Zero Punctuation Game Reviews

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Should I keep adding links to post #1?

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II icelt II

Link to the ZP reviews page at The Escapist Magazine. For the most part Yahtzee posts a new review on Wednesday of every week.:

Reviews by Ben "Yahtzee" Crowshaw

This guy's wiseacre game reviews really deserve their own thread. Gut splittingly funny :lol: at least twice a review (and more when he is really on). However be forewarned, stepping on toes from time to time for the sake of humor or sarcasm is part of his review technique.

Link to the Main Page on www.escapistmagazine

The Introductory Video announcing his contract to write game reviews for the escapist magazine (just for the sake of completeness):


Now for the reviews proper. Enjoy!:

CAUTION Notice: Reviews may, and most often will, contain adult language.

Overlord 2 (07/15/2009)

Ghostbusters The Video Game (07/08/2009)

The Sims 3 (07/01/2009)

Prototype (06/24/2009)

Second Annual E3 Hype Massacre (06/17/2009)

inFamous (06/10/2009)

Bionic Commando (06/03/2009)

Duke Nukem Forever (05/27/2009)

Velvet Assassin (05/20/2009)

Valkyria Chronicles (05/13/2009)

Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena (05/06/2009)

Siren Blood Curse (04/29/2009)

Tom Clancy's H.A.W.X. (04/22/2009)

MadWorld (04/15/2009)

GTA: Chinatown Wars (04/08/2009)

Halo Wars (04/01/2009)

Resident Evil 5 (03/25/2009)

50 Cent: Blood on the Sand (03/18/2009)

House of the Dead: Overkill (03/11/2009)

Spiderman: Web of Shadows (03/04/2009)

Fear 2 (02/25/2009)

Skate 2 (02/18/2009)

Thief: The Dark Project (02/11/2009)

Little Big Planet (02/04/2009)

Gears of War 2 (01/28/2009)

Far Cry 2 (01/21/2009)

Tomb Raider Underworld (01/14/2009)

Awards 2008 (01/07/2009)

Prince of Persia (12/31/2008)

Year in Review - 2008 (12/24/2008)

Sonic Unleashed (12/17/2008)

Left 4 Dead (12/10/2008)

Mirror's Edge (12/03/2008)

Guitar Hero World Tour (11/26/2008)

Fallout 3 (11/19/2008)

Fable 2 (11/12/2008)

Dead Space (11/05/2008)

Saints Row 2 (10/29/2008)

Silent Hill Homecoming (10/22/2008)

Stalker Clear Sky (10/15/2008)

SW The Force Unleashed (10/08/2008)

Mercenaries 2 (10/01/2008)

XBLA Double Bill (09/24/2008)

Spore (09/17/2008)

Too Human (09/10/2008)

Eve Online (09/03/2008)

Braid (08/27/2008)

Soul Calibur IV (08/20/2008)

Prince of Persia Retrospective (08/13/2008)

Ninja Gaiden 2 (08/06/2008)

The E3 Trailer Park (07/30/2008)

Age of Conan (07/23/2008)

Alone in the Dark (07/16/2008)

LEGO Indy (07/09/2008)

Webcomics (07/02/2008)

Metal Gear Solid 4 (06/25/2008)

Haze (06/18/2008)

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (06/04/2008)

The World Ends with You (05/28/2008)

Painkiller (05/21/2008)

Grand Theft Auto IV (05/14/2008)

Mailbag Showdown (05/07/2008)

God of War: Chains of Olympus (04/30/2008)

Super Smash Bros. Brawl (04/23/2008)

Condemned 2: Bloodshot (04/16/2008)

No More Heroes (04/09/2008)

Army of Two (04/02/2008)

Zack & Wiki (03/26/2008)

Turok (03/19/2008)

Burnout Paradise (03/12/2008)

Devil May Cry 4 (03/05/2008)

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune (02/27/2008)

Yahtzee Goes to GDC (02/20/2008)

Sim City Societies (02/13/2008)

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (02/06/2008)

Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles (01/30/2008)

The Witcher (01/23/2008)

Crysis (01/16/2008)

Silent Hill Origins (01/09/2008)

Super Mario Galaxy (01/02/2008)

Mass Effect (12/19/2007)

Guitar Hero III (12/12/2007)

Assassin's Creed (12/5/2007)

F.E.A.R. Perseus Mandate (11/28/2007)

Yahtzee Visits Valve, a Travelogue (11/21/2007)

Clive Barker's Jericho (11/14/2007)

Zelda Phantom Hourglass (11/7/2007)

MOH Airborne (10/31/2007)

Super Paper Mario (10/24/2007)

The Orange Box (10/17/2007)

Tabula Rasa (10/10/2007)

Halo 3 (10/3/2007)

Peggle (9/26/2007)

Manhunt (9/19/2007)

Tomb Raider Anniversary (9/12/2007)

Bioshock (9/5/2007)

Console Rundown (8/29/07)

Psychonauts (8/22/07)

Heavenly Sword and Other Stuff (8/15/2007)
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This guy is awesome. His Bioshock and Halo 3 reviews are dead on.

He has so many classic lines strewn throughout his work, "The hero is called Link, on the few times I decide to not take advantage of the "enter your own name" feature, and Fagballs at all other times."

