The General Relationship Thread

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I rarely open and read this thread. I did it a few times to post something about myself but since I broke up with my ex-gf after 9 years together, it's the first time I'm here because the thread just appeared on top of the section again. So, I was reading through it and came accross @Team THRT Drift post.

Team THRT Drift
Alright. It's been 5.. almost 6 months.

I have contemplated running away, I have contemplated suicide, I have contemplated many things. I can never bring myself to do it but the thought is there.

It's a thought that is frequently rearing its head but rarely leaves.

I know it's not the answer. I don't see it as the answer but I need to put this in writing. At least it will help me see how ridiculous it is.
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I just want to let you know that's normal and I think everyone who sincerely loves another person and, for some reason or another, loses that close relationship, everything you describe is just natural to go through. But the lines I quoted resonate with me in particular and I felt I shouldn't just let it slide and not say something in return.

I remember being 2500Km away from home (and my ex-gf) when some of those thoughts and emotions would go through my head time and time again. The best thing I could do when that happened was to go out and just walk without a particular destiny in mind, whatever hour it would be. When I was at work, my head was busy so I was able to go through the day quite normally. But after that and until the next day it was pretty bad. I would leave my flat at 2 or 3am, negative temperatures, and walk for 20Km without stopping. Just so my body would feel something intense and avoid the (dark) thinking process I would, more or less automatically, engage in if I was just sitting at home.

If you can, do exercise. Go to the gym. If you go through some of those thoughts in the middle of the night, go outside (if you live in an area where you can do it... When I was doing it, the threat of being robber or shot wasn't really a threat to me, since I wouldn't care if anything would happen, but as I'm talking to another person, I have to tell you that is not what one should do when being reasonable and thinking straight).

And just on the word "ridiculous" and the fact that you think that contemplating suicide is something ridiculous, I've learned quite the opposite. Only someone committed to life and a deep meaningful life for that matter will ever contemplate and reflect on suicide and what life is worth. Great thinkers and philosophers have spoken and written about it. And I'll suggest you a small chapter of a very good book on this topic.

I bought "The Myth of Sisyphus" by Albert Camus when I was going through some dark times and started reading on my first, last and only visit to a psychologist to talk about what I was going through. As I was sitting in the waiting room, I read the first chapter "An Absurd Reasoning". This chapter is about suicide and is just a masterpiece (at least that's what I think of it because, at the time I was reading it, it just made me think about myself and my thoughts on a completely different way). I didn't come back to that psychologist - not because she was bad, but because she didn't tell me anything I didn't know already. The book (and that chapter in particular) was the reason I didn't end up going back.

One of my favorite quotes from Dostoevsky's' Crime and Punishment goes like:

I know that you don't believe it, but indeed, life will bring you through. You will live it down in time. What you need now is fresh air, fresh air, fresh air!

Just keep you head above your shoulders. We all go down once in a while.
 
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MoLiEG
Yikes :crazy:

Have you considered finishing that relationship for good? If I'm correct, you've been breaking up and returning to each other for way too much time, and that is a sign that things don't work at 100% :indiff:
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Backing this up with personal experience. Get out of the relationship, it'll only help you. I refused to let go and suffered a whole lot of abuse for it.
 
MoLiEG
Yikes :crazy:

Have you considered finishing that relationship for good? If I'm correct, you've been breaking up and returning to each other for way too much time, and that is a sign that things don't work at 100% :indiff:
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It's not so much that breaking up is the issue, it's still a long distance relationship. Due to her work she's lived in 5 different countries over the past few years, none of which have been here in the UK with me. This makes it too easy to drift apart when things aren't quite right - and it's never because things aren't right between us - it's because things aren't right with each of us. When she's going through a bad patch she stops talking to me, and I do kinda do the same - when you constantly have to make an effort to be in each others lives its exhausting. There's also significant financial pressure at the moment as with her last change of job she is financially dependent on me, which is crippling at the moment to be honest, though this shouldn't carry on for much longer. The fact is one of us needs to give up our current lives if we're going to be together, she won't do it yet (for reasons that I understand), and I can't financially afford the risk at the moment.

Obelisk
Backing this up with personal experience. Get out of the relationship, it'll only help you. I refused to let go and suffered a whole lot of abuse for it.
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It is emotionally and financially exhausting, but it's not bad. We're like two puzzle pieces that fit together too well to not be together.
 
Team THRT Drift
Alright. It's been 5.. almost 6 months.

We've separated. I cracked under exam pressure in December and a lot of insecurities came out. I said some things I didn't mean and we decided to take a break. We tried talking things out but I couldn't fix it. This is my fault completely and it could've been completely avoidable.

