Tuner Wars by Harvey Wallbanger (First 2 battles joined 12/6/11)

[XDesperado67]

@Onboy did you ever think that maybe since comandorando87 tested on three tracks and there were three cars that it could possibly be a three way tie?

Also if your in the test driver mood can you please run "Devil's Due" around Deep Forest and add its times to the standings...

 

[Onboy123]

@Onboy did you ever think that maybe since comandorando87 tested on three tracks and there were three cars that it could possibly be a three way tie?

Also if your in the test driver mood can you please run "Devil's Due" around Deep Forest and add its times to the standings...

There still needs to be a final victor though.

Eh, gimme a bit, I'm tuning something at the moment, but it'll be run soon. 👍

 

[comandorando87]

Here it is, the first part of:

“The French Disconnection”​

Part I​

So the Spider shootout had been over for a few days, and it was back too business as usual. The Buffoons were being put through there paces in the new round of Seasonal races because yet again, or more honestly, as usual, I found myself thoroughly broke. As always seems to be the case, my brokenness was the result of just too many low mileage goodies in the Used Car Dealership(I swear those lot lizard salesmen could sell real estate to the Devil himself!).Somehow, the Buffoons got a hold of my ledger. And, after having to fend them off with my cattle prod that I loving call “my little motivator”, my not so good judgment told that it was again time to make myself scarce.

Under the cover of night I snuck into my own garage(wondering what was wrong with this picture), tip toeing past the sleeping Buffoon that was apparently supposed to be on sentry duty. Once inside, I was faced with a dilemma. Out of my almost 300 some odd cars, which one would make the best get away car? It would have to be quick for the get away I would be attempting shortly, but also inconspicuous because its not much of a get away if you have to go back for another car!

It was while I was standing there in the dark, mulling over this conundrum, that I heard it echo softly from across the warehouse.
“caaaawwww…”
“🤬” I whispered, and dashed for the car key locker. I had only made it four steps when the Technicolor Dream Coat pigeon turned on the lights and hit the burglar alarm, then flew off through an open window, cackling, into the night. Suffice to say, the ear splitting alarm had caught the attention of the patrolling Buffoons, and the scrape of racing boots suggested they were closing in fast.

Random set of keys procured, I began furiously mashing the unlock button on the key-fob to see what my get away car would be. After what seemed like an eternity, the lights on an Alpine A310 began too flash just a few cars away from me. “I really am going to die tonight.” I muttered, hanging my head as I walked towards the bright blue suicide machine. Once inside what a I presumed would be my metal coffin, the luxuriously appointed interior and light rasp of the little four banger out back cheered me slightly.

[FONT=&quot]My spirits were dashed soon enough. The large double doors slide open, and standing on the other side of the threshold were my four Buffoons, brandishing a length of chain, a lead pipe, a hatchet, and a butter knife respectively. Overcoming my momentary confusion at the weapon choice of my lowest level(in both driving skill and apparently I.Q.) Buffoon, I wheeled the chariot of my fiery death into the center aisle, and gave the engine what I intended to be a menacing rev…[/FONT]

 

[Niku Driver HC]

Alrighty, after a few busy days, I can start my comparison of two cars:

Video killed the Alpine radio star, part 1​

To start this comparison, I am going to talk about the car that is the canvas for the tunes, the Alpine A310 1600. Eh... I don't really like it. In many ways, it is incredibily similar to the R35 GT-R, because it is not really pretty, it doesn't feel fast at all and it handles like a man with broken legs. But unlike the R35, you can NEVER get grip with this car, because it has one little problem...

RR.

Everyone knows that this sort of layout can only lead into two things: killing you and destroying your rear tires. Everyone that has driven a RUF can get where I'm going with this. So, maybe you're expecting me to say that both Harvey and Onboy have solved this problem and gave me a pair of pure bred GT's, right? Wrong.

Harvey's Alpine

Allow me to say this about Harvey's taste in this car. It is horrid! The colour scheme looks like someone puked over the Mona Lisa and then tryed to wash it by using another coat of paint. I can't see a french person driving this for looks, I'll tell you that. The purple\red combo is not a good way to look good, but it sure stays out in a crowd.

