The General Relationship Thread
- Thread starter Type S Tony
- 5,254 comments
- 214,611 views
- 5,083
- Manila
- Filracer
- 995
- Waterford MI
- V0RT3X7373
That's the plan.
INEEDNAWZZZ
Premium
- 1,752
- Lincoln
- EGGSBAWCKS
- DigitalLuke64DD
Need some advice guys.
Me and my current girlfriend of four months are in a long distance relationship. And truth be told, I don't like it and I don't love her. For reasons unknown, the spark isn't there and I've tried ending it four or five times now. She constantly needs attention, and doesn't take kindly to me putting my own personal issues (of which I have a fair few; depression thread kind of covers that) before her. On top of that, she's a bit... loopy. I'm not allowed to watch a movie with one of my female friends. I'm not allowed to compliment said female friend on... well, anything. I have to ask if I can hang out with my friends. I got accused of cheating because I went to town for an hour. She has a go at me for not wanting to spontaneously do a six hour round trip to spend some time with her. The list goes on. I should've jumped ship ages ago but I didn't, and now I'm stuck.
This girl refuses to take no for an answer. I've told her every possible problem; whether it be I'm not happy with her in general, my own problems, her own problems, just finding the relationship lackluster / boring, you name it. I can't get out of it. She just blames it on me being 'in a bad mood' and refuses to talk until I calm down. Either that, or she video calls me when she's in tears and spams me with 'please don't leave me'. I can't cope with it in all honesty.
So yeah, any advice would be strongly welcomed.
Me and my current girlfriend of four months are in a long distance relationship. And truth be told, I don't like it and I don't love her. For reasons unknown, the spark isn't there and I've tried ending it four or five times now. She constantly needs attention, and doesn't take kindly to me putting my own personal issues (of which I have a fair few; depression thread kind of covers that) before her. On top of that, she's a bit... loopy. I'm not allowed to watch a movie with one of my female friends. I'm not allowed to compliment said female friend on... well, anything. I have to ask if I can hang out with my friends. I got accused of cheating because I went to town for an hour. She has a go at me for not wanting to spontaneously do a six hour round trip to spend some time with her. The list goes on. I should've jumped ship ages ago but I didn't, and now I'm stuck.
This girl refuses to take no for an answer. I've told her every possible problem; whether it be I'm not happy with her in general, my own problems, her own problems, just finding the relationship lackluster / boring, you name it. I can't get out of it. She just blames it on me being 'in a bad mood' and refuses to talk until I calm down. Either that, or she video calls me when she's in tears and spams me with 'please don't leave me'. I can't cope with it in all honesty.
So yeah, any advice would be strongly welcomed.
- 8,826
- Ottawa
- Automotive_Buff
Seeing as she is far away... why don't you just give her an ultimatum and walk away? It's a bit harsh but if she persists again just cut it completely.
- 1,905
- Missouri
- RoLnD79
Get out while you can. the longer you're with her, the harder it's going to be.
Obelisk
Premium
- 9,529
- United States
- RMedia_Obelisk
I agree with @Team THRT Drift on this one. Give her an ultimatim, assert yourself and stand your ground then just leave her. You shouldn't let her manipulate you into staying.
By the way, between Molieg and your girlfriends, I'm sensing a theme. Just let me summarize with a picture:
BobK
Premium
- 7,020
- Massachusetts, USA
Tell her it's over and you've already explained why. Then ignore her. Do not reply to emails, txt msgs, etc. Do not answer the phone if she calls, or if you do, say something like "Oh. It's you." and hang up.
You've made your position perfectly clear, presumably. She has to learn on her own to accept it.
INEEDNAWZZZ
Premium
- 1,752
- Lincoln
- EGGSBAWCKS
- DigitalLuke64DD
Thanks guys. My friends all practically said the same thing. They think I was being far too nice as well, so I might have to try just blanking her straight after.
I can honestly say I much prefer single life haha. I'm not gonna let this relationship (my first one, in fact) taint any others, but one thing this has taught me is that I genuinely just prefer being on my own anyway. At least at the moment.
I can honestly say I much prefer single life haha. I'm not gonna let this relationship (my first one, in fact) taint any others, but one thing this has taught me is that I genuinely just prefer being on my own anyway. At least at the moment.