On my side true love turned into lust and I went down a path I never personally believed I would fall for.

We grew apart and she didn't love me the same way anymore. A switch was flipped and I couldn't flip it back.

I'll always love her. She'll always be my true love, although I got side tracked.



To clear things up without going into detail for respect of our relationship and years together, loyalty was never an issue. When I say I lust I don't mean I strayed and cheated. I got... I'd rather not say. It wasn't healthy; it's not smoking, drugs or alcohol because I don't go near those substances.



I need to get this off my chest because I've been mentally screaming for the past 6 months almost. I've never longed for someone's mere presence as I have the past 6 months. Ive just been spiralling out of control.

To add to that, there was a chance where I could've rekindled something but I was with another, female, friend at the time. So it looked like I had moved on. I guess that just accelerated her side of the process.

Life has been absolute ****. Grades have plummeted to the point where I am about to kiss med school goodbye; my mental state is declining at an even faster rate. All I can do is put on a facade and smile.

I have contemplated running away, I have contemplated suicide, I have contemplated many things. I can never bring myself to do it but the thought is there.

It's a thought that is frequently rearing its head but rarely leaves.

I know it's not the answer. I don't see it as the answer but I need to put this in writing. At least it will help me see how ridiculous it is.


I hope she is happy. I sincerely hope she is well and is able to find happiness. She deserves nothing but the best in life. I know no one's perfect, but to me, she was. She's a saint and she deserves to be with one.






I always looked at my car as a family member, not a car. I'm glad Audrick is still there and kicking strong, knock on wood. Apart from my SO, he's been the only other constant "element" in my life.





In short I'm hurting. I'm really hurting and I know I'm being selfish. I'm seriously trying to put my words in a way that doesn't make it look like I'm playing the victim. I'm not trying to be the victim I know I'm being selfish.. This could've been avoided but I...


I know who to talk to.. I know where to get professional help.

I just needed an outlet because I'm about to implode.



@TheNuvolari any updates on your friend?
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1. I feel sorry for you. :(
2. Thank you for the interest, actually we are now trying to avoid him. He's still the same, thinks Lucifer is the only existing god, he'll kill everyone, blah blah blah. I don't want to be a d**k but I want him to go to another school.
 
I haven't posted here in well over a year and I really don't have any developments to share. I no longer work at the daycare which is very much a good thing, as it was a kind of toxic environment. But I had an internship at Ford so hopefully things will continue down that path as I'm really getting sick of working in retail. But, as far as relationships go, I haven't had any chances since then to be in one. The closest I'd say was when I picked up a pizza and a girl working there kind of flirted with me for a minute, and she was probably just being really nice.

What really sucks is that since I haven't had anyone new to talk to I'm dwelling on girls from the past which is probably very unhealthy. I know I just need to get out there but I've been standing still for so long I feel like I almost can't get going. Iv'e been feeling really ****** these past couple of years. maybe it's the lack of any kind of a relationship since freshmen year of high school, maybe it's the fact that I don't have friends near me that I can just go hang out with, maybe it's one of the million other things I feel like aren't going my way. I just know that I really need to change my self destructive tendencies sooner rather than later.
 
So not an expert and being a little older, communication compatibility, honesty and respect. My confusion is most relationships end because of cheating. Talk about what is important if you want to see other people be honest. Except the person you want to be with make changes but make them together. If you are going to have an open relationship just be honest. Women what do think?
 
I still think my OG Best Friend in college would be the love of my life if we ever made something out of it. We never did (she said no...). We haven't really talked much for about a year. We've texted a few times just checking in but it never amounts to much despite the redundant "I miss you" texts. We've talked about wanting to go out for the day/evening and do something, but haven't yet. Pretty much due to conflicting schedules, and her inability to text back in a decent time frame. :/
 
kolio
her inability to text back in a decent time frame. :/
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Life happens, people get busy. I'd say keep your chin up and keep trying every now and then but also don't get hung up on your best friend.

Don't go out of your way to meet up or hang out. Plenty of people out there to befriend and hang out with. If you can hang out together, great; if not, no big deal.



Update:


We're going to try and work something out while keeping our academic career a priority. I'm just glad I'm getting my best friend back.
 
So yeah. Just got married!
 

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Hello there boys! ...and girls, too! (Because there are also girls in this forum, but I don't think any of them has ever been here...)

Well... remember that co-worker I mentioned about a year ago that I really liked but I didn't felt like asking out because I was still recovering from my toxic ex? Last friday she said she likes me a lot...

