Confession Booth

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I wish I knew where to get help....I have been having extreme suicidal thoughts all week...tonight was not good
That is very simple. A doctor, preferably a psychiatrist. Not a psychologist as they can't prescribe medication or take appropriate medical intervention (don't know if this is a correct way of saying what I want to say).

For most people that are in this state, there is no natural or magical solution once one has these problems.
Believe me when I say that a severe depression/suicidal thought/psychological problems etc... is far worse for your body then taking medication.The stress on your body alone caused by these pathological symptoms is devastating.
 
Ill be straight up...with everything going on in my life right now I really feel like I need to be put in a mental institution. I seriously cannot handle life right now. I've had to try and get away by hanging with a friend for almost a week but its not really helping a lot. Maybe I really am depressed. The only thing that somewhat temporarily helps is talking about everything nonstop.
 
Sorry for the late reply. I confess . . . I spend way too much time in here. :crazy: :lol:

:cheers:

I'd have to agree with your logic there.
There's a couple more sayings that have bothered me over the years. Ones that after some reflection, don't make much sense.
The first: What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. Oh really now? I find this a hard pill to swallow.
Let's put together a hypothetical scenario here to demonstrate just how much of a fallacy this saying really is.
Say you're out in the woods cutting down trees with a chain saw. Nearby is a camp fire you've made because it's fall and is a bit chilly out. Your attention is pulled away from your task by something you see out of the corner of your eye and you slip with the saw and nearly chop off one of your legs. It's bad. Very bad. The saw cut so deep and so fast into your thigh it hit bone. You have to stop the bleeding, and fast. You manage to tie off a part of your shirt as a tourniquet, but it's not quite doing the job.
Then you remember the campfire and the hot embers. You could cauterize the wound to stop the bleed. You drag yourself over to it and pull out a piece of log with a nice hot glowing end and press it into the wound, holding it there as you pass out from the unimaginable pain.
When you wake you manage to call for help. Rush to hospital, emergency amputation surgery, recovery, physical therapy....
Months later, you and your artificial leg are at a bar talking with friends when one pipes up and blurts out, "Well, what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger", as you sit there with a fake leg, still a bit anemic from all the initial blood loss, still unable to drive yourself anywhere because your car hasn't been retrofitted for a one legged person, as that sort of thing is very expensive. Your other leg is constantly in pain and cramping because of the extra load it now has to endure. Your back is taking a hit as well. You can't sleep because of the "phantom" leg that you can still feel.
Your bills are starting to pile up now because your medical insurance isn't quite covering all of the costs, so you have to make sacrifices elsewhere in your life. You've lost your internet at home, switched your phone to a cheapo one from Wal-Mart, and even had to cut back on some food just to make ends meet. Luckily your job was able to make accomidations for you to allow you to keep on working there, but a a loss of hours. So now you're bringing home less.
Your thinning out now too from not eating as the pain pills make your stomach ache so much you always feel like throwing up. On top of all that you've gotten an infection from somewhere. A really pesky one that doesn't seem to want to go away. You're always caughing and feel generally like crap. Maybe it was from the burning hot log you shoved into your bloody mess of a leg? Who knows.
Your spirit is breaking down too now because of everything that's happened. You've hit a wall of sorts that you can't see around in your life. You cry at times, even though you have your faith that everything will work out for the better.

So, I ask you, how in the hell are you supposed to be feeling stronger now? It didn't kill you though.