- 3,625
- Sydney
- Gai-Gun
No ultimatum. You just no longer return her texts or answer her calls.
INEEDNAWZZZ
Premium
- 1,752
- Lincoln
- EGGSBAWCKS
- DigitalLuke64DD
Well, I did it. She took it unusually well (at least that's how it seemed); the entire conversation was done in literally five minutes.
Either way, I'm pretty happy already. Thanks everyone!
Either way, I'm pretty happy already. Thanks everyone!
BobK
Premium
- 7,020
- Massachusetts, USA
Now you gotta make it stick.Well, I did it. She took it unusually well (at least that's how it seemed); the entire conversation was done in literally five minutes.
Either way, I'm pretty happy already. Thanks everyone!
- 995
- Waterford MI
- V0RT3X7373
Seems she was but I honestly don't want anything to do with her. The more I interact with her and see her interact with others, the more repulsed by her personality I am.
A month or so ago I was looking for a mop and found one hiding in her classrooms bathroom. (Nobody is allowed to hide mops, as they are for everyone to use.) I saw this as a sign that she is selfish and apathetic. I then thought that this was a silly snap judgment and that I shouldn't jump to conclusions like that until I learn more about her. As it turns out, after seeing how she interacts with other people, my initial impressions were spot on. And of course she does the typical selfish girl that's interested in a guy that's not interested in them thing (of which I have been on the receiving end of many times) and acts really cold and rude towards me.
Not sure what to do about my overall situation. I should be going back to college in January so maybe I might meet someone there.
- 5,000
- United States
- GTP_Johnny1996
I believe the last time I posted in here I mentioned a girl who asked me out but I had to reject her because of an age gap and that I was already interested in someone else, but I told her that we could still be friends. I wanted to give a quick update on that situation.
The girl I was interested in started talking to a guy and eventually dating him right as I figured I should probably make a move. Because of that I gave up and moved on, and it pretty much killed any feelings I had for her. The two are still together. As for the girl who asked me out, we're really good friends right now and have hanged out a lot. There's actually been a few times when we both just were feeling lonely and cuddled to help that. It's been nice to have her in my life I must say. She's a really trustworthy person and laid back, really friendly in general. There's nothing bad I can say about her.
On another, separate note, I've since started to crush on a new girl and I can tell that it's something real. To keep it simple I really like her and right now she's all I want. I haven't felt this way for someone in years and I'm definitely going to pursue her. The best things about this are I have somebody I can go to for advice whenever I need it (being that I have a girl best friend and in theory get the best possible advice since she's a girl) and she sits with my friends at lunch. On top of that she rides my bus and isn't taking to anyone right now. She's single too. So I pretty much have this one in the bag so to speak. I won't have much posts if any at all in here asking for stuff like I always seem to do, but I'll definitely post an update from time to time if I feel like it's worth sharing.
And one more thing, the plan is to do everything in person with this girl including talking to her (and especially breaking the ice) unless she beats me to it on social media. Besides it's better like that anyway.
The girl I was interested in started talking to a guy and eventually dating him right as I figured I should probably make a move. Because of that I gave up and moved on, and it pretty much killed any feelings I had for her. The two are still together. As for the girl who asked me out, we're really good friends right now and have hanged out a lot. There's actually been a few times when we both just were feeling lonely and cuddled to help that. It's been nice to have her in my life I must say. She's a really trustworthy person and laid back, really friendly in general. There's nothing bad I can say about her.
On another, separate note, I've since started to crush on a new girl and I can tell that it's something real. To keep it simple I really like her and right now she's all I want. I haven't felt this way for someone in years and I'm definitely going to pursue her. The best things about this are I have somebody I can go to for advice whenever I need it (being that I have a girl best friend and in theory get the best possible advice since she's a girl) and she sits with my friends at lunch. On top of that she rides my bus and isn't taking to anyone right now. She's single too. So I pretty much have this one in the bag so to speak. I won't have much posts if any at all in here asking for stuff like I always seem to do, but I'll definitely post an update from time to time if I feel like it's worth sharing.
And one more thing, the plan is to do everything in person with this girl including talking to her (and especially breaking the ice) unless she beats me to it on social media. Besides it's better like that anyway.