As for the specs, it is vintage Harvey madness, with over 240 bhp and plenty of weight shaved from the ugly body. The tranny has been upgraded to a close gear style, with a longer 6th gear to keep the power in the high range in check. So this car is better suited to tight tracks, even though it can have a decent top speed, as Harvey has stated before.

So what about the handling. Is it good? Is it fantastic and grippy? Nope. Not at all.

Here is a list on how to drive around a corner in this car:

• 
  Drive into the corner in question,
  Ignore all warnings that tell you to slow down,
  Avoid using the brake pedal (IMPORTANT!)
  Kick the tail out,
  Slide around the corner,
  Put the tail back in position and keep going.

This is a french that got so pissed off about everyone badmouthing him, he went loony. This car's driving style is sideways. All the time. Brakes are completely useless, because they will lead the car into oversteer and most likely, the closest wall. It does have grip, but it also has a split personality, because it can go from good to bad in a second. And when it gets loony, kick that tail out, or you're going to turn into rotten cheese. A mad car, for sure, but what were you expecting?

Harvey has said it himself, since the car had such a weird handling, he left it as-is and didn't bother giving it grippy style, since that would take the car's uniqueness out cold. And I get that. This maybe not be a good car for racing, but it is surely a fun SOB to play with. Now, it never tries to kill you even in a straight line, and when it is sliding, it is manageable at the max. A french man that can be your friend. As long you don't touch those brakes, that is...

Stay tuned for part 2! Until then, see ya, and remember:

Richaaaaaaaard! Just kiddin'.

 

[Onboy123]

Wow, two different approaches to the very same cars…and both are from our side! Looking forward to reading both of your work. 👍

 

[XDesperado67]

Hey Niku loving it!

Just one little thing...what about krenkme's krate...erhm I mean Alpine? You said you tested two Onboy's and mine but krenkme has one up as well and it supposedly has grip...

 

[Niku Driver HC]

Hey Niku loving it!

Just one little thing...what about krenkme's krate...erhm I mean Alpine? You said you tested two Onboy's and mine but krenkme has one up as well and it supposedly has grip...

Oh, it seems I've forgotten his... I might FR him to test it. And then I'll give Onboy's a few more laps to compare.

 

[Onboy123]

Oh, it seems I've forgotten his... I might FR him to test it. And then I'll give Onboy's a few more laps to compare.

I have to say, if you're looking for grip, his is the one you want. We just tuned ours to hoon offline, well, I did for mine. It is useless everywhere else at everything else.

 

[Niku Driver HC]

I have to say, if you're looking for grip, his is the one you want. We just tuned ours to hoon offline, well, I did for mine. It is useless everywhere else at everything else.

Well, I don't usually race online with tunes, so it is not a big problem.

 

[krenkme]

Great start as always Comando 👍 this should be a interesting read

Sent you a FR Niku if you want to test my Alpine as well.

Keep up the good work guys 👍

 

[comandorando87]

"The French Disconnection"

Part II

​

…The tires only chirped as I dropped the clutch on the revving engine and it became painfully obvious that lack of power was going too be an issue. The first three Buffoons stood their ground as I surged forward, the last had caught sight of his own reflection in his butter knife and simply lost all awareness of his surroundings. The first three Buffoons leapt for their lives once I was twenty feet or so away from them, the last was not so lucky. At the doorway I hooked a hard left, acquainting my dimmest Buffoon with the tail end of the Alpine, perhaps too forcefully judging from his hang time. The benefit of his just standing there was that the force of the impact prevented the tail end stepping out too much and I was able to make a b-line for the docks, alive. The ticket to Monte Carlo took what little cash I had on me, so I had a long boat ride ahead to scheme.

The sun was bright and the water a sight too behold when I arrived, finally, friendly shores at last. The casino portion of my money making scheme didn’t pan out. Turns out house credit is rather hard to come by without losing a boatload first. So, the streets it would have to be then.

