Here's my predicament at the moment.
I forget when was the last time I posted here updating my situation and what exactly I said here, so here's a quick recap. I have strong feelings for a girl but I found out she's been going out with a friend.
As some of you may know I've moved away because of family reasons. Before I moved I went to the movies with her. First, we went to see the new mission impossible with her and a couple of friends from our math class (including her boyfriend). We walked around the mall afterwards. She said that we had to hang out one last time before i move when she had to go. Then we went to see the paper towns movie with her and one of her friends (I was the only guy in the theater lol). At that time I thought she knew I had at least some feelings for her. Before she had to go, we hugged and she promised that we'll text everyday and keep in touch etc.
After I moved here, we text like every few days. I see on social media she's hanging out with her boyfriend. I know I can't stop her from that. And I think she deserves him and they're great together. But obviously no matter what I'll be jealous because that's just how people are. School started here (weeks before there) and we talked a bit about school and stuff. Back in New Years, we talked about new years resolutions and she said that she wanted to be happy (cough foreshadowing cough). I asked her how that was going and we talked a bit. Then after a couple weeks school started there. We talked. Before we just to text everyday and as time goes on it starts to slow down, but that's normal and understandable.
One day, I decided that I should probably tell her how I feel about her. Considering I'm a thousand miles away, in a completely different region in the US and there'll be no almost no hope in seeing her in person again. So I said that before she went out with her boyfriend, I really liked her and if she wasn't going out with him, would I have had a chance. She said that she really liked me as a friend and that it would be plausible that she might have liked me rather than him. I was surprised she didn't know that I had feeling since I have asked her to go see a movie a two times before and-- now that I write this, it probably wasn't that obvious. We continue to text every so often but there's definitely an awkward atmosphere between us.
Then on my birthday she wished me a happy birthday and that was about it. As time goes on there's less things to talk about because of this physical separation. It's understandable and its inevitable. I had my mind set on just trying to give up and stop thinking about getting into a relationship.
We don't text for a couple days then out of the blue, she texts me the other day. She says she auctioned for the school's play (there's a play every term and she loves it and she was one is the most important actors last year) and that she thought she wasn't going to get a part. Me, with my heart before my brain, say that she'll do great and I'm 100% sure she'll get a part. Later that night she said that she didn't get a part and thanked me for believing in her.
Afterwards she asks me if she can talk to me about something. Obviously, my mind goes wild, what could it be? I say okay sure. She tells me how she's been feeling bad since last year (which is very surprising, because she is the most cheerful, happy, friendly, nice person I've ever met. She's literally friends with everyone) so me being me, I comfort her.
So now I'm thinking, what am I to her and where is this going? I'm 100% okay with being "friend zoned", whatever that means. Where do I want this to go? I mean it'll be great to be in a relationship with her but logistically, long distance isn't ideal and I'd hate for her to break up with her boyfriend. I've known him since elementary school; he's a great, intelligent guy. It'll be awkward for them in school. From my pessimistic point of view, this'll probably go no where and I'll just feel worse about things considering how my luck is. Ultimately, I want her to be happy.
I'm done venting. Wow that was long.
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