I know it's rude, and I'm seriously bothered by it. I don't want to try and make a move until she heals or gives me a proper signal. But I know if I make a move months and months from now, only to find out she's moved on and with somebody else, I'll be very upset. But it's also not just for me. I know her emotions are running wild, but I don't even want this as a typical relationship, as in, I don't want 'in her pants'. I really do care very much about her and want more to help her heal and for her to feel like she's loved, wanted, and admired. If she doesn't want that, then I can deal with that, and put it behind me. I also know her well enough to know that she would be touched by my feelings for her, even if she doesn't feel the same. I also know she might be upset with me for making a move, but she also knows me well enough to know that I do not wish to play her emotions. I would tell her that if she's not ready that I would still care about her opinion on the matter, that it's not like I will be upset with her if she needs more time or rejects me. That if she wants me more as a supportive friend, I will welcome that and be there. All in all it's a rough situation. If I knew I was going to hurt her by making a move I wouldn't. I do feel like even though she might not feel the same that she would still value my truthfulness, she's told me this before. I dunno, much to think about. Very hard to think about. I wish I didn't like her sometimes, and I wish I could just get it off my chest others, but I would never, ever dream of being so disrespectful as to say anything during her marriage. But now the timeline is not good. Also they might try and work it out too, and I am not opposed to that at all. Hard to think about. I think more than anything I need to work on myself - work on not obsessing over it.
As far as your friend goes. It sounds like she is very conflicted. Indeed she may care very much about you but feel like she needs to go on her own. I know what that's like, I did the very same thing to my last girlfriend. I just needed to leave, without her. Not because I didn't care for her, but because I knew I couldn't marry her, and to ask her to move across the country with me would be so mean and disrespectful to her if I had no plans on marrying her. I hurt her a lot by what I did. She didn't speak to me for nearly a year, but now we're very good friends because she understands how I felt, now. Your friend might be pushing you away because she does care for you and doesn't want to hurt you, and needs time alone to contemplate the situation. I know it's hard, but it sounds like she needs some alone time to think. I'm not sure what I would do in your situation, very difficult. It sounds like she does care, too much to lie or to joke around with you! Do not feel betrayed or feel like it was a mistake. Just try and think of what she's thinking about, that's what I'm trying to do.
(thank Stephen Fry for that)
You can do it! 
Troll brain.