The paddock at Côte d’ Azure stuff to the gills with exotic race bred machinery. My hopes of finding an easy mark were waning, until I reached the end of pit road and found a group of locals swarmed around what appeared to be a mildly modified Alpine A110. The cars owner was standing off too the side of the crowd, looking all too fashion conscious and wearing an entirely too smug grin on his face. I knew it would be no walk in the park but at least this car appeared to be in my league.

Watching the sanctioned racing wrapping up, I made my move and pulled up in front of his ride, rolling down my window. “Hey Pierre! Are we gonna race or are you just gonna stand their and suck on frog legs all day!?” I shouted over my revving engine. I could sense that he was now properly motivated from the incredible speed and vast amount of profanity he was spitting in my general direction as he withdrew his keys from his pocket and cleared the bystanders from his car.

Staged at the starting line, I leaned my head out of the window and yelled “Five laps, five grand to the winner!”. My French opponent acknowledged with a nod and slammed the visor down on his helmet. Listening to his car it was obvious he was running a racing exhaust, but assumed much more than that. This isn’t good, I thought. Our cars run the same engine, mine is totally stock, and his car is lighter than mine even without weight reduction mods. Very not good.

The green flagged dropped, and just how screwed I was became abundantly clear. By the first turn he already had two car lengths on me, and my thinking was shifting from winning the race too escape routes. Heading to the left hand sweeper he still had a sizeable lead but slowed WAY down on entry to said sweeper. He was obviously cautious of the RR drive train’s tendency for tail-happiness and feared a spin out. It was at this point that my mentor’s favorite saying came to mind, “If you can’t win, CHEAT!”, and I saw my opportunity. Forgoing the brakes I instead kept my foot squarely plant on the gas and gave the left hand side of his rear bumper a tap at the apex of the corner.

Obviously, this maneuver resulted in his spinning out, and my spinning out for that matter. The big difference was that my spin did not end with a face plant on the inside wall. After recovering from the spin I finished the rest of the coarse and pulled into pit road, electing not to run my well deserved victory lap. Luckily for me the crowd from pit road had flooded the track to watch fire, which gave me time for some hurried body work. After the fire brigade had finished and my opponent had passed all the mandatory health and safety tests, he returned to pit road in a, shall we say, sour mood.
“Vuwat kind oov 🤬 🤬 voos zat!?!” He shouted.
“I believe that was you not being weary enough of the RR layout’s merry-go-round tendencies.” I replied calmly.
“🤬 🤬! You caazed me to quwash you 🤬 🤬!” He shouted even louder.
“I don’t know what your talking about. Look at my car, not a scratch.” I said with a satisfied grin, pointing too my barely passable body repairs. “Now, I believe the wager was five thousand, if I remember correctly.” I elected to remind him, wanting to get out of Dodge, so they say. As assertion may have been ill timed, as at this moment a towering beast loosely resembling a man approached my opponent and whispered in his ear, and my opponent ceased his onslaught of French swearing too listen.
“Alvwight Comandorando, eer is vuwat I veel do.” He said calmly.
“They know my name! This is very, very not good” I remember thinking, until he rudely interrupted my train of thought by speaking again.
“I veel pay you zee vuager. You, veel vuwiturn hoom and find a vuwiplacement for zee car you ave vuwecked. Eef you do not do zees, my man Onri veel toowak you down and use his favoriit tuoy on your, how you say, ‘Gentleman Sausage’.” He said in a calm yet menacing tone, gesturing to the immense humanoid thing next to him. At this gesture Onri gave a single nod then delved into his back pack, withdrawing a miniature guillotine. Holding his “toy” proudly, he flicked the lever and dropped the small blade. I could not help but grimace and flinch at the small yet still sickening thud of the blade as it bottomed out in the contraption.
“Suppose I do as you say. I don’t even know your name, how would I find you when I return?” I replied, trying but failing to sound tough.
“My name is Gaspar. You vuud do vuwell too vuwimember eet.” He said, then turned and walked away with Onri in tow, throwing the cash into the air as he went.