See, it's such a pointless saying, one that's designed to make a person feel better about having had a tragedy occur to them in their lives. It's meant to get one to think that their life is so much more precious and valuable as a whole than just one occurance in it. But the reality of it is that one does is not made stronger by such a life changing event. It truth, many have gone to the other extreme and ended their lives because of the seemingly insurmountable mountain of difficulties that lay ahead of them when one of these tragic events occur to them. Also, it's usually said by someone who's never had something so life altering happen to them. A bit ignorant I must say.
Perhaps someone who's had one of these life changing events happen to them will have a different take on the saying than I do. To me, it just seems like the complete wrong thing to say to someone who's gone through hell and come back to live to tell about it. I doubt they feel much stronger than they did prior to the incident. For my own part, I suffered a heart attack nearly 2 years ago. Since then I don't feel any stronger. Quite the opposite. I'm very often very weak and get overly tired very easily now. Spiritually and emotionally I am very thankful for the gift of life and being able to still enjoy most of what I did before. I have "episodes" though where I will go through emotional breakdowns, where I feel lost and isolated, even though I know I'm ok at the moment. But I certainly do not "feel stronger" for having endured it. I was in better shape, more stable, all around, before it happened. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. All except for that tiny little clogged artery inside my heart...

Ok, the second saying that really get's my goat: "Sleep? You don't need any sleep. You'll have plenty of time to sleep when you're in the grave".
What? The? Hell?
Seriously, who came up with this one? They need a mega wake up call because they couldn't be more deluded if they tried.
Here's how this one goes. You won't need the sleep once your dead because all cellular activity has ceased. Your dead. Nothing needs the rest anymore.
It's while you're alive that your body needs the sleep fool!

These are confessions of things that I have thought about off and on over the years and finally put down in print.
I have been told each saying a couple times in the past. Each time I think "what a load of 🤬". How can that person say that to me in all honesty. Are they that ignorant to the reality of life?
Btw, I still have both my legs and I get plenty of sleep. Just saying.
 
:lol:

I enjoyed that post so much, turbolefty; if we were discussing this IRL, I would be smiling and nodding like hell - yeah, yeah, very true - these cliches kill me, semantic placebos that lull the synapses into comfortable pathways.
Life is hard. We deal with it. There's no garden of roses here, but the cliche is that someone in pain deserves that pain and should put up with it (makes one stronger apparently ;) )

Sometimes people mean well, though, when they spout a cliche - maybe trying to empathize, but not having a broad enough vocabulary to express their understanding of your pain and frustration, sort of like trying to cheer you up - "There, there, old boy, buck up now, thing's could be worse," etc, etc.
Doesn't really help, though.

I just began some volunteer work at a Seniors Home - and I am aghast at the lives of pain some humans suffer, especially towards the end of their lives.
Suffering can strengthen our psyche, but it can also kill it, until there is nothing left but a shell of perception tormented by constant pain - even worse, helplessness.
All one can do sometimes is reach out and take a hand, and feel the grip of loneliness.

As for the sleep cliche -
It is during sleep that the garbage in one's brain (toxins) are flushed out.
No sleep? Garbage in the brain.
Sufficient sleep is vital to life. And clear thinking.
Obviously when we're dead we wont need sleep- and there'll be plenty of time not needing it. :)
 
Ill be straight up...with everything going on in my life right now I really feel like I need to be put in a mental institution. I seriously cannot handle life right now. I've had to try and get away by hanging with a friend for almost a week but its not really helping a lot. Maybe I really am depressed. The only thing that somewhat temporarily helps is talking about everything nonstop.

Things will gradually get better over time. It hurts to say but I've been though and still am in the stages of depression and it's not something I'd wish upon anyone. I've never been to institutions or looked for help, I just toughed through it. If you feel like you need help, get it. I came close to doing so many damn things and thought so many things it even scares today's me. None of my closest friends knew about the things I was going through, and it wasn't even people hurting my feelings or someone inflicting a type of harm, I was just sad. I wasn't interested in myself and that would and still gives me the impression that people do not find me interesting making me feel as if I shouldn't exist. Recently I've been tanking on my grades and it has really been hurting the way I think overall. I've been getting D's on my tests and quizzes, and it lead to me realize that I don't have to worry. I have a-lot of time for mistakes (I'm only 18). There is only one mistake that I won't make and that's suicide. There is a-lot more to live for. Live for the moment and think positively for the future, that's the only thing I can do for myself.