- 28,471
- Windsor, Ontario, Canada
- Johnnypenso
Congratulations for making the break. I've been through this once or twice (okay a lot more than that
) and even at a young age I always found it useful to review my actions in the relationship and see what I did wrong or could improve. Not what she did wrong, you can't control that, but what you can do differently next time. In your case I'd be asking myself about long distance relationships, when to spot the signs that things aren't working, how to make an early break if they are not etc. What type of girl do I really want? What are the personality traits that I find really attractive and which do I want to avoid? Etc. IMO, forget the nonsense about being alone. That's just a reaction to a bad relationship. You can test yourself about really wanting to be alone by asking yourself, if you had the perfect relationship and the perfect girl for you right now, would you dump her? If Selena Gomez fell into your lap and she was loving and kind and sweet and supportive and gave you your space when you needed it, would you dump her because you really want to be alone? If the answer is yes, then you really do want to be alone. It isn't, so you don't.
Best strategy ever, but my advice would be to let her know, when the time is right, that you're not big on communicating on social media, you'd prefer direct contact, less room for mistakes and more personal and private. I think most people would appreciate and actually prefer that to be honest and it has the effect of you not having to monitor or respond to social media nonsense about you or her or your relationship.
- 5,000
- United States
- GTP_Johnny1996
I just realized that I never replied to you and I thought I did.
Anyway, I've never really been big on the idea of sharing relationship stuff on social media. I can understand where people are coming from with it, they love the other person and are proud to be with them so they're gonna show them off to help show that, but it's the excessive everyday or every couple days new photo or whatever that people post of them and their partner. An occasional picture here and there and/or a date somewhere like in a bio, sure I'd probably have that. But nothing excessive like I mentioned. It's not really anyone's business anyway, and at times it can get annoying. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to see how happy two people are together but a line has to be drawn somewhere. Besides with the way I am I'd rather keep things off social media because the way I see it, a relationship is between two people and it doesn't need an audience, much less an audience that's more or less forced to see it.
- 5,000
- United States
- GTP_Johnny1996
I hate to double post, but I have a story. If you want to laugh at my expense go ahead and do so. I'm laughing as I type this, just because this is my luck in a nutshell. 
I got on the bus this morning and there's an open seat right there between my crush's seat and another kids seat. I glanced at her and could see that she didn't have any ear buds in, so I'm thinking "holy 🤬 am I actually going to get to do this!?" The second my rear end touches the seat, the kid in front of me turns around and starts talking to me. We talked for the entire bus ride, which at the end of the day isn't a problem at all. But as I said, this is my luck in a nutshell so I was just thinking "🤬 not again" the entire time. I guess we'll try again next week.
I got on the bus this morning and there's an open seat right there between my crush's seat and another kids seat. I glanced at her and could see that she didn't have any ear buds in, so I'm thinking "holy 🤬 am I actually going to get to do this!?" The second my rear end touches the seat, the kid in front of me turns around and starts talking to me. We talked for the entire bus ride, which at the end of the day isn't a problem at all. But as I said, this is my luck in a nutshell so I was just thinking "🤬 not again" the entire time. I guess we'll try again next week.
- 4,558
- Minnesota
- TJ136
So something happened to someone that I am with and the thing is that I don't know what and she won't talk.
To do a bit of a back story.
Yesterday morning was all okay everything was fine, I had to go get my car done and be with family. She was happy then.
After I figured out my car which was around noon I was happy since I got it fixed and didn't have to do much in the way of paying for it, thanks to family. Then I told her the good news and everything and she was really excited and everything and was like it was all perfect.
Later that evening she woke up and it was like a different person.
I don't know what happened and she said something and I was concerned and I wanted her to talk to me.
She doesn't even want to talk at all.
So I questioned what could of happened between and I am scared and worried and everything.
She says she is moody but I think there is something else.
She means a lot to me and now I see how it can be where I can't do anything if she doesn't want to talk.
I guess I will hopefully have a time where she will talk to me and maybe try and figure out what caused it or maybe it's just that "time" of the month.
Guess the only thing I can do is just give her some space today (Well my today) and tonight, then see what happens tomorrow.
To do a bit of a back story.