[FONT=&quot]For the entire boat ride home all I could think was “This is bad. Very, very bad.”[/FONT]

 

[comandorando87]

“The French Disconnection”​

Part III​

Back in the homeland and on Garage Way, I headed straight for the Outlaw Café, seeking shelter from the coming storm. Once there, I began spurting my plea for help as soon as I opened the door.
“Hey Harvey, I need help tuning an Al…”
“You plan on paying your tab?” He asked quizzically, cutting me off, and not even bothering to look up from the mug he was toweling off behind the bar.
“Uuuhhh…no.” I replied.
Dissatisfied with my response, he looked too Onboy and couple of the other Outlaws seated in a booth, and flicked his head towards the door. The Outlaws rose from their seats and approached me.
“C’mon guys, we’re all fr…” I was unable to finish my groveling as the Outlaws grabbed me by jacket shoulders and pants pockets, and jettisoned me from the premises. Seeing that the Outlaws were not interested in anything I had to say, I knew I would have to brave the sanctum of my arch nemesis and pay a visit to the only bastard crazy enough to attempt what I had in mind. So, I stood up, dusted myself off, and set on my way to the Clueless Garage, and another showdown with… the bird.

When I arrived at Clueless the place was deserted, save for Krenkme, who was seated at his desk and furiously pounding away at the key board of his computer. A short moment later he clapped his hands over his head and sprang from his seat.
“There it is folks! Clueless Tunes Garage 100th tune! To celebrate this momentous occasion I do a free build for the next person to say anything at all!”
“I need a tu…”
Krenkme took one look at me then cut me off with “Anybody else! Anybody else who says anything at all gets a free tune!”
“I’m the only one here dick!” I replied curtly.
“I already know what you want, and I want no part in it. You getting you willy cut off is NOT my problem.”
“How the 🤬 do you already know what I want!? I haven’t even been back in town an hour!”
“That Alpine you wrecked was one of Harvey’s tunes, "The Pink Panther". Gaspar never paid in full, so he is kinda infamous around this part of town.” Suddenly, the feathered spawn of Satan swooped down from the rafters, causing me to flinch and reach for my boot knife, and then landed on Krenkme’s shoulder. The neon beastie eyed me for a minute, while I stayed in my semi-crouched stance, blade drawn, waiting. Finally choosing to ignore me, it began squawking in Krenkme’s ear for a moment then flew off, back to it’s hiding spot.
“Cthulhu says HE’LL be the only one to remove any of your extremities. So what kinda tune do you want?”
“Alpine A310.”
“But wasn’t it an 110 that you wrecked?”
“Yeah, but all I have is a 310 so that’s what he’ll be getting.”
“Alright, give me a day. And find some where else to stay, your bobs…”
“BUFFOONS!”
“FINE, whatever. Your BUFFOONS have been reeking havoc throughout the neighborhood. You really need to get some leashes on those animals.”
“They broke those already, I’m not sure how, they were chain and everything, but they did.” I said, shaking my head. “Cthulhu? Really?”
“Yeah that’s his name. What about it?”
“Meh, nothing.” I said with a shrug then turned and walked out.

