So why am I so damn impatient? Why can't I just take it all in stride and be happy? Of course I'd love nothing more than for us to go out tomorrow, but that's not happening, and that's ok. I don't know where it came from but within the last couple months I've developed this incessant anxiety whenever a girl doesn't make an effort to reach out to me, even if all the evidence to the contrary indicates that I shouldn't be freaking out. It's like I need constant reassurance that I'm being thought about, which is tough to admit but it's an insecurity I never used to have and it bothers me now. Especially because when I get like this, it hits me hard.
This, this and this.
I was exactly the same until about a week ago. The girl I know has been going on for the past few months about wanting to meet up and stuff, and I finally had the guts to ask her if she wanted to hang out. However, she told me that she'd planned like the next two or three weeks hanging out with other people and that she'd be too tired out to meet me. As she was busy with others, she barely messaged anymore, whereas before we'd text for hours, sometimes from 5 in the morning until 11 at night, all day.
Because of the way I'm wired, my mind instantly assumed I'd done something wrong, or that she was bored with me, or just flat out did not want anything to do with anymore for whatever reason. What sucks even more is that even though you want to just ask them all of these questions to gain some sort of information or closure, you know you can't because they're out doing other things and having a good time, and you don't want to spoil it for them and then
really make yourself look like a tool.
You go through many emotions as well, several in the space of minutes some times. Anxiety, apathy, anger, sadness, usually a weird combination of all of them. I even contemplated telling this girl that I just flat out could no longer talk to someone who didn't acknowledge my existence. But then I wondered - why?
She had the common courtesy to explain herself. Her reasons for not meeting up - whilst a bit disappointing and underwhelming - are completely justified and I would probably be the same in her situation. Then I realised she was still messaging when she could, and whilst the convos don't last as long, it still displays that there is an ounce of interest is still there. I realised that the way were are at the moment is probably how it will be, at least for a while. I don't think we'll be going back to long convos until later again, and a relationship is out of my grasp at this stage. However, (and I know it sounds cheesy and a bit soppy), I'd much rather talk to her like this rather than not talk at all.
Once I stopped worrying about it all, everything seemed to go a lot better. In texts, I'm not as cautious with what I write anymore, meaning my contributions have more depth to them and the conversations last longer. She's already perked up at the idea of meeting rather than when I was constantly asking every week whether she was available, and I'm genuinely the happiest I've been in weeks.
She can watch 50 Shades of Grey but cant watch Saw or any "horror" movie.
