So this girl that i meet through Tinder, we were watching a movie in the theatre in our second meet. She started touching my hands, held my arms, but it felt too fast. I mean, physical interaction in a second meet ? I have never been in a relationship and suddenly this stuff happens ? You bet your ass i feel so awkward.
It escalated quickly by the third meet (i don't call this a date since we are not in a relationship... Yet). She almost hugged me, held my hands a few more times. It's like we're dating ! I feel scared actually, 20+ years of never having been in a relationship let alone hanging out with a girl (just the two of us) and suddenly being thrown in situations like this where the girl is okay at any dumb, rookie, awkward stuff i did ?
1 month ago i decided i was really comfortable with being single and this happens.
I'm using your post as a jumping off point but what I'm going to say applies to many of the guys who post here. I had a boss a long time ago who was a mentor to me at work and in life. He was a worldly guy, about 15 years older than me and we'd have discussions about work, women, life and usually when it got to a certain point, out of the blue he's say,
"Get out of your head". What he meant was, that at a certain point you are thinking too much and it's time for action. I see a lot of you guys could use that same advice because, IMO, you think too much. Instead of doing things, acting, being proactive, you're always trying to think about what the other person is thinking and it's a completely fruitless exercise. I'll tell you what she is thinking 100% of the time when it comes to you and your amorous desires and it's one of only two things. Either she's thinking,
"hurry the hell up and kiss me for God's sake", or,
"I don't really want to date him so I hope he doesn't ask me out". No matter how much you mind:censored: it, one of those two thoughts are on her mind. She either likes you in that way or she doesn't. You can think and strategize and plan and try to outguess her but likely there's nothing you can do to change her mind. I always found that thinking of things in simple terms like that made it much easier to approach women and take risks I'd never have taken before because I was always in my head.
When I was younger I made the mistake of thinking that women thought differently than men when it came to the beginning of relationships. I could be attracted to someone from a glance on a bus home from school or across a crowded lunch room but I believed for some reason that you really had to take time and really get to know a woman before she was attracted to you. Turns out that isn't the case most of the time, at least not in my experience. She either likes you almost right away or she doesn't. She is either attracted to you within a few minutes of meeting you or she isn't. Sure, sometimes you can grow on a person over time, but it's far more likely that within a few minutes of meeting you she's already made up her mind and she either wants you to pull the trigger and get on with it, or she's hoping you don't ask her out to begin with. Doesn't mean she wants a relationship at that point in her life, that's a different kettle of fish, but once you realize that she thinks just like you do it takes away a lot of the fear and anxiety.
It also helps to realize and accept that the chemistry is there or it isn't. Her not being attracted to you isn't a rejection of you it's just a lack of chemistry. Same thing happens to you right? You're not attracted to every woman you meet for whatever reason and you're not rejecting them personally, the chemistry isn't there and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
It's ok to be a little nervous but don't let it stop you from doing what you want to do. Everyone is nervous asking someone out, that's a given, but sometimes you just have to decide to be bold even when you don't feel bold. She might reject you. So what? If you don't try you'll never know. The potential rewards far outweigh the risks.