I elected not to sleep that night, instead walking around town just so my supposedly marauding buffoons couldn’t get the drop on me. By the time morning broke I had my way back to Garage Way, and my desperate need for coffee and breakfast convinced me to walk back into the café.
“You here to pay your tab?” Harvey asked with an raised eyebrow when he saw me walk through the door.
“I need coffee more than you could know.” I replied wirily. Harvey was again dissatisfied with my answer, and gave a head motion to some seated Outlaws signaling my removal.
“Aw just hold on a second!” I snapped, to tired for manners, and began rummaging through my pockets. A minute later I slammed down a whopping $14.61 onto the counter, all that remained from continental excursion. Harvey looked at the meager funds on the bar, then at me with an almost insulted expression, then once again gave the signal to bounce me.
“C’mon man! I only made five g’s off ‘Le Douche’ and vehicle import/export is ludicrously expensive!” I pleaded with him. Harvey thought on it a moment, nodded his head and shrugged, then signal the Outlaws to take their seats. I grabbed a seat at the bar while Harvey grabbed the coffee pot and a mug while I took notice of the broken windows in the front of the café.
“What happened there?” I asked, pointing to the damage.
“Your bobs happened. Don’t worry though, I’ve already added it to your tab.” Harvey said with a righteous stink aimed at me.
“Oh. FANtastic.” I was far to tired to correct his error in nomenclature, so instead just drank my coffee.
“So your having Krenkme build your restitution for Gaspar then eh?” Harvey asked, not looking up from the counter he was wiping with a wet towel.
“Yep”
“Well, between that and Onboy over there cooking one of those awful cars up in his secret lab, guess I’ll have to tune one up too and make a real shoot out of this after all. When do you need it by?”
Dumbfounded by the turn of events I wasn’t sure how to reply at first. “Uh, the sooner the better. I don’t really care how good the car is, I’m hoping it will ‘finish the job’ if you know what I mean.”
The thought of a not so dearly departed gasper made Harvey smirk. “Alright, I can have something for ya tonight. When do you plan on headed back?”
“Well, first I gotta distract the buffoons somehow so I can get back into my garage and sell off some of my clunkers to finance the trip.”
“Oh them? We shanghaied them last night. They’re chained to the dish pit in back until the windows are paid off.”
“Huh, really? Any chance of you keeping them back there until my whole tab is cleared?”
Harvey thought this over a minute then replied “Sure, why not.”
[FONT=&quot]“Well this day just keeps getting better and better! I’m headed off to sell some scrap, I’ll start testing at the Eiger Nordwand short track tomorrow.” Declaration made, I finished my coffee and made my way back to my garage.[/FONT]

 

[comandorando87]

*HA! Triple Post!*

Well I hope everyone is enjoying the new piece so far. I promise the actual testing is coming up in the next part, but that will get posted either later tonight or tomarrow. My office chair and my arse need some time apart().
​

 

[XDesperado67]

*HA! Triple Post!*

Well I hope everyone is enjoying the new piece so far. I promise the actual testing is coming up in the next part, but that will get posted either later tonight or tomarrow. My office chair and my arse need some time apart().
​

Hmmm...at this rate I'm not sure your bobs can wash enough dishes to cover the tab. Times money you know and that hourly interest rate is a killer!:

Good stuff looking forward to the rest of it.👍👍

 

[krenkme]

*HA! Triple Post!*

Well I hope everyone is enjoying the new piece so far. I promise the actual testing is coming up in the next part, but that will get posted either later tonight or tomarrow. My office chair and my arse need some time apart().

Have I told you how much I am enjoying your writing? 👍. Do I really have to wait to see how this turns out?

Looking forward to the next installment









This is really, really good.

 

[XDesperado67]

Hey krenkme I think we've scared commandorando into hiding with our talk of the Greek Terrors.

 

[krenkme]

Hey krenkme I think we've scared commandorando into hiding with our talk of the Greek Terrors.

I can't blame him. The thing is just so

 

[Niku Driver HC]

Video killed the Alpine radio star: part 2​

A parrot among Outlaws

Well, so I'm doing my thing and drive along in Harvey's loony purple car, when Harvey himself tells me something about a Alpine that grips. I was super interested, to say the least. Who could do such thing!? Kremkme, leader and founder of Clueless tunes. Known as the "Parrots", the battle between Clueless and Outlaws originated this thread with the Panda race. So I had to see for myself how this car is...

Kremkme's Alpine

First of all, may I say this thing is close to actually look good. It looks poised and stealthy in a way, it's almost a rally car. For once, I'm not ashamed of driving this car just for looks. But there is one thing that surpasses everything in this car:

The driving.

I bet kremk is a black wizard of doom. How on earth did he made this thing grip!? I mean, this car can REALLY go around corners without being sideways, and oversteer is almost zero. Sure, the specs may not look much higher than the other two cars, but this one can outhandle both and look good doing it, I'm sure of that.

The tranny is set up in a interesting way, since the 6th gear is made to work only when you need (krenk calls it the "Overdrive" gear), which is good for long straights like Mulsanne. But it's the corner perfomance that surprised the hell out of me. Usually when you drive an RR, there is a 100% chance of screwing up and crash into a wall. But this one is a calm ride. Sure, you do get oversteer, but it works as a warning rather than a constant. It is a great learner's car to people that never drove a RR before.

