Depression and Anxiety Thread

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Seems ceiling lights don't hold the weight of an adult.
It's a sign?







(Of poorly installed ceiling lights)

I sincerely hope you realise that that is not a good way to test a ceiling light installation and you find a reason to keep plodding through.

Looking for some feedback/ advice on a friend of mine who suffers from anxiety and depression who lives on the other side of the planet from me. I’ve known her for nearly a decade, we don’t see one another more than a few times a year, but we talk regularly when we can.

She is in an especially difficult place in her life at the moment, as her parents are getting a divorce and she came out as gay recently and is scared to death to tell her family. I’ve not heard from her for a while now, not a peep since her father announced the divorce.

I don’t want to push her to talk, she will when she is ready and she knows I am here, but I don’t want her to feel like she is alone right now. She’s told me that sometimes she doesn’t want to talk to me (or anyone for that matter, I don’t take that personally), but she has also told me I’ve not been there for her at times, even though I am just giving her the space she wanted. I worry about her, the long silences are tough. I can’t shake the feeling that I am letting her down in the times she needs a friend the most.

What’s the best approach to this? I realize things are more complicated and there is no definitive answer, but I welcome any comments.
Simplest answer is to arrange a time to talk. Sometimes when you are really low it's good to have some structure and have something in the diary to look forward to waking up to, even if it's just a chat.
 
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So, I'm off work with ‘work-related stress causing anxiety and low mood' (to quote the doctor's note). This is the second time I've been off with these symptoms. Last time was a different position/company. I currently manage a small team of four and have been off work since the beginning of the month. It was a good job up until recently but we (I) have come under extreme scrutiny for some reason lately.

There are constant demands to do more, with less. The workload is piling up, as are the additional responsibilities. The entire team is doing their best but it seems this is not enough.

There are numerous reasons why I feel like I do; I feel like I'm not coping with the workload or demands from my line manager. There is a bad email culture from upper management that consists of emails being sent out-of-hours and very late into the evening/early hours. I have a company phone that picks these up and have had to make a conscious decision not to look at the phone in the evenings and weekends. If I do, the negativity in the emails ruin my mood.

Some of these emails are predominately seeking to blame and criticise. There is also an obvious ulterior motive of ‘ass covering’ in some of these mails too, which I find disturbing.

There's also a high degree of micro-management and I don't feel trusted to complete my duties. I'm not being fully informed of managements intentions concerning my team.

I should probably point out that no one from management has ‘called me out’ on my performance which makes all this scrutiny doubly odd.

Basically, my thought process is that I’m not cut out for this and I’m letting my family down again. I feel awful about that but I cannot carry on as I am as it’s literally making me ill. I guess this is just not for me. So, I am most likely not going to return to work there which leaves me (again) jobless and looking for a new role. This is easier said than done ‘cos the job market in my field is on its ass.

I have a meeting with HR soon so we'll see how that goes...

I had a meeting a week or so ago with HR and obviously the choice was always going to be solely down to me whether or not to return. I have decided to go back. It's not been an easy decision and I am still not sure it's the right thing to do. I go back tomorrow and frankly, I'm terrified. :nervous: Haven't been able to concentrate on anything at all today...
 
If you know someone dealing with depression and/or anxiety, the thing you fear most is when you don't hear back from someone or someone tends to be TOO private about his/her own issues. You want to do all you can to help out someone in need or even in crisis. Communication and understanding are important in times like these. If that person can help himself/herself with his/her issues, more power to him/her; but it helps to have an extra set of eyes and some extra guidance. Better safe than sorry.


Don't let depression and/or anxiety win.
 
Couldn't do it. After a totally sleepless night I cannot bring myself to go back. Feel like a complete failure... :(
 
Couldn't do it. After a totally sleepless night I cannot bring myself to go back. Feel like a complete failure... :(
Sorry to hear that... but give yourself the credit you deserve - even considering going back was a big thing to do. If you can't bring yourself to go back, then at least that is telling you something - you can't force yourself to feel differently, and you are certainly not a failure.
 
Well I thought I was finally going to be getting my life a little together after getting a job as a pizza delivery driver but that all went away last night after my radiator decided to blow. It's gonna be a quite a while before I can get a new one so I was forced to quit after only working three days.

