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I get how you feel Vandenal. I often feel the same ways. Just sitting in a mucked-up life with no one here.
I have been learning on depression and do think I'm on the verge, things have shown I'm overly stressed about work and yet I still feel like an idiot. I have HW to do now, hell I just don't see the point of it. I feel like all I'm doing is feeding myself lies to drift away from society with my idiot ideas. Noting is ever perfect. I constantly observe people and people around me and just feel like no one wants to care. I have no best friend. I have no girlfriend. I have no skills. I mean yes I talk at school, and relaitvely quite a lot, because a lot of people do know WHO I am, but I just don't seem to care anymore.
Besides, posting on here normally makes me feel even more ridiculous. Complaining to a bunch of people who don't even know me....
Yes. But you just have to keep battling through it. I have a best friend, but my parents don't really trust me around him. Its because he smoked WHAT?!? thing, he doesn't do it anymore, and I don't either. Plus video games don't help here, and when I first signed up here, I was hell-bent on getting 1000 posts, and now I'm trying to slow down. I've been sick with a stomach virus and actually want to go to school tomorrow. It seems I care less than I ever have about anything before. Now I rarely do homework, and really get on peoples nerves. I've always had a happy one moment then mad the rest of the day personality, now its a sad and mad. I build rage through the day, then get home and can't take anymore. I say mean things to my parents then go to my room and just break down, cause I can't believe I said that to the people I love. My sister offered to let me live with her in the city, so I could go to a new school and restart. I'm considering it...
With so much going on around us in modern life, it's not strange to have confused feelings about purpose, or true direction. There is so much pulling us this way and that - sometimes you just want to scream and do really crazy things. Everything implants ideas in our heads - you HAVE to have a model as a girlfriend, drive a BMW, Merc or Audi, own a huge house, ace everything at university and go on holiday 3 times a year.
I used to be the same and did some crazy stuff. I was just barely existing but had bursts of brilliance. Then I got a grip and started making change for myself - instead of wallowing in self-pity and excuses stemming from 'I might be depressed' thinking. Seriously, you're both men - take control, because nobody else will in a way that benefits you.
Find your path! Even if it isn't your true path, it will bring you closer to finding your true path and you'll develop from it.
I think the main thing that got me started was just becoming healthier, especially cutting refined sugar out of my diet. I was either hyperactive or totally drained depending on how much sugar I had consumed. The focus I can achive without it brings me clarity.
Everything else followed on from this, I could literally list my personal development here because it was such a huge leap with every step I took.
It's different for everyone, but try to find your way onto that 'ladder' of focus/motivation. Once you have a goal, no matter how small or easily accomplished, you can push for it and every little step will reveal more.
Remember - If you have a lot of spare time your mind will try to fill that time, usually by overthinking and clouding everything in 'stuff'. Every bit of 'stuff' will then branch off and cloud itself in more 'stuff' and your mind will be full of useless nothing that steals your clarity.