Confession Booth

[Paulie]

I detected my ears were burning and suddenly felt this strange urge to remind myself I don't own an ex-cop car, wierd.

My confession, I'm starting to hate myself and various aspects of my life, and I'm constantly feeling like going berserk at everything that ticks me off, even if it's only marginal.....

Edit: I should clarify that, not exactly my ideals, core values and who I am as a person, but more my appearance, physical state of being and the fact I don't seem to have many personality attributes other human beings find appealing for long term friendships/relationships, especially those of the opposite sex who don't even like to entertain the idea of a short-term relationship let alone much else. I hate myself for it.

 

[Sureboss]

You shouldn't, Paulie. We're all different and you should be proud of who you are. What are your main hobbies? Try and get involved with those hobbies and build up friendships (& more) with people like-minded.

I think as you get older, you tend to have less friends anyway. Well, friends you actually socialise with regularly, but you'll have closer friends. That's what I'm finding, anyway.

Edit: Are you a psychotic killer? That would be a bad personality trait.

 

[Paulie]

You shouldn't, Paulie. We're all different and you should be proud of who you are. What are your main hobbies? Try and get involved with those hobbies and build up friendships (& more) with people like-minded.

I think as you get older, you tend to have less friends anyway. Well, friends you actually socialise with regularly, but you'll have closer friends. That's what I'm finding, anyway.

Edit: Are you a psychotic killer? That would be a bad personality trait.

Finding like-minded people in the real world for me has proven next to impossible, I've found a few through here on GTP but they're either hours of driving or hours of flying (!!) away. I have maybe 2 good friends, one's a cousin, and I see both of them maybe once every couple of months- not for distance related issues but simply because I mustn't be fun to spend time with.
Luckily for you I'm not a psychotic killer.
And again, to clarify, I'm proud of who I am, but I hate myself for my physical state of being and how others seem to perceive me.

 

[TheCracker]

And again, to clarify, I'm proud of who I am, but I hate myself for my physical state of being and how others seem to perceive me.

If you're uncomfortable about your physical state of being, it might sound like i'm stating the obvious, but why don't you do something about it? People are very perceptive, even if it's subconsciously, and will sense that you feel physically unattractive about yourself and will therefore feel uncomfortable in your presence. If you make an effort to do something about your appearance - go to the gym, lose weight, gain weight or whatever you feel needs work on (we don't know what you like so i'm clasping at straws as to advice in this respect) you'll start to feel much better about yourself and others will pick up on this new found confidence too.

 

[Paulie]

If you're uncomfortable about your physical state of being, it might sound like i'm stating the obvious, but why don't you do something about it? People are very perceptive, even if it's subconsciously, and will sense that you feel physically unattractive about yourself and will therefore feel uncomfortable in your presence. If you make an effort to do something about your appearance - go to the gym, lose weight, gain weight or whatever you feel needs work on (we don't know what you like so i'm clasping at straws as to advice in this respect) you'll start to feel much better about yourself and others will pick up on this new found confidence too.

I've tried acne treatments and still have them, I seem to have remarkable age lines for my...age and I do work out and play sport every week but I'm still a little chubby. I'm 191cm tall and weigh 104kg or more depending on when I last ate. I somehow think that my physical appearance is not my major issue now, but it is by no means helping.

Let me put it this way, name someone on here who hasn't been annoyed by me at some time, then name all the people who just flat-out don't like me, now translate that to the real world where all attributes are magnified and hey presto, nobody wants to be around you, ever, despite not being aggressive towards other people.

 

[TheCracker]

Having acne and carrying a little extra weight doesn't make you a hideous beast. It certainly didn't stop Alicia Keys becoming a superstar and sex symbol.

 

[Wenders]

Let me put it this way, name someone on here who hasn't been annoyed by me at some time, then name all the people who just flat-out don't like me, now translate that to the real world where all attributes are magnified and hey presto, nobody wants to be around you, ever, despite not being aggressive towards other people.

To be honest the only thing about you that ever has mildly annoyed me about you is the way you put yourself down all the time. Now I know some people do this for attention but I sense this isn't your reason. I think I have said this to you before in another thread but you really gotta do something to work on your self confidence and once you start liking yourself better you will find that others do to.
Like others have said, you need to get invloved in something you enjoy doing that mixes you with people who have the same interest. Join a gym and start working out, will help shed the extra kilos and you'll meet other people there and maybe make some friends. Acne scarring will reduce in time but not until the hormones have finished over reacting. Of course as just stated buy TheCracker, weight and acne isn't what makes people not like you (and if it is they ain't worth having as friends) but your perception that you are physically unappealing does come across to others and this could make them keep their distance.