I'm right back at the bottom again. :/
 
Feeling pretty good since my divorce with mobile data, limiting my internet access to just a laptop at work. Outside of work I have a dumb phone for emergencies and that's it. No connectivity.

My evenings have been spent listening to albums, reading (so much reading!), leisurely house and garden chores, cooking; all the things that I used to forgo when procrastination was so easy - YouTube, movies, news streams - all those attention hogging, meaningless platforms.

I do wonder how much modern tech has an impact on our well being. I'm beginning to see how much it interfered with 'life', despite missing some features of productivity that smart phones make effortless. The trade-off has been well worth it so far.
 
I found this Reddit post to be surprisingly insightful.

“Hello friend. I don’t know you but I promise that I care about you, I truly do. From a 25 year old finally finding some stability, here is what I can offer:

YES to therapy. All of it. And not just the stuff that gives you tools on how to manage your depression, but the deep, deep childhood Jungian stuff. If I didn’t learn why I was how I was, and then go through this year of anger and sadness, and then take the necessary steps to change what I needed to change, I would never get out of the pit. You usually ask yourself, "What made me physically ill?". Now, ask yourself, "What made me mentally ill?" Good therapy is swimming through the river of **** so you can get to the dry bank on the other side.

YES to medication. It’s a booster, it won’t change everything. You might have more luck with mood stabilizers instead of anti-depressants. And, we are currently in an anti-depressant epidemic, so that always felt a little more comfortable for me. But that is just ego, don’t let it get to you.

YES to regimented sleep. I mean this. You know the word lunacy or lunatic? It comes from luna, the moon. And it’s because during full moons when we didn’t have fully dark homes it would keep people up, and it would trigger mania in bipolar. If I sleep 5 hours, I’m a wreck. If I sleep 9 hours, I’m a wreck. I need 7-8 like clockwork, and it seriously takes me from a 2/10 to a 7/10. Do whatever you can to manage this: yellow light glasses, sleeping medication (stay away from benzo/opioids), job changes, anything. The studies on this keep on coming.

YES to exercise. It works, it works, it works. Don’t do **** you hate: if you hate running, lift. If you hate lifting, do yoga. Do it, celebrate every workout, breathe in the endorphin freedom.

YES to finding self responsibility. You will never heal without it. I recently talked to a woman with a 35-year-old bipolar son living back at home. I told her, “Sorry mom. I know you want to love him, and I know he is in pain, but he will never heal if he is still under mom’s roof.” It’s just how male psychology works. I know you are female, but there are equivalents to this; such as you saying losing your partner would be the end of it. I am absolutely in LOVE with my current partner. I feel the same way. But technically, I do not NEED her. She doesn’t feed me, or pay my bills, or organize my hiking trips (now if I didn’t have those, that’s another story…). So you must find self-reliance. You can, and you will.

YES to long term goals and short term habits. This is called Kaizen. Your small victories are not working because they aren’t going anywhere. I know we are told to celebrate the showers and the little stuff, and sometimes that helps, but you need to celebrate the showers because that means you are one step closer to X. Being self-reliant. Volunteering for a cause. Travelling. Getting in great shape. Start with your values, create a self-mission statement, set five year goals, and break those all the way down to literally what you have to do TODAY to reach it. Write one sentence of a book. Do one pushup. Now these things have meaning.

YES to sobriety. I don’t drink or smoke and I’m very bored and it sucks. But I am stable. And I don’t have breakdowns. And I don’t have binges. And it is so, so much better. You’ll find a whole new world of health and friendships to explore.

Do not flail your fists violently at depression. It is a fog, it cannot be beat that way. You must be calm, collected, slow and steady. You must wake up to good music, cook a good breakfast, get out the door. Get out the door, every single day. Go to a coffee shop and read, whatever.

You must confront your ineffective thoughts with questions. Not “I’m NOT a terrible person!” but, “OK, sure brain, I’m a terrible person. Here, I’m going to get up right now and knock this person’s coffee out of their hand because I’m terrible. Wait, of course I’m not going to do that. Can I really be terrible? Hm…”

YES to trusting others. Everything I just said above, depression has given you reasons and excuses why it will not work. I’ve been there. “That’s all great, but…” You are in the fog so you can’t SEE. We can see you, though. I can see you be happy, healthy, stable, strong. I can see you get down like we all do, but knowing how to manage it correctly and knowing it will end. Be well, I am here.”
 