Also, if you don't feel as if you want to go to an institution, please, please just talk to any friend or family you have. It may be hard to do so telling people your problems and thoughts, but it will help you as I think it would've helped me in the long run. Sometimes it's best to let people know what you're feeling. Even if they're the most irrational person you'll ever know, they will understand. Thinking about talking to a person like my dad about my depression and problems would probably make me steam, but with thoughts of suicide, I'm sure anyone would understand and be by your side.
 
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Ill be straight up...with everything going on in my life right now I really feel like I need to be put in a mental institution. I seriously cannot handle life right now. I've had to try and get away by hanging with a friend for almost a week but its not really helping a lot. Maybe I really am depressed. The only thing that somewhat temporarily helps is talking about everything nonstop.

Hey Slash. Been reading and following along for a while now, quietly, but still.
I gotta say, you're doing alright far as I can tell from your writings. It's most likely a stage/phase/time of your life that you're going through and one that will pass.
See, I've thought the same as you are now. That I shouldn't be here, that maybe I, and every one else around me, would be better off if I weren't around anymore. But that's defeatist thinking. It's the easier route to take, but not the better choice by a long shot.
Throughout my life, and I just turned 51 on the 26th(Tuesday this week), there have been times and events that caused me to feel and think unpleasantly and unfavoribly about myself. It's during those times that I need to remind myself that others have been through worse. Others have been through more troubling, tougher, more crippling, more mind numbing, more painful times than me right now, and they've come through on the other side. Not 100%, but they've come through it. I have. And so will you. See, the human state of being is like that. We can take a whole hell of a lot of punishment before we crack for good, it's crazy!
And sometimes, it's when things around us are piling up so much, that the mountain ahead that we have to climb seems the most insurmountable, that we shine our brightest. It's as if the trigger switch for us to be at our very best lay buried soooo deeply down inside us that it seems as though it'll never be flipped on. But then it happens. We dig in and do everything right and necessary to get us through that wall, get us up and over that mountain. I think we may purpously bury that switch deep as a saving factor. We don't want to just willy nilly be flipping it on and out-shining everyone around us. We'd always be showboating. Doing this and that faster and better than everyone else will only lead to a life of isolation too. Once you're the only one at the top, where else is there to go? There's no room for anyone else up there with you, so you have no one to share anything else with anymore. Naa. That's not for me. Maybe that's why we keep that "time to be fantastic" trigger buried so deep. I don't know. Maybe none of this will make any amount of sense to you at all. If that's the case, I'm sorry and I apologize.
 
Well, what exactly has been happening to you lately?

There's a large backstory behind it all. PM me. Some of it I don't feel quite comfortable enough to post on the board.

Hey Slash. Been reading and following along for a while now, quietly, but still.
I gotta say, you're doing alright far as I can tell from your writings. It's most likely a stage/phase/time of your life that you're going through and one that will pass.
See, I've thought the same as you are now. That I shouldn't be here, that maybe I, and every one else around me, would be better off if I weren't around anymore. But that's defeatist thinking. It's the easier route to take, but not the better choice by a long shot.
Throughout my life, and I just turned 51 on the 26th(Tuesday this week), there have been times and events that caused me to feel and think unpleasantly and unfavoribly about myself. It's during those times that I need to remind myself that others have been through worse. Others have been through more troubling, tougher, more crippling, more mind numbing, more painful times than me right now, and they've come through on the other side. Not 100%, but they've come through it. I have. And so will you. See, the human state of being is like that. We can take a whole hell of a lot of punishment before we crack for good, it's crazy!
And sometimes, it's when things around us are piling up so much, that the mountain ahead that we have to climb seems the most insurmountable, that we shine our brightest. It's as if the trigger switch for us to be at our very best lay buried soooo deeply down inside us that it seems as though it'll never be flipped on. But then it happens. We dig in and do everything right and necessary to get us through that wall, get us up and over that mountain. I think we may purpously bury that switch deep as a saving factor. We don't want to just willy nilly be flipping it on and out-shining everyone around us. We'd always be showboating. Doing this and that faster and better than everyone else will only lead to a life of isolation too. Once you're the only one at the top, where else is there to go? There's no room for anyone else up there with you, so you have no one to share anything else with anymore. Naa. That's not for me. Maybe that's why we keep that "time to be fantastic" trigger buried so deep. I don't know. Maybe none of this will make any amount of sense to you at all. If that's the case, I'm sorry and I apologize.