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

I somehow think that my physical appearance is not my major issue now, but it is by no means helping.

Let me put it this way, name someone on here who hasn't been annoyed by me at some time, then name all the people who just flat-out don't like me, now translate that to the real world where all attributes are magnified and hey presto, nobody wants to be around you, ever, despite not being aggressive towards other people.

I agree with what has been said by TC and Wenders. I had a very similar problem when I was younger - mostly stemming from poor social skills, not embracing who I really was and a strong dislike of my physical appearance.

I was quite happy - until my girlfriend of three years split from me due to 'Just not loving' me anymore. I spent a month or so in turmoil and then decided I would change for the better or die sad and alone.

I think the reason why people may feel awkward around you is because you have a lack of inner congruence (i.e - you try too hard to impress/please others, looking to them for approval, etc).

In my opinion THE MOST important part of my 'transformation' was getting my inner-self sorted.
This included getting boundaries set of how I expected to be treated and how i'd treat others in return, enjoying myself first and entertaining others second (a person who can entertain number one is VERY attractive, especially to women - it demonstrates great confidence in who you are and where you're 'at') and being the selector, not the selected (not chasing after women as if they had more worth than me, not following friends like a lost lamb - in general, having my own life and making my own decisions).

On a physical level, I decided to drastically change my diet and hit the gym A LOT. This has had two benefits, one being great health and energy to make changes, the other being very strong, natural confidence in myself.

I have probably missed out a lot of relevant stuff, but you can always ask here or PM me with questions.

To break it down;
Inner-self - The very important part. Once you have this sorted, people will naturally become attracted to you and you'll feel great being you.

Outer-self - A nice bonus. Looking great, well groomed and having a good posture can make you feel fantastic and others will really feel this.

EDIT - Oh, take a peek at my sig. I live by that quote.

 

[Legendary]

I've tried acne treatments and still have them, I seem to have remarkable age lines for my...age and I do work out and play sport every week but I'm still a little chubby. I'm 191cm tall and weigh 104kg or more depending on when I last ate. I somehow think that my physical appearance is not my major issue now, but it is by no means helping.

Let me put it this way, name someone on here who hasn't been annoyed by me at some time, then name all the people who just flat-out don't like me, now translate that to the real world where all attributes are magnified and hey presto, nobody wants to be around you, ever, despite not being aggressive towards other people.

Now your just paying yourself out which Wenders has already pointed out is one of the only annoying things you have done. Stop thinking about the problems and do something about it. Go to the Gym, try different acne stuff if you want. I know plenty of guys at school with acne but they have confidence, way more than me. The people with confidence are the ones that make tonnes of friends and fit in. Go on a diet? Once you are happy with your weight you can go out and make more friends, however you go about doing that I dont know. Not many people here can really hate or judge you if they hardly know you so dont worry about people here hating you.

 

[nk4e]

I wouldn't know if this is a confession or not but here goes:
I have been dodging every opportunity that my brother has told me about. For instance, I could be working at a auto dealer shop just because I already have a job though the hours aren't good but I am in school as well. There are many thoughts in my head that goes along the lines like " I am suppose to be in school" " other people work 40 hours a week and go to school" " Who is going to babysit the kids? Will he?" Its hard enough to find a babysitter in the morning because his wife goes to school, He goes to work and I go to school at night and work at nights ( lately, sometimes in the mornings as well) I understand the pay of all it. But what happen to a job is a job. Do you want me to quit to find better one? Another question that he often asks me is about the Military, why haven't I joined just to reap the benefits of all it.
I think that Military is something higher or I don't have a lot of self esteem to do anything.( though I am always home watching their kids). What the hell is wrong with me? A normal person my age will take every opportunity that he/she will get right? There is always the pros and cons of things but in the end, they are always right. Those questions get me very stressed that I would just play a video game all night long. Because if I try to fight back, he will have an answer but there is always the possibility. Holy ****** This is just rushing in my head way too fast...I gotta get back to this report.


After giving it some thought, I guess he is right though he is trying to help.

 

[Alex.]

I am somehow considering destroying the best thing that ever happened to me. My current relationship has lasted almost 8 months, but over that time we have changed as people. I think over the next 2 months it will come to an end. It will be a sad day, but I can only be true to what I feel. If it gets to the point where I'm living a lie, I cannot do that.

What is worse is, I ran into my 'childhood sweetheart' at a party the other night, we started talking and clicked, now she's been on my mind all week.

 

[mustangGT90210]

I've tried acne treatments and still have them, I seem to have remarkable age lines for my...age and I do work out and play sport every week but I'm still a little chubby. I'm 191cm tall and weigh 104kg or more depending on when I last ate. I somehow think that my physical appearance is not my major issue now, but it is by no means helping.