Yesterday morning was all okay everything was fine, I had to go get my car done and be with family. She was happy then.
After I figured out my car which was around noon I was happy since I got it fixed and didn't have to do much in the way of paying for it, thanks to family. Then I told her the good news and everything and she was really excited and everything and was like it was all perfect.
Later that evening she woke up and it was like a different person.
I don't know what happened and she said something and I was concerned and I wanted her to talk to me.
She doesn't even want to talk at all.
So I questioned what could of happened between and I am scared and worried and everything.
She says she is moody but I think there is something else.
She means a lot to me and now I see how it can be where I can't do anything if she doesn't want to talk.
I guess I will hopefully have a time where she will talk to me and maybe try and figure out what caused it or maybe it's just that "time" of the month.
Guess the only thing I can do is just give her some space today (Well my today) and tonight, then see what happens tomorrow.
- 5,000
- United States
- GTP_Johnny1996
So let me just say that it's an absolute confidence killer for me when I'm not the only one going after my crush right now, and the other guy has almost everything going for him. Lead guitarist in his friends' band, in the school band, plays two sports. And here I am with none of that.
Nothing of ^ that ^ is going to keep me from talking to her though. And actually to be honest, maybe I shouldn't say this, but I don't see my crush going for him since he's known to take drugs and actually just got fired from his job because of it. I say that because both my crush and I live a clean life as far as drugs, alcohol, etc are concerned. If she's like me, that's something she looks for if she's interested in someone and it's an immediate "no" if the other person isn't the same way.
Tldr, some things make me feel like it won't work but other things make me feel like it will. So we'll see how it all goes.
Nothing of ^ that ^ is going to keep me from talking to her though. And actually to be honest, maybe I shouldn't say this, but I don't see my crush going for him since he's known to take drugs and actually just got fired from his job because of it. I say that because both my crush and I live a clean life as far as drugs, alcohol, etc are concerned. If she's like me, that's something she looks for if she's interested in someone and it's an immediate "no" if the other person isn't the same way.
Tldr, some things make me feel like it won't work but other things make me feel like it will. So we'll see how it all goes.
- 720
- Australia
So As the new year is approaching. I thought I'd try something new. I have never been in a relationship before but was going to throw my hat in the ring. I'll first start by saying I don't have many friends who can introduce me to girls. If anything I'm just friends with a few girls and have one mate from school who I regularly catch up with. So my question is where do I start? I was thinking of online dating maybe set up a profile? If anyone has better options that would be good. Is online dating any good or is it full of weirdos?
Obelisk
Premium
- 9,529
- United States
- RMedia_Obelisk
- 1,905
- Missouri
- RoLnD79
I've never used an actual online dating site, I know there's some that are supposed to be pretty good. I think some even do some kind of backround check, so they know that person is who they say they are. Some people have pretty good luck that way.
As far as meeting girls just online, I've messed around quite a bit doing that. That's sketchy, I've met a lot of girls(and I'm sure there's guys that do the same) that absolutely weren't who they said they were. I met a few cool girls, some I still communicate with. But mostly I met a lot of crazy :censored:es.
I was never really that serious with it, mainly because the few I did start get serious with, turned out to be really nutty and lied about a lot of stuff.(Age being the big one, and I'm not talking a couple years). So I never did get to the point of meeting one in person. It was more of a sending videos/sexting type of thing I guess, but that gets pretty boring after a bit.
- 4,066
- United States
In general, it is nice to simply meet people in person. With online dating it is easy to write people off that you don't like in the smallest way. It's easy to pick and choose.
Treat it like a salad bar. Ex: I could have the salad with croutons, without croutons, with ranch or balsamic vinegar. Maybe a vinegarette?
That being said, depending on who you are, you will either utilize the sites and go on many dates, or you will use them, have a profile and go on few dates. It's likely that you probably won't get too much out of it due to the typical higher standards people have.
There's many people out there that are asking the same question that you're asking, and it's a yes and no. There's tons of different people on these sites, so it won't be definitive. You will run into specific types of people based on your region and where you live, as I've experienced.
If you're going to try it, go into it with an open mind. You're going to meet people that you'll find interesting, but it's just as we do in regular life.