That is all so true. There's days I question if it's all even worth it. I have helped a lot of my friends get through things but now it's my turn I guess and now I really know what they went/are going through. It's rough. I've been spiraling down for a long time, slowly.


Things will gradually get better over time. It hurts to say but I've been though and still am in the stages of depression and it's not something I'd wish upon anyone. I've never been to institutions or looked for help, I just toughed through it. If you feel like you need help, get it. I came close to doing so many damn things and thought so many things it even scares today's me. None of my closest friends knew about the things I was going through, and it wasn't even people hurting my feelings or someone inflicting a type of harm, I was just sad. I wasn't interested in myself and that would and still gives me the impression that people do not find me interesting making me feel as if I shouldn't exist. Recently I've been tanking on my grades and it has really been hurting the way I think overall. I've been getting D's on my tests and quizzes, and it lead to me realize that I don't have to worry. I have a-lot of time for mistakes (I'm only 18). There is only one mistake that I won't make and that's suicide. There is a-lot more to live for. Live for the moment and think positively for the future, that's the only thing I can do for myself.

Also, if you don't feel as if you want to go to an institution, please, please just talk to any friend or family you have. It may be hard to do so telling people your problems and thoughts, but it will help you as I think it would've helped me in the long run. Sometimes it's best to let people know what you're feeling. Even if they're the most irrational person you'll ever know, they will understand. Thinking about talking to a person like my dad about my depression and problems would probably make me steam, but with thoughts of suicide, I'm sure anyone would understand and be by your side.


I wonder if it's partly because of the time of my life right now. Huge transitions like graduating high school, finding a job, learning to drive etc all loaded into the same few months while dealing with a bunch of other stuff in my life. I have talked to a few friends about some of it all and they all tell me the same thing.


And to top it all off I relapsed about 6 days ago.
 
That is all so true. There's days I question if it's all even worth it. I have helped a lot of my friends get through things but now it's my turn I guess and now I really know what they went/are going through. It's rough. I've been spiraling down for a long time, slowly.

I wonder if it's partly because of the time of my life right now. Huge transitions like graduating high school, finding a job, learning to drive etc all loaded into the same few months while dealing with a bunch of other stuff in my life. I have talked to a few friends about some of it all and they all tell me the same thing.

And to top it all off I relapsed about 6 days ago.

It's worth it to those friends who you've helped out in the past, let me tell ya. It's possible that without you around, they may not be either. Without your help in the past, they may have hit that cracking point I mentioned and who knows?
You might feel like you're spiraling down, but guess where else you're headed? You're aiming right smack towards that switch I talked about. All you need is to get it within reach and flip it(figuratively speaking of course). I don't even think it will be a consious decision at the time it happens. It's not like you're aware of it happening really. It just does. And you begin to figure things out. Situations make sense for what they really are and what's really going on, and more importantly, what's happening on the other side, in your future, that really matters. There's a bright spot there on the far side, you just need to get to it.

Relapsing isn't a good thing anytime it happens, but it happens. Punishing one's self over it won't help. Realizing your error, and realizing the why of it does though. Thinking that you can and will do better next time is a good way of thinking also. And telling yourself that you're stronger than which is troubling you the most. Here's a little story I heard a long time ago, about someone very famous, or rather his dad. True story.