Let me put it this way, name someone on here who hasn't been annoyed by me at some time, then name all the people who just flat-out don't like me, now translate that to the real world where all attributes are magnified and hey presto, nobody wants to be around you, ever, despite not being aggressive towards other people.

I've never been annoyed, no worries. There's one for your list!

I'mma go out on a limb here and give you what helped me feel better. First of all, it started when I started playing football. I got to high school, and I started to look noticeably better. This mattered to me for a short while, but I soon realized that there's always gonna be stronger/bigger/more in shape people, so I moved on to my current ideal called the "I don't give a flying **** what anyone thinks of how I look." I lift weights now, and just enjoy getting stronger. I don't look very strong, I think, but I don't let anyone know that until I'm asked to flex (which really isn't that incredible lol). Once I got past that whole appearance thing, I focused more energy into women, and though I usually shot myself in the foot and never talked to them after we hooked up, it made me feel better(aside from the fact it feels great physically). Basically, they saw that I had confidence in myself, and I guess it made me better in their eyes. Doesn't hurt that I have a sense of humor either. And during this flourish of going about my business, getting closer to my friends, and always on the lookout for my next woman fix, I found my current girlfriend, who's all I can ask for and then some

What I'm trying to say here: Lift weights, run, do something physical regularly, it'll make you feel better. And stop caring what you look like, focus on being yourself. Don't bend over backwards for anyone unless you feel it totally necessary. Women are not something to do this for, your man friends are. Just by those 2 things, I think I've become a better person, and I'm WAY happier than before, it's night and day.

Good luck buddy, you can do it!

 

[boiltheocean]

I've hit this awkward point with a very close female friend. I've liked her for a good while now and others have noticed how well we get along. Lately I've been getting really strong urges to tell her how I feel but I never do, I always feel that if we get into a relationship I'll end up messing it up at some point by being a complete dick, then I'll loose the friendship too, which is something I really don't want to happen.

I have no idea what I'm going to do about this.

 

[MarinaDiamandis]

I am somehow considering destroying the best thing that ever happened to me. My current relationship has lasted almost 8 months, but over that time we have changed as people. I think over the next 2 months it will come to an end. It will be a sad day, but I can only be true to what I feel. If it gets to the point where I'm living a lie, I cannot do that.

What is worse is, I ran into my 'childhood sweetheart' at a party the other night, we started talking and clicked, now she's been on my mind all week.

At least you have the decency to end it rather than play with her feelings. I think most people have been in a similar position and it's all too easy to shrug responsibility. Funnily enough I split from a short-term partner to be with my childhood sweetheart and.. it really sucked - Grass isn't always greener, or somesuch babble.

 

[Joey D]

I've hit this awkward point with a very close female friend. I've liked her for a good while now and others have noticed how well we get along. Lately I've been getting really strong urges to tell her how I feel but I never do, I always feel that if we get into a relationship I'll end up messing it up at some point by being a complete dick, then I'll loose the friendship too, which is something I really don't want to happen.

I have no idea what I'm going to do about this.

I tried dating a girl whom I was really good friends with. It worked really well for about 2-3 months and then it all went downhill quickly. We ended up breaking up and lost our friendship. I'm not saying not to do it, everyone is different, but what I am saying is if you go for it just keep that in mind that you may loose a friend.

However, the problem with not going for it is that you will be left wondering "what if" which is an awful feeling.

Maybe you could sort test the water to see where she stands?

 

[boiltheocean]

I tried dating a girl whom I was really good friends with. It worked really well for about 2-3 months and then it all went downhill quickly. We ended up breaking up and lost our friendship. I'm not saying not to do it, everyone is different, but what I am saying is if you go for it just keep that in mind that you may loose a friend.

This is what I fear the most, we have good times as it stands. I wouldn't want to throw that away for the sake of a little more, then nothing.

However, the problem with not going for it is that you will be left wondering "what if" which is an awful feeling.

Exactly.

Maybe you could sort test the water to see where she stands?

I've been asked a few times if we were/or close to together. Apparently it's fairly obvious she likes me too, but I hate uncertainty.

It's all in my mind, I'm sure of that. But I have no idea how I can overcome whatever issue or lack of confidence I'm having.

 

[hemisport15]

^Know exactly how you feel man. Think of it this way, you'll never know unless you try. It might not work out the way you want it to, but then you will never have the thought of you never expressing your feelings on your mind. And if you both really enjoy each others company and the relationship doesn't work out you should be able to maintain some sort of relationship.

 

[Alex.]