Indeed, this car is a piece of work. A A310 that I liked driving? Yep, it is. It grips wonderfully for a RR car, and it is a great classic for racing on and offline. I wonder how can Krenk calls his shop Clueless when he turns out such amazing cars! It is a fantastic all-rounder, and a wonderful car. Great job, sir. Great job.

Stay tuned for part 3, when Onboy gets his chance!

 

[krenkme]

Thanks alot Niku. I'm glad you had a chance to take ol Rusty for a spin. I too think it is a good car for someone that is new to driving a RR car. Helps them get used to the feeling. And no I am not a Black Wizard of Doom, just a friendly idiot that likes to tune, but if I gave you my secrets, I'd have to kill you

Thanks again for the kind words

 

[Niku Driver HC]

Thanks alot Niku. I'm glad you had a chance to take ol Rusty for a spin. I too think it is a good car for someone that is new to driving a RR car. Helps them get used to the feeling. And no I am not a Black Wizard of Doom, just a friendly idiot that likes to tune, but if I gave you my secrets, I'd have to kill you

Thanks again for the kind words

You're welcome, kind sir.

 

[Onboy123]

Niku, give me 5 minutes, 3 cars will be thrown on share for you, one being the Alpine.

 

[comandorando87]

Hey krenkme I think we've scared commandorando into hiding with our talk of the Greek Terrors.

The Greeks Terrors did not scare me off, considering I have no idea what they are! I forgot I had some WAY out of town business to do and also a need to sleep sometime this week. So thats why there has been the gaps in my posting lately.

 

[krenkme]

Referring to the car of the week. . Sleep is overrated. Looking forward to your next GREAT Installment 👍

 

[XDesperado67]

The Greeks Terrors did not scare me off, considering I have no idea what they are! I forgot I had some WAY out of town business to do and also a need to sleep sometime this week. So thats why there has been the gaps in my posting lately.

The Greek Terrors are the current CotW Nissan Silvia 240RS (S110) '83s.
Mine is named "Pandora's Box" and krenkme's is named "Medusa".

Don't worry about the time off from posting I just tack it onto your bill...you wouldn't believe how many hamburgers and how much Pabst Blue Ribbon those bobs of yours can pack away.

 

[comandorando87]

The Greek Terrors are the current CotW Nissan Silvia 240RS (S110) '83s.
Mine is named "Pandora's Box" and krenkme's is named "Medusa".

Don't worry about the time off from posting I just tack it onto your bill...you wouldn't believe how many hamburgers and how much Pabst Blue Ribbon those bobs of yours can pack away.

Good god man your feeding them!?! What does every trail-head sign say? DON'T FEED THE WILDLIFE!!!

 

[comandorando87]

“The French Disconnection”​

Part IV​

It was a cold, but sunny morning at Eiger Nordwand. Each of the three builders had made sure the cars were ready and waiting for my arrival, leaving me with the assumption that none of them wanted to be collateral damage of any testing “mishap”. Other race machines were present for testing as well, attracting an international crowd of race fans. My schedule approved by the track officials, it was time to get down to business.

First up would be Krenkme’s offering, which the personalized plate told me that he had dubbed "rouillé". I chose to not push too hard on the first couple laps, as I wanted to actually survive testing these things. With the tires now sufficiently warm I noticed that the tire wear was much more even front to rear than I would have expected from an RR car. Hard but cautious cornering produced some slight under steer. Apparently Krenkme did not quite share the rainbow pigeon’s ill intent for me. Deciding it was safe to drive this thing with my usual ham-fisted technique, I found some over-rotation when attempting to corner under wide open throttle. This condition was far from scary though, it was actually useful in tight corners, and good googly moogly could this thing grip! Even though aesthetically this thing was murdered out(black on black), the driving dynamics were fluid and safe with a satisfying feeling of power, and those dynamics rewarded me with a 1:14.021 hot lap.

Next on the docket was the offering from Onboy123 "Black Hearse". The name was fitting as this car wore a black on black theme as well, though hearing that Onboy123 had been working on this car for a while left me wondering who had copied who in the looks department. On the track, this car felt purpose built for this coarse. It responded with precision and composure to my every input, inspiring confidence. By lap three I felt totally in tune with this car, ripping off a 1:13.979 lap time. Lap four revealed the cost of my exuberance, as the tire wear had advanced to right around twenty-five percent, and the car now felt as if I were driving on a hockey rink.

