cities but if you have someone you know in a city, they can show you around, and basically tell you how to cope.

I avoid downtown Toronto whenever I can. I hate driving in it, I hate everything about the structure. Really messy, really noisy, construction everywhere, etc.

Also it wouldn't be until after school which is like May/June. So I have lots of time to think.

Does the move affect your education?

 

[TJ13]

Sounds great! Yes I hate big cities but if you have someone you know in a city, they can show you around, and basically tell you how to cope.

I avoid downtown Toronto whenever I can. I hate driving in it, I hate everything about the structure. Really messy, really noisy, construction everywhere, etc.



Does the move affect your education?

It's a suburb of the metro area MSP, but it's still close enough to where there is more traffic than I would like to.

Although maybe after she completes her education (Which could be another 2 years maybe?) and we are still together (Hoping ) maybe we move to a more less crowded and busy and complicated city.

Will it affect my education. Not really (I should be in theory be done after this year, given I don't fail)

 

[Team THRT Drift]

It's a suburb of the metro area MSP, but it's still close enough to where there is more traffic than I would like to.

Although maybe after she completes her education (Which could be another 2 years maybe?) and we are still together (Hoping ) maybe we move to a more less crowded and busy and complicated city.

Will it affect my education. Not really (I should be in theory be done after this year, given I don't fail)

Is she a city girl? If so, it's going to be hard to.get her out Then again she could be tired of it.

 

[TJ13]

Is she a city girl? If so, it's going to be hard to.get her out Then again she could be tired of it.

Well she can obviously drive better than me, but she is thinking of getting out because of other reasons not because of the city itself but some of the neighbors are having issues.

We have talked of a milder suburb that is a bit further out of the cities but within reasonable distance between our families.

 

[Hayden]

@GTboyz- I find nothing wrong with unfriending an ex and would go so far as encouraging it, but if you share a close circle of friends (as it sounds), I'd go the route of unfollowing her instead. It basically works just like unfriending her except she doesn't know you've done it and it doesn't stir up any drama. A bit late for that now obviously, but for future reference you can find that option on her profile and it works a treat.

On the discussion of keeping one's identity, how do you guys feel is the correct tactic to reeling back a little bit of free time? My girlfriend and I moved away to the city together (due to me changing jobs), leaving behind all our friends and family. I've always been extremely independent, as I thought she was, but after living with her for a while I'd identify her as possessive. While that is fine and comes with a long list of upsides, I feel slightly suffocated at times.

Prior to the relationship I'd spend weekends on the PlayStation with friends sun up to sun down, work on my car during the week nights and still find time to get- then keep myself fit and healthy. Not to mention the immense difference in disposable income from then to now.

Giving the circumstances I feel almost guilty for wanting to do anything that doesn't involve her, because I'm the reason we are up here and all she ever wants to do is spend time with me. There is small compromises of course, but at the end of the day I do occasionally miss the old days. My PlayStation friends think I'm a ghost, I haven't turned a spanner on my convertible for ages and my health and fitness are being negatively affected by the convenience of living in the big city and with someone that has some bad habits. That last one is something that's really eating at me, after working so hard to get myself to a happy place physically, I'm almost back to square one. Its depressing to say the very least.

All this aside, I am very happy with our relationship and where we are at after 2 years. But I feel like this hanging thought is what's stopping me from getting on one knee. I believe that subconsciously I'm afraid of committing entirely to a future that, in certain ways, isn't as good as my singleton past.

Thanks for letting me vent and I appreciate any feedback and experienced advice. Even if it is to just harden up and take charge