Couldn't do it. After a totally sleepless night I cannot bring myself to go back. Feel like a complete failure... :(

Well, this morning I had a final meeting with my boss and HR and resigned. It went okay, at least it ended amicably, I do feel slightly better; the burden of that particular job is lifted. It's been replaced by crippling financial anxiety though, so I've got that going for me! (half-joking!) ;)

I'm going to take a bit of time out and try and get my head together...
 
Well, this morning I had a final meeting with my boss and HR and resigned. It went okay, at least it ended amicably, I do feel slightly better; the burden of that particular job is lifted. It's been replaced by crippling financial anxiety though, so I've got that going for me! (half-joking!) ;)

I'm going to take a bit of time out and try and get my head together...

It takes a lot of courage to risk your livelihood for the sake of your mental health, being 'happy' doesn't pay the bills after all. I would advise reflecting on how you responded to the situation you were in though, and how you could be better prepared if it happens again - because it probably will, if you're pursuing jobs in corporate environments.

Haha... triggered....:lol:

We don't have guns though...

...unless you didn't mean, self-pacification-via-high-velocity-projectile...

Honestly, though, I started to type out a post countering those points in the reddit post, and I thought, I'm just going to sound triggered... and I know they mean well, so I won't... but seriously... TRIGGERED... I first self-harmed before they were even ****ing born, I've lived with depression for their whole life, I don't have a partner like they do, and I can't (necessarily) afford to treat my job like they do, my peak physical fitness happened to come at some of my lowest points.. and I also don't like being lectured about alcoholism, because **** me do I know about the pros and cons of that one (FAR ****ing better than someone that doesn't drink) ... so just leave the think-happy-thoughts-and-be-less-sad ideals at the door, they're about as much use as hopes 'n' prayers. Talking achieves nothing and medication doesn't always work... so I'm glad they found the time to type "I CARE" into the internet, but **** off.
 
Honestly, though, I started to type out a post countering those points in the reddit post, and I thought, I'm just going to sound triggered... and I know they mean well, so I won't... but seriously... TRIGGERED... I first self-harmed before they were even ****ing born, I've lived with depression for their whole life, I don't have a partner like they do, and I can't (necessarily) afford to treat my job like they do, my peak physical fitness happened to come at some of my lowest points.. and I also don't like being lectured about alcoholism, because **** me do I know about the pros and cons of that one (FAR ****ing better than someone that doesn't drink) ... so just leave the think-happy-thoughts-and-be-less-sad ideals at the door, they're about as much use as hopes 'n' prayers. Talking achieves nothing and medication doesn't always work... so I'm glad they found the time to type "I CARE" into the internet, but **** off.

I do agree with you that it appears to be from someone who hasn't really ever hit rock bottom, I just liked the cheery perspective of it compared to my own very negative outlook on life most of the time. The post didn't really help me with anything (obviously) but I thought it might be useful for someone stuck in a bit of a rut.
 
It takes a lot of courage to risk your livelihood for the sake of your mental health, being 'happy' doesn't pay the bills after all. I would advise reflecting on how you responded to the situation you were in though, and how you could be better prepared if it happens again - because it probably will, if you're pursuing jobs in corporate environments.

I don't know about 'courage'. I certainly don't feel couragous, far from it. But I must admit, I haven't really thought about it that way. Perhaps you're right. :)

As for it happening again; yes, I'm aware that it could. However, I do know why I reacted the way I did. I just need to keep it under control. Also, I don't intend to apply for such corporate roles going forward.

Thank you :)
 
My problems with my SO is now causing my anxiety to go nuts. My cleaning problem is at its worst, I’m doing it 5-6 hours a day, can’t stop even when I’m tired. I’m also not able to process emotions because of repetitive thoughts.

I wish I could calm myself down enough to be able to take decisions regarding my relationship.
 
My problems with my SO is now causing my anxiety to go nuts. My cleaning problem is at its worst, I’m doing it 5-6 hours a day, can’t stop even when I’m tired. I’m also not able to process emotions because of repetitive thoughts.

I wish I could calm myself down enough to be able to take decisions regarding my relationship.
Can the problems be discussed with your SO so that the anxiety can be reduced?
 