The final run of the day, and all that remained was Harvey Wallbanger’s "Purple People Eater". Thankfully, I hadn’t eaten breakfast yet, as this car’s paint and wheel color combination induces a gag reflex almost immediately. I had to eat a whole container of Dramamine, cover my eyes, and walk backwards too the car just too keep from dowsing the interior. Safely inside with stomach contents intact, I could only hope that the “People Eater” portion of the car’s name was merely a joke. On track, I found it to be anything but a cannibal. Now, perhaps that might be more an indictment of my “driving skills”, but, this car felt tailor made for me. This car’s name should have been “Corner Eater”, as it thoroughly digested the track without so much as a burp. Over-steer was ever present, but always easily controlled and very useful, which I feel the 1:13.490 hot lap proves.

[FONT=&quot]Thoroughly impressed with all three cars, I thought it a good idea to take them to a longer track for some leg stretching. Next up, Trial Mountain.[/FONT]

 

[XDesperado67]

Yes! Round one to the psychedelic cannibal!

Uhm dare I ask how bad the tire wear was...never actually looked at that...

 

[krenkme]

It appears I may have made my car a little to easy to drive

 

[comandorando87]

“The French Disconnection”​

Part V​

I had high expectations for these cars at Trial Mountain. I knew these tuners well enough to know that all three of them liked too test here, thanks to the agreeable track surface, fairly lengthy straights and the good variety of corner types. The pits were devoid of any other cars so at least I wouldn’t be able to take anyone else with me to the great unknown if anything unfortunate transpired.

I chose to follow the same test order as before, so it was "rouillé" up first. Again I reserved the first lap for heating the tires and learning the idiosyncrasies of the setup. Under-steer was still present though less so here than at Eiger. The tail end also seemed a little more lively here, forcing some caution with the throttle on corner exit. Tire wear proved to be the Achilles heel, as the rear tires went quickly after the second lap and becoming toast by the fifth lap. A 1:40.089 hot lap being all I could manage, I decided to move on to the next contestant.

Normally a hearse transports the already dead, but "Black Hearse" seemed unhappy with how long this was taking and set out to expedite the process. With vicious under-steer on entry followed by power over-steer at the slightest prod of the gas, this car was trying to be a coffin more than a hearse. The power over-steer was rather mind boggling seeing as the car generally had no feeling of power until I stepped on the gas while facing any direction other than perfectly straight ahead. Just like at Eiger, once tire wear set in, bad things REALLY started happening, to the point of some two-wheel action after the very last corner of the fifth and final lap. When all was said and done, I had managed a 1:40.449 hot lap and needed a new change of underwear.

Not making the same mistake twice, I blindfolded myself before facing the general direction of "Purple People Eater", though it did take quite a long time to find the keyhole in the driver side door like this. On the track, I found the Eyesore, wait, I mean People Eater, had retained it’s composed nature(in my hands at least). It showed only slight under-steer in throttle off cornering, and more tail-happiness than at Eiger, but nothing that could not be coped with under wide open throttle. Tire wear was evenly distributed and more durable than the other two cars, allowing eight good laps before the slides set it. A 1:39.962 hot lap felt respectable enough to me so I called it a day.

[FONT=&quot]I had a serious problem now. I had no idea what car to give to Gaspar. Should I give him an actually good car and just hope he would call off his yeti sized lap dog? Or should I give him a car that would put him out of commission all on it’s own? The former of the two options was entirely out of the question, and I wasn’t sure any of these three cars would do the later. With this question still weighing heavily on mind I decided that I would have to run some final tests back at the scene of the crime. [/FONT]Côte d’ Azure[FONT=&quot].[/FONT]

 

[XDesperado67]

The psychedelic cannibal makes it 2 & 0!

Can it pull a clean sweep making a quick snack out of all its foes?

Hmm maybe if I knocked the cost of the swill Pabst off commandorando's bill it might give him some incentive...I did order it for the parrot heads anyways...