Kirk Bridges, Jeff Bridges father, was on some talk show or another many years ago. He was talking about the need to quit smoking. Something that if you've never gone through it, you could never know just how truely difficult it really is. I did and let me tell you! But I digress.
He was explaining how his father, Jeff's grandfather, did it.
He said that he became desperate to quit, and came up with his plan to do it. He said that he kept just one cigarette in his pocket, nothing else. He could take it out and light it at any time. But whenever he felt the urge, he would take out that single cigarette and ask it "Who's stronger today, me or you?" And he would answer "I am." Then put the cigarette back into his pocket until the next time. Eventually, he began to forget that the cigarette was there in his pocket. He realized after a time that he wasn't taking it out anymore and asking it who was stronger. It was then he realized that he had conquered his addiction, that the worst of it was past. Just like that. Nothing mysterious. Certainly nothing unpleasant occured. He built up his will by digging down deep and finding that trigger switch. He flipped his on and made it through.
I found that an awesome story and have remembered it for many years. Maybe I was meant to for this very reason? Life is like that you know.
 
You think so? I mean I see where you are coming from regarding if I was gone they might also. But they all seem to have their life straight and figured it out. Everything is so complicated right now. I have so much running through my mind but I mean there is always someone worse off I guess.

I sure hope there really is a switching you are referring to. I need some kind of pick me up right now. It feels as though nothing matters anymore. I didn't get the one thing I wanted in life and messed up the chance I had and now I regret it in ungodly amounts. If I had it things may have changed.


No it's not and it's not my first time doing that either.

That's a great story. I'll have to keep that in mind. Thanks for sharing.


Feel free to shoot me a PM. I've got to get some stuff off my chest.
 
I write down license plate numbers and keep a track of people who are a-holes on the road around my neighborhood and every time I move I dole out a little revenge. I know it's juvenile but I feel like people who are extraordinarily rude on the roads get away with too much. A guy who routinely cut me off and ran me off the road twice while on the motorcycle in Ohio didn't make it to work on time when I moved this past August. In fact, I bet he took the bus for quite some time.
 
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I write down license plate numbers and keep a track of people who are a-holes on the road around my neighborhood and every time I move I dole out a little revenge. I know it's juvenile but I feel like people who are extraordinarily rude on the roads get away with too much. A guy who routinely cut me off and ran me off the road twice while on the motorcycle in Ohio didn't make it to work on time when I moved this past August. In fact, I bet he took the bus for quite some time.
That's actually kind of a good idea.
 
I hear voices telling me to do things I normally wouldn't do.
My buddy told me he has that problem. Not often, but enough that he knows about it. He tries to ignore it but he said it makes him go crazy sometimes.

Hang in there. Have you ever talked to someone qualified about this before? They may be able to offer you some help. This is coming from me, someone who seriously needs some kind of help.
 
No. I've been like this for a while. I've been trying to ignore it and act normally, but it doesn't help. I feel like I'm slowly losing my sanity.
You and me both.

I'd advise it, but you are your own person, so I can't control your actions.
 
I can't imagine how it feels to hear voices telling you to do stuff but a friend of mine had the same problem. He started taking medications and it got better.

In 2006, I had contact with people whom hear voices and I suggested to one of them that it maybe is or could be a paranormal talent (hearing voices of whatever is out there on the paranormal field). He agreed ofcourse.

I was not in my right state of mind back in 2006. Although I still believe in paranormal stuff, I don't think it's voices of dead people .................
 
This is in no way a post to ridicule or insult anyone. I just want to tell an anecdote (really very short :sly:).

A few weeks ago, my father had surgery. When he was recovering, he started to get more and more confused. He even had hallucinations. The strangest thing is that he always heard voices of people, like our neighbours. He heard them talking and always asked where they were, if they were still in his room etc... .

This is probably not the same thing but it is very scary to see somebody imagening things/voices.
 
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