At least you have the decency to end it rather than play with her feelings. I think most people have been in a similar position and it's all too easy to shrug responsibility. Funnily enough I split from a short-term partner to be with my childhood sweetheart and.. it really sucked - Grass isn't always greener, or somesuch babble.

It isn't indeed. I'm going to chase up the sweetheart issue and gauge it's potential, but I hope it isnt the thing that breaks up my relationship. It's more a combination of my relationship sinking and now this new girl, my mind is in a blender right now.

 

[TheCracker]

I've hit this awkward point with a very close female friend. I've liked her for a good while now and others have noticed how well we get along. Lately I've been getting really strong urges to tell her how I feel but I never do, I always feel that if we get into a relationship I'll end up messing it up at some point by being a complete dick, then I'll loose the friendship too, which is something I really don't want to happen.

I have no idea what I'm going to do about this.

This is what I fear the most, we have good times as it stands. I wouldn't want to throw that away for the sake of a little more, then nothing.

I've been asked a few times if we were/or close to together. Apparently it's fairly obvious she likes me too, but I hate uncertainty.

You can look at it two ways. Firstly, do you value her friendship more than you'd like to have a physical relationship with her?

Secondly, in five or so years time when you've lost contact with her, will you be content with just having being friends with her, or will you be kicking yourself for not at least trying to take things further?

 

[boiltheocean]

You can look at it two ways. Firstly, do you value her friendship more than you'd like to have a physical relationship with her?

Secondly, in five or so years time when you've lost contact with her, will you be content with just having being friends with her, or will you be kicking yourself for not at least trying to take things further?

I feel like Cameron sitting in his car debating if I should go out.

 

[Neal]

@ SweetshopUnion

I’ve been in a similar position a couple of times so know it can be extremely difficult deciding what to do and the longer you think about it the harder it becomes. It sounds like you’ve got a pretty good friendship with her so it’s understandable you don’t want to jeopardise it by getting into a relationship that may not last but if the friendship is strong enough there’s a very good chance that it would last if the relationship didn’t.

My gut feeling would be to go for it, sometimes you’ve got to put your neck on the line and do the things you’re terrified of to get the best things out of life. I’ve got a friend who’s just turned 30 and has got a kid with his wife who he started going out with when he was 17, my point being that if he hadn’t taken the plunge he wouldn’t be where he is today.

By the sound of it she is probably going through exactly the same thing and doesn’t know what to do. How cool would it be if you were the confident one who made the first step?? Just go easy on the Dutch courage!

 

[mustangGT90210]

I've hit this awkward point with a very close female friend. I've liked her for a good while now and others have noticed how well we get along. Lately I've been getting really strong urges to tell her how I feel but I never do, I always feel that if we get into a relationship I'll end up messing it up at some point by being a complete dick, then I'll loose the friendship too, which is something I really don't want to happen.

I have no idea what I'm going to do about this.

Friends with benefits. You get all the friendship, plus the perks of relationship, minus the cons of being involved, and then take it from there 👍

 

[Alex.]

Watch it, I've seen many a time when a guy wanted more with a female friend and it pushed them away from eachother. Huge risk.

 

[boiltheocean]

I don't really want any more from her than I have now, more time with her would be great and that's all I expect. The main issue is telling her I really like spending time with her, I might just have to grow some balls and do it.

Thanks for the responses everyone.

 

[Boffin]

I'm in exactly the same position, so I'm interested to see what you do.

 

[Alex.]

My relationship from earlier posts is now hanging by a thread. No, I don't mean she read this one

 

[mustangGT90210]

With god as my witness, I'm about **** someone up for keying my truck. And yes, I'm confessing in advance

 

[Bram Turismo]

I've hit this awkward point with a very close female friend. I've liked her for a good while now and others have noticed how well we get along. Lately I've been getting really strong urges to tell her how I feel but I never do, I always feel that if we get into a relationship I'll end up messing it up at some point by being a complete dick, then I'll loose the friendship too, which is something I really don't want to happen.

I have no idea what I'm going to do about this.

How do you feel about her?

I've been in the exact same position as you SSU. She was one of my best friends, and I think some premos might remember me making a similar posts as yours a few years back. We just kept hanging out until one day we just kissed and got together. We dated for two years until I broke up after I noticed she always thought I was going to spend time with other girls behind her back. Talk about trusting each other eh?

Anyway, we still talk together, but it's not the same friendship. Don't step into that trap either. It doesn't matter who it is; things will never get the same as before you got together, that's utter nonsense. Just go for it, explore and enjoy it while it lasts. Just don't step into the whole friendship crap thing. If you have feelings for her, do it. If you don't, get the point across and keep up the friendship.

 

[Adam41]

.

 

[Bram Turismo]