:eek:

Honestly... I think I want give it a shot this time... I feel ready, I feel good, I still like her... and also I feel a little bit intimidated because she has been the target of many men here at the office. Still, I think it might actually work and develop into something quite nice just because she knows what I want and I know what she expects.

Or what do you think? Any tips you can give me?

Thanks :)
 
CinnamonOD
You're good to go unless HR could have a word with that

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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That's one of the things I actually want to talk with her once she gets back from Monterrey... I want to make several things clear before taking a single step.
 
Hi, everyone. First time posting here.
MoLiEG if I may, dont worry to much about the coworker thing. I work in the same office as my wife and have for the past 6 years. She does the dividends for the division I'm in, and has to talk to everyone.
The very fact that you werent hitting on her ad nauseam is probably a big factor in your favor.
That said. Two pieces of advice. First, be sure to keep a professional relationship at work. Jealous jack asses who thought they should be the one will get catty AF.
The second, let anything you may perceive as being flirtatious roll off your back. At the end of the day, she chose you. At the end of the day, she is with you. Trust that.
 
Rallywagon
Hi, everyone. First time posting here.
MoLiEG if I may, dont worry to much about the coworker thing. I work in the same office as my wife and have for the past 6 years. She does the dividends for the division I'm in, and has to talk to everyone.
The very fact that you werent hitting on her ad nauseam is probably a big factor in your favor.
That said. Two pieces of advice. First, be sure to keep a professional relationship at work. Jealous jack asses who thought they should be the one will get catty AF.
The second, let anything you may perceive as being flirtatious roll off your back. At the end of the day, she chose you. At the end of the day, she is with you. Trust that.
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Thanks for the tips bro! :)

In fact, one of the reasons I did not try anything is the whole competition there is for her in the building. At least other 3 or maybe 4 guys have tried something with her, but she didn't take any of them seriously. For some reason she likes me, and well, now that I know it I would like to at least have a word with hear, and you know, open up and see how could we manage to make things happen.

There is something else, however. She has some red flags. You see, she shares some similarities with my ex. She definitely isn't as crazy, but she has some degree of the things that ended up being the reason why I'm no longer with that walking pile of toxic waste. And I really really want to prevent from the start that things go towards that direction again.

We haven't talked today, but let's see how the day unfolds.
 
MoLiEG
Thanks for the tips bro! :)

In fact, one of the reasons I did not try anything is the whole competition there is for her in the building. At least other 3 or maybe 4 guys have tried something with her, but she didn't take any of them seriously. For some reason she likes me, and well, now that I know it I would like to at least have a word with hear, and you know, open up and see how could we manage to make things happen.

There is something else, however. She has some red flags. You see, she shares some similarities with my ex. She definitely isn't as crazy, but she has some degree of the things that ended up being the reason why I'm no longer with that walking pile of toxic waste. And I really really want to prevent from the start that things go towards that direction again.

We haven't talked today, but let's see how the day unfolds.
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Al I can say on that front is that everyone is crazy. All of us have red flags, whether we're admit it to ourselves or not. The key is to find a crazy that meshes well with your crazy. And there is only one way to do that. Jump on in the pool. Just keep those emotions in check until you are sure the pair of you mesh well.
 
@Rallywagon is right, @MoLiEG .
We're all carrying flags that might be red to others. Go for it and hope for the best my dude.

And as the situation you described, that everyone hits on her, but she likes you.
That's how I met my wife. Everyone hits on her, and I didn't. Some girls do like the attention, while others see that as a display of vulgarity.

She already said she likes you alot, so no need to go slowly and poke with a stick. Just be natural. You'll find it to be the best way.


Once again, as Rallywagon said. Jump in. JUMP.

We all have some luggage, and once you show her yours and vice versa, things will go on from that.
You came from a wreck of a relationship, but that doesn't mean this will be like that.

Now just a sidenote. not sure how to say this in english, as its a language a bit poor in some aspects, but I'm a person that comits, or deliver my whole to the other, and my wife is the same. basicly, we have the same idea of what is love. I hope that you get something equivalent with this girl.

Good luck, Materino

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Thanks for the tips guys :3 ! It means a lot to me.

On Tuesday she asked me this: "Do you like the idea of having a new relationship or do you like me?"

I honestly said "both", but I didn't understand what she meant.

Any ideas? :confused:
 
Hahaha she sounds delightful. She's just being playful, you're good. Try not to read too much into conversations.

However one thing you should keep in mind is that you're interested in her as a person. You're not interested in her because you like the idea of having a girlfriend. Or because you like the idea of being in a relationship.
 
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