EDIT: Actually that's a pretty juvenile example. It's still funny and all but there are better examples of his oddball and creative sense of humor. I promise ;)

And his intro/extro music many times is an inspired selection as well. Just good stuff all around 👍
Of the ones I watched the Halo 3 and Heavenly Sword ones are hilarious... :lol:

Amazing what this guy comes up with.
Yeah, this guy is hilarious especially the Tomb Raider and Halo review. :lol: I checked his websites and there were many of his works there. Like his games and comics and stuff. Maybe you guys should check his website out as well.
Fully Ramblomatic
Just added the link for today's review, Clive Barker's Jericho. Could care less about the game, but new catch phrases to work into a conversation this week include:

"Spunk flavored lollipop."

"... a baseball bat made of frozen stupid."

"... like a pack of bellicose penguins that have become bored with life."

The english language in the right hands can be a beautiful thing :lol:
My lord this man is a comic genius! Either that or he can make a string of extremely complex words sound incredibly funny.
My lord this man is a comic genius! Either that or he can make a string of extremely complex words sound incredibly funny.

Little of both I believe, little of both. Definitely something to look forward to on Wednesdays!
Alas today's update is just a travel diary of his visit, make that all expenses paid visit, to Valve in Seattle.

So here it is, Yahtzee's Travelogue. Several days ago, he boarded a plane in Australia, headed for the United States, and returned only a few hours ago. Along the way he lost some luggage, a little innocence and gained a whole new perspective on life, and what it means to be an American. Maybe. Enjoy!

- Editor

For those not interested in reading the whole "logue", here's the final punch line that you probably have come to expect:
Sunday, November 18, 2007, 6:43 p.m.
Seattle Airport Departure Lounge

Customs flagged me for additional searches for some ungodly reason, so only now can I get some time out after getting unreasonably molested by men with big hands. Flight leaves in an hour. Going home.

I've given Americans a lot of **** throughout Zero Punctuation, with phrases like "cheeseburger-inhaling Yank" being thrown around and my personal image of the gun-toting cretin who unironically gargles words like "liberty" until they lose all meaning. But now I think I've undergone a change of perspective. I've eaten at some very fancy restaurants worlds away from cheeseburgers. I've rubbed shoulders with some lovely, mild-mannered people as they fired round after round into juddering paper targets. Maybe this isn't the kind of bitter snideness I'm known for, but I really think my cynicism for the United States has tempered somewhat.

Sunday, November 18, 2007, 6:48 p.m.
Seattle Airport Departure Lounge Burger King

"Medium," "Large" and "King Size"? What the **** is that? How the **** can "Medium" be the smallest? Do you even know what the word "Medium" means? This is why you're all so fat, you bunch of road sign-shooting Yankee pillocks.

See, his first mistake was actually ordering at a Burger King. Just walk away, don't let the bright colors suck you in.

Seems like Yahtzee gets a taste of is own punctuation:

11/28 Review is up and the link posted. Today's punching bag is "F.E.A.R."

Edit --------
My apologies, as I don't know squat about the game, make that more specifically the 2nd expansion pack "Perseus Mandate."

Its nice to know somebody else shares the same view on Bioshock As I.

(If a game gets 10 star reviews weeks before anyone has even seen the startup vids. it must suck)

And Then I LoL'd.

edit: wow nice new quick reply box.
Ok the 12/5 review of Assassin's Creed is up. Haven't watched it yet, but I'm already wincing at how brutal this one's gonna be.

Finally got to watch it and what do you know, the old curmudgeon actually kinda fancied the game. Well except for the parts that really pissed him off and he bludgeons those realllll nice like.
His GH3 review is up. I'd post my favorite quote but, I couldn't make out what he said completely. Damn Australian accents.

DDR does embarrass you, only if you suck. :)
His GH3 review is up. I'd post my favorite quote but, I couldn't make out what he said completely. Damn Australian accents.

DDR does embarrass you, only if you suck. :)

Yeah I don't usually have much time to post from work, so I usually have to wait until I get home to update the thread.

So SF, like this one?
"The point I'm trying to laboriously make here is that GH III made GH stop being fun. Oh it was fun for awhile, rattling off the ridicuously long hammer on sequences in the Cult of Personality like the fret board was the crotch of a loved one and I had only a vague idea of where her cli-🤬 was, was challenging enough to make me feel awesome after pulling it off." That's the man right there :D

Only took me like 10 repeats to get that all put together.
So, what did Yahtzee do this week that he feels he must constantly affirm his heterosexuality?
Mass Effect review link is up. Can't watch it till I get home though, but what's the over/under on Yahtzee making the effort to reestablish his heterosexuality again?
Yahtzee sticks it to Nintendo Fanboys everywhere. Another Mario title, got anything new?

The whole video is epic. I don't know which line is the best. :)
Yahtzee sticks it to Nintendo Fanboys everywhere. Another Mario title, got anything new?

The whole video is epic. I don't know which line is the best. :)

Yahtzee vs. the Plumber is now linked.

Yeah I checked at lunch but it wasn't up yet, so had to wait until I got home. Gonna listen now...

Yep genius all over the place and ya gotta love the very end of the credits where Bowser gets to shag Peach while Mario just lays there collapsed.
Thing is I agree with his major complaints, shoddy camera and the gravity shifting can completely throw you off.

He may be completely crass, but his points are always valid.
Yahtzee is great. I beat the Super Mario Galaxy storyline last night (note: not all the levels, still have 35 stars to go) and after a long and repetitive fight with Bowser my wrist was hurting and the first thing that popped into my mind was Wanker's Cramp.
This week's video is up. Yahtzee takes on Crysis.

Enough controls bound to the keyboard to rival Microsoft Flight Simulator.