To me, it has become too commercialized and there's only one way the pendulum swings on most sites. If you're in your twenties like me, I would see just try the traditional getting to know method.
Either way, just give it a go and see what you take away from it, as it isn't for everyone.
- 28,471
- Windsor, Ontario, Canada
- Johnnypenso
Stick with real life, that's your best option IMO. You can meet girls everywhere. I've met girls that I dated and married in many different places. Hair salon, waiting for a bus, working at the variety store, leaning over the railing watching a fashion show in the mall (eventually married her), friend's sister, along with the usual co-workers and classmates and other random places. The key for me was always that I was just talking when I met them not seeking a date or a gf, simply trying to establish a relationship. Often I had eggs in many baskets rather than relying on and putting all my hopes and energy into a single person and rising and falling with that outcome as I see many of you guys here doing. Dating successfully is mostly a numbers game. Get to know a lot of people, date a few of them and if you're lucky you'll find some keepers.
- 598
- Portugal
- Lilium_55
As @Johnnypenso put it, its far easier to stick with real life and more natural. The numbers indeed do count. while not for me, since I didn't date all that much before getting married, but I know a couple of friends that make themselves pretty well with sheer numbers. One guy never had much luck. thought "eff it", and started to talk to every single girl, and he started gettting backon what he seeked. Sure, he then turned into someone who just hit on every girl, and seeked those with some confidence issues. but that part just depends on what one seeks and feels comfortable doing.
long stor short, even with few friends, or socially awwardness, just talk to people. there's no need to make friendship, or "deep connections". just become acquainted.
long stor short, even with few friends, or socially awwardness, just talk to people. there's no need to make friendship, or "deep connections". just become acquainted.
- 28,471
- Windsor, Ontario, Canada
- Johnnypenso
That's it exactly. Just talk to people, as many as you can, without an agenda beyond having that conversation or interaction. It's a real relief and helps you to relax and just be yourself. You'll succeed, you'll fail, you'll say the wrong thing and get awkward looks but above all you'll learn. A quick wit goes a long way to breaking the ice. If you can be funny without being crude you're halfway there already.
- 720
- Australia
Alright thanks guys for that. I did read some reviews earlier on dating sites and they weren't verry good. So I guess I'll have to be a bit more out there person then. I could start by joining a class or something? I'm a bit socially awkward so it's going to be hard for me. I already struggle with my friends lol but over time I have gotten a lot better and can hold a conversation and joke around. The annoying thing about where I live it seems to be about what job you have compared to more than what type of person you are. I have a stable job at the moment but might be unemployed this time next year since I'm on contract. Guess I should just bite the bullet and see where it takes me.
- 4,558
- Minnesota
- TJ136
I need some help here.
Girlfriend said we should video chat on New Years Eve. I said yes and then I said well what time because we have these time differences and everything. Then last night was where she doesn't want it anymore. Like um. What happened?
The whole tone has changed. She says we're fine but I sense something is wrong and I have asked "nicely" and she says there is nothing.
How can I get her to say yes back to the video chat for New Years? Without going crazy insane with trying to show that I care about her?
She doesn't seem like she wants to give me the benefit of the doubt that I can do it.
I told her to think about it and she said maybe if she has time. However as I did a bit more I guess there is a bit of uneasiness after she said there was someone like me that didn't like video chatting but ended up doing on with her I guess recently (So I have a feeling that is what the problem is) I told her I would make time and everything for her to do it. I just need a bit of help to see what else I could do or not do while I wait?
Girlfriend said we should video chat on New Years Eve. I said yes and then I said well what time because we have these time differences and everything. Then last night was where she doesn't want it anymore. Like um. What happened?
The whole tone has changed. She says we're fine but I sense something is wrong and I have asked "nicely" and she says there is nothing.
How can I get her to say yes back to the video chat for New Years? Without going crazy insane with trying to show that I care about her?
She doesn't seem like she wants to give me the benefit of the doubt that I can do it.
I told her to think about it and she said maybe if she has time. However as I did a bit more I guess there is a bit of uneasiness after she said there was someone like me that didn't like video chatting but ended up doing on with her I guess recently (So I have a feeling that is what the problem is) I told her I would make time and everything for her to do it. I just need a bit of help to see what else I could do or not do while I wait?