Can the problems be discussed with your SO so that the anxiety can be reduced?

I have but the issue is broken trust, I either have a choice to work on rebuilding it or ending the whole thing. That is the cause of my anxiety getting worse, but I’m unable to calm down enough to take a decision.
 
I have but the issue is broken trust, I either have a choice to work on rebuilding it or ending the whole thing. That is the cause of my anxiety getting worse, but I’m unable to calm down enough to take a decision.
Is there anything that relaxes you in terms of letting you clear your head?
 
All of the news regarding COVID-19/Coronavirus can bring a lot of people to depression, anger, or anything like that. I think what is most important in regards to this topic is to simply not panic so much. It helps to have things to help you feel happy when times get rough. Like, I have been watching some Twitch game streams to get my mind off of all the COVID-19 news.

Having said this, I began thinking about something I never even remotely thought of. I was thinking of... briefly vacationing from social media. I mostly use social media to promote my blog posts and other creative content. There are a lot of people who try to make certain things lighthearted or try to joke about it. However, a lot of people just seem to only bring negative energy to make already bad things even more so. Some even bring unnecessary negativity to things. You can only deal with so much stupidity from most people. Like I get so annoyed about certain hashtags and certain commonly said things. For example, "cancel everything" with this recent situation. I can take jokes, but some people post any kind of nonsense just to depress me further and further to delirium. So I especially wanted to get away from Twitter. I feel Twitter is the worst among Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I mostly use Twitter for quickly searching news topics without having to jump onto dedicated news sites. I have not *officially* decided to step away from social media, but I have thought about it.

Remain vigilant when there is some sort of major disaster or some major situation, but try to keep your happiness and good faith going. If you lack either, try to find that sort of strength any way you can with whatever you can.


Don't let depression or anxiety win.
 
All of the news regarding COVID-19/Coronavirus can bring a lot of people to depression, anger, or anything like that. I think what is most important in regards to this topic is to simply not panic so much. It helps to have things to help you feel happy when times get rough. Like, I have been watching some Twitch game streams to get my mind off of all the COVID-19 news.

Having said this, I began thinking about something I never even remotely thought of. I was thinking of... briefly vacationing from social media. I mostly use social media to promote my blog posts and other creative content. There are a lot of people who try to make certain things lighthearted or try to joke about it. However, a lot of people just seem to only bring negative energy to make already bad things even more so. Some even bring unnecessary negativity to things. You can only deal with so much stupidity from most people. Like I get so annoyed about certain hashtags and certain commonly said things. For example, "cancel everything" with this recent situation. I can take jokes, but some people post any kind of nonsense just to depress me further and further to delirium. So I especially wanted to get away from Twitter. I feel Twitter is the worst among Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I mostly use Twitter for quickly searching news topics without having to jump onto dedicated news sites. I have not *officially* decided to step away from social media, but I have thought about it.

Remain vigilant when there is some sort of major disaster or some major situation, but try to keep your happiness and good faith going. If you lack either, try to find that sort of strength any way you can with whatever you can.


Don't let depression or anxiety win.

This is exactly why I rarely watch the news and only go on Facebook once or twice every few months. I understand that the world we live in isn't perfect, but that doesn't mean we have be overwhelmed with all that is wrong on a daily bases. Some may say I'm naive or selfish to some extent but I try to only worry about the things I can control rather than the things I have no control over. If it is something I have control of, guess what? I address the issue and move on with my life. Doing so over the past few years has given me peace in mind and helped me enjoy things in life I once took for granted. We are only on this planet for a short period of time, why spend the rest of your life feeling like (for lack of a better term) ****.
 
Yeah, the whole Covid situation is bad enough without the social & news media BS. I've discovered reading helps take my mind off things (Covid and other stuff I'm going through). I can really lose myself in a book, way more than sim-racing or video gaming in general (for the moment anyway).
 
If you do a lot of creative work, times like recently are great times to try to make quality material. Us creative types can use our creativity to combat the slow and agonizing life that has taken form of late. As our world continues to transform the way that it is currently, it can be very easy to feel depressed and anxious. So we need all the different distractions we can take advantage of to help feel better and more confident. I just wanted to post this to people who mostly do any kind of creative work- digital art, music, literature, online streaming, etc.
 
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